Change of Heart

So as it turns out, resisting my drunken inclination to have sex with Jersey was a wise choice. I bit the bullet and texted him last night just to see where his head was at. He said he’d had a hangover all day and felt like shit at work. I asked him if he was glad that we didn’t do what we wanted to do, and he remarked that it would’ve been fun. I agreed. I asked if he was done with his random curiosity, and he said he had to see what happens with the girlfriend first.

So in other words, we would’ve had sex then he would’ve realized it was a mistake and while I naturally would’ve tried to forge some type of friendship with a guy who’s been inside of my body, he would’ve pushed me away and seeing him at work would be weird and possibly irritating or hurtful and that would’ve sucked for me. And if it sucked for me, I’d possibly make it suck for him too.

And thus we see how, with even the slightest utilization of forethought and restraint, bad situations can be avoided. I’m typically not one for either of these concepts, which is likely why I have so many problems with men as it is.

I’m not mad at Jersey. It’ll be slightly weird seeing him again at work or wherever for the first time, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s water under the bridge. It was a good time, but I don’t have any real interest in him, which is a good thing…otherwise I might be hurt right now.

My only concern now is whether or not he can keep what happened to himself. Given that he does have his girlfriend and she hangs out with us from time to time, I would think it’d be in his best interest not to go around running his mouth about what happened. But Lord knows no one’s mouth runs as quickly as a man’s when it comes to sexual activity. I’m discreet and I don’t like people in my business unless I invite them into it myself. I especially don’t want people I work with in my business. Everyone knows men just love to brag though.

In other news, last night’s party was wack. It was thrown by a couple of guys from the job who throw parties from time to time. I’ve enjoyed their parties in the past, but I think I’ve outgrown them. I took Sasha, one of my best friends that I’ve known since college, and I’m glad she was there because otherwise I would’ve sat around alone with no one to talk to being as I wasn’t interested in speaking to or hanging around most of the people there that I know besides exchanging polite greetings. It was a lot of people from the job, naturally.

None of the coworker friends that I’d asked beforehand were going, but I figured that at least one or two people that I like would show up and I’d have some fun. As it turns out, that wasn’t the case. It was a bunch of guys I’d never do, a couple of people I’m cool with but not really friends enough with to hang out with, several women I know who I know don’t care for me and whom I couldn’t give one fuck about if my life depended on it, people I know or know of and are indifferent about, and then a bunch of people I didn’t know. So me and Sasha spent most of the night sitting by ourselves.

One interesting occurrence was the presence of an ex of mine – Mr. Smooth. When I mentioned that I haven’t had good sex in over 2 years? Mr. Smooth would be the person with whom that good sex was had. But like all my romances, it was short-lived. We were dealing for a few months then he shut down and we fell out and shortly thereafter he found himself some basic looking woman to drag around, and whom he’s still dragging around to this very day, judging from various Facebook pictures I’ve seen. Until a couple of months ago, I hadn’t spoken to Mr. Smooth since November 2010. I only broke the silence to wish him a happy retirement and to say I’m sorry that we couldn’t get along better. Much to my amazement, he actually responded to thank me.

He walked in last night and I give Sasha the lowdown on the situation. Strangely, his basic chick wasn’t in attendance. Sasha remarks a couple times on how he looks over at me like he wants to say something to me. I certainly wasn’t going to initiate contact with him though, because I don’t have anything to say to him. I’m completely indifferent to his existence now, which is perfect. It was a big venue, and thus plenty of room for me to keep my distance.

But…because my life is my life, of course it wouldn’t exactly happen like that. Shortly after he got there, he got into line to get a drink. The one drink line, might I add. Big ass party and only one area set up for drinks, which was annoying. Anyway, I had just finished a drink and wanted another one. But when I look at the line and see him right at the back of it, I say fuck it and told Sasha I’d just wait. But then I say fuck THAT because I wasn’t going to let his presence dictate my activities. So I got in line right behind him. I couldn’t help but to notice that his upper body is looking slightly more fit. Be that as it may, I was successfully able to navigate through the line with him standing about a foot in front of me without issue. He got his drink and went on his way; I got my drink and went on my way.

I finish that drink after a little while and get in line again. And right at that moment, who comes sauntering up the steps from the bottom level to get another drink? Mr. Smooth, of course. Now he’s behind me. And this time, I eventually had to end up addressing him, which was awkward. Twice. The straws were for some reason kept not at the main drink table, but on a second table to the side of it, which is behind you and to the right once you get your drink. So naturally, when I turn around to reach for a straw, whose body is right there blocking my way? Mr. Smooth’s. I said a polite “Excuse me” without bothering with eye contact, and he moved. Then I had to excuse myself past him again to squeeze through the line and back out to the floor. That time, even though I wasn’t looking directly at him, I could see out of my peripheral vision that he was looking down in my direction and his head followed me as I squeezed past. I’ll never know exactly what he was looking at though…either my drink, my face, or my cleavage. One of life’s unsolvable mysteries.

Exes are stupid.

Jersey Boy

Last night after work (Thursday), I hit the bar with some friends/coworkers. One particular coworker – Jersey – was in attendance, and although some random chemistry had been sparking between us lately, I never would’ve thought we’d end up making out in my car at the break of dawn.

I’ve known and worked with Jersey for about 8 months now. I’ve always considered him attractive – he’s tall and muscular with some deep, dark eyes and a nice smile – but I’ve never really thought of him like that. We see each other at work regularly and I’ve hung out with him from time to time in group settings and in general we’ve always been friendly with each other, but that’s about it.

He has a girlfriend that he’s been with for several years and he’s brought her around a few times. She’s cute but has never been particularly friendly with me or any of my other coworkers. And judging from several stories I’ve heard about their relationship, she seems to be a jealous, controlling bitch. He has a good guy friend that he brings out from time to time as well, along with the girlfriend, and it’s remarkable how much time the guy friend and the girlfriend spend talking to each other and seemingly flirting with each other. Jersey seems like a blatant third wheel sometimes amongst the three of them, so much so that it becomes awkward for me and my coworkers. I commented on this circumstance to Jersey once, asking him why his girlfriend spends more time talking to his friend than to him, and he replied in so many words that they’ve been together so long that there’s really nothing else they have to talk about. Yeah…that can’t be good.

The first time I remember Jersey blatantly flirting with me was in April, when we were at a bar with some other people. His girlfriend was out too, but had left for a little bit to go to some other bar with another girl. I had on a low cut dress and Jersey commented on my boobs several times. But that was it. Nothing major, but I was just a little taken aback because it came out of nowhere. I attributed it to alcohol consumption and didn’t think much more of it.

This past Monday night I went out with some coworkers and he was there. I was nowhere near spectacularly dressed – I had on a plain, baggy white t-shirt – but this time the flirting became much more blatant. More of the boob comments and things like that. But again, he was completely intoxicated and so I wasn’t sure whether or not to take him seriously. But that was the first time I started to realize that he might be seriously attracted to me and that I might be attracted to him as well.

So last night we’re all out and as we got progressively drunker, the flirting heated up again. I’ll admit, I kind of initiated it just to see if Monday night was just an anomaly, or if he really was attracted to me. Like true alcoholics, we weren’t ready to stop drinking once the bars closed, so people bought some 6-packs and we went down the street to a park and continued there. Jersey progressively got more expressive and touchy feely, discreetly (or maybe not) grabbing my ass here and there. We actually did have a real conversation between all the flirting and touching, but I can’t remember what it was about due to the alcohol.

As dawn approached (yes, we were out THAT long), we finally got it into our heads that it was time to hang it up for the night. Several people had left along the way, but there was still me, Jersey, and 4 other people. It was 5 a.m. by this time. I said goodbye to everybody and Jersey did as well and he walked me to my car, which was a mere 20 yards away from everybody else.

He asked me if I wanted to come back to his place with him (he lives with the girlfriend, but she’s out of town for the week). I told him I didn’t know about all that, then I asked him to sit in my car with we and we’d talk about it. Talk about it as in make out, which started immediately. He’s a good kisser. Nice soft lips. Tender. Sweet. It was like a Lifetime movie, only he didn’t cheat on me or beat me or kill me. He started kissing my neck and then he sucked on it really hard. I didn’t remember that until literally just now as I was writing it. I went to the mirror to check and there’s a faint hickey there. Not obvious, which is good. The next thing I knew, his hands were in my shirt unhooking my bra and then his lips were on my nipples. Then he was guiding my hand to his lap and he was rock hard and not too shabby in terms of size. Yum.

He wanted me to come back to his place with him, but I declined. For one, it’s my time of the month, although the tail end of it. Secondly, I didn’t wanna do the whole drunken sex thing. Not with him. It’s one thing to engage in a one night stand with someone you never have to see again, but it’s a completely different thing to engage in a one night stand with someone you have to see at work all the time. Who has a girlfriend. Who could potentially run his mouth. I completely wanted to have sex with him, but I knew deep down that it wouldn’t lead to anything good.

We talked about all that, then kissed again and again and again. I had a party to go to tonight, so I suggested that we get together tomorrow night. His girlfriend’s not going to be back until Sunday. We exchanged numbers and I told him we should talk when we’re sober. He said something about making love. I’m not quite sure it’d be that.

Shortly after I got home, he sent me a text: “I want you”. I replied “I know :-)”. Then I fell into a wonderful drunken slumber.

I’m home from the party now. I started texting him a couple of hours ago while I was at it just to feel him out a little. It would appear his random infatuation was completely liquor induced.