Failure to Launch

So it turns out that Vander and I never amounted to anything. Nothing ever “happened,” per se, it’s just that, although it seemed to have so much promise, he never really made any serious moves.

He actually DID end up breaking up with his girlfriend though, which I didn’t learn of until some days after the fact. We had been texting on a Friday and he alluded to something bothering him. I asked what and he advised me that he had given her the axe the last Sunday and that she wasn’t taking it well. He sounded pretty down in the dumps so I told him he could call me if he wanted to talk, and he did.

They were supposed to be going on a trip to the beach together over the coming weekend and she was trying to coax him into going just as “friends” even though he had already told her he didn’t care about the money, and that it wasn’t a good idea anyway. She kept calling and texting and making him feel like a prick, and then I believe some mutual friends of theirs took it upon themselves to make Vander feel even more like a prick by adding their two cents.

I felt bad for him because he is a good person and I could see that he genuinely felt awful about hurting her, but he just knew she wasn’t for him. Although, I was also secretly happy because I figured that he would take a little bit of a breather to unwind from that for a week or so, and then see if maybe WE might be a better match, right?

Wrong. He never pulled the trigger. We stayed in normal contact for a while – he didn’t ghost on me or anything like that – but it started to become a waiting game that I felt like was never going to end. I was anticipating some type of overture towards us at least hanging out, but it never occurred. But in my mind the ball was now in his court so it was his move to make. And he never did.

The last time we texted was some time in the last week of April, so I haven’t talked to him in over a month now. The last response was from me and he never answered and I just didn’t really give a damn at that point because it felt like a movie that was just dragging on and on and on with no climax or resolution and I was impatient and bored by that point. Like, either ask me out, or why are we talking? You’re single now, what’s the problem? I never expressed anything like that to him openly, but that was my mindset.

Figuring that even if he was really “in his feelings” (as he termed it) it about the break up, which I realize can still hurt even if you’re the one doing the breaking up, so maybe he needed a bit more space before pursuing something else…the fact of the matter is that I still have not heard anything from him in over a month. So, assuming that he is over his break up by now it must be concluded that he lost interest for whatever reason.

We are still friends on Facebook though. Either he or she untagged him from all their cutesie couple pics, so I guess it really is a done deal.

But there is also another reason our failure to launch wasn’t such a big deal to me. And that’s because someone else had already started stealing my interest anyway…


Just Maybe

At this time there may be someone with potential on the horizon. We will just have to see how things play out.

It’s someone from work. We’ve been Facebook friends since some time around last summer. He sent a friend request and although I couldn’t recall ever meeting him, I could tell by our mutual friends that we were colleagues, so I accepted him. It didn’t hurt that I thought he was kind of cute.

I did some cursory exploration of his page and he looked like he may be young. Plus I’m not really one to initiate Facebook conversations with guys I don’t know, cute or not, so I left it at the add and that was that.

We had one brief conversation that he initiated last August regarding a work conference I was at, but otherwise it’s been nothing but distant Facebook interaction through sporadic picture and status likes.

Early last week I made a post in a Facebook group that is closed to all but people in my profession, and it became really popular. It was actually a screenshot of a Tinder conversation that was relevant to the industry and it got numerous likes and comments and all that jazz. Guy – let’s call him Vander– started messaging me through Facebook (this was Tuesday) regarding said post and from there we fell into conversation that extended over the course of the next several days. (I also got unwanted attention from some creepers as well – lucky me!)

I found myself slowly but surely starting to enjoy his conversation and it wasn’t too long before he started inserting flirtatious overtures into the mix from time to time. But I wasn’t quite sure how to take them being as it was apparent from Facebook tags on his page that he had a regular lady friend in the picture. I just didn’t really know how serious they were or what have you, but from pictures it was clear that they’ve been hanging out since at least late last summer.

I went over to a girlfriend’s for an indoor girls’ night with she and another friend on Friday night. We sipped on some wine and I talked here and there through Facebook with Vander over the night. At some point we decided to exchange numbers and some texting ensued. He made vague mention of being at an outing that I learned the next day, through Facebook, was some type of extended bachelor/bachelorette celebration that he was in attendance at with his lady friend.

I let on that I knew he was there with her (who I bitchily affectionately deemed “Liberal Schoolteacher”) and he acknowledged that he was, but said “thanks for the reminder” in kind of a way to imply that he wasn’t overly enthused about it. Which was already obvious given that we texted here and there throughout that day, even in the midst of some type of scavenger hunt that was going on (this was apparently a 2-day event).

It was Sunday evening when I started dropping hints about maybe hanging out, and he suggested Monday evening. I was off from work and my day was free and clear, so I was good with that. Only, when I tried to pinpoint a time for later on Monday around noon, he said he actually wasn’t sure that he’d be able to hang out. Grrrr.

I was a little peeved (or maybe slightly jealous), wondering if he turned out to have a date with Liberal Schoolteacher or something, but I didn’t push the issue or really show any irritation. Besides, he made up for it later that night when he asked if he could call me and we ended up talking for almost an hour. He apologized several times for backing out and said that there was a friend going through something that he had to attend to.

It occurred to me on Tuesday that I seemed to be just the slightest bit interested in this guy. I felt myself starting to look forward to his texts and to flirting with him, only there was the probable girlfriend issue at hand, and I didn’t want to engage in another “Chad scenario” – where I would be dumb and give the benefit of the doubt to someone about being involved and it turns out to be way more serious than I estimated or that he let on.

So I did some more snooping through his page, during which I noted that they were not “Facebook official,” and that 100% of the pictures of them together were those that she uploaded and tagged Vander in. Most tellingly, his body language in the majority of  their pictures – like 90% (not that there are that many) – read as kind of aloof. She always made sure to angle her body toward him with a hard cheesy smile, but he tended to be more straight-on toward the camera. It’s hard to explain, but it was visibly obvious that he didn’t seem to be that into her.

Or was it? I couldn’t be sure if I was actually reading that correctly, or if I just WANTED that to be the case because I was starting to feel a burgeoning interest in him. But funnily enough, when I decided to bring it up to him, he already knew what I meant. I only said I find his body language “interesting” in his “couple pics”…he himself described it as “standoffish.” When I asked why, he only responded “…………………..” and I knew right then what he meant.

Last night, we ended up talking on the phone again for quite a while in the evening, and he got more explicit about his relationship. He’s basically just not that into her, but she’s a nice girl and he doesn’t want to hurt her. They’ve been together since last summer as previously surmised, but had broken up for a month at some point when he had previously told her he wasn’t feeling it. But they ended up getting back together somehow. Yet, as he says it, she’s definitely not for him, and even friends of his have commented on how distant he looks in their pictures together, so it’s not just me who has noticed.

But it also turns out that he has a conscience and doesn’t want to be “that guy” who starts entertaining someone new while he is in a relationship. But along the same vein, it seemed like he was also worried about what kind of impression that would make on me rather than just merely being concerned about the relationship aspect itself. I told him I kind of understood….that naturally if you’re not into someone that you really haven’t been with that long, then feeling attraction toward other people is normal. But it would be up to him to resolve (or dissolve) his relationship before pursuing something else (whether with me or not). He agreed.

That’s all I got.