Tinder Love

So many adventures, so little time…

I’ll start with Zach. He came over the night before last and we hung out on my couch and watched a movie and drank a lot of wine. Well…I drank a lot of wine. He didn’t drink at all. We had been talking earlier in the week and said he wanted to come over to talk about some things that would help me to understand why he is the way he is. Based on our history, I was absolutely positive that before this rendezvous actually came into fruition I’d get a barrage of texts about why we can’t hang out/be friends, but lo and behold, he actually stuck to his guns and showed up. He looked good. He IS a very good looking guy. He’s lost some muscle weight due to recent surgery on his leg and having to take it easy, but he still looks good. He always has. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes…just how I like ’em.

We watched the movie. I drank. He took my hand on his own volition and held it for a long while. He felt me up a little bit and tried to get me to do the same to him in a playful sort of way, but he was otherwise a very good boy. He even voluntarily refilled my wine glass a couple of times.

I don’t really know what came over me – maybe it was the wine, or maybe I just wanted to since I hadn’t done it for him in a long, long time – but I ended up giving him a treat. On my own accord. He didn’t ask and wasn’t trying to get me to do it or anything, I just suddenly felt like it so I did it. He was very impressed and appreciative.

Then came the “There’s something I have to tell you,” which isn’t the most settling thing to hear after you’ve just had your mouth on someone. I was scared it’d have something to do with an STD and was prepared to resort to physical violence, but it wasn’t anything like that…

#1: He’s almost completely sterile. He found this out not too long ago after some pain in his groin resulted in him going to a doctor and eventually getting his sperm tested (the pain turned out not to be related). Apparently he has a low sperm count and they’re not very mobile, so it would be really hard for him to conceive and he and whomever he endeavors to have a child with would most likely have to do in vitro fertilization. That disappoints him because even though he’s nowhere near trying to have children, he always did foresee himself having some someday. I’d feel the same way if I found out for whatever reason that I couldn’t have kids. Nevertheless, it’s not the end of the world. He’s not completely sterile so while it’ll be difficult, it’s not totally outside the realm of possibility.

#2: He suffers from depression and anxiety for which he takes medication. I never knew this about him, but it kind of explains why sometimes he seems to be so emotionally…not exactly unstable, but…well, yeah, unstable I guess. Not in a dangerous sense, but I guess in the sense that, like with the many times he’s gone back and forth about us hanging out or being friends, he seems not to know what he wants and to change his mind quickly. Now it kind of makes sense.

In all the years I’ve known him he’s never really been that candid to me about himself before so it was refreshing to have him be so open. It made me feel bad for all the times we’ve argued and I’ve said mean things to him because I didn’t know anything about his mental struggles. That just goes to show…you never really know what burdens other people are carrying. It puts things in perspective.

He texted me yesterday and thanked me for listening. I told him I’d like to cook him dinner in a friendly way whenever he has time. His birthday is coming up so it’d be kind of like a present. He said that sounds nice and that he’ll let me know.

In another news, I met a guy last week at a work conference. It’s a weeklong event that draws people from all over the country and involves a lot of drinking every night once the work-related stuff is done for the day. Good times are always had. Last Wednesday I was there getting hammered, talking to some guys I know from meeting there last year who I was glad to run into, and up walks Redd. Unfortunately I had been drinking for several hours by this point and was pretty inebriated, so I for the life of me can’t recall exactly how conversation between us initiated. I do remember that he was with a female coworker of his and I assumed they were a couple at first which was a bummer because I thought he was cute, but that turned out not to be the case.

I definitely don’t recall how things progressed to the point where we exchanged numbers, but we did. And then at some point while we were still there he texted that he wanted me. I was intoxicated, bored, and clearly needed somewhere to crash anyway since driving was out of the question, so that didn’t sound like a bad idea. He lived not too far away but had parked his own car at a subway station near his place and caught the train, so he drove me and my car back to his place.

Redd was a nice guy and took really good care of me. I was a drunken mess. His apartment was really nicely decorated…very impressive for a bachelor’s pad. I remember playing with a sword and fooling around with one of his several guitars. We had sex at some point, though I don’t remember much about it. I do remember lying in his bed afterward and him telling me how pretty I am and remarking that he only has one more condom left, should we use it now or save it for the morning? I opted to save it for the morning. We fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night craving cold water. He got up and got me a bottle and a cup of ice and I devoured it like, as he put it, “it was my job.” Alcohol will do that to you.

Despite my severe level of intoxication the night before, I wasn’t really that hungover the next day, thank goodness. I think that middle of the night water binge helped immensely. We woke up and laid around talking for a bit. We had sex again, eventually. He’s big and it was pretty good, but the downside was that his breath was really foul. I’m not sure if it was just bad morning breath or a general halitosis problem, but it was bad enough for me to shy away from kissing him when he tried.

I drove him to his car and he said he’d be back to the conference that night. He didn’t make it back though because he ended up drinking at home and passing out.

Since then he’s been texting me on the daily. He thinks I’m so beautiful and said that he’s in love with my body. He’s from another state originally and has a girlfriend back home there. As I recall, he said he’s in love with her, but she won’t move to be with him or something. I don’t know. That’s fine, as I’m not interested in him to the point where that bothers me or anything. I would’ve hung out with him this week, but he used his days off to go home and see her. Blah. He was texting me last night trying to see if I’m available this weekend, but it’s my time of the month. We’ll see how this goes. He’s cute, but a little leaner that I usually like. The sex isn’t bad though.

Last, but not least, I appear to be very late to the party, but I decided to give Tinder a try. I was introduced to it via guy friends of mine letting me play on their accounts when we’re out and I grew to like the concept of people not being to contact each other unless there’s mutual attraction. Unlike Match.com, which I just wasted another $60.00 on days before signing up for Tinder, I don’t have to worry about people contacting me that are the complete opposite of what I want. And also unlike Match.com, the only way to establish contact with a mutual interest is to bite the bullet and send a message. Match.com annoys me because I find many men on there to be way too passive aggressive for my liking. They’ll look at my profile a million times, favorite me, wink at me, like my photos…they do everything but actually speak. Even the ones I return winks to…they just won’t speak. It’s annoying. Or maybe if they wink, they expect me to message them first? I don’t know. I guess that’s why Match.com never works for me…I’m really not inclined to speak to anyone or make a move on anyone unless they indicate some type of interest first. I kind of just sit there and wait. And wait. And get messages from undesirables. And wait. And get numerous photo likes. And wait. And then get bored after a few days, hide my profile, then let 11 weeks of a 12-week subscription go to waste. Rinse and repeat.

So Tinder appeals to me in that it’s implied in the fact that someone swiped “right” on you that they find you physically attractive. The only bad thing is that heights may or may not be listed. I’m a tall girl so men have to be of a certain height to ride this ride. But a lot of guys do opt to provide their heights, so that helps. I’ve had a little trouble with the app so far crashing and erasing my matches and not letting me upload extra pictures, so I’ve had to delete my account and the app and reinstall it and start all over several times now, but as of now I’m up and running and have dozens of matches.

I’ve had one sub-par experience so far. A guy I matched with Sunday (my first day) started messaging me later that night and we seemed to have a good rapport. He looked pretty cute, didn’t act like a pervert (even though it was around 11 p.m. and he said he was in bed so that’s what I was expecting), was tall enough (6’1″), and wrote like he had a good grasp of the English language. We bantered back and forth a bit that night and then a little bit on Monday. On Tuesday I decided I’d had enough of Tinder and was going to delete my account (the first time), so I gave him my # and he started texting me. We texted throughout the day and were doing well until he told me where he was from (an area known for being wealthy and upper crust) and I joked that he grew up a rich boy. For some unknown reason he got offended over my “gross generalization” and called me stupid and then started giving me the silent treatment. I remained nice and apologized and left it alone for the night. I debated leaving him be for good but decided the next day to try to be nice and give it a second chance. I was only joking and I tend to have a dry sense of humor that could be undecipherable enough in person, let alone via text message where tone is easily misconstrued. So I sucked it up and texted him again. He was really short with me and obviously not interested with speaking with me so I wished him well and told him I hope he finds what he’s looking for. He texted me back eventually thanking me and followed up with “I’m rich.” Whatever that means. Don’t care.

I don’t really have any lofty expectations from this, so at least I won’t end up disappointed. I was surprised to run across Domino on there though. And he had been active recently. Sucks to be his girlfriend.

I texted Rocky last week or so with a silly picture of my tongue sticking out (and a little bit of cleavage) to see what he was up to. He said he was picking up his kids. I said I only wanted to say hi. And that was that. He’s clearly done with me. That’s cool.

Unrequited

So Woody officially declared his undying love for me the other night…blah.

He came to hang out at the house for Cinco de Mayo and we were sitting around sipping on some drinks when he decided to confess to me that he’s in love with me and thinks about me all the time and blah, blah, blah.

So awkward. So unwanted.

I guess I should be flattered, but it’s annoying. I really love Woody as a friend. He’s been a crucial part of my support system (especially concerning stressful work-related events as of late), he’s fun to hang out with, and I do adore him…but in a strictly platonic way. I am in no way, shape, or form sexually or romantically attracted to him and I’ve never lead him to believe that I am.

So his displays of romantic adoration annoy me because I cannot see how can I possibly maintain a friendship of this caliber with a guy who has these deep feelings for me that aren’t reciprocated. I want us to be friends, but in being friends I need to be able to talk about anything and everything (i.e. my love life, or lack thereof) without feeling awkward or bad about it because, knowing he has these feelings for me, I’m probably causing him pain talking about other guys.

I told him about having sex with Rocky at some point (without revealing Rocky’s identity). He played it cool, but knowing what I know now, it makes me feel bad.

The last time I had to lay down the law to him about my lack of interest in him was the result of a party we went to where an ex of mine was present. At this same party, I stated to a third party in front of Woody that Woody was like a brother to me. Later on after we had parted ways for the night, I received a barrage of texts about how he’s only one person’s brother and that person isn’t me, and how he can’t believe I’d get involved with my ex yet not with him, and things of that nature. He apologized eventually, partly blamed the liquor, and I thought we were over nonsense like that.

And now this.

I think where I get irritated is that whenever he alludes to having any type of romantic interest in me, it makes me wonder whether he’s truly hanging out with me as a friend, or whether he’s covertly trying to woo me and hoping that one day I’ll cave and fall into his arms. And I really don’t know what else I can say to convince him that that will NEVER happen.

He would do probably anything for me and he treats me like a queen and he’s a good, genuine guy, but I’m just not romantically attracted to him. He’s not my type. Not bad looking, just not for me.

It’s strange to be on the other side of the unrequited love equation, because usually it’s me pining after someone who has no interest in me whatsoever.

Anyway…Blaze hasn’t been answering my texts and neither has Rocky. Oh well.

Zach is still a douche. He sent me a litany of texts last week about how he’s taking my number out of his phone because all he ever wants to do is hook up and it’s not good for either of us and some other nonsense. I told him to stop with all the dramatics because it’s not that serious. I’m keeping his number in my phone and he’s keeping mine because we’re friends. And that’s that. He acquiesced to that. But then last night he was talking about hooking up and I told him I’m not interested in that because he’s a selfish lover and it just doesn’t turn me on. He actually texted me as I’m writing this asking me about my day…

Got a text from Domino last night which was just a picture of a thumbs up. I replied “Who’s this?” as if I didn’t have his number in my phone just to screw with him. He then acted like he had the wrong number. I called him by name at that point, and then he asked who I am. Really? You texted me, jackass, which is basically what I said in so many words. He still insisted that he had the wrong number. Yeah, okay…

The Rundown

Domino: Well that’s done. Not only in a romantic sense either. At this point we probably aren’t going to be speaking in any capacity for a very long time.

Before last night I hadn’t had any substantial conversation with him since early January. It was at that time that I got around to casually asking him about the mystery girl I’d seen him with in the Facebook pictures. He said it was just a friend of his sister’s.

Since then we hadn’t spoken, and it didn’t matter to me either way. But I did notice on Facebook several weeks ago that he was tagged in some pictures from a friend’s birthday dinner and that his date appeared to be his “sister’s friend” – surprise, surprise. So it was at that point that I realized that someone had been fibbing just a little bit. It’s not like I ever had feelings for Domino or anything like that, so I wasn’t jealous or hurt or really concerned that he was obviously dating this girl, but I just don’t like when people can’t be straight up with me about obvious shit…it’s insulting to the intelligence, really. Even still, I didn’t bother broaching the issue with him because I just didn’t care enough to.

What DID get under my skin was discovering last night that he had unfriended me on Facebook. I figured it was because he was trying to hide from me the fact that he’s dating someone or whatever. That annoyed me, so I texted him to confront him about it. When I didn’t receive a prompt response, I figured he was just ignoring me so I said screw it and deleted his number from my phone.

He finally replied a couple of hours later. It turns out I had mistakenly texted an old phone of his. He asked me what I was talking about and told me it must’ve been me who deleted him. Really, dude? I think I would know if I deleted somebody, and if that were the case, why in the world would I text you asking why you deleted me? That makes no sense.

I told him if he did it to hide the fact that he has a girlfriend from me, he need not bother because I really don’t care…it’s not like I wasn’t dealing with other guys myself. It’s really not that serious. He continued to insist that he didn’t delete me and then got irritated with me for whatever reason and told me he regretted giving me his new number again. Naturally the conversation then deteriorated into an insult-fest wherein I advised him that his girlfriend isn’t pretty (she’s not) and that I hope she enjoys small penises. He called me a slut, and I said a few more choice things. A little while later I explained that I didn’t intend for the conversation to end up the way it did. He never answered.

And so that’s that. Oh well.

Zach: About 2 weeks after Zach pulled his bullshit he hit me up again with a text like it had never happened. He was displeased that I had deleted his number from my phone. I’m not exactly sure why he would’ve thought I wouldn’t have taken it out. I genuinely intended on never speaking to him again.

Once we got past all that I asked him what had changed in the 2 weeks since he’d declared his love for someone else and cut me out of his life. He said something about not knowing what he wants and that he’s just very sexually attracted to me which makes him cave in and contact me sometimes when he’s thinking about me.

Erm…okay.

But to make a short story even shorter, his renewed interest didn’t last but a couple of days, as eventually he went on again to pull his same old bullshit and tell me he doesn’t think it’s a good idea that we talk. *Yawn*

I really had no intention of contacting him again, but a newsworthy incident occurred yesterday involving a mutual acquaintance of ours and it made me think about him. So I ended up texting him last night to talk about that, primarily.

Then he started asking me how I am and bringing up good times from the past. And he remarked on how it’s been over a year since we saw each other, like he was wistful or something. We said goodnight on good terms but I’m 100% positive it won’t be long before he pisses me off again.

Don: The Saturday before last I hung out with my buddies and had a grand ol’ time. Don was there, sans annoying ex-girlfriend, so we ended up flirting for a lot of the night. Once it was established that we would both be crashing at our buddy Kip’s house, it kind of became an unspoken certainty that we’d end up hooking up. I still had to make up for that time I was cockblocked by his annoying ex.

And hook up we did. I was hammered, so the events are fuzzy, but it was standard stuff. Nothing really to write home about though. Or maybe so, since I’m obviously writing about it. But no, not really.

Rocky: The Monday before last I met my buddies out for happy hour. There was another group of people from work at the same bar having a going away party for one of their colleagues who was headed to greener pastures. I’m cool with some of these people to the extent that I see them out from time to time and speak or may even chill with them for a little bit over a couple of drinks. I didn’t really intend to, but somehow I ended up defecting from my original group of friends and hanging out with this crowd for most of the night in another part of the bar.

While I was talking to some of the guys that I know, I noticed another one of them from across the bar glancing over from time to time. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t exactly place him. I ended up wandering over to where he was eventually to tease him and a few of the other guys for screwing around with another buddy of theirs who was engrossed in conversation with a girl.

Somehow, me and him – Rocky – ended up sticking near each other and conversing for a while. I was a little tipsy at this point so I can’t really remember a lot of the conversation, but we talked to each other mostly alone for a lot of the night. Eventually I remembered why he looked familiar and realized who he was. A couple of years ago I saw him in a picture with another guy buddy from work, and I remembered remarking on him (Rocky) being attractive. My buddy told me who he was and relayed that he had a girlfriend, and that was that. But I remembered who he was and even, admittedly, Facebook stalked him from time to time. Not that I told him that.

But lo and behold, there he was in the flesh.

So, I really don’t at all remember how things got to this point, but eventually he said he was going to the bathroom and told me to meet him in there. He went off to the bathroom, I waited several moments so as not to look obvious, and then I sneaked into the men’s bathroom with him.

He led me over to the one stall inside it, but it didn’t have a door. I remember complaining that I’d rather go somewhere else where there was a little more privacy, but he wasn’t having it and kind of cornered me in the stall and wouldn’t let me out. So we ended up making out and fooling around there.

I’m not sure how long this went on, but I do know that, as I anticipated, we were eventually interrupted. I opened my eyes to see some random guy standing directly behind him, completely flustered and apologetic over what he walked in on. Oops.

I was too tipsy to really be embarrassed. I just straightened myself up and casually walked out and went back downstairs to everyone else. I thought Rocky had followed right behind me but when I rejoined everyone else he was MIA. I looked around for him a little bit and then figured he must’ve rolled out, but he reappeared not much later. I’m not really sure of the specifics of our interaction, but at some point we made plans to meet at his car.

He eventually paid his tab and rolled out, but not before telling me where he was parked. Again, I waited several moments after he left so as not to look obvious, then I walked out casually to look for him. I walked around the block but didn’t see him anywhere, so I figured he must’ve left. But then as I was walking back toward the bar, he was driving past and spotted me, backed up and let me in his car. What exactly our activities were in there escapes me because I was severely intoxicated at this point. I do remember giving him my number and having him call my phone right then so I’d have his, but I don’t even really remember what we did or what was said or even getting back out of his car and making my way back to the bar.

The next day I discovered I’d sent him a text telling him I can’t wait to make out with him again. He never answered it. Later that day I reiterated that I meant what I said. Still no answer. Hmm. I kind of figured where this was headed.

Thursday afternoon I gave it one more shot and asked if I had to start sending him naughty pictures to get him to start paying attention to me. I didn’t check my phone for a while after that but eventually came back to it to see a reply text advising me that he has a girlfriend and that he’s sorry if he misled me. I replied that I remembered the girlfriend thing, and that I wasn’t trying to be his girlfriend…I just thought we could’ve had more fun.

And…nothing. I’m really disappointed about that. I would’ve liked to have screwed his brains out, sober. He’s pretty hot.

I did end up texting him last night to offer my assistance with a work-related matter. He never answered and I doubt he will, but I just wanted to extend the offer. Oh well.

Blaze: Blaze is still Blaze. He’s been over a couple of times this year, and we even had a rendezvous in his truck a little over a month ago when it turned out we were both out in the same vicinity at the same time. Nothing has really changed there though.

I was actually supposed to hook up with him the night I met Rocky, but obviously that didn’t happen. The next day I did admit that I was too busy playing with someone else. I felt bad and later told him I was just joking, but he didn’t seem to care either way.

Sometimes he seems to be softening up, but I don’t know. His Facebook page no longer says he’s in a relationship. And I even got to asking him recently if he has a girlfriend and he said he doesn’t.

But really, this whole thing is starting to bore me, and I’ve not been so shy about letting him know so. A FWB arrangement really should be mutually beneficial. Otherwise, what’s the point? And what also irks me is the fact that sometimes he’s rather demanding about me making time and/or going out of my way to meet up with him. Not cool. I’ve been kind of giving him a hard time about this arrangement lately.

He was trying to stop by on Sunday but I declined and told him I’m getting tired of this hit-and-run thing and that it turns me off. He only answered with a simple “Ok,” so I figured I probably wouldn’t be hearing from him again. And I wasn’t really that pressed.

But I was surprised when he hit me up on Tuesday night. I didn’t get a chance to answer for a couple of hours and when I did he said he just wanted to see what I was doing. I told him I’m sure he just wanted some action, and he said that would’ve been nice. He then suggested that perhaps he could come over Thursday (today) and watch a movie. He actually did end up coming over today but we didn’t watch a movie. We did hang out for a little while…more than usual I guess. I guess he’s starting to see that the status quo isn’t working for me anymore. But even still, as I’ve told him, I don’t want him to pretend to want to hang out with me just to get some play.

Blah.