Change of Heart

So as it turns out, resisting my drunken inclination to have sex with Jersey was a wise choice. I bit the bullet and texted him last night just to see where his head was at. He said he’d had a hangover all day and felt like shit at work. I asked him if he was glad that we didn’t do what we wanted to do, and he remarked that it would’ve been fun. I agreed. I asked if he was done with his random curiosity, and he said he had to see what happens with the girlfriend first.

So in other words, we would’ve had sex then he would’ve realized it was a mistake and while I naturally would’ve tried to forge some type of friendship with a guy who’s been inside of my body, he would’ve pushed me away and seeing him at work would be weird and possibly irritating or hurtful and that would’ve sucked for me. And if it sucked for me, I’d possibly make it suck for him too.

And thus we see how, with even the slightest utilization of forethought and restraint, bad situations can be avoided. I’m typically not one for either of these concepts, which is likely why I have so many problems with men as it is.

I’m not mad at Jersey. It’ll be slightly weird seeing him again at work or wherever for the first time, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s water under the bridge. It was a good time, but I don’t have any real interest in him, which is a good thing…otherwise I might be hurt right now.

My only concern now is whether or not he can keep what happened to himself. Given that he does have his girlfriend and she hangs out with us from time to time, I would think it’d be in his best interest not to go around running his mouth about what happened. But Lord knows no one’s mouth runs as quickly as a man’s when it comes to sexual activity. I’m discreet and I don’t like people in my business unless I invite them into it myself. I especially don’t want people I work with in my business. Everyone knows men just love to brag though.

In other news, last night’s party was wack. It was thrown by a couple of guys from the job who throw parties from time to time. I’ve enjoyed their parties in the past, but I think I’ve outgrown them. I took Sasha, one of my best friends that I’ve known since college, and I’m glad she was there because otherwise I would’ve sat around alone with no one to talk to being as I wasn’t interested in speaking to or hanging around most of the people there that I know besides exchanging polite greetings. It was a lot of people from the job, naturally.

None of the coworker friends that I’d asked beforehand were going, but I figured that at least one or two people that I like would show up and I’d have some fun. As it turns out, that wasn’t the case. It was a bunch of guys I’d never do, a couple of people I’m cool with but not really friends enough with to hang out with, several women I know who I know don’t care for me and whom I couldn’t give one fuck about if my life depended on it, people I know or know of and are indifferent about, and then a bunch of people I didn’t know. So me and Sasha spent most of the night sitting by ourselves.

One interesting occurrence was the presence of an ex of mine – Mr. Smooth. When I mentioned that I haven’t had good sex in over 2 years? Mr. Smooth would be the person with whom that good sex was had. But like all my romances, it was short-lived. We were dealing for a few months then he shut down and we fell out and shortly thereafter he found himself some basic looking woman to drag around, and whom he’s still dragging around to this very day, judging from various Facebook pictures I’ve seen. Until a couple of months ago, I hadn’t spoken to Mr. Smooth since November 2010. I only broke the silence to wish him a happy retirement and to say I’m sorry that we couldn’t get along better. Much to my amazement, he actually responded to thank me.

He walked in last night and I give Sasha the lowdown on the situation. Strangely, his basic chick wasn’t in attendance. Sasha remarks a couple times on how he looks over at me like he wants to say something to me. I certainly wasn’t going to initiate contact with him though, because I don’t have anything to say to him. I’m completely indifferent to his existence now, which is perfect. It was a big venue, and thus plenty of room for me to keep my distance.

But…because my life is my life, of course it wouldn’t exactly happen like that. Shortly after he got there, he got into line to get a drink. The one drink line, might I add. Big ass party and only one area set up for drinks, which was annoying. Anyway, I had just finished a drink and wanted another one. But when I look at the line and see him right at the back of it, I say fuck it and told Sasha I’d just wait. But then I say fuck THAT because I wasn’t going to let his presence dictate my activities. So I got in line right behind him. I couldn’t help but to notice that his upper body is looking slightly more fit. Be that as it may, I was successfully able to navigate through the line with him standing about a foot in front of me without issue. He got his drink and went on his way; I got my drink and went on my way.

I finish that drink after a little while and get in line again. And right at that moment, who comes sauntering up the steps from the bottom level to get another drink? Mr. Smooth, of course. Now he’s behind me. And this time, I eventually had to end up addressing him, which was awkward. Twice. The straws were for some reason kept not at the main drink table, but on a second table to the side of it, which is behind you and to the right once you get your drink. So naturally, when I turn around to reach for a straw, whose body is right there blocking my way? Mr. Smooth’s. I said a polite “Excuse me” without bothering with eye contact, and he moved. Then I had to excuse myself past him again to squeeze through the line and back out to the floor. That time, even though I wasn’t looking directly at him, I could see out of my peripheral vision that he was looking down in my direction and his head followed me as I squeezed past. I’ll never know exactly what he was looking at though…either my drink, my face, or my cleavage. One of life’s unsolvable mysteries.

Exes are stupid.

Happy New Year

The carrot cake appears to have been a success. Monday night I got home from work and got down to business. It was between staying up really late or getting up really early, because the cakes would need plenty of time to cool before icing them. I opted to stay up late.

Here goes the recipe, by the way. I followed it to a tee, except I left out the pineapple since Pretty Ricky didn’t want it included. If it were up to me, I would’ve just left out the walnuts since I’m not a fan of nuts, but he wanted those and the cake was for him, so…

I was up until after 2 a.m. baking. The batter before the carrots are added gets extremely thick. Sasha warned me that it would, but I had no idea it’d feel like near-dry cement. I thought I’d fucked something up. But then I just added the carrots, raisins, and walnuts in and voila! I got this:

It was actually really pretty, with the mixture of colors. The recipe called for 55 to 60 minutes of baking, but mine were done after 40. I don’t know if using 9″ pans instead of 8″ pans had anything to do with that. I set them out to cool as I slept. I set my alarm for 5 a.m. to take out the butter and cream cheese. At 9 or so I got back up and got to work on the icing, which took no time. My icing skills aren’t the best, but the finished product looked decent.

The only thing is, I don’t have a cake carrier and I couldn’t find one anywhere. I guess those are hot yuletide items. What I did find was a large aluminum roast pan. So I ended up having to slice the cake up myself and lay the pieces in the pan platter style to transport it.

I tried a piece and it seemed decent, but it was hard for me to savor it with the nuts. I just wanted to make sure it was edible.

Pretty Ricky and I actually pulled into work at the same time. I brought the cake in to him and he tried it and loved it. The only thing is he wanted to lay it out somewhere for everyone to enjoy. Um, no. For one, I didn’t make it for everyone, I made it for you. For two, as it was my first time making it, I was self-conscious about it and wasn’t ready to expose it to the opinions and tastes of the masses. I thought he just didn’t like it and was just trying to get rid of it, but he said he just felt selfish keeping it to himself after several people saw us with it. Oh well. I put it in his car for him.

He did share a piece with the big boss, who said it was good. And after my supervisor heard about it she went scrounging for a piece, and he gave her one. She absolutely raved about it. The sides burned slightly from the butter on the pans and I thought that would take away from the taste, but according to her, that made it even better. She was still talking about it the next day so I guess it had to be good.

I asked Pretty Ricky the next day if he still had it or had given it all away and he said he’d definitely saved it and had a piece with some tea that morning. He said it’s even better refrigerated. He likes his cakes chilled.

So…mission accomplished. On a side note, Tuesday was the day of the funeral for Pretty Ricky’s friend’s daughter and so he had on a suit when he got in to work and looked absolutely yummy. He is just absolutely gorgeous.

I’m off for 5 days next week, so our dinner is supposed to be on one of them. We’ll see. I texted him a Happy New Year at 4 a.m. yesterday. He answered and we sent a few texts back and forth.

As far as the new year goes, I had to work on NYE so I didn’t get to have as much fun as everyone else, but I did see some pretty cool fireworks.

After work I belatedly celebrated at home with a shot of vodka and a mojito wine cooler. I resolved to be better with money, to drink more responsibly (i.e. in moderation), and to stay away from asshole men (and married ones).

Merry Christmas!

Well Pretty Ricky’s story about his friend’s daughter passing is legit. I’ve seen the mass emails regarding the passing and the impending funeral due to the mom being a colleague. I’m not sure if he was referring to the mom when he said it was the daughter of a best friend. Sad.

We talked at work the next day and he apologized again and later on got to telling me what a good heart I have. I try.

Somehow I ended up promising him a homemade carrot cake. A few weeks ago, my friend Sasha told me about a banging carrot cake she made and I immediately thought of Pretty Ricky because he loves the stuff. So at one point when he and I were talking, carrot cake came up and I told him about Sasha’s cake and said I’d try and see about getting her to make one for him. It later occurred to me that I could just go ahead and make it myself. I’m not really into baking and cooking like that, but I’m decent at it when I try; I know how to follow a recipe. Sasha emailed me a link to the recipe as well as some of her personal tips. I needed some clarification about a couple of things but otherwise it’s not a complicated recipe. It’ll be my first homemade cake.

At work the other day, Pretty Ricky used the carrot cake that a coworker had made as an example of what he DIDN’T want. I had a piece and found it to be dry and bland. That was his assessment as well. And there was no icing on it, which didn’t help matters. What’s a carrot cake without the cream cheese icing?

To get a piece of the cake, he led me to the office of the administrative supervisor. The supervisor was at her desk and there was another female sitting in the chair on the other side of it, but she was bent down and I couldn’t see her face. As I was grabbing a piece of the cake, Pretty Ricky started talking to the girl and introducing me. He introduced her as his granddaughter and coaxed her into saying the same, but I had already realized that it was his 13-year-old daughter. She’s so cute, with a head full of long, thick hair. It was neat to meet one of his kids.

It’s clear that I have a soft spot for Pretty Ricky. I still find him extremely attractive, and truth be told, if he wanted to be more than friends again, then I’d be with it. But I’m definitely not going to put myself out there and make any moves. For one, I’m not sure if he sees me in a romantic way anymore. For two, I don’t want us falling out again and not speaking to each other.

He’s so totally captivating though.  After work on Christmas Eve I was there for like an hour and a half shooting the breeze with him and Matt and this other guy and I could barely take my eyes off of him.