So Many Antics…

…so little time.

The last couple of months have been more of the same. Nothing spectacular, nothing horrible. Just the status quo.

I had my first and thus far only Tinder date back in late May. There was one particular guy I had been messaging with on there for a couple of weeks off and on and he asked me to meet him for drinks. I met him at an upscale hotel bar he suggested and we conversed over drinks for 3 hours until it closed. He was nice looking and seemed very smart but I wasn’t overly attracted to him. Not that I wasn’t attracted to him at all, but only in an indifferent, take-it-or-leave it kind of way as opposed to in a I-gotta-have-him kind of way.

He was a gentleman and walked me several blocks to my car afterward. We hugged and he said he wanted to hang out again and we exchanged phone numbers. He asked me to text him once I got home and I did. He wished me a good night and then I didn’t hear from him for several days. He texted me on a Saturday asking me if I wanted to go on a bicycle ride with him the next day, but I wasn’t able to. I said I’d be up for something else, but I never heard back from him.

And Tinder remains Tinder. It’s nothing I’m taking too seriously. There is one guy I’ve been messaging with for about a month now, but he lives several states away. Not particularly my type anyway, but he’s great to talk to. Otherwise, not much going on there.

The bar scene has been more of the same too. It’s never hard for me to meet guys that way, but those encounters seem to only lead to one-night stands. Fun, but not particularly satisfying.

And alas, I’m back to Match.com. I decided to resurrect my profile with fresh pictures and a few profile tweaks and I’ve been getting a lot more attention than I ever have. Not only online, but in person as well. I guess I owe it to losing a few pounds and Invisalign. Anyway, I’m trying to give Match.com a valid chance this time, and so far it hasn’t been too bad.

There’s one guy in particular that might have some potential. He  messaged me on Monday and between then and Tuesday we exchanged dozens of messages. He looks cute in his photos and we clicked pretty immediately through mutual sarcastic banter. He did express some concern over the fact that we live about 45 minutes from each other, but other than that we had obvious chemistry. I like the way he writes (spelling and grammar wise), he’s tall, he’s gainfully employed in an interesting profession, and he’s funny. On Wednesday morning he said he was off to visit his home state for a few days and wouldn’t be on so much over the next few days, so he wasn’t “sure where this will go.” That didn’t sound particularly encouraging to me, so I just told him to have a good time and that if he’s lucky, no one else will sweep me off my feet while he’s gone.

I wasn’t so sure I’d hear from him again, but then late Wednesday night I got a message from him asking if I miss him yet and declaring that that would’ve been a drunken text message if he had my phone number. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to hint that he wanted my number or not, so I played it safe and responded jokingly, but didn’t offer my number. I expected he would respond to that somehow yesterday, but he never did even though he’d been online. Then last night after having a couple of drinks myself, I tipsily messaged him and bit the bullet and gave him my number. But then I noticed he’s been online again since I’ve sent it and still no return message. Or maybe since he has my number now, he’s going to reply via phone eventually. I have no idea. We will see. If not, there are definitely plenty of fish in the sea.

For instance: I was walking into a convenience store at work the other day and right behind me came a guy I know of from work but who I’ve never actually met. And I know of him because I’m chummy with his child’s mom, who I hung out with a few times in years past, but I’ve not talked to her in a while. He makes a beeline straight for me and starts talking to me. He knew who I was because he said his child’s mom had mentioned me from time to time, and he made a point to let me know they’re not together. We started talking about fitness and the gym and he said we could go together sometime and then pulled the infamous “How will I get in contact with you?” which resulted in us exchanging numbers. What was most interesting about that was that he walked right back out of the store after we finished up. So…he didn’t come in there to buy anything, but had obviously seen me walking in and came in there just to talk to me. I thought that was kind of cute. He’s not my usual type, but he’s pretty good looking.

Zach is once again completely out of the picture. He’s an asshole. As usual, he wasn’t happy with the fact that I wasn’t overly eager to hook up with him and starting talking shit about finding God and wanting to lead a better life and all this nonsense. It turns out, like with all his previous sudden personality changes, that he met a very religious girl or something, and that’s really the cause of his sudden spiritual epiphany. Yawn. We went our separate ways several weeks ago. He said he was going to delete my number and get his changed and all this and that and I gave not one damn. Yet one night last week I get a late night text and gee, look who it is: Zach. “I’m sorry,” and “Do you miss me?” (NO) and all that jazz. I gave him the cold shoulder and he got the point.

Redd and I haven’t spoken in a week. He’d been texting me sporadically to tell me know how much he’s thinking about me and wants me. He was supposed to come over one Saturday night after work but I never heard from him and I didn’t press the issue because I had a feeling this visit would not occur anyway so I went out. He told me later that he came home and passed out. Whatever. He supposedly thinks about me all the time but the one sacred chance he would’ve had to come see me when his girl is away, he squanders. Right. He apologized and I let that one go. But then he asked me to come over last Friday night because his girlfriend was going back home for the weekend. I already had plans for the night so I asked if Saturday would work. He answered “Let me see how tonight goes.” Um…okay? So again, you miss me so much and want to see me so badly, yet once again when you have the rare opportunity you don’t seem to be interested in making it a priority. I told him as much and we haven’t spoken since.

And that was all she wrote…

Tinder Life Lessons

Redd informed me the night before last that his girlfriend from home found a job here and will be coming to live with him sometime in the next week. So that’s pretty much over before it even had a chance to start. Not that I was really into him or anything, but he had been starting to grow on me a little bit. He said he had been starting to like me too. He’s a nice guy and I was hoping for the chance to get to hang out with him at least once more, soberly. But that’s not a likely possibility in the short time frame we have remaining due to conflicting work schedules.

Nevertheless, he still wants to have sex with me. Surprise, surprise. But it doesn’t seem to be so much in a sleazy, booty-callish way…he really seems to be genuinely taken with me. He said there’s something “super intriguing” about me and has told me repeatedly that he can’t wait to see me again. I mean, I’m sure lust is 70% of his motivation, but he seems to actually like me underneath it all. He remarked that if he were single, he would definitely wine and dine me. But alas, he’s not. Even still, he’s already scheming as to how to make this work with her living with him. He said he’ll just have to come to my place now. Men…

Meanwhile, in Tinderland, I managed to have another brief encounter with someone who may or may not be a sociopath. I seem to attract these types of people, unfortunately. I believe it was Saturday morning that I woke up to messages from this guy about how “spectacular” I am. We made basic “getting to know you” conversation throughout the day and all was well until the point when he asked me if I typically talk to one guy at a time or if I like to play the field.  I told him it was a little of both. That translated to him as me liking to “sleep around” which is “gross.” I advised him that as a single woman, I date (or something like it). And sometimes I sleep with people that I want to sleep with. It’s part of dating. I never realized that it was a federal crime to do so.

Let it be noted that I AM in fact a single girl and I like to do what I want and see who I want to see. However, I’m not specifically opposed to the idea of focusing on one guy if he’s worth it to me…I just never seem to progress to that point with anybody. So I’m just used to keeping my options open and not placing all my eggs in one basket.

Anyway…he got snippy at that point because I was being “sassy” and “putting words in his mouth,” and went on to explain that we won’t have a problem just as long as I understand that he expects monogamy once sex enters the picture.

I mean, but of course, darling, whatever you…oh, wait a minute…I’m sorry, but why the FUCK are we talking about this? We have been communicating through  Tinder for a total of maybe 8 hours. I’ve seen 5 pictures of you. I don’t even know your last name. We haven’t exchanged phone numbers. I would say that that’s a tad bit TOO soon to be having a conversation about relationship expectations.

What made it worse is, after calling me a slut in so many words, he went on to repeatedly allude to future bedroom activities between me and him, which was just weird. I’m sorry, but again, I don’t know who the hell you are? You’re demanding monogamy one moment and then bringing up possible sexual scenarios between us the next. There was just a lot of putting the cart before the horse going on and it was really turning me off.

The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was when I replied to one of his mentions of sexual activity that sex wasn’t really on the table right now. He got pissed and told me told me that the conversation is “painful” and he’s not into me anymore and there was a little bit of back and forth before he unmatched with me.

What a douchebag.

He wasn’t even really that hot, which is why I decided once again to reset my account and take it from the beginning. I realized I was going through profiles too fast and would end up matching with people that at second glance I really didn’t find that attractive. So I started over and have started being a bit more discerning. I’m pretty sure that I’ve gotten several matches with people that I don’t even remember seeing and definitely would not have swiped right for, but whatever. Again, no lofty expectations. If I happen to meet someone and end up hanging out, I’m not against it. But I’m not going to bend over backwards to do so. I rarely even initiate contact with matches.

I kind of had tentative plans to meet with a guy on Wednesday, but I haven’t heard from him and I really don’t care if I do or don’t.

Really it’s just mostly entertainment. It certainly is an interesting atmosphere in the Tinder universe, and I’ve learned so much from my mere week of experience, such as:

  • Men like sports.
  • Men like being outdoors.
  • Men like to post pictures of themselves playing golf, snowboarding, jet skiing or otherwise engaging in some type of activity that are not at all helpful in figuring out what they look like.
  • The hottest guy in a group photo is NEVER the guy in question.
  • 80% of the male population owns a “Keep Calm and Chive On” shirt.
  • A lot women apparently have pictures of themselves with tigers, and men do not like this for some reason.
  • A lot of women apparently take “duck face” selfies, and men do not find these attractive.
  • Men think any woman who quotes Marilyn Monroe is a lunatic.
  • The kids in the picture are always nieces or nephews.

Tinder Love

So many adventures, so little time…

I’ll start with Zach. He came over the night before last and we hung out on my couch and watched a movie and drank a lot of wine. Well…I drank a lot of wine. He didn’t drink at all. We had been talking earlier in the week and said he wanted to come over to talk about some things that would help me to understand why he is the way he is. Based on our history, I was absolutely positive that before this rendezvous actually came into fruition I’d get a barrage of texts about why we can’t hang out/be friends, but lo and behold, he actually stuck to his guns and showed up. He looked good. He IS a very good looking guy. He’s lost some muscle weight due to recent surgery on his leg and having to take it easy, but he still looks good. He always has. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes…just how I like ’em.

We watched the movie. I drank. He took my hand on his own volition and held it for a long while. He felt me up a little bit and tried to get me to do the same to him in a playful sort of way, but he was otherwise a very good boy. He even voluntarily refilled my wine glass a couple of times.

I don’t really know what came over me – maybe it was the wine, or maybe I just wanted to since I hadn’t done it for him in a long, long time – but I ended up giving him a treat. On my own accord. He didn’t ask and wasn’t trying to get me to do it or anything, I just suddenly felt like it so I did it. He was very impressed and appreciative.

Then came the “There’s something I have to tell you,” which isn’t the most settling thing to hear after you’ve just had your mouth on someone. I was scared it’d have something to do with an STD and was prepared to resort to physical violence, but it wasn’t anything like that…

#1: He’s almost completely sterile. He found this out not too long ago after some pain in his groin resulted in him going to a doctor and eventually getting his sperm tested (the pain turned out not to be related). Apparently he has a low sperm count and they’re not very mobile, so it would be really hard for him to conceive and he and whomever he endeavors to have a child with would most likely have to do in vitro fertilization. That disappoints him because even though he’s nowhere near trying to have children, he always did foresee himself having some someday. I’d feel the same way if I found out for whatever reason that I couldn’t have kids. Nevertheless, it’s not the end of the world. He’s not completely sterile so while it’ll be difficult, it’s not totally outside the realm of possibility.

#2: He suffers from depression and anxiety for which he takes medication. I never knew this about him, but it kind of explains why sometimes he seems to be so emotionally…not exactly unstable, but…well, yeah, unstable I guess. Not in a dangerous sense, but I guess in the sense that, like with the many times he’s gone back and forth about us hanging out or being friends, he seems not to know what he wants and to change his mind quickly. Now it kind of makes sense.

In all the years I’ve known him he’s never really been that candid to me about himself before so it was refreshing to have him be so open. It made me feel bad for all the times we’ve argued and I’ve said mean things to him because I didn’t know anything about his mental struggles. That just goes to show…you never really know what burdens other people are carrying. It puts things in perspective.

He texted me yesterday and thanked me for listening. I told him I’d like to cook him dinner in a friendly way whenever he has time. His birthday is coming up so it’d be kind of like a present. He said that sounds nice and that he’ll let me know.

In another news, I met a guy last week at a work conference. It’s a weeklong event that draws people from all over the country and involves a lot of drinking every night once the work-related stuff is done for the day. Good times are always had. Last Wednesday I was there getting hammered, talking to some guys I know from meeting there last year who I was glad to run into, and up walks Redd. Unfortunately I had been drinking for several hours by this point and was pretty inebriated, so I for the life of me can’t recall exactly how conversation between us initiated. I do remember that he was with a female coworker of his and I assumed they were a couple at first which was a bummer because I thought he was cute, but that turned out not to be the case.

I definitely don’t recall how things progressed to the point where we exchanged numbers, but we did. And then at some point while we were still there he texted that he wanted me. I was intoxicated, bored, and clearly needed somewhere to crash anyway since driving was out of the question, so that didn’t sound like a bad idea. He lived not too far away but had parked his own car at a subway station near his place and caught the train, so he drove me and my car back to his place.

Redd was a nice guy and took really good care of me. I was a drunken mess. His apartment was really nicely decorated…very impressive for a bachelor’s pad. I remember playing with a sword and fooling around with one of his several guitars. We had sex at some point, though I don’t remember much about it. I do remember lying in his bed afterward and him telling me how pretty I am and remarking that he only has one more condom left, should we use it now or save it for the morning? I opted to save it for the morning. We fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night craving cold water. He got up and got me a bottle and a cup of ice and I devoured it like, as he put it, “it was my job.” Alcohol will do that to you.

Despite my severe level of intoxication the night before, I wasn’t really that hungover the next day, thank goodness. I think that middle of the night water binge helped immensely. We woke up and laid around talking for a bit. We had sex again, eventually. He’s big and it was pretty good, but the downside was that his breath was really foul. I’m not sure if it was just bad morning breath or a general halitosis problem, but it was bad enough for me to shy away from kissing him when he tried.

I drove him to his car and he said he’d be back to the conference that night. He didn’t make it back though because he ended up drinking at home and passing out.

Since then he’s been texting me on the daily. He thinks I’m so beautiful and said that he’s in love with my body. He’s from another state originally and has a girlfriend back home there. As I recall, he said he’s in love with her, but she won’t move to be with him or something. I don’t know. That’s fine, as I’m not interested in him to the point where that bothers me or anything. I would’ve hung out with him this week, but he used his days off to go home and see her. Blah. He was texting me last night trying to see if I’m available this weekend, but it’s my time of the month. We’ll see how this goes. He’s cute, but a little leaner that I usually like. The sex isn’t bad though.

Last, but not least, I appear to be very late to the party, but I decided to give Tinder a try. I was introduced to it via guy friends of mine letting me play on their accounts when we’re out and I grew to like the concept of people not being to contact each other unless there’s mutual attraction. Unlike Match.com, which I just wasted another $60.00 on days before signing up for Tinder, I don’t have to worry about people contacting me that are the complete opposite of what I want. And also unlike Match.com, the only way to establish contact with a mutual interest is to bite the bullet and send a message. Match.com annoys me because I find many men on there to be way too passive aggressive for my liking. They’ll look at my profile a million times, favorite me, wink at me, like my photos…they do everything but actually speak. Even the ones I return winks to…they just won’t speak. It’s annoying. Or maybe if they wink, they expect me to message them first? I don’t know. I guess that’s why Match.com never works for me…I’m really not inclined to speak to anyone or make a move on anyone unless they indicate some type of interest first. I kind of just sit there and wait. And wait. And get messages from undesirables. And wait. And get numerous photo likes. And wait. And then get bored after a few days, hide my profile, then let 11 weeks of a 12-week subscription go to waste. Rinse and repeat.

So Tinder appeals to me in that it’s implied in the fact that someone swiped “right” on you that they find you physically attractive. The only bad thing is that heights may or may not be listed. I’m a tall girl so men have to be of a certain height to ride this ride. But a lot of guys do opt to provide their heights, so that helps. I’ve had a little trouble with the app so far crashing and erasing my matches and not letting me upload extra pictures, so I’ve had to delete my account and the app and reinstall it and start all over several times now, but as of now I’m up and running and have dozens of matches.

I’ve had one sub-par experience so far. A guy I matched with Sunday (my first day) started messaging me later that night and we seemed to have a good rapport. He looked pretty cute, didn’t act like a pervert (even though it was around 11 p.m. and he said he was in bed so that’s what I was expecting), was tall enough (6’1″), and wrote like he had a good grasp of the English language. We bantered back and forth a bit that night and then a little bit on Monday. On Tuesday I decided I’d had enough of Tinder and was going to delete my account (the first time), so I gave him my # and he started texting me. We texted throughout the day and were doing well until he told me where he was from (an area known for being wealthy and upper crust) and I joked that he grew up a rich boy. For some unknown reason he got offended over my “gross generalization” and called me stupid and then started giving me the silent treatment. I remained nice and apologized and left it alone for the night. I debated leaving him be for good but decided the next day to try to be nice and give it a second chance. I was only joking and I tend to have a dry sense of humor that could be undecipherable enough in person, let alone via text message where tone is easily misconstrued. So I sucked it up and texted him again. He was really short with me and obviously not interested with speaking with me so I wished him well and told him I hope he finds what he’s looking for. He texted me back eventually thanking me and followed up with “I’m rich.” Whatever that means. Don’t care.

I don’t really have any lofty expectations from this, so at least I won’t end up disappointed. I was surprised to run across Domino on there though. And he had been active recently. Sucks to be his girlfriend.

I texted Rocky last week or so with a silly picture of my tongue sticking out (and a little bit of cleavage) to see what he was up to. He said he was picking up his kids. I said I only wanted to say hi. And that was that. He’s clearly done with me. That’s cool.