Reappearing Acts

I ended up hanging out with Martin again last Friday night. We tentatively scheduled to meet up a couple of days before but made no solid plans. I was ambivalent about whether I actually wanted it to happen or whether he himself would follow through, so I ended up scheduling dinner/drinks with a girlfriend of mine for Friday evening as well because she seemed to be under the weather and to need some companionship.

So when Martin texted me that afternoon asking if we were still on, I decided to try and combine the two because I would’ve felt bad about blowing him off. I told him I was meeting up with a girlfriend and that he would be welcome to join. He was hesitant at first about “interrupting” but I assured him it would be fine. I also spoke to said girlfriend – Alana – and made sure it was okay with her. She, too, was reluctant at first because she felt like she would just be the third wheel on a date, but I explained that Martin was just a guy I had gone on one date with and as of now it was more friendly than anything. She was cool with it.

Martin and I live near-ish to each other, and the meeting spot was a spot in a city about 25 minutes away, so he offered to come pick me up. I accepted. I thought that was sweet. Dinner was at 7 so I told Martin to be at my house at 6:30. Between getting off work and then, I had to squeeze in a microblading touch-up appointment I had at 5 p.m. I ended up getting home a little after 6 p.m. with just enough time to spare to care for the cat and refresh myself before he was there to pick me up.

Alana ran about 15 minutes late, but when she arrived I introduced them and everyone got along well and dinner was grand. As it was Friday night and I hadn’t driven, I got a little bit tipsy and then came up with the grand idea of going back to Martin’s place with him to play video games (while Alana was in the bathroom). He was with it, so he took me back and I played about 10 minutes of Fallout 4 and we watched maybe 15 minutes of The Conjuring 2 before we just decided to hit the hay. We drank a little more at his place so I was quite inebriated. I had warned him beforehand that there would definitely be no sex due to the boob situation and he was fine with that. We made out some but that was that.

In the morning we decided to watch the rest of The Conjuring 2 and then he dropped me back home. We had discussed next hanging out on Wednesday. We texted intermittently for the rest of the weekend about our Halloween shenanigans and on Tuesday he did follow up about hanging out the next day, but I never responded. I don’t know why. Or, I do – just not feeling it. But I guess that’s “ghosting” and it’s mean and I should say something though.

Meanwhile, Ross is being quite persistent. I did respond to his mushy diatribe and basically told him I have some issues with men to work through. He responded with how he was “gravely” hurt twice and not ready to open up about it, but does want to hang out. He asked to bring me lunch at work the next day (Monday) but that was my first day back after being off for a week due to my boob job and I knew I’d have a mountain of work to catch up on, so I declined, but suggested maybe a happy hour during the week. He didn’t respond for a couple of days, then texted me on Wednesday about a buddy of his dying on early Tuesday morning from some sudden medical issue. I told him I was sorry but then I didn’t respond for the next few days even though he texted me every day thereafter. On Sunday, he asked why I hadn’t been responding and I told him I had had a rough, tiring, week. Which I had. My boss – who was the best in the world – was leaving for another job and it was her last week so it made me kind of down in the dumps all week, plus the effort of planning for a surprise send-off for her on Friday. I wasn’t getting a lot of sleep and really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody.

He asked why it was rough but I didn’t respond and then 8 hours later get a petulant “Hello?” so I finally ask what exactly it is he wants from me. He went into how he wants to get to know me…hasn’t met anyone else he’s had an interest in since meeting me…he has a “vibe it’s worth a try”…blah, blah, blah. I told him I may be willing to hang out and this pattern of texting ensues:

Ross

Jesus…certainly very persistent. I did finally halfway agree to a date for tomorrow night although I have a sushi lunch gathering at a girlfriend’s house in the afternoon and don’t really know how long that will be, if I will feel like going out afterward, or if I really want to go out with Ross. But then if I don’t, I guess I should tell him.

THEN, to top all that off, I get a text from a mysterious phone number yesterday afternoon soon after I got home from work. I tried looking it up in my email (I have an app that backs up every text I send or receive to an email folder, for situations exactly like these), but nothing came up. So after small bit of a song and dance about who it was, it turned out to be none other than Adam, the guy who unceremoniously kicked me to the curb last year.

So, it did just so happen that last week I got to catching up with my buddy, Clyde, who is a coworker of Adam’s. After the original implosion, I vented to Clyde about the situation in the hopes that maybe some of it would get back to Adam because I felt bad about my reaction and Adam had blocked me on pretty much every medium. And, of course, tried a half-assed attempt at smoothing things over with Adam that yielded zero results. Then I moved on with my life.

From time to time, although he had blocked me, I’d still see Adam in pictures on Facebook through either his job or mutual friends, but I didn’t particularly feel any certain kind of way and I never reached out again. A colleague of Clyde’s ended up adding me on Facebook, and I learned through pictures of his that he was friends with Adam as well, and possibly even a former roommate. I’ve never spoken to him though – not sure if he knows about me and Adam or not and it’s really not consequential to anything. In my Bumble travels a couple of months ago, I also ran across Adam’s profile, but I definitely swiped left. And that was about it as far as Adam goes until yesterday.

I was just texting with Clyde last week to catch up and I mentioned my boob job and joked that “Adam lost out,” but it definitely was not really for any purpose of trying to get to Adam – just an honest joke. But then come yesterday, Adam says that Clyde mentioned me to him the other day so he just thought he would reach out. We did some brief catching up and then he wanted to know “if everything is cool now.” I assured him I was over it. He then asked if I had any interest in talking to him. I asked what he would like to talk about and then he randomly asked how we originally met. I replied with “Bumble” and he said he just wanted to make sure it was me because it “didn’t sound like me,” whatever that means. I guess maybe he was expecting fireworks and a parade because he suddenly texted me out of the blue after that shit he pulled last year – uh, what exactly is it you want me to say?

Be that as it may, we ended up having cordial conversation for most of the evening. He did in fact try subtly sniffing around my status by asking “how the rest of the male population is treating me,” AKA “Are you single?” so I’m sensing a little interest there I think, although who knows if it’s genuine or it will just be the same shit all over again. He ended up ending conversation by saying he’s going to bed because he has to be up early. I bade him good night and that was that.

I figure if it was honestly just to “catch up” and see how I’m doing, then that will be the end of it. If he ends up texting me again, then I will know he wants more.

But what I want…I don’t really know.

New Year, Old Me

Within days of the Adam debacle I ended up reaching out to a friend of mine, who happens to be a coworker of his, to do some venting. The friend – Clyde – accurately sensing my frustration, had asked if I wanted him to pass along anything to Adam, but I didn’t want to risk stirring the pot at that time so I said not to worry about it. I guess it just made me feel better to kind of vent to someone in Adam’s realm if I couldn’t talk things out with Adam directly. Clyde suggested that Adam would probably cool off within a few days and to wait until then to maybe email him and try to work things out.

A couple of weeks ago I took it a step further and used my work phone to text Adam (assuming that he still has my personal phone blocked). I was cryptic about who it was at first, but he eventually figured it out and although he then started being a bit of a dick in pretty much letting it be known he wasn’t interested in talking about anything, I still got to say my piece a bit.

I confessed to missing his conversation and lamenting the fact that we seemed to like each other at some point so I’m not sure where we went wrong. I left off with letting him know that I wouldn’t mind it so much if he reached back out after he gets more time to cool off from everything. When he didn’t acknowledge anything after that, I assumed he probably just blocked me again, but when I asked him to acknowledge, he did.  I’m not sure what the point was, other than I just honestly don’t understand how we seemed so promising and then got so derailed and I felt bad about the way things were left.

Last week I tried my luck with sending a couple of other witty texts that he never answered. I assumed he blocked me again. Don’t really care anymore at this point.

In terms of other romances, I actually had a date the Saturday before last that went pretty okay. It’s a guy I matched with on Bumble way back…around the same time as Adam. I think I even matched with him before Adam and we conversed intermittently but of course I got sidetracked with Adam eventually and he didn’t seem extremely enthusiastic about talking, so nothing ever stuck.

In the wake of me and Adam’s demise, perhaps in the spirit of just having something to do, I reverted back around to him – perhaps we shall call him Benji – and we decided  we wanted to meet up but neither of us was  immediately able to due to holiday activities. We finally got our opportunity the Saturday before last. And it was a decent time even if there were not any raging sparks flying. But I couldn’t tell if it was just me feeling jaded and maybe a little guarded at the moment and needing to think outside of the box so I decided not to immediately count him out though I wasn’t really feeling any excitement over seeing him again.

For all intents and purposes I still found him to be decent looking and conversational and we spent 3 hours together so I figured it might be worth another go. I waited until Monday and asked him straight up if he wanted to hang out again. He said he wanted to see me again so we decided to try again for the next (this past) Friday.

In the days after we made those tentative plans, I was invited to a get together from a good friend of mine, Bing, who recently got a promotion. I didn’t want to miss that, but I also didn’t want to cancel on Benji, so I decided to try to combine the two. Bing had already volunteered that it’d be okay to bring Benji when I told him I might have a date that night. But when I mentioned it to Benji, he said he’d rather it just be us. Fine.

Yet, come Friday evening, within 2 hours of our agreed-upon meeting time of 7 p.m., he informed me that he was running behind and wouldn’t be able to meet up until 8. That left me with dead time on my hands because I had hung around my office a little later than usual since we were going to originally be meeting in an area that was closer to work than to home. Since the delay was on him and I was already not super excited about the date to begin with, I told him I was going to just go ahead and meet up with my friends then and invited him to join if he wanted to, not really caring if he did so or not.

He ended up making it later on and I was cordial and tried to be engaging, but it suddenly struck me that this guy is just totally not my type. I don’t really find him that physically attractive, but then beyond that, in between our dates he really had not made any effort to converse through text. I pretty much never heard from him unless it was me initiating conversation with him. So there was no mental connection to even attempt to make up for lack of physical chemistry. Nice enough guy, but just a total no-go romantically.

Even still, I was polite in introducing him to all my friends, and since he’s actually a colleague of ours anyway, that worked for giving him another legitimate reason to be hanging around the group besides just being my date, which would’ve been especially weird for him given the fact that later in the night when my friends settled up to make their way to another bar, I decided to skip out so I could meet Scout at my house.

As I heard it, Benji ended up tagging along with them to the other bar and actually seeming to have a good time even though I essentially ditched him (I just old him I was tired – he didn’t seem to mind). But the next day, Bing and my roommate Sarah separately teased me about how much of my type he is not. And deep down, I knew that…I guess I was just trying to make a solid effort since going for “my type” seems to have gotten me absolutely no where.

Several weeks ago, like the day after Christmas or around then, I met up with a long time Facebook buddy of mine for dinner. He’s someone who has been orbiting my atmosphere for a while and here and there has been flirtatious, but not consistently. He brought me hangover McDonald’s food a while ago which was the first time I’d ever met him in person. Since then we have intermittently flirted through Facebook messages, but haven’t met up again in person.

For some reason a few weeks back I finally decided to give him my phone number and to move to the texting realm, and we ended up making that friendly date for dinner and drinks. And it just ended up being another case of me not feeling any real romantic chemistry on my end although he has made it clear on his end that he does and several of his texts since then have been annoying exclamations about how he can’t figure me out or how I make it hard for him to flirt with me.

I actually went last night and deleted my Tinder and Bumble accounts – just haven’t been in the mood. Nothing has struck my fancy for a while on either and I’m not really in the mood for dating overall at this point in time.

On the bright side, I have somehow managed to lose the 10 pounds I’ve been trying to lose for a couple of years now. I’m slimmer and trimmer and it’s noticeable so that’s pretty encouraging. I might just focus for the time being on reaching my fitness goals and feeling better about myself overall before delving into the horrid world of dating again.