Failure to Launch

So it turns out that Vander and I never amounted to anything. Nothing ever “happened,” per se, it’s just that, although it seemed to have so much promise, he never really made any serious moves.

He actually DID end up breaking up with his girlfriend though, which I didn’t learn of until some days after the fact. We had been texting on a Friday and he alluded to something bothering him. I asked what and he advised me that he had given her the axe the last Sunday and that she wasn’t taking it well. He sounded pretty down in the dumps so I told him he could call me if he wanted to talk, and he did.

They were supposed to be going on a trip to the beach together over the coming weekend and she was trying to coax him into going just as “friends” even though he had already told her he didn’t care about the money, and that it wasn’t a good idea anyway. She kept calling and texting and making him feel like a prick, and then I believe some mutual friends of theirs took it upon themselves to make Vander feel even more like a prick by adding their two cents.

I felt bad for him because he is a good person and I could see that he genuinely felt awful about hurting her, but he just knew she wasn’t for him. Although, I was also secretly happy because I figured that he would take a little bit of a breather to unwind from that for a week or so, and then see if maybe WE might be a better match, right?

Wrong. He never pulled the trigger. We stayed in normal contact for a while – he didn’t ghost on me or anything like that – but it started to become a waiting game that I felt like was never going to end. I was anticipating some type of overture towards us at least hanging out, but it never occurred. But in my mind the ball was now in his court so it was his move to make. And he never did.

The last time we texted was some time in the last week of April, so I haven’t talked to him in over a month now. The last response was from me and he never answered and I just didn’t really give a damn at that point because it felt like a movie that was just dragging on and on and on with no climax or resolution and I was impatient and bored by that point. Like, either ask me out, or why are we talking? You’re single now, what’s the problem? I never expressed anything like that to him openly, but that was my mindset.

Figuring that even if he was really “in his feelings” (as he termed it) it about the break up, which I realize can still hurt even if you’re the one doing the breaking up, so maybe he needed a bit more space before pursuing something else…the fact of the matter is that I still have not heard anything from him in over a month. So, assuming that he is over his break up by now it must be concluded that he lost interest for whatever reason.

We are still friends on Facebook though. Either he or she untagged him from all their cutesie couple pics, so I guess it really is a done deal.

But there is also another reason our failure to launch wasn’t such a big deal to me. And that’s because someone else had already started stealing my interest anyway…

 

I’d Rather Be Single

About a month ago, Scout got assigned to work in the same building as me for a 2-month period, and it has been a treat seeing him in passing every so often. Otherwise we rarely ever see each other at work.

We’ve had lunch twice so far in a common area of the building, making sure to maintain a respectable “colleagues-who-are-definitely-not-romantically-involved” distance away from each other while doing so, if there is such a thing. But he did come bearing gifts for our first lunch:

Gunz

Some girls like lingerie, some girls like jewelry, and some girls like boxes of handgun ammunition. I’m actually good with any of them. I guess I’m easy to please.

I am starting to learn one thing, and that is that the ladies love them some Scout. When we had our first lunch, maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, a lady I know just from in passing who saw us eating pulled me aside later to swoon over how good looking he is, and how several other women have been checking him out since he got here.

The same thing happened last year at a party we were at, where a girl I’m cool with, who obviously had no idea about me and Scout’s involvement, starting whispering to me about how “rape-a-licious” he is, but that he “doesn’t cheat.”

If only they knew. It amuses me. He is pretty hot, so it’s kind of flattering I suppose.

When I ran into him a couple of ours before our lunch last Thursday, it was only because I was wandering around his office area and happened to do a double take on a gentleman sitting at a random computer because he looked good even from behind. It took me a few seconds to realize it was Scout. He and the rest of his team don’t really have a defined office space so just kind of have to work wherever there is free space, so he was just randomly sitting there when I walked by and had no idea it was him.

I told him about that later and he termed it as “cheating on him with him,” which I guess in the grand scale of cheating, is better than cheating on him with someone who is not him.

As far as my attempts to find romance with someone who is actually single, I’ve resorted back to Tinder and it is not going well. The quality of men on Tinder has gone drastically downhill, and on top of that I’m just generally less patient and/or too picky and set in my ways, so I’m swiping left way more than right and have a very short fuse with anyone I match with who rubs me the wrong way.

I had a repeat match with an attorney – “Brian” – I matched with previously on Bumble and did not get along with. Though I did remember our unfruitful interaction on Bumble when I ran across him on Tinder, I swiped right anyway just out of curiosity. He is good looking after all even if he was a bit of a tool. That was a couple of months though, so maybe circumstances will have changed, I figured.

I found he had swiped right on me as well. He opened conversation immediately alluding to our previous Bumble encounter, so he obviously remembered me, but he claimed not to remember exactly what happened.

When I reminded him that he was being a sleaze-ball and it turned me off, he responded with:

Sleaze1

I would hardly call my behavior “coy” because I don’t want to essentially sext within 24 hours of a match. But okay, buddy. And OMG – a whole 30 miles! That also seems to be a thing on Tinder…apparently anything over a 15-minute drive is considered too much effort for many people. That, to me, is a sign of a someone who is more hookup oriented. If you’re just looking for an easy piece of ass, then I suppose that is a little far to travel. People who are looking for something/someone more meaningful recognize that said person may actually not live right next door to them. I search within a 35-mile distance as I figure it would not be outside the realm of possibility that a worthy candidate might necessitate a little more travel time. And that’s okay with me. I do think that’s why cars were invented, after all.

Anyway…this fool started rubbing me the wrong way with his general negativity, and I got bored quickly with this conversation and stopped answering soon after because I settled down in bed to read. When he didn’t get a response after 10 minutes or so, he sent me a snarky remark about this being a “repeat performance.” I explained the next morning that I had been reading. He replied like a normal polite person at first about a book he was reading, then reiterated that our distance is problematic for him. I wished him good luck and let that be that. I believe that was Friday morning.

Saturday evening I’m at dinner with girlfriends and I get this:

Sleaze2

And that’s just the kind of mood I’m in. He never replied and eventually unmatched with me. Oh well. He’s a giant tool and I really don’t care.

Besides, who needs him when there are charmers like “Steve. ” This was after we exchanged only a greeting to each other:

Good Lord. The Tinder cup does not runneth over.

New Year, Old Me

Within days of the Adam debacle I ended up reaching out to a friend of mine, who happens to be a coworker of his, to do some venting. The friend – Clyde – accurately sensing my frustration, had asked if I wanted him to pass along anything to Adam, but I didn’t want to risk stirring the pot at that time so I said not to worry about it. I guess it just made me feel better to kind of vent to someone in Adam’s realm if I couldn’t talk things out with Adam directly. Clyde suggested that Adam would probably cool off within a few days and to wait until then to maybe email him and try to work things out.

A couple of weeks ago I took it a step further and used my work phone to text Adam (assuming that he still has my personal phone blocked). I was cryptic about who it was at first, but he eventually figured it out and although he then started being a bit of a dick in pretty much letting it be known he wasn’t interested in talking about anything, I still got to say my piece a bit.

I confessed to missing his conversation and lamenting the fact that we seemed to like each other at some point so I’m not sure where we went wrong. I left off with letting him know that I wouldn’t mind it so much if he reached back out after he gets more time to cool off from everything. When he didn’t acknowledge anything after that, I assumed he probably just blocked me again, but when I asked him to acknowledge, he did.  I’m not sure what the point was, other than I just honestly don’t understand how we seemed so promising and then got so derailed and I felt bad about the way things were left.

Last week I tried my luck with sending a couple of other witty texts that he never answered. I assumed he blocked me again. Don’t really care anymore at this point.

In terms of other romances, I actually had a date the Saturday before last that went pretty okay. It’s a guy I matched with on Bumble way back…around the same time as Adam. I think I even matched with him before Adam and we conversed intermittently but of course I got sidetracked with Adam eventually and he didn’t seem extremely enthusiastic about talking, so nothing ever stuck.

In the wake of me and Adam’s demise, perhaps in the spirit of just having something to do, I reverted back around to him – perhaps we shall call him Benji – and we decided  we wanted to meet up but neither of us was  immediately able to due to holiday activities. We finally got our opportunity the Saturday before last. And it was a decent time even if there were not any raging sparks flying. But I couldn’t tell if it was just me feeling jaded and maybe a little guarded at the moment and needing to think outside of the box so I decided not to immediately count him out though I wasn’t really feeling any excitement over seeing him again.

For all intents and purposes I still found him to be decent looking and conversational and we spent 3 hours together so I figured it might be worth another go. I waited until Monday and asked him straight up if he wanted to hang out again. He said he wanted to see me again so we decided to try again for the next (this past) Friday.

In the days after we made those tentative plans, I was invited to a get together from a good friend of mine, Bing, who recently got a promotion. I didn’t want to miss that, but I also didn’t want to cancel on Benji, so I decided to try to combine the two. Bing had already volunteered that it’d be okay to bring Benji when I told him I might have a date that night. But when I mentioned it to Benji, he said he’d rather it just be us. Fine.

Yet, come Friday evening, within 2 hours of our agreed-upon meeting time of 7 p.m., he informed me that he was running behind and wouldn’t be able to meet up until 8. That left me with dead time on my hands because I had hung around my office a little later than usual since we were going to originally be meeting in an area that was closer to work than to home. Since the delay was on him and I was already not super excited about the date to begin with, I told him I was going to just go ahead and meet up with my friends then and invited him to join if he wanted to, not really caring if he did so or not.

He ended up making it later on and I was cordial and tried to be engaging, but it suddenly struck me that this guy is just totally not my type. I don’t really find him that physically attractive, but then beyond that, in between our dates he really had not made any effort to converse through text. I pretty much never heard from him unless it was me initiating conversation with him. So there was no mental connection to even attempt to make up for lack of physical chemistry. Nice enough guy, but just a total no-go romantically.

Even still, I was polite in introducing him to all my friends, and since he’s actually a colleague of ours anyway, that worked for giving him another legitimate reason to be hanging around the group besides just being my date, which would’ve been especially weird for him given the fact that later in the night when my friends settled up to make their way to another bar, I decided to skip out so I could meet Scout at my house.

As I heard it, Benji ended up tagging along with them to the other bar and actually seeming to have a good time even though I essentially ditched him (I just old him I was tired – he didn’t seem to mind). But the next day, Bing and my roommate Sarah separately teased me about how much of my type he is not. And deep down, I knew that…I guess I was just trying to make a solid effort since going for “my type” seems to have gotten me absolutely no where.

Several weeks ago, like the day after Christmas or around then, I met up with a long time Facebook buddy of mine for dinner. He’s someone who has been orbiting my atmosphere for a while and here and there has been flirtatious, but not consistently. He brought me hangover McDonald’s food a while ago which was the first time I’d ever met him in person. Since then we have intermittently flirted through Facebook messages, but haven’t met up again in person.

For some reason a few weeks back I finally decided to give him my phone number and to move to the texting realm, and we ended up making that friendly date for dinner and drinks. And it just ended up being another case of me not feeling any real romantic chemistry on my end although he has made it clear on his end that he does and several of his texts since then have been annoying exclamations about how he can’t figure me out or how I make it hard for him to flirt with me.

I actually went last night and deleted my Tinder and Bumble accounts – just haven’t been in the mood. Nothing has struck my fancy for a while on either and I’m not really in the mood for dating overall at this point in time.

On the bright side, I have somehow managed to lose the 10 pounds I’ve been trying to lose for a couple of years now. I’m slimmer and trimmer and it’s noticeable so that’s pretty encouraging. I might just focus for the time being on reaching my fitness goals and feeling better about myself overall before delving into the horrid world of dating again.