New Year, Old Me

Within days of the Adam debacle I ended up reaching out to a friend of mine, who happens to be a coworker of his, to do some venting. The friend – Clyde – accurately sensing my frustration, had asked if I wanted him to pass along anything to Adam, but I didn’t want to risk stirring the pot at that time so I said not to worry about it. I guess it just made me feel better to kind of vent to someone in Adam’s realm if I couldn’t talk things out with Adam directly. Clyde suggested that Adam would probably cool off within a few days and to wait until then to maybe email him and try to work things out.

A couple of weeks ago I took it a step further and used my work phone to text Adam (assuming that he still has my personal phone blocked). I was cryptic about who it was at first, but he eventually figured it out and although he then started being a bit of a dick in pretty much letting it be known he wasn’t interested in talking about anything, I still got to say my piece a bit.

I confessed to missing his conversation and lamenting the fact that we seemed to like each other at some point so I’m not sure where we went wrong. I left off with letting him know that I wouldn’t mind it so much if he reached back out after he gets more time to cool off from everything. When he didn’t acknowledge anything after that, I assumed he probably just blocked me again, but when I asked him to acknowledge, he did.  I’m not sure what the point was, other than I just honestly don’t understand how we seemed so promising and then got so derailed and I felt bad about the way things were left.

Last week I tried my luck with sending a couple of other witty texts that he never answered. I assumed he blocked me again. Don’t really care anymore at this point.

In terms of other romances, I actually had a date the Saturday before last that went pretty okay. It’s a guy I matched with on Bumble way back…around the same time as Adam. I think I even matched with him before Adam and we conversed intermittently but of course I got sidetracked with Adam eventually and he didn’t seem extremely enthusiastic about talking, so nothing ever stuck.

In the wake of me and Adam’s demise, perhaps in the spirit of just having something to do, I reverted back around to him – perhaps we shall call him Benji – and we decided  we wanted to meet up but neither of us was  immediately able to due to holiday activities. We finally got our opportunity the Saturday before last. And it was a decent time even if there were not any raging sparks flying. But I couldn’t tell if it was just me feeling jaded and maybe a little guarded at the moment and needing to think outside of the box so I decided not to immediately count him out though I wasn’t really feeling any excitement over seeing him again.

For all intents and purposes I still found him to be decent looking and conversational and we spent 3 hours together so I figured it might be worth another go. I waited until Monday and asked him straight up if he wanted to hang out again. He said he wanted to see me again so we decided to try again for the next (this past) Friday.

In the days after we made those tentative plans, I was invited to a get together from a good friend of mine, Bing, who recently got a promotion. I didn’t want to miss that, but I also didn’t want to cancel on Benji, so I decided to try to combine the two. Bing had already volunteered that it’d be okay to bring Benji when I told him I might have a date that night. But when I mentioned it to Benji, he said he’d rather it just be us. Fine.

Yet, come Friday evening, within 2 hours of our agreed-upon meeting time of 7 p.m., he informed me that he was running behind and wouldn’t be able to meet up until 8. That left me with dead time on my hands because I had hung around my office a little later than usual since we were going to originally be meeting in an area that was closer to work than to home. Since the delay was on him and I was already not super excited about the date to begin with, I told him I was going to just go ahead and meet up with my friends then and invited him to join if he wanted to, not really caring if he did so or not.

He ended up making it later on and I was cordial and tried to be engaging, but it suddenly struck me that this guy is just totally not my type. I don’t really find him that physically attractive, but then beyond that, in between our dates he really had not made any effort to converse through text. I pretty much never heard from him unless it was me initiating conversation with him. So there was no mental connection to even attempt to make up for lack of physical chemistry. Nice enough guy, but just a total no-go romantically.

Even still, I was polite in introducing him to all my friends, and since he’s actually a colleague of ours anyway, that worked for giving him another legitimate reason to be hanging around the group besides just being my date, which would’ve been especially weird for him given the fact that later in the night when my friends settled up to make their way to another bar, I decided to skip out so I could meet Scout at my house.

As I heard it, Benji ended up tagging along with them to the other bar and actually seeming to have a good time even though I essentially ditched him (I just old him I was tired – he didn’t seem to mind). But the next day, Bing and my roommate Sarah separately teased me about how much of my type he is not. And deep down, I knew that…I guess I was just trying to make a solid effort since going for “my type” seems to have gotten me absolutely no where.

Several weeks ago, like the day after Christmas or around then, I met up with a long time Facebook buddy of mine for dinner. He’s someone who has been orbiting my atmosphere for a while and here and there has been flirtatious, but not consistently. He brought me hangover McDonald’s food a while ago which was the first time I’d ever met him in person. Since then we have intermittently flirted through Facebook messages, but haven’t met up again in person.

For some reason a few weeks back I finally decided to give him my phone number and to move to the texting realm, and we ended up making that friendly date for dinner and drinks. And it just ended up being another case of me not feeling any real romantic chemistry on my end although he has made it clear on his end that he does and several of his texts since then have been annoying exclamations about how he can’t figure me out or how I make it hard for him to flirt with me.

I actually went last night and deleted my Tinder and Bumble accounts – just haven’t been in the mood. Nothing has struck my fancy for a while on either and I’m not really in the mood for dating overall at this point in time.

On the bright side, I have somehow managed to lose the 10 pounds I’ve been trying to lose for a couple of years now. I’m slimmer and trimmer and it’s noticeable so that’s pretty encouraging. I might just focus for the time being on reaching my fitness goals and feeling better about myself overall before delving into the horrid world of dating again.

Waxes, Exes, Fences

I’ve been a bad girl again, unfortunately. I hadn’t talked to Scout since a few days before Christmas and I didn’t really intend to given the fact that he’s a married man. But last weekend I got it into me to wish him a hugely belated Happy New Year. When he didn’t respond immediately I figured he was giving me the cold shoulder and it was just as well. But he responded the next day to wish me the same. I thanked him and left it at that. But then he started actually, like, making conversation. Innocuous, work-related stuff, but still…it was more than I’d ever really gotten out of him thus far. Hmm…

One thing led to another and by the middle of the week he was letting me know he’d be getting out on Friday night and thought he might leave the bar a little early and come over to see me. I was fine with that, however I suggested that it might not be exactly “safe” for him to come over here since Sarah would be around. She has a broken ankle and has been stuck convalescing around the house. I presented it to him as me being concerned about maintaining secrecy given the fact that he’s married and Sarah knows who he is and we all work at the same place. But the fact of the matter is, Sarah is one of my best friends and I know that she wouldn’t go around spreading my business like that.

My actual real issue (which Scout doesn’t know) was the fact that I know Sarah has had this enormous crush on him for literally like 4 years and I would’ve felt bad traipsing him around the house in front of her with that in mind. Even though they’ve most likely not spoken more than 2 words to each other ever and rarely cross paths at work and she was never even remotely close to scoring him or anything like that, it just makes me feel like I was crossing some sort of line, even though there’s really no defined line to cross.

So ideally I just would rather not have Sarah know he was ever here. The only way I could think of to try to pull that off if she was posted up in the living room was for me to bring him in through the back entrance. He’d be fully exposed to the living room as he started up the stairs, but I knew that if Sarah happened to be on the couch, she’d be facing away from the steps. And if he had on a hood of some sort, she wouldn’t know who it was from the back even if she turned around. Obviously it’d look super weird for me to let someone in through the back for no apparent reason when there’s a perfectly good front door, and I’d probably have some explaining to do eventually, but that was the best I could do. I told him to bring a hoody, just in case.

Luckily, Sarah went up to bed around 10:00, so I was able to abort that whole shady scheme. Whew! I texted Scout to let him know and gave him my address. About 40 minutes later he texted me to let me know he was at my back door. I thought he was fooling around because I couldn’t see why he’d go around the back still when I told him Sarah was in bed. I opened the front door to look out and when I didn’t see anything I asked where he was. He said again he was in the back. I assumed he meant he was outside of the locked gate and asked him to come back around front. He said he was already in the back yard. What!? It was then that I turned around and peered through the dark kitchen onto the dark patio and saw what looked like the light of a cell phone out there. As I got closer I saw a moving silhouette and realized that he was in fact literally right at my patio door. Had I not known it was him already, I would’ve been creeped the hell out for sure. That’s kind of something I always have in the back of my head when I go downstairs in the middle of the night…that someone will be standing out there. Yikes!

The kicker is that this guy had to scale a 6-foot wooden fence to bypass the locked gate and get into my back yard. LOL. Who does that?! I was completely floored that he went to the effort to do all that when he could’ve just come through the front door. And even if he had had to come through the back, I would’ve come out to unlock the gate for him. Geez, dude! I had previously joked that trying to sneak him through the back while Sarah was up would be akin to some covert military operation. He told me he had been a Marine and that it was nothing he couldn’t handle. I guess he took that to heart, scaling fences and all. Maybe kind of crazy, but maybe kind of hot…

We tip-toed up to my room and immediately started kissing and I disrobed and showed him the pretty outfit I had put on for him. There came a point where he stepped back just to stare at me intensely for more than a few moments. He couldn’t take his eyes off me. It was like I was the sexiest thing in the whole wide world. And maybe at that moment, I was to him.

It was a good time. He’s attentive. He’s patient. He knows how to touch. He wasn’t in a rush. After all was said and done he settled into my bed and I laid in his arms for a while. It was nice. I wouldn’t have minded being wrapped up in them all night, but alas, all good things must come to an end. He had to get home eventually. He took a quick shower before leaving – smart. I walked him downstairs and we hugged and kissed goodbye and that was that.

He was the very first person to take my brand new Brazilian wax for a spin. Yesterday was my first time ever, and while it was a slightly painful and very awkward experience, it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever been through. The esthetician was sweet and good at her trade. It’s kind of weird to be having girl talk with someone  like you guys are sitting around in a Starbucks drinking lattes when in reality she’s ripping hair off of the most intimate parts of your body. But the point of the conversation is distraction, and I was impressed by her skill at maintaining normal conversation without skipping a beat while she’s maneuvering around a stranger’s vagina.

I like the results much more than shaving. I was tired of dealing with ingrown hairs and razor bumps down there and all that nonsense. I’ve actually been trying to get waxed for like the last 6 months, but you have to let the hair grow out some and I’d keep it going for a while and then chicken out of making an appointment and just shave it all off. Then I’d be reminded why I HATE shaving and start all over again. It took me a couple of cycles, but it finally came to fruition. I’m not going to lie…there were definitely some intense bouts of pain. I wanted everything off, and from the research I did beforehand I knew that the hair over the pubic bone (i.e. the “landing strip”) is typically the most painful part to wax. And it was. That’s why  many people opt to leave the landing strip. But I wanted it completely bare. It all stung, but that’s the only time I actually got teary-eyed. Yikes. I took a prescription-grade ibuprofen about an hour beforehand as was suggested.  I’m assuming it helped. They say the first time is the worst, and as long as you keep up with it every 5-6 weeks, it will be better as time goes on. I’m going to try my best…

In other news: Robbie made a reappearance yesterday afternoon. In a way it was a total surprise, but after the events of Thursday night I kind of saw it coming…

Carly and I met up for happy hour. We were a couple of hours into it sitting at the bar sipping away when she remarked that she thought the guy sitting to my left was hot  I told her I’d try to make conversation with him somehow so we could get that party started. (That’s what friends are for.) Soon enough, I managed to insert myself into a conversation that he was having with his buddy about his phone and from there the shenanigans began.

As it turns out, hot guy had a girlfriend who actually ended up joining us a little later and was very pretty and very nice. And hot guy’s buddy was not hot. Even still, we all hung out together for a while and even migrated to another bar together eventually. Good times had by all. (The not-hot buddy and I became Facebook friends somehow and after I was home he was messaging me to tell me how hot I am. But I think he was really drunk.)

As it turns out, hot guy works at the same place as Robbie. I asked him if he knows Robbie and he does. He relayed some funny anecdote to me about Robbie in their early days working together and from there we somehow ended up colluding on the idea of him texting Robbie to tease him about said anecdote. He had Robbie’s number already so he proceeded to do so. Robbie didn’t answer for a while but after he did, hot guy showed me and I told him to ask Robbie how his ex was doing. And then I told him to ask Robbie how I was doing. I think at that point Robbie told hot guy he was going to bed. Ha!

After recalling those antics yesterday morning, I had a feeling I’d be hearing something from Robbie sooner rather than later. If anything, I figured he’d be pissed about me obviously screwing with him by means of his colleague. I was sure he’d either call or text me to yell at me about this. As it stood, we hadn’t spoken since December 12th.

He texted me yesterday afternoon with a “Hi”…benign enough. I responded with a greeting and then he went into a spiel about how sorry he is for getting so mad “2 months ago” (it was actually just over one month) and thanking me (again) because that situation made him realize a lot and he has become a better person. It’s the exact same nonsense he was spouting off in the immediate aftermath, pretty much. Okay, Robbie. Then he went on to say he wanted to “be cool and make peace” with me. I told him everything was water under the bridge.

I intentionally tailored my responses so that they were pleasant, but weren’t leading the conversation. It’s one of those weird power things…I didn’t want to appear that I was eager to talk to him, even inadvertently. If he wanted conversation, he’d have to work for it. And he did. I’ll give him that. Every time I would pretty much let it die off, he’d come up with something else to say. He went on to say that I can let him know if I “need anything” and wished me a good day. Huh? If I “need anything?” He told me he was trying to tell me to keep in touch if I want.

Really? The last I remember, you were telling me you wanted nothing to do with me. He said that was when he was mad and needed separation. Okay, Robbie. I reminded him that he was “mad” even before the situation with his ex-girlfriend went down. He chastised me for “trying to argue” and said he was just trying to “clear everything between us and be cool.” He wanted to “forget the past and move on” with a “clean slate.” Sure.

He pressed on: “Anything new?” That is typically ex-speak to find out if you’re seeing anyone or not. I didn’t remark on my personal life at all (not that there’s anything to remark on), but I told him about some new developments at work and that was about it. I asked him how things at work were for him and then again the conversation died off.

Only half an hour later there he was texting me again with some random remark about Chipotle. He made it a point from there to work in how he had changed his diet so that he could get really ripped for the summer, and that he already had abs coming in. Ha!

Interesting development, I’d say. I’d imagined that he and his ex were happily back in each other’s arms by now. I gotta give it to her, I thought she’d give in and take him back. But obviously that hasn’t happened. I wouldn’t think he’d be stupid enough to try to rekindle a friendship with me (or whatever he was doing) if it had. I thought she’d be especially weak given that this happened during the holiday season and people tend to be especially sentimental and wistful then. But she appears to have stood her ground for now. Good for her.

I’m not really sure what he’s looking for from me. Whether he’s really looking to be “cool” or if he plans on trying to rekindle a romance. Or maybe really even nothing…maybe he was just trying to clear his conscience. I guess I’ll find out eventually.

Naughty or Nice

Last Friday evening I moseyed on over to a holiday happy hour that was coordinated by some colleagues. And it was a grand old time. I got to catch up with some people I never really get to hang out with and to better acquaint myself with some cool people that I don’t ever really cross paths with at work or otherwise.

I had a little bit of a buzz going on by the time this guy, Scout, arrived a couple of hours into it. I really don’t remember him even showing up; suddenly he was just…there. Very tall, boyishly handsome (even in his mid-40s), fantastic muscular body…right up my alley. I knew oF him from crossing paths at work several years go, but hadn’t seen or really heard anything about him or had reason to think about him since. He wasn’t on my radar then, but he definitely was at this point in all his delectable looking glory.

We talked and hung out in the midst of the rest of the group. Everyone got progressively more tipsy. At some point Scout said he was leaving to go to another bar not far away. I asked if he minded the rest of us (or really, just me!) going too and he was game. So he and I and several of the others (including Carly) migrated to another establishment.

Honestly, it really escapes me what actually transpired between Scout and I throughout most of the night. I bought us shots at one point. I do believe we had plans to meet in the bathroom for a make out session at another, which went awry. The bottom line is, I was obviously a little drunk and at some point there obviously was some mutual flirting and/or just me really just acting like a skank. As sometimes I do.

I do know that by the end of the night, right before closing, I was waiting for him in my car. I think most of, if not all of, our other colleagues had bailed for the night. But I made a point to leave a little sooner than him so it would not look like we were walking out “together.”

He ended up joining me in my car when he left, and we engaged in a very intense make out session before parting ways for the night. Good times had by all.

I gave it until Sunday afternoon before texting him to apologize for my antics the other night. He wasn’t sweating it. I pretty much made it known that I’d be open to continuing where we left off, but it’s looking like this’ll be a one-and-done. Which is just as well…Scout is married. Very, very hot, but very, very married.

Yep. I was a bad girl and ended up on Santa’s naughty list. 😦

It would occur to me later on that my friend Sarah has a huge crush on this guy. That’s how my faint memory of him from years ago really came back to me…because I remembered Sarah being just the littlest bit obsessed with him from afar.

I told Sarah all about the happy hour and the fact that he was there…minus the making out, of course.