Famine

There’s still been no sex in the champagne room. Tomorrow will put me at 7 months on the dot. Wow. It’s like being pregnant, only once the 9 months are up I get no pretty baby or child support to look forward to.

Strangely enough, sometimes I find myself actually wanting a baby. That’s one of the last things I need right now, but I guess I’m starting to hear my biological clock ticking away.

I’m a year older now…28. Blah. In my mind, I’m 25 though. For my birthday, one of my coworkers/good friends, Derek, took me to lunch and the movies. We saw Paranormal Activity 2. I didn’t sleep with the light on like I did after I saw the first one, so that’s what I call progress. Really, it just wasn’t as scary.  After that I just relaxed at home to myself with a bottle of wine. If I had taken the time to actually plan I probably would’ve gone out with a few friends. But I just didn’t care enough to put actual effort into my birthday. I never really do. I’m still alive, that’s enough for me. I run the streets and drink enough on plenty of other days out of the year, why not do something different?

I’m getting fat again so I’ve finally started MAKING myself stick to a regular gym regimen. My work hours can be rather erratic and tiring, so I’ve always resigned myself to just going to the gym whenever I feel like I’m up to it. That translated into almost never. I still kept up with jogging fairly regularly, but it’s getting cold and running in freezing air isn’t pleasant. It kinda burns the lungs. Plus I like weight exercises. So I finally realized last week that enough is enough and I MUST set aside certain days for the gym with no ifs, ands, or buts about it, so I designated Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. And that is that. So far, so good. Now if I could just get the old men to stop trying to hit on me…

Pretty Ricky’s paper is about 90% done. I emailed him the introduction several days ago and he was really impressed. Now I just need to write a proper conclusion to it, proofread, check the formatting, and that’ll be that. I find myself more anxious about this paper than if it were my own because if it gets a poor grade, not only will I feel bad for his sake, but it’ll be slightly embarrassing on my part.  I mean, I think it’s well written but I’m not sure if my analysis is that compelling or makes any sense. I guess the fact that someone else is depending on me adds a new dimension to it all. Like, I don’t wanna let him down. If I let myself down, then oh well. Letting someone else down sucks.

I’m still kind of trying to figure out why I did this for him. As a peace offering? To impress him? Because I still like him? To get him to like me again? To feel powerful? To feel in control? To feel needed by him? Because I’m a good person? Because I genuinely care about him?

Who knows…

Yesterday, Curly attempted to invite himself over for today. FAIL. Yeah, um…YOU do not decide that you’re coming to get some whenever you feel like it, especially when I don’t even talk to you on the regular like that. No thanks.

And this is precisely why I refuse to give it up to anybody these days. I’m hungry for a MAN and yet I’m surrounded by these little boys.

Tidbits

Totally out of the blue, Curly sent me a text early Friday morning, around 1-ish I wanna say – “Wanna do it?” “Do it”…really? What are we, 10th graders? I screwed with him by asking what he meant even though I knew exactly what he was talking about. I reminded him that he told me a couple months ago that he wasn’t interested in having sex with me if I wasn’t willing to fulfill any of his fantasies (which was either a threesome with another girl, or anal).  “So is that a no?” I didn’t even bother answering.

I was actually talking to Dimples at the time. Still the same old back and forth flirting and naughty talk from time to time but we really don’t have any real chemistry. He just has no game. It’s like he just expects me to come over and take my clothes off and that’ll be that. And I think he’d be a selfish lover for some reason.

I went to a retirement celebration for a former coworker Friday night and Pretty Ricky was there. We actually hugged when we greeted each other, which was weird being as for the past year and a half, we’ve not often been on good enough terms to even speak, much less hug. We got to talking and I found out he’s in school trying to finish up his bachelor’s degree and he mentioned that he just got a rough draft of a paper back and the professor really dug into it. I told him I’m a good writer and offered to help him if he needed it. To my surprise, he was actually took me up on it and I gave him my email address so he could send me the rough draft.

That’ll be nothing. Shit, in my college days when I was kind of a athlete groupie, I wrote a couple of papers for a basketball player I was involved with. And they were from scratch, for classes I wasn’t taking. At least I have a rough draft to work from now.

Sex!

Or not. It’s been over 4 months now. At this point I’m going to go on the record and officially declare myself sexually frustrated. It’d be nice to be squirming in ecstasy underneath a hot man right about now but nope…here I am, a hot sweaty mess (I just came in from a run), sitting in front of the TV with my laptop. I’ve been eating a lot of cereal. But Cinnamon Toast Crunch, while a close substitute for sex, doesn’t hit the spot quite as well.

Yummy!

It’s funny…I’ve gone through longer droughts in my younger days (late teens/early 20s) and don’t remember ever being as bothered. I suppose that as I’ve matured over the years and experienced different types of lovers and sex, I’ve become much more of a sexual person. I’ve also learned more about what I like and what good sex really is.

I definitely haven’t gone this long without for lack of opportunity or offers. I’m just being really selective. I’m waiting for someone to come along that I’m into because that always makes for better sex. To have sex solely for the sake of doing it, it’d have to be someone that I already know will do my body good from experience and unfortunately, I’m not on speaking terms with any of those people, such as Pretty Ricky or Mr. Smooth. I’d even do Curly but he plays too many games and it’s not that serious.

Dimples and I continue to flirt heavily from time to time, but he’s already told me he’s only interested in sex and I’m not for being anyone’s bootycall right now. That’s not to say that he isn’t tempting…he has a reeeeeeally nice body…

There’s another guy from work, Yellowtail, that I’ve become progressively more cool with over the past several months. We’d been exchanging flirty texts on the regular, but as of late the conversations have become a little more dirty. I am attracted to him, but I’m still trying to stick to keeping my hands out of the colleague cookie jar. Plus, he’s starting to turn me off because he’s turning EVERYTHING into a sexual innuendo now that we’ve crossed that line, and it’s annoying. I like to play and flirt, but every conversation doesn’t need to be sexual. Serious overkill.

Random pretty cat that followed me around today.

I’ve recently begun talking to Stallion again. It’s not that we weren’t talking on purpose, but after all that drama concerning the Professor situation a month ago, I kept my distance from everyone in that little circle, including him. It’s not like he was reaching out to me anyway. He swears he doesn’t recall Zorro saying anything about me at the lunch that day. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Of COURSE he’d cover for his boys – bros before hoes. But I’m not mad at him for that.

In other news, I went to a “gentlemen’s club” on Friday evening – my first strip club ever! Me and my coworkers were taking another out to celebrate a quasi-promotion. He was supposed to meet us at the strip club, but he ran late. Me and 2 coworkers were there for about an hour. We sat at the bar mostly and then eventually moved to a table on the outskirts of the stage area. I was intrigued by the dancers but not really impressed. And we really weren’t feeling the OUTRAGEOUS drink prices ($29.00 for a margarita, a Corona, and a vodka cranberry…really?!), so we decided to dip out to go a regular bar. On the way out, another coworker I’d invited was just getting there and he wanted to go in still, so I went back in with him while the other 2 went to the other bar.

I had a much more interesting time the second time around. My coworker bought me drinks and we sat by the stage. A stripper started talking to us and he bought her a shot of Patron. She went up and danced and she was impressive. The coworker gave me dollar bills and I went up to tip her several times. She deserved it. She really worked that pole. I like the pole tricks more than anything. Anyone can come out and roll and grind their body to music. I can do that shit. The pole acrobatics are what get me though. She came and sat with us again after her routine. She was pretty nice. I mean of course, she was trying to get my coworker to buy her drinks because that’s how they make the club money (and he did buy her another shot of Patron), but she seemed genuinely nice though.

We were only there for about an hour or so. My other coworkers were wondering where we were and said that the guest of honor was on his way to where they were, so we made our way there to continue the good time.

I’d go to a strip club again. It was pretty hot once I got into it and the dancers got better. I have absolutely no interest in watching male dancers though. I think that’s fruity. The thought of a man in a g-string dancing suggestively does not turn me on in the least.