And There Goes That

Well we can certainly go ahead and call the Adam situation at this point: it’s going to be a gigantic bust. A Category 5 disaster, really. As of around 7:30 this evening, to be exact. Fitting that I wrote about him just a week ago in the spirit of cautious optimism and now here I am 7 days later. Oh, the circle of life!

In the last week, contact had remained sporadic and evolved into pretty much me being the sole initiator eventually. That did make me a feel a certain type of way, but in the spirit of trying to be “understanding” to his hectic life and NOT to seem clingy or unable to deal, I didn’t press matters. I knew he had finals coming up next week so I resolved to suck it up and hold off on pressuring him in any way to see if things change after then.

We talked very little Monday. Not at all Tuesday. I sent him just an emoji last night which he never responded to.

Until tonight.

My friend Manny had invited me to join him out after work for happy hour at a wine bar where I met up with him and partook in a couple of glasses of wine. My phone battery was low so I gave it to the bartender to charge behind the bar for about 40 minutes or so. When I got it back, I had a text from Adam that had come through about 30 minutes before: “Hi [Lousy Minx]”

I could tell just by the random formality of it, with him saying my name and all, what was coming.

Cue a litany of proverbial kicks to the gut: He’s just not that into it. His mind just doesn’t turn to me when he has a spare moment [and actually, that is one of the most hurtful, but patently articulate explanations of plainly not being into someone that I have ever heard; it illustrates lack of interest very plainly]. He’s not seeing us becoming much.

Wow. Okay. I was pretty stunned just with the suddenness with which it all came, but I couldn’t really say I was 100% surprised. The spare moment remark hit the nail on the head and it’s something I’ve always known in a general sense – no one is ever THAT busy that they don’t have time to reach out to someone throughout the day if they’re into that person. Modern technology has rendered that virtually impossible. I wasn’t hearing from him because he wasn’t thinking about me. That’s it. Again, super hurtful to hear, but true.

That was all pretty bad, yet it was still generally stuff I can take in stride although I might not like hearing it. But when he remarked that our lack of doing anything together made his interest wane, I got kind of ticked off.

We hadn’t done anything together lately  because he said he was too busy to, but then he blames us not doing anything together for his interest dissipating? That doesn’t make any sense and though I didn’t really like anything about his diatribe, I liked that part the least of all.

So at that point I said a few choice things about the timing of this…after he gets in my pants, of course. He didn’t like me “making it seem like there’s malice on his part” and took me as starting to insult him, so said he was done here. He said that this is why guys don’t want to broach the subject in the first place and just “fade away.”

Yeah, that’s probably true. People tend to want to avoid confrontation, but it’s not like you are excused from someone else’s feedback about the bad news you’re telling them just because you are being an honest (i.e. decent) person. Communication is a two-way process. Thanks for stepping up, but no, I’m not going to be happy either way. It’s just easier for me to swallow when I “know” as opposed to not knowing so earnestness is always appreciated.

When he got tired of me “painting him as a villain for being honest” he decided he was definitely done. At that point, having had the mood with Manny soured and wanting to get the hell out of dodge, I left the bar and walked to my car where I decided to try to call Adam to have an actual conversation. My intent was honestly to try to sort things out with actual verbal communication as we had become kind of heated with each other obviously and I wanted to try to backtrack a little. Two things were for sure: I’m PMSing and was slightly buzzed. So I’m a little more sensitive and emotional than normal and it’s not translating well through text.

Well that didn’t turn out to be a good idea because he refused to answer and so it just made me more pissed and I asked him to answer through text and called him several more times hoping he would do so. And I got a  little ignorant through text when he wouldn’t with childish insults about his bedroom skills and how he isn’t as big as he thinks he is – bratty tantrum behavior. Of course none of it got me anywhere besides him eventually blocking my number. And on Facebook, though I hadn’t tried through there. I just figured that was the next logical step so I checked and was right on the money.

I get it…I acted out. I can handle being kicked to the curb but sometimes I just need to vent and I don’t take being ignored that well and act like a semi-crazy bitch for a little bit. It tends to be more about getting ANY kind of reaction when I am being blatantly ignored. Maybe I am crazy…I don’t know.

So there goes that. Down in flames, per the norm. I couldn’t even contact him now if I wanted to, so I’m actually kind of glad he blocked me because there’s no point in me even being tempted to try in the future. After taking a few minutes to let my emotions settle, I did resort to my last option: Bumble. We’re still matched on there. I sent him a few choice messages to somewhat apologize and somewhat try to explain my mindset. It won’t help matters at all but I just wanted to say what I wanted to say.

We’re still matched as of now so I can only assume he hasn’t gotten them for some reason; otherwise I don’t know why he hasn’t blocked me there too. Maybe he ended up throwing his phone out of a window or setting it on fire to be rid of me.

I’m not really sure how I feel about this all yet. Generally okay. I was hopeful about Adam and it always sucks to be the rejectee, but I haven’t cried or anything and don’t really  feel like feeling that sorry for myself about it. It is what it is. I already know where we went wrong: it was my whole vacation week where sex somehow became the primary focus of everything. It veered us off the promising path we had been on and it happened too soon and we had nowhere to go from there.

I don’t really think there are specific rules about sex. I’ve had guys I’ve slept with pretty quickly both be into me and not be into me. Every situation is different. But Adam did make a good point when I hinted at feeling used. He said that one of the detriments of sleeping with a guy too early is that you really don’t know at that point if you two REALLY have a shot of making it at that point either way.  The meaning being that the sex can’t necessarily be said to be a source of causation of the implosion – you just might not have made it anyway. So I can’t really say if he used me or not…maybe it was just not mean to be. I thought that was actually kind of profound.

And in thinking about other aspects of an early sex entrance into things, another hindrance to that whole course of action is that sex has a tendency to cloud how you may actually feel about someone. There are chemicals released during sex whose functions in part are literally to make you feel closer to your partner, for evolutionary “continuance of the human race” reasons and all that good stuff. To that end, it just naturally feels extra jacked up when someone gives you the heave ho after you’ve slept with him.

It’s hard to predict after a mere two weeks whether something has a shot. I guess my problem is  that I tend to rely on what I feel is quality of a connection vs. quantity of a connection. In other words, the amount of time I’ve known someone doesn’t feel as important as how often we are speaking during that time and how much of a vibe we seem to have. At the end of the day, I think I am good at “acting” extroverted out of necessity, but am actually an introvert. I’m a loner by nature and generally feel like I have a harder time feeling the need to want to be connected to begin with and then on top of that feeling an interest in a particular person. So when someone inspires me like that in any way, it tends to feel significant.

So here I am, still single. I think I’m going to take some time to reflect and lose 10 pounds or something.


And The Others…

Well there’s Scout, and then there are all the rest of them…

The Wiley situation isn’t quite deceased yet, but it is on life support. His birthday was actually that same week after we had our minor tiff. I oscillated mentally between whether I wanted to wish him a happy birthday or not but in the end I decided it’d be rude of me not to, so I did. He thanked me and that was the extent of that conversation.

A few days after that, after I’d gotten his birthday gift prettily boxed, I took a picture of it and texted it to him, to which he did not respond. That was discouraging, but no worries, because the things I got are not so much for him as they are for “us”…I figured it was way too early and we were way too much of a malleable thing for me to get him something personal, but I did want to acknowledge his birthday with something tangible being as at least at the time, the situation seemed semi-promising. But in the event that it suddenly did go south I didn’t want to be stuck with an abandoned gift that was too personalized to give to anyone else, so this is naughty stuff I can use with anyone. And when he didn’t answer I figured that’d probably end up being the case.

I gave it another whirl the Sunday before last. I realized that that past weekend he would’ve been busy with the then-upcoming Republican National Convention, and that that Monday started the Democratic National Convention, so I’m sure he was still embroiled in a whirlwind of political mayhem, but I wanted to at least maintain the lines of communication…to at least make an effort on my end not to let it “die by neglect,” as he had remarked once. So I simply texted him saying I hope all is well. Nothing again.

Blah. At that point, with 2 non-responses in the bucket over the course of a week I figured the writing was on the wall – we’re done. And I wasn’t really that sad about it. It is what it is…I liked him, but we hadn’t had the chance to really heat up to the point where his exit would cause me any significant distress. It was more of in the sense that I really don’t like to lose at anything.

Yet Wiley once again randomly quelled all suspicions and fears when he texted me out of the blue that Monday night with a picture of what I assume was his view of Michelle Obama at the Democratic National Convention. I sent a smiley back, figuring he probably wouldn’t respond that night given his obvious location. I was hoping maybe he would on Tuesday, but nope. Later in the week with nothing better to do, I took a quick selfie of me lying in bed (PG-13ish) and sent it to him. Nothing as of yet. The conventions are long over, so at this point I have no idea.

Making the effort to reach out with the picture demonstrated that he was making an valiant effort to stay on the radar – or so I thought. As we haven’t talked in a couple of weeks I’m not exactly sure what his schedule was supposed to be post-conventions. He’d mentioned vacations and family activities up until the second week of August, so I guess we’ll see when the time comes if I hear from him or not.

In other news, I seemed to have caught a coworker’s interest as a result of some drunken antics some weeks back when I made some alcohol-induced romantic overtures and thus opened a door I’m not sure I really wanted to open. I’ve known Manny for a while as a colleague. He’s nice and I guess I’d say attractive though not exactly swoon-worthy, but I don’t really feel a strong romantic interest. He’s trying though. He invited me to go to a wine festival with him 3 Sundays ago, and when we talked about it the day before I said I was in, but I didn’t really want him monopolizing my whole Sunday so I feigned illness early the next morning. Mean – I know. Since then he has offered to cook me dinner via text and I’ve seen him out and he’s mentioned going out to dinner and all that. This past Saturday he texted asking if I wanted to plan something for Sunday, but I blew him off and said maybe next week. He didn’t answer. Eh.

Let’s see…Elliot and I have been moderately communicative lately. I hadn’t talked to him for a while when several weeks ago he texted me about something work-related and from there somehow over the course of some days we delved into sexual territory. And I’d say over the course of the weeks since then we’ve spoken about a litany of subjects – a lot of work and politics – and that he seems generally like he’s making a moderate effort to not be so wishy-washy with his responses. He still sometimes drops off the face of the earth during a conversation, but there were a couple of times he actually seemed apologetic about not answering due to work and what not. So it’s a mix, but I do generally think we’ve reached a happy medium where it’s clear we are attracted to each other but I guess with his girlfriend or whatever is going on there, nothing’s going to happen on that front at this time. But I really like talking to him and we mesh very well in our political and general philosophies so I’m satisfied with having him as a sounding board of sorts when I want to talk about certain things.

I actually happened to see him in passing at work last week (Monday), which was the first time we’d crossed paths since the Memorial Day 5K we ran. I had to retrieve something from my car in the garage, but ran into someone else I know right outside the door of the building and was making idle chit chat when Elliot comes out with some other coworkers. He saw me and greeted me and then went on his way. But then it turned out that the area where my car was actually an area he was venturing to as well; when I saw him down that way again with his crew I made sure to play it smooth and not even acknowledge him again or look in his direction. When I got what I needed and was walking off, he made a point of saying something to me and sucking me into conversation with he and the other coworkers for a couple of minutes. And hence I was glad I wore a cute dress to work that day and generally looked pretty hot – for exactly potential moments like those.

What’s interesting is that there is a work conference coming up in two weeks that he and I will both be in attendance at, among other colleagues and other general industry professionals. It involves several nights of a hotel stay, so we shall see if any new developments arise from that.

There had been little-to-no activity on the Tinder front lately on my part, but I’ve done some swiping recently. I had turned off all notifications from pushing through to my phone because they were annoying me, so I had no idea when people were writing to me back or when I was getting matches or what have you until I took the time to open the app. I lost a few people from the neglect, but whatevs. I turned notifications for messages back on at least for now, until it starts irritating me again. Taking it with a grain of salt, as usual.

There was one recent blast from the past that popped up out of the blue. He was a Navy sailor I matched with around the middle of last summer when I went to Virginia Beach the first time, but we didn’t start talking until after I had left already. But we seemed to connect and he was the front-runner there for a little bit, to the point where when he deployed he gave me his ship email address and we exchanged emails for a little while until his contact started getting more and more sporadic. I called him on it and he seemed to give some BS excuse so I wrote him off. He reestablished contact at some point while I was already Reed-crazy, but when I told him the deal he shoved off again. I hit him up after the disaster that was Japan to kind of test the waters but he didn’t seem very interested. Oh well.

Last week I got a text from a random number and it was him. He was disappointed  when he found that I didn’t have his number in my phone any longer. Why would I? I’m not in the habit of keeping phone numbers in my phone for the sake of having them if I don’t expect to talk to someone again – double that for someone I’ve never even met. He said he had just been going through his contacts when my name popped up and he wanted to say hi. His real intention seemed to be letting me know that he’d be in my neck of the woods later this year. Cordial conversation, but I wasn’t really that eager. I wasn’t rude or terse, but I didn’t go out of my way to be particularly flirtatious and perhaps he picked up on that because I haven’t heard from him since even though the conversation was left pretty open-ended. I did add him back to my contacts though.

This guy Chester and I still talk sporadically. Despite our humble Tinder beginnings never translating into nothing much beyond a few hookups, we’ve remained in contact and are maybe even sort of friends. He mostly only texts me when he seems to be in a randy sort of mood, but here and there he will make normal innocuous contact to check up on me. I actually would hook up with him again if he wanted to make the effort to plan a night instead of his pattern of impromptu hinting or overt requests for me to come over. He lives 40 minutes from me, so I’m never really keen on putting in that much effort for just an old-news hookup.

Then there’s a guy from work who has come sniffing around out of the blue just yesterday. I met him last week at an evening work event – don’t recall ever seeing him before prior to that. I was sitting at a table talking to an acquaintance and he sat down to converse with said acquaintance as well. But when he first sat down I picked up on the several glances he shot my way in that whole looking-but-trying-not-to-be-obvious sort of way. We made idle chit chat as a trio and then as more people sat and joined off an on; I thought he was pretty cute and interesting but he mentioned a girlfriend so I didn’t think much of it.

Well he emailed me out of the blue at work yesterday, ostensibly about a work matter but it was an obviously thinly-veiled attempt to speak to me as there was really no point to his email. I thought it was cute though. Even more so when after a few exchanges of pleasantries he found a reason to slip his phone number in under the guise of being able to get me on the field for an NFL practice. I texted him to tell him I appreciate it but I wouldn’t be able to make it that night.

His response was that he would have to find out another way for us to run into each other. He proceeded to ask what my schedule was and where exactly my office is; he was working in the evening but wanted to stop by beforehand. He did text me later to do so but by the time I answered 5 minutes later he was already occupied. But he continued texting me throughout the evening  and even surprised me with a phone call which resulted in a 35-minute conversation. He said he’d swing by today in the afternoon. We shall see. He’s obviously interested…but in what is a mystery because he definitely said he had a girlfriend last week. So…

Then there’s yet ANOTHER guy who I’ve been Facebook friends with for a while due to being in the same profession and having mutual friends, but had actually never met until several weeks ago. He has been displaying a lot of interest in recent weeks with messages and conversations. He lives not far from me and was supposed to cook me dinner one night and I was all for it until a genuine last-minute schedule change caused me to have to reschedule. We’ve so far not been able to align our schedules up for another try, but he gets points for bringing me McDonald’s hangover food one Sunday several weeks ago when Carly and I crashed in my living room from the night before. Seems attractive, I guess. Maybe worth exploring.

Who knows…