The Lowdown on Ben

It just occurred to me that I never wrapped up the sordid Ben saga, that situation coming to a head and completely disintegrating around Thanksgiving.

Because it was a couple of days beforehand that I tried to make conversation and he responded with telling me that the girl he is seeing is in town. Ugh. Admittedly, I was the slightest bit jealous because I kind of liked him, but I couldn’t really be mad because I knew he was seeing someone and thought that he was trying to be the tiniest bit honest at least.

Or not really.

Because shit ended up hitting the fan the Sunday after Thanksgiving, when I hit him up again, thinking perhaps maybe the coast was clear after she came to spend Thanksgiving with him or whatever. All I did was send him a message saying his name: “Ben…”

He responded back abruptly and bizarrely saying that he thinks its best if we cut off contact because he wants to be respectful to her. And then he promptly blocked me. Yikes. I was a little bit blown but I figured he was right…maybe it’s all for the best…

But then an hour later, I’m getting FB messages from a random girl asking me about the nature of my relationship with Ben. This person turns out to be a good friend of Ben’s girlfriend and she informs me that Ben and his girlfriend are currently embroiled in a huge fight over me because she saw my message to him. Ben was trying to play me off as just a “friend” but I quickly inform Ms. BFF that that is not at all the case.

The gist of the situation was that Ben and his girlfriend had been dating for about a year and a half. They had broken up over the summer because of his habitual cheating, but then she took him back some time around late August. The BFF was trying to establish whether or not Ben and I had had sexual contact since then and I informed her that we definitely did, sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

Eventually the GF herself starts messaging me for more details about the exact timeline. Because not only had they gotten back together, but they had been discussing marriage and she noted that one of our hookups occurred within days of them ring shopping. Yikes.

Other notable facts I found out over the course of our conversation, which extended into the next day: Ben gave her chlamydia the first month they started dating. Ben has literally NEVER been faithful to her – the first time she caught him cheating was the previous October when they had only been together for several months. Ben might be a little bit of an alcoholic. Ben might be a little bit of a racist. Ben is broke. Sex with Ben is boring (I disagreed there – I thought it was great). Her family doesn’t like Ben. She was in the habit of combing through Ben’s apartment whenever she visited looking for traces of other women – how romantic!

I felt bad for her, really, and tried to be as helpful as I could with details and screenshots showing the depths of his depravity. I was definitely done with Ben at that point – I only sent a text the next day to tell him I felt bad for the way everything went down (which he did not answer) – but was just maybe sort of hoping she would wise up and get away from him because he really made a fool out of her.

I didn’t really care either way though – I had washed my hands of the situation and moved on with my life. Until a week and a half later when I woke up one morning to find a FB message from Ben. He had taken the time out to unblock me and send a message about how there are “no hard feelings” and how he realized how much pain he had caused to his “future wife”…and then reblocked me again.

WHAT? First off…no hard feelings? LOL. Why the fuck would there be any towards me when he’s the one who was the complete liar the whole time!? Yet he had the nerve to come at me as if he’s blessing me with the gift of forgiveness over a situation that he brought on himself. Wow. Okay, buddy. Then secondly, I was a little flabbergasted that his GF actually took him back after alllllll that trash she talked about him. I just found something really pathetic and corny about that. Then I guess ultimately it just rubbed me the wrong way because it felt like he was pretty much just trying to rub it in my face that he had salvaged his relationship when I would’ve been just as content never hearing from him again. I kind of took as a “Fuck you.” Alrighty then…

So, I decided to drive the point home about how much of a psychotic, cheating bastard Ben is and how pitiful the GF is by creating an Instagram account of nothing but screenshots of exchanges between Ben and I which pretty much drove the point home about how devious, dishonest, and how much of a complete hound he is.

I tagged her, the BFF, and as many friends of hers as I could muster up. She blocked me right away; it took the BFF a little more time. Everyone else I’m sure did as well but I stopped caring to log into the account after amusing myself with it for a few days.

So after I wore myself out with that, I left it alone and forgot about the situation. Until this past Saturday when I received not one, but 2 “Heys” from Ben via text. I figured out it was his number almost immediately, but he never responded. After a few hours I asked him wtf he was texting me for. He said he had noticed my number on his “blocked list” and wanted to know who it was before realizing it was me. Uh…what?!

Yeah, okay buddy. So you felt the need to text a number you allegedly blocked for what reason? That didn’t really make any sense and I told him so. He stopped answering after I pretty much called him on his nonsense. I think he knows it was me and was trying to put out a feeler of some sort. No thanks.

I Tried

Well apparently I jumped the gun on axing Ben. I just assumed, since he had clearly read my diatribes yesterday morning and hadn’t responded, that that would be all she wrote.  Because I certainly wasn’t going to say anything else and I figured that was his standpoint as well.

Yet in the late afternoon he finally replied: “Me too.” I prodded because I had no idea what that meant as a response to the thousands of things I said. He was referencing the statement I made about having been looking forward to our rendezvous. And added on that he had also been excited about seeing the new boobs as well.

I responded that maybe one day the timing will be right. He wrote “K” then proceeded to delve into conversation about how my healing is going. And from there we made friendly intermittent chit chat like normal. He even coaxed the conversation on at certain points, which he usually doesn’t do much of.

So, I don’t know. I get the feeling he wants to keep me around somehow.

Besides that, a few updates on some oldies, but goodies:


I hadn’t spoken to him since the random text he had sent me last year, which I found strange given that he was engaged. But I actually ended up running into him at the beach back in August. I was at a bar alone fretting over another jackass, and I turn around and spy my good old friend, Blaze. We drank and talked and hung out together for a little while. No hard feelings; no love lost. We parted ways amicably and he got married last month and good luck to him.


We had been in contact pretty regularly over the past couple of months. I forget who initiated this round, but when we started talking again he was mourning the loss of a girl he really liked but screwed up with because apparently he had kind of overlapped her with a previous girl, and previous girl wasn’t having it. When she found out about the second chick, she got in contact with her somehow and blew his spot up. Second girl cut him off and didn’t look back and he was upset because he had been into her.

So we started off pretty wholesomely chatty at first yet at some point he started sending me selfies and various other pictures and the general tone turned more flirty. Then he eventually started his usual BS of hinting around hanging out, or wanting to hang out last minute. I just blew him off on those occasions.

But then the Saturday before last, he out right asked if I wanted to hang out with him at a town near me. He was going to meet up with a female friend and her boyfriend. I accepted and he came and got me. I can’t remember the last time I saw him…I feel like it’s not been since we originally talked. But he looked good. And he was the perfect gentleman in getting out of the car to open my door.

The friend wasn’t out yet so we stopped at one spot and had a meal and drinks on our own. Then his friend instructed him to go to another spot, so he paid and I said I’d get our drinks at the next place. The friend and her boyfriend joined us maybe 30 minutes later. She was nice and so was the boyfriend – nice to the point where, when we decided to hit another spot, the boyfriend paid the whole tab…meaning he paid for the drinks Chester and I had even when they weren’t even there yet. We implored him not to, but he insisted. And then when we were done at the next place, he claimed that they “know him” and had comped him and so we didn’t pay a cent yet again. I’ll allow it.

I had told Chester earlier in the evening that he could crash at my place if he needed to, and that’s what ended up happening. But sleeping is not all we did, of course. The next morning we got a second round in and then he drove me to McDonald’s for greasy hangover food and left.

The night before he had told me he would be back in that same town the next weekend for a wedding. I had plans for dinner with Hannah as a preliminary birthday celebration in said town as well. He said “maybe” (as in, he wanted us to) we would cross paths. But apparently he was going as a female friend’s plus 1, and I checked to make sure I wouldn’t be interrupting a date. He assured me that said female is a friend from college who lives out of state now but comes back to attend a wedding every once in a while, and he just kind of her standing wedding date on those occasions.

So we ended up meeting up out on the town last weekend. Not until about midnight, though. Hannah and I met him at the bar they were all at. I was pretty tipsy by then. I met his female friend; she was nice. Hannah’s husband came to pick her up not too long into it, so I figured I’d either just Uber back home or possibly crash with Chester. Unfortunately he was sharing a room with his friend, so that was a no-go. And I feel like we might’ve not gotten along so well somehow – I think maybe I said something drunkenly stupid about us dating or something. I can’t remember.

I eventually Ubered back home safely and woke up to a text that he sent me at 4:25 am asking if I made it home okay. He texted me a little bit later when he got home and I asked why he had been up that late/early…he didn’t seem to remember it being that early.  But that was really the extent of the conversation and I haven’t heard from him since. So I can’t decide if we got into it or not because I figured he wouldn’t have texted me. But then again I haven’t heard from him like I normally have been. I don’t care either way.


So when it came down to it and we finally got around to talking about expectations, it turned out that Adam still didn’t see us as a dating thing, but was interested in exploring other options, such as a FWB situation. I tried it; he came over a couple of times, just for kicks. But just like he told me that time that he doesn’t think about me when he gets a spare moment…I don’t fantasize about him when I get a spare moment. And thus it doesn’t interest me to maintain any sexual relationship with him at all. He DID look pretty good when I saw him for the first time after a year, though. I’m not usually a facial hair fan, but a beard on him makes him a little hotter. But still…eh.

Can’t Win With Ben

I was able to somewhat successfully wean myself off of him – at first. We had never really talked daily, but I still found myself trying to keep up contact every few days like “normal” in the days/weeks after he cut things off. Yet slowly, but surely, I managed to go longer and longer without feeling the urge to talk to him and even had a good two-week streak going…until the Monday before last, when I contacted him to gloat somewhat about an update on a newsworthy event that we had previously debated over.

Our sporadic conversation ended up continuing throughout the week and I noticed that his responses became progressively more flirty/sexual in nature toward me. He started asking for certain kinds of x-rated pictures (which he did not get…but PG-13 ones, sure) which I found AWFULLY PECULIAR given that this was the same guy who not long ago reamed me out for asking him for just a basic face selfie, all due to his fancy relationship. Hmmm…trouble in paradise? I didn’t even ask. His behavior said it all. In any case, this all culminated in us making plans to meet up again this evening.

And admittedly, I was excited. I couldn’t be sure exactly what was going on with his wonderful relationship, but I wanted to see him again and I wanted him to touch me again. But in the past few days I started sensing exactly what was going to happen. I could just feel it even though I hadn’t heard from him since Monday.

Last night I asked if we were still on and he finally responds this morning that “he thinks things are getting serious with the person he’s seeing.” Um…okay, dude.

I asked why, if things were so “serious,” he had solicited me to come over, and he said that they had “patched things up” over the past few days. Ah, so there WAS in fact trouble in paradise. Nice.

I asked him if he thought it was good idea if we just didn’t talk, and he said he didn’t mind staying friendly, but we probably shouldn’t continue as we had been. Yeah…DUH. Although I think there’s something to be said for the fact that he didn’t leap at the obvious chance I gave him to kick me out of his life completely. Maybe.

I explained that the problem is that we are going to have trouble just remaining “friendly” and that his seemingly volatile relationship status encourages temptation in him that will likely just result in me getting toyed with since I am attracted to him.

He didn’t read all of that immediately, and I didn’t say anything for a while until I took some time to think, and then finally I just told him my overall assessment of the situation: that I don’t believe they ever really broke up even once he got re-deployed here and were together even throughout the brief period we were hanging out, but obviously given the long distance capacity now the connection is starting to ebb and flow somewhat (hence this “push and pull” pattern with me). I added on that I’m going to give him some breathing room. I had it phrased initially as I’m not going to contact him again, but I didn’t want it to sound so final, or like I’m angry. Because I’m not, and I made sure to emphasize that.

He’s never really been dishonest, but more so vague and has omitted certain truths. I guess all in the interest of not appearing to be a scumbag. The fact is, he was ultimately cheating on his girlfriend with me. I don’t believe for one second that they ever broke up. I KNOW they didn’t because I saw the evidence with my own eyes. I could see him perhaps maintaining the single facade when he wanted to bang me those few times, but why bother lying once we were well over with the whole “we broke up and got back together” spiel? It’s almost as if he cares about my perception somewhat, for whatever reason.

In any case, as I said to him, I just don’t want to be subject to being yanked back and forth when he is having relationship rough patches.

What I didn’t say, but what is certainly true, is that the bottom line is that I’m just immensely attracted to him and it’s hard for me to just be “friendly” with him. And even continuing to talk to him these past few weeks has just been me, in essence, kind of “poking the bear,” because I knew one of these days he might crack for whatever reason like he did last week. I was actually hoping he would. And he did briefly, but only just to push me away once again. *Sigh*

I left him with thoughts on how I had been looking forward to seeing and banging him, but I understand his situation. So if he ever wants to hang out for REAL, he can let me know.

And now I’m quitting Ben – cold turkey.