I Tried

Well apparently I jumped the gun on axing Ben. I just assumed, since he had clearly read my diatribes yesterday morning and hadn’t responded, that that would be all she wrote.  Because I certainly wasn’t going to say anything else and I figured that was his standpoint as well.

Yet in the late afternoon he finally replied: “Me too.” I prodded because I had no idea what that meant as a response to the thousands of things I said. He was referencing the statement I made about having been looking forward to our rendezvous. And added on that he had also been excited about seeing the new boobs as well.

I responded that maybe one day the timing will be right. He wrote “K” then proceeded to delve into conversation about how my healing is going. And from there we made friendly intermittent chit chat like normal. He even coaxed the conversation on at certain points, which he usually doesn’t do much of.

So, I don’t know. I get the feeling he wants to keep me around somehow.

Besides that, a few updates on some oldies, but goodies:


I hadn’t spoken to him since the random text he had sent me last year, which I found strange given that he was engaged. But I actually ended up running into him at the beach back in August. I was at a bar alone fretting over another jackass, and I turn around and spy my good old friend, Blaze. We drank and talked and hung out together for a little while. No hard feelings; no love lost. We parted ways amicably and he got married last month and good luck to him.


We had been in contact pretty regularly over the past couple of months. I forget who initiated this round, but when we started talking again he was mourning the loss of a girl he really liked but screwed up with because apparently he had kind of overlapped her with a previous girl, and previous girl wasn’t having it. When she found out about the second chick, she got in contact with her somehow and blew his spot up. Second girl cut him off and didn’t look back and he was upset because he had been into her.

So we started off pretty wholesomely chatty at first yet at some point he started sending me selfies and various other pictures and the general tone turned more flirty. Then he eventually started his usual BS of hinting around hanging out, or wanting to hang out last minute. I just blew him off on those occasions.

But then the Saturday before last, he out right asked if I wanted to hang out with him at a town near me. He was going to meet up with a female friend and her boyfriend. I accepted and he came and got me. I can’t remember the last time I saw him…I feel like it’s not been since we originally talked. But he looked good. And he was the perfect gentleman in getting out of the car to open my door.

The friend wasn’t out yet so we stopped at one spot and had a meal and drinks on our own. Then his friend instructed him to go to another spot, so he paid and I said I’d get our drinks at the next place. The friend and her boyfriend joined us maybe 30 minutes later. She was nice and so was the boyfriend – nice to the point where, when we decided to hit another spot, the boyfriend paid the whole tab…meaning he paid for the drinks Chester and I had even when they weren’t even there yet. We implored him not to, but he insisted. And then when we were done at the next place, he claimed that they “know him” and had comped him and so we didn’t pay a cent yet again. I’ll allow it.

I had told Chester earlier in the evening that he could crash at my place if he needed to, and that’s what ended up happening. But sleeping is not all we did, of course. The next morning we got a second round in and then he drove me to McDonald’s for greasy hangover food and left.

The night before he had told me he would be back in that same town the next weekend for a wedding. I had plans for dinner with Hannah as a preliminary birthday celebration in said town as well. He said “maybe” (as in, he wanted us to) we would cross paths. But apparently he was going as a female friend’s plus 1, and I checked to make sure I wouldn’t be interrupting a date. He assured me that said female is a friend from college who lives out of state now but comes back to attend a wedding every once in a while, and he just kind of her standing wedding date on those occasions.

So we ended up meeting up out on the town last weekend. Not until about midnight, though. Hannah and I met him at the bar they were all at. I was pretty tipsy by then. I met his female friend; she was nice. Hannah’s husband came to pick her up not too long into it, so I figured I’d either just Uber back home or possibly crash with Chester. Unfortunately he was sharing a room with his friend, so that was a no-go. And I feel like we might’ve not gotten along so well somehow – I think maybe I said something drunkenly stupid about us dating or something. I can’t remember.

I eventually Ubered back home safely and woke up to a text that he sent me at 4:25 am asking if I made it home okay. He texted me a little bit later when he got home and I asked why he had been up that late/early…he didn’t seem to remember it being that early.  But that was really the extent of the conversation and I haven’t heard from him since. So I can’t decide if we got into it or not because I figured he wouldn’t have texted me. But then again I haven’t heard from him like I normally have been. I don’t care either way.


So when it came down to it and we finally got around to talking about expectations, it turned out that Adam still didn’t see us as a dating thing, but was interested in exploring other options, such as a FWB situation. I tried it; he came over a couple of times, just for kicks. But just like he told me that time that he doesn’t think about me when he gets a spare moment…I don’t fantasize about him when I get a spare moment. And thus it doesn’t interest me to maintain any sexual relationship with him at all. He DID look pretty good when I saw him for the first time after a year, though. I’m not usually a facial hair fan, but a beard on him makes him a little hotter. But still…eh.

Standing By

In the days after our last date when I started to actually care a little bit about Wiley’s relevance to my life, I started traveling down that sordid, dangerous path of over-eagerness to hear from him and extra special sensitivity to his mannerisms, so as to scrutinize his utterings for even the tiniest of morsels of encouragement or interest for me to grasp on to.

I just love that magically crucial time in dating where, if you become too pressed too soon, you turn him off. If you don’t show enough interest, you turn him off. You have to somehow gauge these dichotomies according to any given man’s unique personality and tastes and pinpoint along his specific dating number line where you should fall to keep his interest. He has to do the same with you, and these pinpoints have to correspond somehow. Dating is stupid.

Wiley and I talked a little that Monday after our date (upon my initiation), but then I let it go for 2 days to see how he’d act. And…nothing. Heard not a peep. Thursday morning I sent him a suggestive picture and when he still hadn’t responded to that in what I deemed a satisfactory amount of time, which was about a couple of hours, I took that, coupled with the radio silence for the preceding 2 days, as a classic He’s Just Not That Into You sign. I told him exactly that and said I’d let him be, but thanks for the dates.

He responded back in an exasperated tone that he had been on the air and sarcastically apologized for not being able to text well when he is broadcasting. I wasn’t superlatively pleased with his tone, but it placated me that he bothered to explain at all. I knew I kind of jumped the gun with my assumptions, so I apologized.

The next day – Friday – he sent several texts to say that the previous day’s episode got him thinking about how much attention I deserve and how much he can give right now. He went to explain that after this week, he’s going to be gone for most of the remaining summer between work commitments (i.e., the upcoming Democratic and Republican national conventions – oh joy!), family activities, and vacations, and doesn’t want to go on disappointing me when he’s not in touch as much as I’d like him to be. Our dating is going to be limited for now and he felt like he should get that out of the way up front instead of letting it die by neglect.

It seemed sincere. Any conversation that starts like that has the potential to be the big “thanks but no thanks,” but it didn’t feel like his aim was in trying to end it, but rather just to genuinely to provide some insight into his vigorous schedule and to put everything out in the open. I said I understood, but it would just be nice for him to text me some time to say hi, unless he his in fact trying to get rid of me. He never responded particularly to that remark but we had limited conversation a little bit later. So all appeared to be well.

On July 4th I sent some holiday wishes and we chit chatted a little bit wherein I teased him a little about the birthday present I had ordered for him. Tuesday, I sent him a random selfie so as not to have him forget my beautiful face (everything is about psychological warfare). When he still hadn’t answered over 12 hours later, I just said “Busy day?” to which he responded with his somewhat-standard-but-still-sweet-nonetheless “Hey gorgeous” and then proceeded to tell me about an uncle’s sudden death (which he didn’t particularly care about in itself since that uncle was deemed to have been a “bastard”) and funeral that still rendered him out of town.

Keep in mind, that upcoming (and now, this past) weekend was the weekend that we were tentatively supposed to have our third date, as decided at the end of our second date. Pursuant to his schedule, of course, which I’m starting to understand can be rather unpredictable. He doesn’t work the standard 9-t0-5, so it’s the nature of the beast. I know the feeling. But it also happened to be one of the last available weekends he’d have in town for a while. Given that I kind of like this guy and might not get to see him for a while, I was wholeheartedly looking forward to the coming weekend to have that opportunity.

But the passing of his uncle delayed his return initially. Okay, no worries…it was still fairly early in the week. But then on Wednesday he advised that his boss asked him to stay over and work the next day’s show, so that meant he’d be out of town for yet another day. Still no real cause for panic, but it just started to feel like the powers that be might be colluding to make sure our date fell by the wayside.

I listened to part of his show on Thursday morning. I didn’t talk to him at all that day, but I figured if all went well then he might be back Thursday night and that still left Friday night or Saturday night as viable date options. But when I happened to check on a whim and hear him on the air on Friday morning, it was obvious he still hadn’t come back into town, and as he hadn’t bothered at any point to speculate with me on when he may be doing so or to even raise the topic of our tentative date at all at any point, the writing was pretty much on the wall.

Later Friday night he confirmed that he was still out of town and we wouldn’t be seeing each other this weekend. I had already figured Friday was a no-go and thus I was already well into a night out with friends by the time we talked about it, but had still been hoping for maybe Saturday night. But no such luck. The uncle’s funeral and subsequent incoming family had kind of thrown a wrench into everything…oh well. He did say that he should be back around the second week of August, but that’s a month away. Ugh.

Pursuant to my non-date with Wiley, I ended up hanging out with my girlfriends Hannah and Carly on Saturday night.We took some pictures and I sent a couple to Wiley since I thought I looked hot, if I do say so myself. He didn’t respond.

Sunday morning entailed a hangover for which a greasy brunch and mimosas were needed for, STAT. I was in kind of a mood from not hearing from Wiley, admittedly, but I probably didn’t help matters by sending what could be considered a politically provocative question at first to inspire a response (since he does LOVE to debate). When he still hadn’t answered, I remarked that he must’ve had a good Tinder date.

That was the clincher. He responded that this is “all a little much” and that I need to “give him a break.” Upon a series of responses from me in which, in so many words, I basically asked why he’s being a dick, he reminded me that he had told me he might be a little distant and thus not the most dateable guy. Then said he’s with his family and doesn’t want to do this right now.

And apparently he took me as being angry. Which I wasn’t. Tipsy…confused…maybe a little bratty – yes. Angry – no. Hence why texting is definitely not the most appropriate medium for EVERY conversation…because nuances and intentions and tones are easily misconstrued.

He then particularly lambasted my remark about the Tinder date. Which is interesting, because he said the exact identical thing to me once when I didn’t answer his text within an appropriate amount of time, and that was before we had even met for the first time. So, yes, while I might’ve inadvertently come off as jealous and insecure, it was really in an inside joke kind of way, albeit while still slightly serious. Not because I really thought he was on a Tinder date, per se, but because, just answer my texts, jackass. Either way, it was clear Wiley was not happy with me.

Long story even longer, over the course of the day I sent a series of conciliatory texts, emphasizing that I was not angry and didn’t want to fight, only to talk things out. I told him I liked him and wanted to spend more time with him and not rush things, and that hopefully we can talk at a better time. When it was finally bedtime and he still had yet to answer anything I had said, I figured it was dead and maybe even that he had blocked me from texting him. It was a bit of a bummer, but nothing I couldn’t get over.

So what a surprise it was yesterday morning when shortly after getting to work, where I tend to keep my phone in silent mode, I check to see that I’d gotten texts from a couple of people, one being Wiley. I was quite sure it would be him just finally getting around to telling me to go kick rocks. Which, while I wasn’t looking forward to it, I would’ve appreciated much more than him just ghosting me. I am not someone who is very effective at being ignored.

But to my surprise, Wiley did not, in fact, tell me to go piss off. He explained that he had been driving and traveling for most of yesterday. He said we will talk soon and then reiterated that he will be back in August – though this time he said “mid” and not the second week, so I’m unclear on exactly when he will be available again.

BUT, what that did say to me is that he is over our minor skirmish and at least sounds willing to keep the lines of communication open. I didn’t press things by asking exactly when I could expect to hear from him again, I only told him I’d be standing by and that I appreciate him getting back to me.

As it stands, I don’t really know how to feel about how things were left, but I tend to lean more toward feeling encouraged about it rather than discouraged. His text yesterday morning made all the difference, I guess, because I really did figure as of Sunday night that I had gone too far and he would take the path of least resistance by just washing his hands of me and never bothering to respond. I expected exactly that because that’s what I’m used to many guys in the past doing. So the fact that he chose to speak up really meant  a lot.

It’s just going to be one of those wait-and-see things. I was wrong for jumping the gun and being confrontational over his lack of response those couple of times, when there were several occasions, even before our first date and then between the first and second date where, while he may not have responded or initiated conversation as much as I thought he *should*, he did still appear to be interested in me at subsequent points. It’s classic confirmation bias – I came to a conclusion and interpreted all information as evidence of that conclusion in lieu of interpreting everything according to its actual merit. And I got in trouble for it.

Maybe, given the amount of time it’ll be until we see each other again, and the fact that he’s not able to be in contact really regularly – maybe one or both of us will lose interest before anything can even begin. It happens. But that’s just a chance. It may happen, it may not. But I know for sure that if I press the issue or don’t give him the space he needs, then it’s a DEFINITE that I’m going to run him away. So I’m just gonna chill out.