Mean Girl

I ended up sending Chad a couple more texts that fateful Wednesday night. Topped off with a phone call – none of which he bothered responding to.

Well, okay then, asshole.

I was pretty bummed out over it at work the next day, envisioning how super awkward it’d be to run into him and what would even go down if that happened. But as fate would have it, I ended up getting some pivotal intel that evening.

Chad and I have a mutual friend that we both used to work with in different capacities. I happened to ask this friend about Chad that preceding week – about whether he was a good guy or a bad guy and offering scant details about our activities. Friend said he was a good guy.

That Thursday after work, I happened to text said friend to joke about how he vouched for Chad , who is now acting like a tool as he stood me up Tuesday night. Friend mentioned running into Chad late that very night and a pursuant conversation during which Chad remarked that his girlfriend was moving in next month. And apparently she was at his house that night.


I immediately texted Chad to express my dismay. He wasn’t interested in answering until I mentioned his girlfriend by name and stated I might be in the mood to have a conversation with her over Facebook about her boyfriend’s recent antics. Then, lo and behold, suddenly he was picking up right away when I called. Imagine that!

Several issues were coalescing at this point: A) Why had I not heard from you since Tuesday evening when we were supposed to hang out? B) What is this about you and your girlfriend about to move in together? That sounds a lot more serious than you made it appear, buddy.

Many excuses abounded regarding Tuesday about how he ended up working later than expected and blah, blah, blah. Right. It was never established why a text or phone call to advise of this remained nonexistent. We didn’t have time to delve into the relationship issue as he said he had to go and would call me back later.

I stopped at happy hour and was shortly thereafter joined unexpectedly by Manny. He ended up being so kind as to give me a ride home and changing the flat tire I had discovered that morning, resulting in an impromptu Uber to work as I didn’t have time to deal with it right then. Chad called me while I was on the way home but I rejected the call and said I’d call him back in about an hour. As promised, I did, but nothing productive really resulted from the conversation as I was a little tipsy and irritated. He said he would be out of town over the next few days for work but said he wanted to meet up on Sunday when he was back so we could talk in person.

Sunday arrives. I wasn’t really sure what time I was supposed to hear from him and I wasn’t confident that he would stick to his word anyway. He called  mid-morning to say that he was  90 minutes or so from being back in town and would call me back when he was about 30 minutes out. He suggested meeting at our building at first but I didn’t really want to intermix what would amount to a personal romantic discussion/altercation with the office – didn’t think that too appropriate. I suggested an entertainment locale around the corner instead.

Our conversation took all of 10 minutes because it was essentially just a plethora of BS apologies on his part, him begging me not to tell his girlfriend, and me looking and feeling quite apathetic toward his entreaties. It wasn’t sincere. He wasn’t sorry, he was just scared that I’d screw his relationship up. His eyes, that used to be warm and kind toward me, were now cold and distant and that said it all.

Even still, I could’ve walked away without ever having caused that man trouble and moved on with my life quite easily. He was starting to make me smile a bit with the extreme amount of charm he laid on, but I didn’t necessarily like him to any significant extent just yet. And I almost did walk away and leave well enough alone.

But the nail in his coffin was when he admitted that his radio silence was his way of trying to “dissipate” our thing. That pissed me off. Like, seriously? So after being Prince Charming for 2 weeks, you were just going to do a total 180 and kick me to the curb just like that? That’s not very nice. That sealed the deal for me in that I decided that since he felt I was deserving of so little respect and consideration, then I will treat him the same way in the only way that will matter to him. Only, I’m not him. I’m not particularly a coward or a liar and I told him right to his face that I was still leaning toward pulling the trigger.

It equally annoyed me when he tried to use my own logic against me. I had brought up over the course of Wednesday, that, being as we are colleagues and will probably run into each other from time to time, it’d be nice if he could actually respond so we could just sort things out and not make it a “thing” where it’d have to be all awkward and tense should we have to cross paths. He tried to turn that around on me in person as to why I shouldn’t say anything to his girlfriend…because he didn’t want a bad personal or working relationship with me. LOL. Oh, so now suddenly he cares about that. Nice try. We’re past that point. That just irritated me even further.

To emphasize: I wasn’t TOO angry about the girlfriend. I knew about her; the only minor bother I had was that obviously they were quite a bit more serious than he let on, or that he acted like they were. That out-of-state wedding he had just gone to, he claimed when I asked that his girlfriend wasn’t going, but I have reason to believe she did. Why lie about that? I’m still not sure if he lied about the amount of time they were together, because while it’s not unheard of, moving in together after a mere 6 months is pretty quick. Our mutual friend couldn’t confirm how long they had been together, and Chad wouldn’t, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been together for longer and he was fibbing to once again downplay the seriousness. But in any case, it wasn’t the girlfriend part that bothered me extremely.

It was his admittance that he was in fact purposely giving me the cold shoulder and obviously thought that that is what I was worthy of. Blowing off our scheduled hang-out and then not even bothering to explain or face up to anything. By his own admittance, what he SHOULD’VE done was just explained that he’d had second thoughts about all of this. I already knew that was probably the deal and so although it would’ve come completely out of left field, I would’ve been good with that. No harm, no foul. We’re cool.

Scout and I have waaaaaaay more time in and way more emotions involved and even if HE suddenly started having doubts or second thoughts and wanted to end things, I’d be pretty devastated for a little while I’m sure, but I’d never feel the need to go snitch on him to his wife. I’m just really not like that.

But, Chad? Eh. I guess I just didn’t really care. We weren’t a “thing” long or intense enough for me to care about him. Or really, at the risk of me sounding demented, for me to care about hurting him. Upon us walking back to the building for our cars together, I tried to give him some encouragement by remarking that maybe his girlfriend wouldn’t even break up with him once she knew. There’s always a bright side to anything. I was being facetious, of course. I’m not sure he appreciated it.

It has been few times in life that a guy has pissed me off enough for me to contact a significant other. I’m not saying one reason is any better than the other, but it’s never out of a sense of wanting to sabotage other romances so that he will get kicked to the curb and want to be with me or something. Some of it is spite/revenge, of course, and some is genuinely wanting to warn another woman. She can do what she will from there, I consider it a burned bridge at that point and have no further interest. It certainly didn’t deter the girlfriend of one such jackass, Robbie. Funnily enough, Robbie and I actually keep in contact on occasion. After my conversation with his until-then secret girlfriend, though she vehemently declared that she was done with him for good since she’s had issues like that with him before, they were back together within, at the most, 6 months. And they got married in May of this year. Way to take a stand, girl!

Anyway, once Chad and I parted ways I went immediately home and composed a Facebook message to his girlfriend giving an overview of the experience I’d had with her boyfriend over the past couple of weeks. From our first meeting to his obvious ulterior-motive emails the next week to his myriad of texts and phone calls and breakfast and drinks and making out. The only problem with Facebook is its random message filters that send your attempted communications to No Man’s Land if you’re not friends with a person. And I’ve never been sure if there’s a way to tell if it’s been seen or not if that should happen. She and I actually have a friend in common (the wife of aforementioned mutual friend), but it’s always been a mystery to me as to what actually gets to your main inbox and what doesn’t. I’m not sure if the one common friend is enough to “legitimize” me to the Facebook algorithm.

Not satisfied with that, because it just doesn’t sit well with me, the idea of my message languishing in some filtered inbox for days, weeks, months, or even years, the next day I decided to up the ante and email her. I’m not sure what’s considered stalker-ish or creepy nowadays, given that the internet makes it pretty easy to find any type of information on a person if you’re looking for it, but it’s possible I’m somewhat in either or both categories. So be it. But let’s just say that she’s a pretty accomplished individual with a distinctive name so a simple Google search proved to be very fruitful.

I composed a follow-up email referencing my original Facebook message and kept this one really short and sweet, sending her a screen shot of texts Chad and I exchanged in the first hours of us texting (all my incoming and outgoing texts are automatically saved through an app), and told her if she wants to see more or has any questions or needs clarification, she can feel free to contact me.

I never heard from her. Not really concerned with whether I do or not. Ditto for Chad, who I haven’t heard from or seen since our Sunday rendezvous. I did what I wanted to do and am done with it. I’ve barely thought about it since, to be honest. In a fucked up way, it’s almost as if I feel better because screwing him over boomeranged the negative energy he imparted on to me back over to him, like volleying a tennis ball back across the net. I put it back where it belongs and now am relieved of it. I have no idea if she ever read any of my communiques, or if she did, whether it put him in the doghouse or not. It really doesn’t matter either way.

I’m quite sure this makes me some unsettling combination of crazy and mean, but what I actually feel like is that I’m just tired of peoples’ nonsense. Oh well. What I am, I am. And what I’m not, I’m not.


Waxes, Exes, Fences

I’ve been a bad girl again, unfortunately. I hadn’t talked to Scout since a few days before Christmas and I didn’t really intend to given the fact that he’s a married man. But last weekend I got it into me to wish him a hugely belated Happy New Year. When he didn’t respond immediately I figured he was giving me the cold shoulder and it was just as well. But he responded the next day to wish me the same. I thanked him and left it at that. But then he started actually, like, making conversation. Innocuous, work-related stuff, but still…it was more than I’d ever really gotten out of him thus far. Hmm…

One thing led to another and by the middle of the week he was letting me know he’d be getting out on Friday night and thought he might leave the bar a little early and come over to see me. I was fine with that, however I suggested that it might not be exactly “safe” for him to come over here since Sarah would be around. She has a broken ankle and has been stuck convalescing around the house. I presented it to him as me being concerned about maintaining secrecy given the fact that he’s married and Sarah knows who he is and we all work at the same place. But the fact of the matter is, Sarah is one of my best friends and I know that she wouldn’t go around spreading my business like that.

My actual real issue (which Scout doesn’t know) was the fact that I know Sarah has had this enormous crush on him for literally like 4 years and I would’ve felt bad traipsing him around the house in front of her with that in mind. Even though they’ve most likely not spoken more than 2 words to each other ever and rarely cross paths at work and she was never even remotely close to scoring him or anything like that, it just makes me feel like I was crossing some sort of line, even though there’s really no defined line to cross.

So ideally I just would rather not have Sarah know he was ever here. The only way I could think of to try to pull that off if she was posted up in the living room was for me to bring him in through the back entrance. He’d be fully exposed to the living room as he started up the stairs, but I knew that if Sarah happened to be on the couch, she’d be facing away from the steps. And if he had on a hood of some sort, she wouldn’t know who it was from the back even if she turned around. Obviously it’d look super weird for me to let someone in through the back for no apparent reason when there’s a perfectly good front door, and I’d probably have some explaining to do eventually, but that was the best I could do. I told him to bring a hoody, just in case.

Luckily, Sarah went up to bed around 10:00, so I was able to abort that whole shady scheme. Whew! I texted Scout to let him know and gave him my address. About 40 minutes later he texted me to let me know he was at my back door. I thought he was fooling around because I couldn’t see why he’d go around the back still when I told him Sarah was in bed. I opened the front door to look out and when I didn’t see anything I asked where he was. He said again he was in the back. I assumed he meant he was outside of the locked gate and asked him to come back around front. He said he was already in the back yard. What!? It was then that I turned around and peered through the dark kitchen onto the dark patio and saw what looked like the light of a cell phone out there. As I got closer I saw a moving silhouette and realized that he was in fact literally right at my patio door. Had I not known it was him already, I would’ve been creeped the hell out for sure. That’s kind of something I always have in the back of my head when I go downstairs in the middle of the night…that someone will be standing out there. Yikes!

The kicker is that this guy had to scale a 6-foot wooden fence to bypass the locked gate and get into my back yard. LOL. Who does that?! I was completely floored that he went to the effort to do all that when he could’ve just come through the front door. And even if he had had to come through the back, I would’ve come out to unlock the gate for him. Geez, dude! I had previously joked that trying to sneak him through the back while Sarah was up would be akin to some covert military operation. He told me he had been a Marine and that it was nothing he couldn’t handle. I guess he took that to heart, scaling fences and all. Maybe kind of crazy, but maybe kind of hot…

We tip-toed up to my room and immediately started kissing and I disrobed and showed him the pretty outfit I had put on for him. There came a point where he stepped back just to stare at me intensely for more than a few moments. He couldn’t take his eyes off me. It was like I was the sexiest thing in the whole wide world. And maybe at that moment, I was to him.

It was a good time. He’s attentive. He’s patient. He knows how to touch. He wasn’t in a rush. After all was said and done he settled into my bed and I laid in his arms for a while. It was nice. I wouldn’t have minded being wrapped up in them all night, but alas, all good things must come to an end. He had to get home eventually. He took a quick shower before leaving – smart. I walked him downstairs and we hugged and kissed goodbye and that was that.

He was the very first person to take my brand new Brazilian wax for a spin. Yesterday was my first time ever, and while it was a slightly painful and very awkward experience, it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever been through. The esthetician was sweet and good at her trade. It’s kind of weird to be having girl talk with someone  like you guys are sitting around in a Starbucks drinking lattes when in reality she’s ripping hair off of the most intimate parts of your body. But the point of the conversation is distraction, and I was impressed by her skill at maintaining normal conversation without skipping a beat while she’s maneuvering around a stranger’s vagina.

I like the results much more than shaving. I was tired of dealing with ingrown hairs and razor bumps down there and all that nonsense. I’ve actually been trying to get waxed for like the last 6 months, but you have to let the hair grow out some and I’d keep it going for a while and then chicken out of making an appointment and just shave it all off. Then I’d be reminded why I HATE shaving and start all over again. It took me a couple of cycles, but it finally came to fruition. I’m not going to lie…there were definitely some intense bouts of pain. I wanted everything off, and from the research I did beforehand I knew that the hair over the pubic bone (i.e. the “landing strip”) is typically the most painful part to wax. And it was. That’s why  many people opt to leave the landing strip. But I wanted it completely bare. It all stung, but that’s the only time I actually got teary-eyed. Yikes. I took a prescription-grade ibuprofen about an hour beforehand as was suggested.  I’m assuming it helped. They say the first time is the worst, and as long as you keep up with it every 5-6 weeks, it will be better as time goes on. I’m going to try my best…

In other news: Robbie made a reappearance yesterday afternoon. In a way it was a total surprise, but after the events of Thursday night I kind of saw it coming…

Carly and I met up for happy hour. We were a couple of hours into it sitting at the bar sipping away when she remarked that she thought the guy sitting to my left was hot  I told her I’d try to make conversation with him somehow so we could get that party started. (That’s what friends are for.) Soon enough, I managed to insert myself into a conversation that he was having with his buddy about his phone and from there the shenanigans began.

As it turns out, hot guy had a girlfriend who actually ended up joining us a little later and was very pretty and very nice. And hot guy’s buddy was not hot. Even still, we all hung out together for a while and even migrated to another bar together eventually. Good times had by all. (The not-hot buddy and I became Facebook friends somehow and after I was home he was messaging me to tell me how hot I am. But I think he was really drunk.)

As it turns out, hot guy works at the same place as Robbie. I asked him if he knows Robbie and he does. He relayed some funny anecdote to me about Robbie in their early days working together and from there we somehow ended up colluding on the idea of him texting Robbie to tease him about said anecdote. He had Robbie’s number already so he proceeded to do so. Robbie didn’t answer for a while but after he did, hot guy showed me and I told him to ask Robbie how his ex was doing. And then I told him to ask Robbie how I was doing. I think at that point Robbie told hot guy he was going to bed. Ha!

After recalling those antics yesterday morning, I had a feeling I’d be hearing something from Robbie sooner rather than later. If anything, I figured he’d be pissed about me obviously screwing with him by means of his colleague. I was sure he’d either call or text me to yell at me about this. As it stood, we hadn’t spoken since December 12th.

He texted me yesterday afternoon with a “Hi”…benign enough. I responded with a greeting and then he went into a spiel about how sorry he is for getting so mad “2 months ago” (it was actually just over one month) and thanking me (again) because that situation made him realize a lot and he has become a better person. It’s the exact same nonsense he was spouting off in the immediate aftermath, pretty much. Okay, Robbie. Then he went on to say he wanted to “be cool and make peace” with me. I told him everything was water under the bridge.

I intentionally tailored my responses so that they were pleasant, but weren’t leading the conversation. It’s one of those weird power things…I didn’t want to appear that I was eager to talk to him, even inadvertently. If he wanted conversation, he’d have to work for it. And he did. I’ll give him that. Every time I would pretty much let it die off, he’d come up with something else to say. He went on to say that I can let him know if I “need anything” and wished me a good day. Huh? If I “need anything?” He told me he was trying to tell me to keep in touch if I want.

Really? The last I remember, you were telling me you wanted nothing to do with me. He said that was when he was mad and needed separation. Okay, Robbie. I reminded him that he was “mad” even before the situation with his ex-girlfriend went down. He chastised me for “trying to argue” and said he was just trying to “clear everything between us and be cool.” He wanted to “forget the past and move on” with a “clean slate.” Sure.

He pressed on: “Anything new?” That is typically ex-speak to find out if you’re seeing anyone or not. I didn’t remark on my personal life at all (not that there’s anything to remark on), but I told him about some new developments at work and that was about it. I asked him how things at work were for him and then again the conversation died off.

Only half an hour later there he was texting me again with some random remark about Chipotle. He made it a point from there to work in how he had changed his diet so that he could get really ripped for the summer, and that he already had abs coming in. Ha!

Interesting development, I’d say. I’d imagined that he and his ex were happily back in each other’s arms by now. I gotta give it to her, I thought she’d give in and take him back. But obviously that hasn’t happened. I wouldn’t think he’d be stupid enough to try to rekindle a friendship with me (or whatever he was doing) if it had. I thought she’d be especially weak given that this happened during the holiday season and people tend to be especially sentimental and wistful then. But she appears to have stood her ground for now. Good for her.

I’m not really sure what he’s looking for from me. Whether he’s really looking to be “cool” or if he plans on trying to rekindle a romance. Or maybe really even nothing…maybe he was just trying to clear his conscience. I guess I’ll find out eventually.

Wrapping Up

I had a Tinder date yesterday afternoon. This guy was kind enough to drive to a Starbucks that was significantly closer to me than it was to him where we engaged in about 45 minutes of conversation over beverages.

He was pleasant and the conversation flowed easily enough, but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that I was not at all physically attracted to him and never would be. And that was all she wrote.

He looked decent enough in his Tinder pictures – boyishly cute at least, even if not necessarily handsome – but he did text me a freshly taken one the other night that was a little borderline. Be that as it may, as I don’t consider myself particularly photogenic, I recognize that other people also may not be so I try not to write people off right away based on inconclusive photos. So when he asked to meet yesterday I said what the hell and gave it a whirl.

It’s actually the same exact way I felt about Dusty. He looked decent in his photos, but I had trouble deciding if I really thought he was cute or not. But since we clicked so well I gave him a shot and while he actually wasn’t, like, strikingly handsome or anything, he turned out to be cute and I was attracted to him overall.

This guy…not so much. He was in fact not cute at all. Which is not necessarily the end of the world in itself. He did have pretty blue eyes. But on top of not being particularly attractive in the face, his teeth were pretty atrocious. Besides some of them being crooked and/or misshapen, they were a pretty noticeable shade of yellow. Like, a dingy yellow bordering on brown. Mustard colored. There were even some tiny specks of actual brown here and there. Just…gross looking. He didn’t seem to be a smoker but he said he used to drink a lot of coffee.

Not quite, but close!
Not quite, but close!

So, call me shallow, but those teeth just weren’t going to work for me. And I myself spent the majority of my life with imperfect teeth so maybe I’m the last person that should be so picky about them. But then again, as I’ve spent over $5,000 and the last year of my life on Invisalign to correct mine, maybe I do feel a little entitled. I don’t know. But whatever imperfections I may have had, my teeth have never been just straight yellow. Yuck.

So…no. This was a definite no-go from the start. But he drove for quite a bit to meet and just because I didn’t feel any attraction to him doesn’t necessitate any rudeness on my part, so I put forth the effort to get to know him for the sake of conversation.

When it was time to leave he walked me to my car, we hugged, and he said he’d like to see me again soon. He hasn’t texted or called since so for all I know I might not have been his cup of tea either. Which would be just fine with me. In fact, I HOPE that’s the case.

Anyway…here we are on the cusp of 2015. Another year gone by and while I’m not exactly where I want to be in life just yet, I’d say I had a good 2014 overall. Job-wise, I made out okay. If I put my mind to it and hustle, I can move up by the end of 2015.

Me-wise…I’m happy with myself. I lost some extra poundage that had snuck up on me over the past several years and have stayed in the gym regularly and I’m loving my body at this point. I want to lose 10 more, but I’ve been wanting that for the past 6 months or so. I’ll get around to it one of these days. As mentioned, my Invisalign has worked wonders and the skyrocketing smile compliments and noticeable improvement to my appearance have been well worth the money and energy. I feel beautiful, and I feel confident. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt like that to this extent.

Romance-wise…eh. I’m still in the same place I was at this time a year ago: chronically single. It’d be nice for that not to be the case one of these days, but one other thing that added confidence has given me is the strength to be less inclined to put up with anyone’s BS and to remain firm in steadfastly refusing to settle for anyone who isn’t absolutely right for me.

My only real “resolution” is to leave all the nonsense from 2014 IN 2014. And that includes certain people.

Like Robbie. Haven’t spoken to him since December 12th and I don’t care to. Haven’t had any more contact with his (ex?) girlfriend and I don’t care to.

Like JP. Haven’t spoken to him since November when I wished him a happy birthday. Which he didn’t bother to answer. As of my latest Facebook stalking endeavors last week or whenever, he and LMDP still seem to be going strong. I guess I was wrong about my 90-day deadline, as well as my ballpark end-of-the-year estimate. And…I don’t really care. Why be worried about some Tinder guy who led me on and stood me up and who I’ve never even met? At the end of the day, given what I know and feel about LMDP, if that’s the kind of girl who makes him instantly fall head over heels, that just goes to show that he and I were ultimately completely unsuited for each other. She and I are opposites. So if that’s what’s floating his boat, then he and I most likely wouldn’t have worked.

Like Blaze. Who, since our episode back in early December, has been sniffing around wanting to hang out here and there. But I know he’s really only after one thing and it doesn’t interest me in the least at this juncture. He’s not offering anything substantial and I’m not interested in whatever he is offering.

Moving forward, moving on…