The last few months have been eventful, to say the least. Highs, lows, smiles, frowns, tears, and everything in between.
Barry is a senior colleague who, up until mid-January, was just that. I saw him around from time, he added me on Facebook in late November, and that the extent of that. His Facebook page gave the impression of a nice looking early-40s guy completely enthralled with his pretty blonde (second) wife, pre-adolescent son (from first marriage) that is his perfect little twin, and handsome german shepherd. The quintessential family man. He seemed like a pretty cool guy from what I could tell from our minimal in-person interactions and Facebook. Never thought about him in any other capacity.
Then the Facebook messages started. I changed my profile picture one day and he messaged me to with compliments on my beauty. So very out of the blue and completely unexpected, based on my impression of him. I had no idea I was anywhere on his radar. The messages continued in sporadic intervals from there. They held a subtle undertone of flirtation, but were never overt or sleazy.
Then he invited me to a happy hour. Actually, it was the day after I wrote the last entry – January 17th. I met up with him and a few of his buddies with absolutely no ill intentions and from there a drunken rendezvous ensued later at my house. The next morning I was all set to charge it off as just a one-time thing with a guy I wasn’t even sure I was attracted to. But then we talked and just kept talking and he made it clear that he wanted to see me again and it became some sort of a whirlwind romance.
He took me to brunch later that week and that sealed the deal. He bought me panties from Victoria’s Secret. He cooked me dinner. He sent me flowers for Valentine’s Day. He lavished me with compliments and attention. We talked every day without fail. He came to my house several times a week and wouldn’t step foot outside the door to leave without first securing a block of time from me to hang out next. We met up for meals at work. He started telling me how much he missed me and was thinking about me all the time.
As far as his wife goes…he said that they are more like roommates. They hadn’t had sex in a year. That’s not so much an excuse as it is indicative of the fact that Barry isn’t a hound. I know plenty of men that habitually sleep around on their wives and Barry isn’t that type. I don’t think he was deliberately looking for something like this at all.
And then something happened that changed everything. It was a frightening, unnerving time for both of us, and as Barry and I were barely a month into it when it happened, the weight of it threatened to collapse us. And it almost did. Barry got a serious reality check and even once tried to end things outright. He was honest and sincere and clearly scared, but it was sudden and unexpected and absolutely horrid timing that left me feeling abandoned when I needed him the most – probably more than I ever needed any man ever – and it stung me terribly. But it wasn’t 3 days before he came meandering back, remorseful and striving to make amends.
That was almost 3 months ago. We tried to pick up where we left off before what happened, happened, and it almost felt like what could, but things haven’t really been the same. Things changed in such tiny increments that it was hard to see what was happening. Yet slowly but surely this went from scorching hot to lukewarm. Sometimes to damn near ice cold. We went from talking daily without fail to not talking for a day here and there. Okay. But then sometimes it would be 2 days. Then another time it’d be 3. The longest it’s been has been a week.
He came over my house a month ago. Before that it had been 2 months. He came over and apologized to me for everything repeatedly. We had sex and I laid in his arms and listened to him talk in his velvety voice, and it brought tears to my eyes for us to be like that again, finally, after everything. I missed it and him more than I realized.
But even since then, there has remained some friction from time to time. We had a breakthrough but then he reverted back into this cold, nonchalant Barry I’ve been mostly been experiencing for the last couple of months, with intermittent flashes of the old, sweeter Barry here and there.
I don’t know. Clearly I’ll have to wean myself off of him at some point. There’s only so far that this can go, given that he’s married. But unfortunately, I’m now more connected to him than I’ve ever been with anyone and so that simply won’t be so easy.
Another alleged one time thing that evolved into an ongoing situation. Except that it’s primarily sexual and not so emotionally charged, like with Barry. But as opposed to him treating me like a simple piece of ass, I’d say we’re friends. We text fairly regularly – mostly about work, but there’s always room left for funny/flirty banter. Our senses of humor mesh well. He makes an effort to keep in contact. And then maybe a couple of times a month he’ll manage to score himself a solo night out at the bar and will hit me up so he can come over a few hours before closing time.
I know very little about his marital situation besides the fact that he has a couple of teenage children. I’ve never thought it was my place to inquire – it’s just not that type of party with him. But I’d guess it’s kind of the “typical” scenario: long-married, middle-aged couple lacking in sexual activity. Even in his late-40s, he’s certainly not lacking in desire or virility so I guess he’s just getting it where he can get it. And I think he’s extremely sexy and we mesh well in bed together so…I consider it a fair trade.
Aaron and I crossed paths in the midst of a tumultuous set of events that necessitated our respective places of business joining together. I could tell he was interested in me during our first conversation. I didn’t see a wedding ring, nor did mention of a significant other of any sort ever come up during our conversation, so that was encouraging. When we parted paths that first time I was hoping to see him again. I got my wish the very next day. And it was then that he asked me out. I was elated.
But alas, upon conducting some Facebook stalking, I was immediately confronted with a barrage of wedding photos of Aaron and his wife, from only a mere 5 months before. Drats…
To make a long story a little less long, we now have a thing that has thus far consisted of one lunch date and one visit to my house. He works a lot and obviously has a wife and plus he lives about 90 minutes away from me, so we haven’t had a lot of opportunity to spend time together, but he keeps in regular contact and even seem to thinks he loves me. Ugh.
I really am aspiring to find someone that is actually single, but that just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me right now.