Wrapping Up

I had a Tinder date yesterday afternoon. This guy was kind enough to drive to a Starbucks that was significantly closer to me than it was to him where we engaged in about 45 minutes of conversation over beverages.

He was pleasant and the conversation flowed easily enough, but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that I was not at all physically attracted to him and never would be. And that was all she wrote.

He looked decent enough in his Tinder pictures – boyishly cute at least, even if not necessarily handsome – but he did text me a freshly taken one the other night that was a little borderline. Be that as it may, as I don’t consider myself particularly photogenic, I recognize that other people also may not be so I try not to write people off right away based on inconclusive photos. So when he asked to meet yesterday I said what the hell and gave it a whirl.

It’s actually the same exact way I felt about Dusty. He looked decent in his photos, but I had trouble deciding if I really thought he was cute or not. But since we clicked so well I gave him a shot and while he actually wasn’t, like, strikingly handsome or anything, he turned out to be cute and I was attracted to him overall.

This guy…not so much. He was in fact not cute at all. Which is not necessarily the end of the world in itself. He did have pretty blue eyes. But on top of not being particularly attractive in the face, his teeth were pretty atrocious. Besides some of them being crooked and/or misshapen, they were a pretty noticeable shade of yellow. Like, a dingy yellow bordering on brown. Mustard colored. There were even some tiny specks of actual brown here and there. Just…gross looking. He didn’t seem to be a smoker but he said he used to drink a lot of coffee.

Not quite, but close!
Not quite, but close!

So, call me shallow, but those teeth just weren’t going to work for me. And I myself spent the majority of my life with imperfect teeth so maybe I’m the last person that should be so picky about them. But then again, as I’ve spent over $5,000 and the last year of my life on Invisalign to correct mine, maybe I do feel a little entitled. I don’t know. But whatever imperfections I may have had, my teeth have never been just straight yellow. Yuck.

So…no. This was a definite no-go from the start. But he drove for quite a bit to meet and just because I didn’t feel any attraction to him doesn’t necessitate any rudeness on my part, so I put forth the effort to get to know him for the sake of conversation.

When it was time to leave he walked me to my car, we hugged, and he said he’d like to see me again soon. He hasn’t texted or called since so for all I know I might not have been his cup of tea either. Which would be just fine with me. In fact, I HOPE that’s the case.

Anyway…here we are on the cusp of 2015. Another year gone by and while I’m not exactly where I want to be in life just yet, I’d say I had a good 2014 overall. Job-wise, I made out okay. If I put my mind to it and hustle, I can move up by the end of 2015.

Me-wise…I’m happy with myself. I lost some extra poundage that had snuck up on me over the past several years and have stayed in the gym regularly and I’m loving my body at this point. I want to lose 10 more, but I’ve been wanting that for the past 6 months or so. I’ll get around to it one of these days. As mentioned, my Invisalign has worked wonders and the skyrocketing smile compliments and noticeable improvement to my appearance have been well worth the money and energy. I feel beautiful, and I feel confident. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt like that to this extent.

Romance-wise…eh. I’m still in the same place I was at this time a year ago: chronically single. It’d be nice for that not to be the case one of these days, but one other thing that added confidence has given me is the strength to be less inclined to put up with anyone’s BS and to remain firm in steadfastly refusing to settle for anyone who isn’t absolutely right for me.

My only real “resolution” is to leave all the nonsense from 2014 IN 2014. And that includes certain people.

Like Robbie. Haven’t spoken to him since December 12th and I don’t care to. Haven’t had any more contact with his (ex?) girlfriend and I don’t care to.

Like JP. Haven’t spoken to him since November when I wished him a happy birthday. Which he didn’t bother to answer. As of my latest Facebook stalking endeavors last week or whenever, he and LMDP still seem to be going strong. I guess I was wrong about my 90-day deadline, as well as my ballpark end-of-the-year estimate. And…I don’t really care. Why be worried about some Tinder guy who led me on and stood me up and who I’ve never even met? At the end of the day, given what I know and feel about LMDP, if that’s the kind of girl who makes him instantly fall head over heels, that just goes to show that he and I were ultimately completely unsuited for each other. She and I are opposites. So if that’s what’s floating his boat, then he and I most likely wouldn’t have worked.

Like Blaze. Who, since our episode back in early December, has been sniffing around wanting to hang out here and there. But I know he’s really only after one thing and it doesn’t interest me in the least at this juncture. He’s not offering anything substantial and I’m not interested in whatever he is offering.

Moving forward, moving on…

Onward to 2014

2013 has been a decent year for me, I guess. Not particularly terrible and not really spectacular, but decent. I achieved a fair amount of success in my career and I went on 2 awesome vacations. Those are pretty much the highlights. In between was lots of alcohol, fun times with my friends, some boys, and a little bit of sex here and there. That’s sufficient, I guess.

But as 2013 starts winding down and 2014 looms just over the horizon, I’m going to play catch-up and take stock of what I have going on now, what I’ll be leaving behind in 2013, and what I’ll be looking forward to in 2014:

Blaze: I’ve managed to calm my feelings down. He actually came over really early in the morning (like, around dawn) last Saturday. I gave him what he wanted and he left. Same ol’, same ol’. That’s all it is with him and that’s more than likely all it’ll ever be. He’s told me that in so many words and most importantly, he has SHOWN me that with his actions, so in the end he’s completely faultless in any kind of resentment I may ever feel regarding the situation because he has been the exact same since I met him. He has never made false promises or strung me along or led me to believe that he wants anything more from me than what he asks for. I can appreciate that. I wished him a Merry Christmas but he didn’t respond. Blah. I’m going to try to let it go. REALLY try. That’s all I can do. This is not by any means a fulfilling or satisfying situation for me, for many reasons. If my history with men is any indication, I’ll have completely forgotten about him in a couple of months and be going about my merry business, and suddenly he’ll come back out of nowhere and actually want to date me or something. But I’ll be irrevocably uninterested in him by that point. That’s how it always goes with me. They never want me when I want them…only when I’m long over them and completely not attracted to them anymore do they somehow manage to always start sniffing around again. It’s like a special superpower that men have.

Domino: We rarely ever talk anymore. I wished him a Merry Christmas and he wished me one back, but that’s about it. It’s been extremely intermittent contact since he moved to his new position at work and has claimed to be working a lot and busy all the time and this and that. And that may be true, but I know when I’m being blown off. People make time for who/what they want to make time for. I’ve been around long enough to know that when a guy keeps telling you he’s busy, what he really means is that he’s too busy for YOU. I was browsing Facebook last night and saw some pictures he was tagged in by someone I think is his sister, and one of them featured him and some random girl posing together. I can’t help but to think it’s probably a romantic interest of his. Not something I’m going to loose sleep over though…it is what it is. We had our fun and it just kind of fizzled out.

Goodbyes: I’m losing a good friend. Actually, I lost him about 6 weeks ago. I live in the house of a good guy friend of mine that I’ve known and trusted for over 5 years. It was smooth sailing until he started dating this girl late in the summer and before I knew it, she was basically living here. I wasn’t exactly pleased with that because it wasn’t the situation I had originally moved into, but more than that, I just never got a good vibe from her. We got along okay in the beginning, but I just never really took to her like that. And quite frankly, I just didn’t, and still don’t, feel like she is for him. He happened to inform me one night of some negative comments she had made to him about me, I ended up getting into it with them both, and it was all downhill from there. Basically, she made him “choose” between her and me, and he chose her. So the last 6 weeks have been like living in hell. I’ve felt unwelcome and awkward at home and it has made me really hurt and angry. And as the confrontational person that I am, I have not been shy with either about them about the way I feel. Ultimately, I think it’s sad that a girl that claims to care about him would purposely seek to alienate him from what she knows was a good, longstanding friendship of his, and even sadder that he obviously felt that his little 5-month relationship was more important than this same longstanding friendship. In any case, I’ll be out of here next week and I cannot WAIT. I wish them both the best. Eh…actually they can both go to Hell, really. He already knows that once I’m out, we’re done. I would never want to reestablish a friendship with someone who would treat me like that. Screw it.

New Beginnings: I scored a nice new place with my friend, Sarah. I was hesitant at first because she’s had some financial issues in the past and I wasn’t sure about moving in with yet ANOTHER friend who, if history is any indication, I will only end up falling out with eventually. But I had already kind of preliminarily committed to it once my current living situation started spiraling downhill. I knew I’d be moving in a couple of months and she brought up the idea of us getting a place together. So I figured what the hell. Living alone these days is expensive.  I can afford it, but it’s not friendly to the wallet. Why spend more money living alone if I don’t have to? That leaves more money for life’s necessities, like clothes and alcohol. At the very least I figured I’d try it out for a year. If it doesn’t work out then I’ll just move on and do my own thing. No big deal. So…I’m excited. I’m excited to get the fuck out of the hellhole environment I live in now, and excited to have a new place to decorate and make into a home.

Teeth: I just started Invisalign treatment this week. I have some inherited teeth imperfections that I’ve lived with and tolerated all my life, and also managed to still feel and look pretty attractive in spite of. But recently I got fed up and started craving a change and thus decided to do something about it. So now here I am, with a little over a year of treatment to get through. Right now I’m just trying to get used to having plastic in my mouth upwards of 22 hours a day and not being able to eat or drink as freely anymore. It’s a bit of a lifestyle change and kind of burdensome so far, but I’m sure as I start seeing my teeth improve, and especially once I see the end result, it’ll all be worth it

Fitness: So as long as I’m embarking on a physical improvement quest teeth-wise, I decided to get more serious about improving my body as well. I’ve never been a big girl or anything, but I could definitely stand to loose a few pounds and to tone up. So I’ve been doing so, mainly just by keeping up with the gym and/or cardio a couple of times a week and watching what I eat. I don’t believe in fad dieting…those weird diets where you eat only this or only that or paleo or no-carb or juicing only or anything weird like that. I love food and I don’t want to limit myself with ANY of it. But I just don’t go crazy. Moderation, portion control, and water…my 3 keys to success. Well, along with the gym…4 keys to success. So far, so good. I’ve lost a couple of pant sizes in recent weeks and people have commented here and there on my weight loss, so it’s clearly working. Invisalign is apparently going to be a big help being as you have to take the trays out to eat and brush and floss your teeth before putting them back in. As a result, random snacking is no easy task anymore.

Random Crushes: I’ve somehow managed to develop a bit of a crush on a direct subordinate of mine at work. I always thought he was hot, even before I was his boss. I would see him around from time to time but we had never had occasion to interact until I started working with him. Even after then he had always been pretty quiet around me and we never said much more to each other than was needed. And I thought he was engaged anyway. But recently…like, as recently as this past week…it seems like he has started to subtly flirt with me. It’s hard to tell, but I feel like he’s trying to. He has definitely started coming out of his shell around me. There’s a lot of playful back-and-forth banter. I’ve been careful to keep things pretty vanilla and not to cross any lines, but I can’t say that he doesn’t intrigue me the littlest bit. But I’m his superior. And while there’s no explicit rule against fraternization or anything like that at my job, any type of romance between us clearly wouldn’t be a good idea. Not only do I feel like it would be highly inappropriate, but I also wouldn’t want to open myself up to any allegations of sexual harassment or what have you. So I don’t say anything sexual or romantic or anything inappropriate to him whatsoever. It’s just some innocent teasing back and forth, like I do with a lot of people I work with and/or supervise. But I feel like we’re both TRYING to flirt with each other, but are both just being cautious, given the situation, and restraining ourselves. It’s weird. I’m going to be good, though. So many ways this could backfire.

Dating: It’d be nice to do that sometime. I can’t even remember the last time I went on a real date…as in going out and doing something fun with a guy I’m actually attracted to. The guys that want to take me out are always the ones I’m not romantically interested in (like Woody), and the guys I would want to date are always the ones that just want to keep things sexual (like Blaze). That’s literally the way it always is with me. So for once it’d be nice if the person that wants to take me out, and the person I’m attracted to, could be one and the same. I reinstated my Match.com account last week to see if I would have some luck there. I still had a couple of weeks left on a previous subscription. But as usual it appears to be a bust. Guys look at your profile repeatedly and/or send winks and/or send “likes,” but don’t say anything. And even if I wink back, they don’t say anything. Weird. My subscription expires the first week of January. I’ll try and keep it going until then. But ultimately, it’s just annoying.

In any case, I’m looking forward to 2014 being a good year for me. Come what may, I’m definitely going to be looking better at least.

Happy New Year

The carrot cake appears to have been a success. Monday night I got home from work and got down to business. It was between staying up really late or getting up really early, because the cakes would need plenty of time to cool before icing them. I opted to stay up late.

Here goes the recipe, by the way. I followed it to a tee, except I left out the pineapple since Pretty Ricky didn’t want it included. If it were up to me, I would’ve just left out the walnuts since I’m not a fan of nuts, but he wanted those and the cake was for him, so…

I was up until after 2 a.m. baking. The batter before the carrots are added gets extremely thick. Sasha warned me that it would, but I had no idea it’d feel like near-dry cement. I thought I’d fucked something up. But then I just added the carrots, raisins, and walnuts in and voila! I got this:

It was actually really pretty, with the mixture of colors. The recipe called for 55 to 60 minutes of baking, but mine were done after 40. I don’t know if using 9″ pans instead of 8″ pans had anything to do with that. I set them out to cool as I slept. I set my alarm for 5 a.m. to take out the butter and cream cheese. At 9 or so I got back up and got to work on the icing, which took no time. My icing skills aren’t the best, but the finished product looked decent.

The only thing is, I don’t have a cake carrier and I couldn’t find one anywhere. I guess those are hot yuletide items. What I did find was a large aluminum roast pan. So I ended up having to slice the cake up myself and lay the pieces in the pan platter style to transport it.

I tried a piece and it seemed decent, but it was hard for me to savor it with the nuts. I just wanted to make sure it was edible.

Pretty Ricky and I actually pulled into work at the same time. I brought the cake in to him and he tried it and loved it. The only thing is he wanted to lay it out somewhere for everyone to enjoy. Um, no. For one, I didn’t make it for everyone, I made it for you. For two, as it was my first time making it, I was self-conscious about it and wasn’t ready to expose it to the opinions and tastes of the masses. I thought he just didn’t like it and was just trying to get rid of it, but he said he just felt selfish keeping it to himself after several people saw us with it. Oh well. I put it in his car for him.

He did share a piece with the big boss, who said it was good. And after my supervisor heard about it she went scrounging for a piece, and he gave her one. She absolutely raved about it. The sides burned slightly from the butter on the pans and I thought that would take away from the taste, but according to her, that made it even better. She was still talking about it the next day so I guess it had to be good.

I asked Pretty Ricky the next day if he still had it or had given it all away and he said he’d definitely saved it and had a piece with some tea that morning. He said it’s even better refrigerated. He likes his cakes chilled.

So…mission accomplished. On a side note, Tuesday was the day of the funeral for Pretty Ricky’s friend’s daughter and so he had on a suit when he got in to work and looked absolutely yummy. He is just absolutely gorgeous.

I’m off for 5 days next week, so our dinner is supposed to be on one of them. We’ll see. I texted him a Happy New Year at 4 a.m. yesterday. He answered and we sent a few texts back and forth.

As far as the new year goes, I had to work on NYE so I didn’t get to have as much fun as everyone else, but I did see some pretty cool fireworks.

After work I belatedly celebrated at home with a shot of vodka and a mojito wine cooler. I resolved to be better with money, to drink more responsibly (i.e. in moderation), and to stay away from asshole men (and married ones).