I Tried

Well apparently I jumped the gun on axing Ben. I just assumed, since he had clearly read my diatribes yesterday morning and hadn’t responded, that that would be all she wrote.  Because I certainly wasn’t going to say anything else and I figured that was his standpoint as well.

Yet in the late afternoon he finally replied: “Me too.” I prodded because I had no idea what that meant as a response to the thousands of things I said. He was referencing the statement I made about having been looking forward to our rendezvous. And added on that he had also been excited about seeing the new boobs as well.

I responded that maybe one day the timing will be right. He wrote “K” then proceeded to delve into conversation about how my healing is going. And from there we made friendly intermittent chit chat like normal. He even coaxed the conversation on at certain points, which he usually doesn’t do much of.

So, I don’t know. I get the feeling he wants to keep me around somehow.

Besides that, a few updates on some oldies, but goodies:

Blaze

I hadn’t spoken to him since the random text he had sent me last year, which I found strange given that he was engaged. But I actually ended up running into him at the beach back in August. I was at a bar alone fretting over another jackass, and I turn around and spy my good old friend, Blaze. We drank and talked and hung out together for a little while. No hard feelings; no love lost. We parted ways amicably and he got married last month and good luck to him.

Chester

We had been in contact pretty regularly over the past couple of months. I forget who initiated this round, but when we started talking again he was mourning the loss of a girl he really liked but screwed up with because apparently he had kind of overlapped her with a previous girl, and previous girl wasn’t having it. When she found out about the second chick, she got in contact with her somehow and blew his spot up. Second girl cut him off and didn’t look back and he was upset because he had been into her.

So we started off pretty wholesomely chatty at first yet at some point he started sending me selfies and various other pictures and the general tone turned more flirty. Then he eventually started his usual BS of hinting around hanging out, or wanting to hang out last minute. I just blew him off on those occasions.

But then the Saturday before last, he out right asked if I wanted to hang out with him at a town near me. He was going to meet up with a female friend and her boyfriend. I accepted and he came and got me. I can’t remember the last time I saw him…I feel like it’s not been since we originally talked. But he looked good. And he was the perfect gentleman in getting out of the car to open my door.

The friend wasn’t out yet so we stopped at one spot and had a meal and drinks on our own. Then his friend instructed him to go to another spot, so he paid and I said I’d get our drinks at the next place. The friend and her boyfriend joined us maybe 30 minutes later. She was nice and so was the boyfriend – nice to the point where, when we decided to hit another spot, the boyfriend paid the whole tab…meaning he paid for the drinks Chester and I had even when they weren’t even there yet. We implored him not to, but he insisted. And then when we were done at the next place, he claimed that they “know him” and had comped him and so we didn’t pay a cent yet again. I’ll allow it.

I had told Chester earlier in the evening that he could crash at my place if he needed to, and that’s what ended up happening. But sleeping is not all we did, of course. The next morning we got a second round in and then he drove me to McDonald’s for greasy hangover food and left.

The night before he had told me he would be back in that same town the next weekend for a wedding. I had plans for dinner with Hannah as a preliminary birthday celebration in said town as well. He said “maybe” (as in, he wanted us to) we would cross paths. But apparently he was going as a female friend’s plus 1, and I checked to make sure I wouldn’t be interrupting a date. He assured me that said female is a friend from college who lives out of state now but comes back to attend a wedding every once in a while, and he just kind of her standing wedding date on those occasions.

So we ended up meeting up out on the town last weekend. Not until about midnight, though. Hannah and I met him at the bar they were all at. I was pretty tipsy by then. I met his female friend; she was nice. Hannah’s husband came to pick her up not too long into it, so I figured I’d either just Uber back home or possibly crash with Chester. Unfortunately he was sharing a room with his friend, so that was a no-go. And I feel like we might’ve not gotten along so well somehow – I think maybe I said something drunkenly stupid about us dating or something. I can’t remember.

I eventually Ubered back home safely and woke up to a text that he sent me at 4:25 am asking if I made it home okay. He texted me a little bit later when he got home and I asked why he had been up that late/early…he didn’t seem to remember it being that early.  But that was really the extent of the conversation and I haven’t heard from him since. So I can’t decide if we got into it or not because I figured he wouldn’t have texted me. But then again I haven’t heard from him like I normally have been. I don’t care either way.

Adam

So when it came down to it and we finally got around to talking about expectations, it turned out that Adam still didn’t see us as a dating thing, but was interested in exploring other options, such as a FWB situation. I tried it; he came over a couple of times, just for kicks. But just like he told me that time that he doesn’t think about me when he gets a spare moment…I don’t fantasize about him when I get a spare moment. And thus it doesn’t interest me to maintain any sexual relationship with him at all. He DID look pretty good when I saw him for the first time after a year, though. I’m not usually a facial hair fan, but a beard on him makes him a little hotter. But still…eh.

No Thanx

Shortly into my commute home from work the afternoon before last I received a couple of texts from an unidentified number. I knew immediately who it was upon reading them but I asked “Who’s this?” anyway to make the fact that I was over it ever more poignant.

Guy in question (not important enough to waste an alias on) was someone whom my friend Tyra sent my way a month or so ago. This was apparently someone she met through Bumble and ended up meeting for coffee but didn’t feel any sparks with. For some reason she thought maybe he and I might be a good match, so she asked if I would want to give him a try.

This was somewhere around the time Adam gave me the heave-ho, although I can’t remember for sure whether it was right beforehand or right after. Whatever the case may be, I wasn’t feeling it at first since  guy and Adam just so happen to share the same first name. I thought that would be in poor taste.

At some point after the Adam situation imploded I gave in and told Tyra she could pass my number along. He started texting me and we exchanged a few pictures; he looked decent and seemed to have a high opinion of my looks, but it was hard for me to feel any real interest in the wake of the Adam debacle and especially since this guy didn’t seem to be making any moves to actually meet up.

He finally decided to make that move a couple of weeks ago, and we settled on Thursday evening. When I told him what town I lived in, he said he’d scout out a place for us to go down my way. The day before, I asked him if he’d figured anything out yet and he replied that he hadn’t thus yet and said his day had been hectic.

Admittedly, he slipped my mind for the rest of that day and it didn’t occur to me that I never heard anything back from him until Thursday evening. It was cold, rainy, and dreary and I wasn’t terribly pressed to go out in weather like that or with him to begin with, but I would’ve held up my end of he bargain if we had solidified plans so I was a little ticked that I never heard anything more from him. I sent my patented “Or not” to him, which he never responded to. Some time over the course of the weekend when he came to mind again and I realized he had never responded, I deleted his number and went on with my life.

For some reason he decided 2 weeks later was the appropriate time to randomly offer some half-ass apology, his excuse being that he figured I would be pissed and that he should’ve been better at communication.

Right, buddy.Unfortunately, the time to apologize would’ve been around the time you essentially stood me up 2 weeks ago.

As soon as he responded to my faux inquiry into his identity, I deleted his texts. Extraordinarily not interested. Logic kind of dictates that if this is the way he sees fit to act before we even have yet to meet, then it would only get worse from here.

Dating in the early stages, including any precursory period, is like a job interview…when you’re supposed to display your most polished and refined self to make the best impression possible. At least for normal people. Thus it could be deduced that either this IS his best impression, which is not a good one, or that he doesn’t really care about making one. Neither alternative is appealing.

I find my patience these days with men and/or peoples’ bullshit in general to be precariously thin.

I gave ElliotOh He Who Ignores My Texts More Often Than Not – his just desserts recently as well when he texted me about some minor Facebook drama centered around a particular colleague of ours. I didn’t even bother answering. Just like he does me most of the time.

It’s the small victories…

New Year, Old Me

Within days of the Adam debacle I ended up reaching out to a friend of mine, who happens to be a coworker of his, to do some venting. The friend – Clyde – accurately sensing my frustration, had asked if I wanted him to pass along anything to Adam, but I didn’t want to risk stirring the pot at that time so I said not to worry about it. I guess it just made me feel better to kind of vent to someone in Adam’s realm if I couldn’t talk things out with Adam directly. Clyde suggested that Adam would probably cool off within a few days and to wait until then to maybe email him and try to work things out.

A couple of weeks ago I took it a step further and used my work phone to text Adam (assuming that he still has my personal phone blocked). I was cryptic about who it was at first, but he eventually figured it out and although he then started being a bit of a dick in pretty much letting it be known he wasn’t interested in talking about anything, I still got to say my piece a bit.

I confessed to missing his conversation and lamenting the fact that we seemed to like each other at some point so I’m not sure where we went wrong. I left off with letting him know that I wouldn’t mind it so much if he reached back out after he gets more time to cool off from everything. When he didn’t acknowledge anything after that, I assumed he probably just blocked me again, but when I asked him to acknowledge, he did.  I’m not sure what the point was, other than I just honestly don’t understand how we seemed so promising and then got so derailed and I felt bad about the way things were left.

Last week I tried my luck with sending a couple of other witty texts that he never answered. I assumed he blocked me again. Don’t really care anymore at this point.

In terms of other romances, I actually had a date the Saturday before last that went pretty okay. It’s a guy I matched with on Bumble way back…around the same time as Adam. I think I even matched with him before Adam and we conversed intermittently but of course I got sidetracked with Adam eventually and he didn’t seem extremely enthusiastic about talking, so nothing ever stuck.

In the wake of me and Adam’s demise, perhaps in the spirit of just having something to do, I reverted back around to him – perhaps we shall call him Benji – and we decided  we wanted to meet up but neither of us was  immediately able to due to holiday activities. We finally got our opportunity the Saturday before last. And it was a decent time even if there were not any raging sparks flying. But I couldn’t tell if it was just me feeling jaded and maybe a little guarded at the moment and needing to think outside of the box so I decided not to immediately count him out though I wasn’t really feeling any excitement over seeing him again.

For all intents and purposes I still found him to be decent looking and conversational and we spent 3 hours together so I figured it might be worth another go. I waited until Monday and asked him straight up if he wanted to hang out again. He said he wanted to see me again so we decided to try again for the next (this past) Friday.

In the days after we made those tentative plans, I was invited to a get together from a good friend of mine, Bing, who recently got a promotion. I didn’t want to miss that, but I also didn’t want to cancel on Benji, so I decided to try to combine the two. Bing had already volunteered that it’d be okay to bring Benji when I told him I might have a date that night. But when I mentioned it to Benji, he said he’d rather it just be us. Fine.

Yet, come Friday evening, within 2 hours of our agreed-upon meeting time of 7 p.m., he informed me that he was running behind and wouldn’t be able to meet up until 8. That left me with dead time on my hands because I had hung around my office a little later than usual since we were going to originally be meeting in an area that was closer to work than to home. Since the delay was on him and I was already not super excited about the date to begin with, I told him I was going to just go ahead and meet up with my friends then and invited him to join if he wanted to, not really caring if he did so or not.

He ended up making it later on and I was cordial and tried to be engaging, but it suddenly struck me that this guy is just totally not my type. I don’t really find him that physically attractive, but then beyond that, in between our dates he really had not made any effort to converse through text. I pretty much never heard from him unless it was me initiating conversation with him. So there was no mental connection to even attempt to make up for lack of physical chemistry. Nice enough guy, but just a total no-go romantically.

Even still, I was polite in introducing him to all my friends, and since he’s actually a colleague of ours anyway, that worked for giving him another legitimate reason to be hanging around the group besides just being my date, which would’ve been especially weird for him given the fact that later in the night when my friends settled up to make their way to another bar, I decided to skip out so I could meet Scout at my house.

As I heard it, Benji ended up tagging along with them to the other bar and actually seeming to have a good time even though I essentially ditched him (I just old him I was tired – he didn’t seem to mind). But the next day, Bing and my roommate Sarah separately teased me about how much of my type he is not. And deep down, I knew that…I guess I was just trying to make a solid effort since going for “my type” seems to have gotten me absolutely no where.

Several weeks ago, like the day after Christmas or around then, I met up with a long time Facebook buddy of mine for dinner. He’s someone who has been orbiting my atmosphere for a while and here and there has been flirtatious, but not consistently. He brought me hangover McDonald’s food a while ago which was the first time I’d ever met him in person. Since then we have intermittently flirted through Facebook messages, but haven’t met up again in person.

For some reason a few weeks back I finally decided to give him my phone number and to move to the texting realm, and we ended up making that friendly date for dinner and drinks. And it just ended up being another case of me not feeling any real romantic chemistry on my end although he has made it clear on his end that he does and several of his texts since then have been annoying exclamations about how he can’t figure me out or how I make it hard for him to flirt with me.

I actually went last night and deleted my Tinder and Bumble accounts – just haven’t been in the mood. Nothing has struck my fancy for a while on either and I’m not really in the mood for dating overall at this point in time.

On the bright side, I have somehow managed to lose the 10 pounds I’ve been trying to lose for a couple of years now. I’m slimmer and trimmer and it’s noticeable so that’s pretty encouraging. I might just focus for the time being on reaching my fitness goals and feeling better about myself overall before delving into the horrid world of dating again.