Wrapping Up

I had a Tinder date yesterday afternoon. This guy was kind enough to drive to a Starbucks that was significantly closer to me than it was to him where we engaged in about 45 minutes of conversation over beverages.

He was pleasant and the conversation flowed easily enough, but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that I was not at all physically attracted to him and never would be. And that was all she wrote.

He looked decent enough in his Tinder pictures – boyishly cute at least, even if not necessarily handsome – but he did text me a freshly taken one the other night that was a little borderline. Be that as it may, as I don’t consider myself particularly photogenic, I recognize that other people also may not be so I try not to write people off right away based on inconclusive photos. So when he asked to meet yesterday I said what the hell and gave it a whirl.

It’s actually the same exact way I felt about Dusty. He looked decent in his photos, but I had trouble deciding if I really thought he was cute or not. But since we clicked so well I gave him a shot and while he actually wasn’t, like, strikingly handsome or anything, he turned out to be cute and I was attracted to him overall.

This guy…not so much. He was in fact not cute at all. Which is not necessarily the end of the world in itself. He did have pretty blue eyes. But on top of not being particularly attractive in the face, his teeth were pretty atrocious. Besides some of them being crooked and/or misshapen, they were a pretty noticeable shade of yellow. Like, a dingy yellow bordering on brown. Mustard colored. There were even some tiny specks of actual brown here and there. Just…gross looking. He didn’t seem to be a smoker but he said he used to drink a lot of coffee.

Not quite, but close!
Not quite, but close!

So, call me shallow, but those teeth just weren’t going to work for me. And I myself spent the majority of my life with imperfect teeth so maybe I’m the last person that should be so picky about them. But then again, as I’ve spent over $5,000 and the last year of my life on Invisalign to correct mine, maybe I do feel a little entitled. I don’t know. But whatever imperfections I may have had, my teeth have never been just straight yellow. Yuck.

So…no. This was a definite no-go from the start. But he drove for quite a bit to meet and just because I didn’t feel any attraction to him doesn’t necessitate any rudeness on my part, so I put forth the effort to get to know him for the sake of conversation.

When it was time to leave he walked me to my car, we hugged, and he said he’d like to see me again soon. He hasn’t texted or called since so for all I know I might not have been his cup of tea either. Which would be just fine with me. In fact, I HOPE that’s the case.

Anyway…here we are on the cusp of 2015. Another year gone by and while I’m not exactly where I want to be in life just yet, I’d say I had a good 2014 overall. Job-wise, I made out okay. If I put my mind to it and hustle, I can move up by the end of 2015.

Me-wise…I’m happy with myself. I lost some extra poundage that had snuck up on me over the past several years and have stayed in the gym regularly and I’m loving my body at this point. I want to lose 10 more, but I’ve been wanting that for the past 6 months or so. I’ll get around to it one of these days. As mentioned, my Invisalign has worked wonders and the skyrocketing smile compliments and noticeable improvement to my appearance have been well worth the money and energy. I feel beautiful, and I feel confident. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt like that to this extent.

Romance-wise…eh. I’m still in the same place I was at this time a year ago: chronically single. It’d be nice for that not to be the case one of these days, but one other thing that added confidence has given me is the strength to be less inclined to put up with anyone’s BS and to remain firm in steadfastly refusing to settle for anyone who isn’t absolutely right for me.

My only real “resolution” is to leave all the nonsense from 2014 IN 2014. And that includes certain people.

Like Robbie. Haven’t spoken to him since December 12th and I don’t care to. Haven’t had any more contact with his (ex?) girlfriend and I don’t care to.

Like JP. Haven’t spoken to him since November when I wished him a happy birthday. Which he didn’t bother to answer. As of my latest Facebook stalking endeavors last week or whenever, he and LMDP still seem to be going strong. I guess I was wrong about my 90-day deadline, as well as my ballpark end-of-the-year estimate. And…I don’t really care. Why be worried about some Tinder guy who led me on and stood me up and who I’ve never even met? At the end of the day, given what I know and feel about LMDP, if that’s the kind of girl who makes him instantly fall head over heels, that just goes to show that he and I were ultimately completely unsuited for each other. She and I are opposites. So if that’s what’s floating his boat, then he and I most likely wouldn’t have worked.

Like Blaze. Who, since our episode back in early December, has been sniffing around wanting to hang out here and there. But I know he’s really only after one thing and it doesn’t interest me in the least at this juncture. He’s not offering anything substantial and I’m not interested in whatever he is offering.

Moving forward, moving on…

So Many Antics…

…so little time.

The last couple of months have been more of the same. Nothing spectacular, nothing horrible. Just the status quo.

I had my first and thus far only Tinder date back in late May. There was one particular guy I had been messaging with on there for a couple of weeks off and on and he asked me to meet him for drinks. I met him at an upscale hotel bar he suggested and we conversed over drinks for 3 hours until it closed. He was nice looking and seemed very smart but I wasn’t overly attracted to him. Not that I wasn’t attracted to him at all, but only in an indifferent, take-it-or-leave it kind of way as opposed to in a I-gotta-have-him kind of way.

He was a gentleman and walked me several blocks to my car afterward. We hugged and he said he wanted to hang out again and we exchanged phone numbers. He asked me to text him once I got home and I did. He wished me a good night and then I didn’t hear from him for several days. He texted me on a Saturday asking me if I wanted to go on a bicycle ride with him the next day, but I wasn’t able to. I said I’d be up for something else, but I never heard back from him.

And Tinder remains Tinder. It’s nothing I’m taking too seriously. There is one guy I’ve been messaging with for about a month now, but he lives several states away. Not particularly my type anyway, but he’s great to talk to. Otherwise, not much going on there.

The bar scene has been more of the same too. It’s never hard for me to meet guys that way, but those encounters seem to only lead to one-night stands. Fun, but not particularly satisfying.

And alas, I’m back to Match.com. I decided to resurrect my profile with fresh pictures and a few profile tweaks and I’ve been getting a lot more attention than I ever have. Not only online, but in person as well. I guess I owe it to losing a few pounds and Invisalign. Anyway, I’m trying to give Match.com a valid chance this time, and so far it hasn’t been too bad.

There’s one guy in particular that might have some potential. He  messaged me on Monday and between then and Tuesday we exchanged dozens of messages. He looks cute in his photos and we clicked pretty immediately through mutual sarcastic banter. He did express some concern over the fact that we live about 45 minutes from each other, but other than that we had obvious chemistry. I like the way he writes (spelling and grammar wise), he’s tall, he’s gainfully employed in an interesting profession, and he’s funny. On Wednesday morning he said he was off to visit his home state for a few days and wouldn’t be on so much over the next few days, so he wasn’t “sure where this will go.” That didn’t sound particularly encouraging to me, so I just told him to have a good time and that if he’s lucky, no one else will sweep me off my feet while he’s gone.

I wasn’t so sure I’d hear from him again, but then late Wednesday night I got a message from him asking if I miss him yet and declaring that that would’ve been a drunken text message if he had my phone number. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to hint that he wanted my number or not, so I played it safe and responded jokingly, but didn’t offer my number. I expected he would respond to that somehow yesterday, but he never did even though he’d been online. Then last night after having a couple of drinks myself, I tipsily messaged him and bit the bullet and gave him my number. But then I noticed he’s been online again since I’ve sent it and still no return message. Or maybe since he has my number now, he’s going to reply via phone eventually. I have no idea. We will see. If not, there are definitely plenty of fish in the sea.

For instance: I was walking into a convenience store at work the other day and right behind me came a guy I know of from work but who I’ve never actually met. And I know of him because I’m chummy with his child’s mom, who I hung out with a few times in years past, but I’ve not talked to her in a while. He makes a beeline straight for me and starts talking to me. He knew who I was because he said his child’s mom had mentioned me from time to time, and he made a point to let me know they’re not together. We started talking about fitness and the gym and he said we could go together sometime and then pulled the infamous “How will I get in contact with you?” which resulted in us exchanging numbers. What was most interesting about that was that he walked right back out of the store after we finished up. So…he didn’t come in there to buy anything, but had obviously seen me walking in and came in there just to talk to me. I thought that was kind of cute. He’s not my usual type, but he’s pretty good looking.

Zach is once again completely out of the picture. He’s an asshole. As usual, he wasn’t happy with the fact that I wasn’t overly eager to hook up with him and starting talking shit about finding God and wanting to lead a better life and all this nonsense. It turns out, like with all his previous sudden personality changes, that he met a very religious girl or something, and that’s really the cause of his sudden spiritual epiphany. Yawn. We went our separate ways several weeks ago. He said he was going to delete my number and get his changed and all this and that and I gave not one damn. Yet one night last week I get a late night text and gee, look who it is: Zach. “I’m sorry,” and “Do you miss me?” (NO) and all that jazz. I gave him the cold shoulder and he got the point.

Redd and I haven’t spoken in a week. He’d been texting me sporadically to tell me know how much he’s thinking about me and wants me. He was supposed to come over one Saturday night after work but I never heard from him and I didn’t press the issue because I had a feeling this visit would not occur anyway so I went out. He told me later that he came home and passed out. Whatever. He supposedly thinks about me all the time but the one sacred chance he would’ve had to come see me when his girl is away, he squanders. Right. He apologized and I let that one go. But then he asked me to come over last Friday night because his girlfriend was going back home for the weekend. I already had plans for the night so I asked if Saturday would work. He answered “Let me see how tonight goes.” Um…okay? So again, you miss me so much and want to see me so badly, yet once again when you have the rare opportunity you don’t seem to be interested in making it a priority. I told him as much and we haven’t spoken since.

And that was all she wrote…

Onward to 2014

2013 has been a decent year for me, I guess. Not particularly terrible and not really spectacular, but decent. I achieved a fair amount of success in my career and I went on 2 awesome vacations. Those are pretty much the highlights. In between was lots of alcohol, fun times with my friends, some boys, and a little bit of sex here and there. That’s sufficient, I guess.

But as 2013 starts winding down and 2014 looms just over the horizon, I’m going to play catch-up and take stock of what I have going on now, what I’ll be leaving behind in 2013, and what I’ll be looking forward to in 2014:

Blaze: I’ve managed to calm my feelings down. He actually came over really early in the morning (like, around dawn) last Saturday. I gave him what he wanted and he left. Same ol’, same ol’. That’s all it is with him and that’s more than likely all it’ll ever be. He’s told me that in so many words and most importantly, he has SHOWN me that with his actions, so in the end he’s completely faultless in any kind of resentment I may ever feel regarding the situation because he has been the exact same since I met him. He has never made false promises or strung me along or led me to believe that he wants anything more from me than what he asks for. I can appreciate that. I wished him a Merry Christmas but he didn’t respond. Blah. I’m going to try to let it go. REALLY try. That’s all I can do. This is not by any means a fulfilling or satisfying situation for me, for many reasons. If my history with men is any indication, I’ll have completely forgotten about him in a couple of months and be going about my merry business, and suddenly he’ll come back out of nowhere and actually want to date me or something. But I’ll be irrevocably uninterested in him by that point. That’s how it always goes with me. They never want me when I want them…only when I’m long over them and completely not attracted to them anymore do they somehow manage to always start sniffing around again. It’s like a special superpower that men have.

Domino: We rarely ever talk anymore. I wished him a Merry Christmas and he wished me one back, but that’s about it. It’s been extremely intermittent contact since he moved to his new position at work and has claimed to be working a lot and busy all the time and this and that. And that may be true, but I know when I’m being blown off. People make time for who/what they want to make time for. I’ve been around long enough to know that when a guy keeps telling you he’s busy, what he really means is that he’s too busy for YOU. I was browsing Facebook last night and saw some pictures he was tagged in by someone I think is his sister, and one of them featured him and some random girl posing together. I can’t help but to think it’s probably a romantic interest of his. Not something I’m going to loose sleep over though…it is what it is. We had our fun and it just kind of fizzled out.

Goodbyes: I’m losing a good friend. Actually, I lost him about 6 weeks ago. I live in the house of a good guy friend of mine that I’ve known and trusted for over 5 years. It was smooth sailing until he started dating this girl late in the summer and before I knew it, she was basically living here. I wasn’t exactly pleased with that because it wasn’t the situation I had originally moved into, but more than that, I just never got a good vibe from her. We got along okay in the beginning, but I just never really took to her like that. And quite frankly, I just didn’t, and still don’t, feel like she is for him. He happened to inform me one night of some negative comments she had made to him about me, I ended up getting into it with them both, and it was all downhill from there. Basically, she made him “choose” between her and me, and he chose her. So the last 6 weeks have been like living in hell. I’ve felt unwelcome and awkward at home and it has made me really hurt and angry. And as the confrontational person that I am, I have not been shy with either about them about the way I feel. Ultimately, I think it’s sad that a girl that claims to care about him would purposely seek to alienate him from what she knows was a good, longstanding friendship of his, and even sadder that he obviously felt that his little 5-month relationship was more important than this same longstanding friendship. In any case, I’ll be out of here next week and I cannot WAIT. I wish them both the best. Eh…actually they can both go to Hell, really. He already knows that once I’m out, we’re done. I would never want to reestablish a friendship with someone who would treat me like that. Screw it.

New Beginnings: I scored a nice new place with my friend, Sarah. I was hesitant at first because she’s had some financial issues in the past and I wasn’t sure about moving in with yet ANOTHER friend who, if history is any indication, I will only end up falling out with eventually. But I had already kind of preliminarily committed to it once my current living situation started spiraling downhill. I knew I’d be moving in a couple of months and she brought up the idea of us getting a place together. So I figured what the hell. Living alone these days is expensive.  I can afford it, but it’s not friendly to the wallet. Why spend more money living alone if I don’t have to? That leaves more money for life’s necessities, like clothes and alcohol. At the very least I figured I’d try it out for a year. If it doesn’t work out then I’ll just move on and do my own thing. No big deal. So…I’m excited. I’m excited to get the fuck out of the hellhole environment I live in now, and excited to have a new place to decorate and make into a home.

Teeth: I just started Invisalign treatment this week. I have some inherited teeth imperfections that I’ve lived with and tolerated all my life, and also managed to still feel and look pretty attractive in spite of. But recently I got fed up and started craving a change and thus decided to do something about it. So now here I am, with a little over a year of treatment to get through. Right now I’m just trying to get used to having plastic in my mouth upwards of 22 hours a day and not being able to eat or drink as freely anymore. It’s a bit of a lifestyle change and kind of burdensome so far, but I’m sure as I start seeing my teeth improve, and especially once I see the end result, it’ll all be worth it

Fitness: So as long as I’m embarking on a physical improvement quest teeth-wise, I decided to get more serious about improving my body as well. I’ve never been a big girl or anything, but I could definitely stand to loose a few pounds and to tone up. So I’ve been doing so, mainly just by keeping up with the gym and/or cardio a couple of times a week and watching what I eat. I don’t believe in fad dieting…those weird diets where you eat only this or only that or paleo or no-carb or juicing only or anything weird like that. I love food and I don’t want to limit myself with ANY of it. But I just don’t go crazy. Moderation, portion control, and water…my 3 keys to success. Well, along with the gym…4 keys to success. So far, so good. I’ve lost a couple of pant sizes in recent weeks and people have commented here and there on my weight loss, so it’s clearly working. Invisalign is apparently going to be a big help being as you have to take the trays out to eat and brush and floss your teeth before putting them back in. As a result, random snacking is no easy task anymore.

Random Crushes: I’ve somehow managed to develop a bit of a crush on a direct subordinate of mine at work. I always thought he was hot, even before I was his boss. I would see him around from time to time but we had never had occasion to interact until I started working with him. Even after then he had always been pretty quiet around me and we never said much more to each other than was needed. And I thought he was engaged anyway. But recently…like, as recently as this past week…it seems like he has started to subtly flirt with me. It’s hard to tell, but I feel like he’s trying to. He has definitely started coming out of his shell around me. There’s a lot of playful back-and-forth banter. I’ve been careful to keep things pretty vanilla and not to cross any lines, but I can’t say that he doesn’t intrigue me the littlest bit. But I’m his superior. And while there’s no explicit rule against fraternization or anything like that at my job, any type of romance between us clearly wouldn’t be a good idea. Not only do I feel like it would be highly inappropriate, but I also wouldn’t want to open myself up to any allegations of sexual harassment or what have you. So I don’t say anything sexual or romantic or anything inappropriate to him whatsoever. It’s just some innocent teasing back and forth, like I do with a lot of people I work with and/or supervise. But I feel like we’re both TRYING to flirt with each other, but are both just being cautious, given the situation, and restraining ourselves. It’s weird. I’m going to be good, though. So many ways this could backfire.

Dating: It’d be nice to do that sometime. I can’t even remember the last time I went on a real date…as in going out and doing something fun with a guy I’m actually attracted to. The guys that want to take me out are always the ones I’m not romantically interested in (like Woody), and the guys I would want to date are always the ones that just want to keep things sexual (like Blaze). That’s literally the way it always is with me. So for once it’d be nice if the person that wants to take me out, and the person I’m attracted to, could be one and the same. I reinstated my Match.com account last week to see if I would have some luck there. I still had a couple of weeks left on a previous subscription. But as usual it appears to be a bust. Guys look at your profile repeatedly and/or send winks and/or send “likes,” but don’t say anything. And even if I wink back, they don’t say anything. Weird. My subscription expires the first week of January. I’ll try and keep it going until then. But ultimately, it’s just annoying.

In any case, I’m looking forward to 2014 being a good year for me. Come what may, I’m definitely going to be looking better at least.