Bachelor #1

As of now, I have two gents in the running for…exactly what, I don’t know, but so far they’ve both seemed to have stuck around for a bit so we will see what happens.

The first, I shall refer to as Wojo. Wojo is a handsome, late-20s Navy officer who lives fairly close to me by way of being stationed in the area over the summer. We matched on Tinder in mid-December and had immediate conversational chemistry. We exchanged numbers within some days and from there managed to have one phone conversation in the week before Christmas where we scheduled to meet on December 27.

December 27 comes and we agree on 6:30 PM. Yet maybe around 5:30, not long before I was going to get on the road to go meet him, he relays that he might be late – his building’s water is off and he is sweaty from the gym. The gym shower was not an option because it’s connected to his building and the issue is affecting the whole block. He doesn’t know when it will be back on.

So at that point, knowing that sudden excuses like these when you’re dealing with Tinder folk should be taken with a grain of salt, I suggest that we just postpone the date. In my mind, if he’s bullshitting me, then he can go to hell and it doesn’t matter anyway. And if he’s NOT bullshitting me, I’m not going to hold my whole night in the balance waiting for this issue to resolve since he has no idea of knowing when it will.

So we cancel the date and in my mind I’m throwing him halfway into the “discard” pile because I can’t be sure if the story is true or not and hadn’t yet met him anyway so I really don’t care. He informs me maybe an hour later that his water is back on. I offer a curt response but not much else.

Yet conversation picks back up in the ensuing days and we end up making a sushi date for that next Wednesday (January 3). As he lives in the city I work in, but I live in the nearby suburbs, and the restaurant was in the city, I just end up staying at my office in the interim between my work day and the date so as not to have to drive all the way home and come back. And thus, as I was bored out of my mind and restless eventually, I leave a little bit early and get there maybe 10 minutes before him. I grab a high-top table near the bar and let him know I’m there.

When he comes in, I know him immediately because he looks pretty much the same as in his pictures. We warm up to each other pretty immediately and are able to converse with ease. He had never been to that restaurant before, even though it’s a really popular sushi spot in the city, and he seemed impressed with it, so I felt good about my choice.

Wojo was tall, cute, and had nice teeth and great conversation. We seemed to connect. I was attracted to him. Only…when it came time for the check and I offered to split it, he ACCEPTED!!! Ugh.

I am pretty traditional when it comes to the first couple of dates – he should pay. And it’s not so much about the money itself (I have no problem paying my way whatsoever) as it is about what it symbolizes. It’s just hard for me not to assume that a man who lets me pay any part of the check, especially for a first date, is either not at all interested in me, and/or he is dating around so much that it’s fiscally burdensome for him to continuously cover everything, so he welcomes the assistance. Either way, not a good look in my eyes.

So that was a blower. However he did kind of redeem himself by walking me several blocks to my car, even though he had Ubered. It was bitterly cold out and I had half a mind to offer to drive him home since his place was on the way, but I resisted since I had already gotten the vibe, via the check split, that he just wasn’t into me. And thus once we got to my car I bade him goodbye and left him to his own devices.

I wasn’t even 5 minutes into my commute home before he texted me to tell me what a good time he had. Cool…me too, thanks. I purposely remained guarded because I wasn’t sure if he meant it or was just being polite.

Yet he hit me up the next day, when he could. He works at a highly sensitive facility where he can’t have access to his phone during his working day, so I had gotten used to not hearing from him until the evenings.

We were talking on Friday evening when he started throwing stronger hints that he was interested. I expressed surprise and he wondered why. I plainly explained my reasoning regarding the payment of the bill. He seemed taken aback by that and said that I seemed insistent and so he didn’t want to offend me. Okay…I could see how maybe I overdid it a little. I just really like to make a thorough effort to look like I’m serious about paying even though I’m really only half serious. Only a quarter serious, really. Maybe just an eighth.

I gave him that one, but then he went on to say that since I’m “older,” he just figured it was something I wanted to do to express my independence or something. Uh…NO! First of all, NEVER refer to me as “older” again!!! Second of all, NEVER refer to me as “older” again!!! There is in fact an 8-year age difference, but that is not something that ever requires any emphasis. Especially if it entails him singling me out for disparate treatment for as opposed to a woman his age. Anything you would do for a 20-something date, please feel free to do for me as well. Thanks.

All in all, we had a laugh about it and he was a good sport. He didn’t seem offended or to take it hard about me calling him out for not paying, and we scheduled a date for that coming Monday evening which we both knew would be on him.

There’s a restaurant that I hear about from time to time that I always wanted to try, and so I suggested it and he agreed. I knew it was more on the upscale side, but it wasn’t until I had already made us a reservation and went to explore the menu online that I realized just how upscale it was. There were no prices listed on the menu whatsoever, and from my ensuing research I realized that this is one of those really fancy places that specialize in multiple course meal “experiences” and all that jazz. We would not have gotten out of that restaurant for less than several hundred dollars. Reservation canceled.

Even ordinarily, I would not feel comfortable for someone of more modest means (he’s a military officer so I’m sure he’s doing well for himself, but it’s not like he’s a millionaire) to spring for such expensive dining for a second date. But then, on TOP of that, given that we had just had a discussion about how I expect men to pay on first dates and this was essentially his “make up” date, I felt like it would send the wrong message. I would definitely look like I’m a total gold digger and/or trying to take advantage by knowingly having him take me to a restaurant like that. It would just be super tacky.

I ended up explaining my inadvertent poor choice and then suggested another one I had in mind that is still nice, but definitely a couple notches down in price from the original pick. He was good with that. But then come Sunday I looked up the second place and discovered it wasn’t open on Mondays. I immediately informed Wojo and just told him to pick somewhere in his area. He lives in an popular yuppie-ish area that offers many different great places to eat.

We met out this past Monday night, in the middle of an ice storm. Dinner was lovely and conversation was just as great. And he paid, like a good boy.

After, even though we were only several blocks from his place, I drove him home because the sidewalks were downright dangerous to walk on. We – or he, rather – had several close calls on the way to my car.

When I pulled up near his place, we hugged goodbye and then he kissed me. A sweet, brief kiss. Apparently he got out and fell not so long after because he texted me as I was not even off the block yet to tell me hopes I did not just see that (I didn’t).

He’s been in contact since then and we have a date set up for next Tuesday.

Upcoming…bachelor #2…

I Tried

Well apparently I jumped the gun on axing Ben. I just assumed, since he had clearly read my diatribes yesterday morning and hadn’t responded, that that would be all she wrote.  Because I certainly wasn’t going to say anything else and I figured that was his standpoint as well.

Yet in the late afternoon he finally replied: “Me too.” I prodded because I had no idea what that meant as a response to the thousands of things I said. He was referencing the statement I made about having been looking forward to our rendezvous. And added on that he had also been excited about seeing the new boobs as well.

I responded that maybe one day the timing will be right. He wrote “K” then proceeded to delve into conversation about how my healing is going. And from there we made friendly intermittent chit chat like normal. He even coaxed the conversation on at certain points, which he usually doesn’t do much of.

So, I don’t know. I get the feeling he wants to keep me around somehow.

Besides that, a few updates on some oldies, but goodies:

Blaze

I hadn’t spoken to him since the random text he had sent me last year, which I found strange given that he was engaged. But I actually ended up running into him at the beach back in August. I was at a bar alone fretting over another jackass, and I turn around and spy my good old friend, Blaze. We drank and talked and hung out together for a little while. No hard feelings; no love lost. We parted ways amicably and he got married last month and good luck to him.

Chester

We had been in contact pretty regularly over the past couple of months. I forget who initiated this round, but when we started talking again he was mourning the loss of a girl he really liked but screwed up with because apparently he had kind of overlapped her with a previous girl, and previous girl wasn’t having it. When she found out about the second chick, she got in contact with her somehow and blew his spot up. Second girl cut him off and didn’t look back and he was upset because he had been into her.

So we started off pretty wholesomely chatty at first yet at some point he started sending me selfies and various other pictures and the general tone turned more flirty. Then he eventually started his usual BS of hinting around hanging out, or wanting to hang out last minute. I just blew him off on those occasions.

But then the Saturday before last, he out right asked if I wanted to hang out with him at a town near me. He was going to meet up with a female friend and her boyfriend. I accepted and he came and got me. I can’t remember the last time I saw him…I feel like it’s not been since we originally talked. But he looked good. And he was the perfect gentleman in getting out of the car to open my door.

The friend wasn’t out yet so we stopped at one spot and had a meal and drinks on our own. Then his friend instructed him to go to another spot, so he paid and I said I’d get our drinks at the next place. The friend and her boyfriend joined us maybe 30 minutes later. She was nice and so was the boyfriend – nice to the point where, when we decided to hit another spot, the boyfriend paid the whole tab…meaning he paid for the drinks Chester and I had even when they weren’t even there yet. We implored him not to, but he insisted. And then when we were done at the next place, he claimed that they “know him” and had comped him and so we didn’t pay a cent yet again. I’ll allow it.

I had told Chester earlier in the evening that he could crash at my place if he needed to, and that’s what ended up happening. But sleeping is not all we did, of course. The next morning we got a second round in and then he drove me to McDonald’s for greasy hangover food and left.

The night before he had told me he would be back in that same town the next weekend for a wedding. I had plans for dinner with Hannah as a preliminary birthday celebration in said town as well. He said “maybe” (as in, he wanted us to) we would cross paths. But apparently he was going as a female friend’s plus 1, and I checked to make sure I wouldn’t be interrupting a date. He assured me that said female is a friend from college who lives out of state now but comes back to attend a wedding every once in a while, and he just kind of her standing wedding date on those occasions.

So we ended up meeting up out on the town last weekend. Not until about midnight, though. Hannah and I met him at the bar they were all at. I was pretty tipsy by then. I met his female friend; she was nice. Hannah’s husband came to pick her up not too long into it, so I figured I’d either just Uber back home or possibly crash with Chester. Unfortunately he was sharing a room with his friend, so that was a no-go. And I feel like we might’ve not gotten along so well somehow – I think maybe I said something drunkenly stupid about us dating or something. I can’t remember.

I eventually Ubered back home safely and woke up to a text that he sent me at 4:25 am asking if I made it home okay. He texted me a little bit later when he got home and I asked why he had been up that late/early…he didn’t seem to remember it being that early.  But that was really the extent of the conversation and I haven’t heard from him since. So I can’t decide if we got into it or not because I figured he wouldn’t have texted me. But then again I haven’t heard from him like I normally have been. I don’t care either way.

Adam

So when it came down to it and we finally got around to talking about expectations, it turned out that Adam still didn’t see us as a dating thing, but was interested in exploring other options, such as a FWB situation. I tried it; he came over a couple of times, just for kicks. But just like he told me that time that he doesn’t think about me when he gets a spare moment…I don’t fantasize about him when I get a spare moment. And thus it doesn’t interest me to maintain any sexual relationship with him at all. He DID look pretty good when I saw him for the first time after a year, though. I’m not usually a facial hair fan, but a beard on him makes him a little hotter. But still…eh.

Can’t Win With Ben

I was able to somewhat successfully wean myself off of him – at first. We had never really talked daily, but I still found myself trying to keep up contact every few days like “normal” in the days/weeks after he cut things off. Yet slowly, but surely, I managed to go longer and longer without feeling the urge to talk to him and even had a good two-week streak going…until the Monday before last, when I contacted him to gloat somewhat about an update on a newsworthy event that we had previously debated over.

Our sporadic conversation ended up continuing throughout the week and I noticed that his responses became progressively more flirty/sexual in nature toward me. He started asking for certain kinds of x-rated pictures (which he did not get…but PG-13 ones, sure) which I found AWFULLY PECULIAR given that this was the same guy who not long ago reamed me out for asking him for just a basic face selfie, all due to his fancy relationship. Hmmm…trouble in paradise? I didn’t even ask. His behavior said it all. In any case, this all culminated in us making plans to meet up again this evening.

And admittedly, I was excited. I couldn’t be sure exactly what was going on with his wonderful relationship, but I wanted to see him again and I wanted him to touch me again. But in the past few days I started sensing exactly what was going to happen. I could just feel it even though I hadn’t heard from him since Monday.

Last night I asked if we were still on and he finally responds this morning that “he thinks things are getting serious with the person he’s seeing.” Um…okay, dude.

I asked why, if things were so “serious,” he had solicited me to come over, and he said that they had “patched things up” over the past few days. Ah, so there WAS in fact trouble in paradise. Nice.

I asked him if he thought it was good idea if we just didn’t talk, and he said he didn’t mind staying friendly, but we probably shouldn’t continue as we had been. Yeah…DUH. Although I think there’s something to be said for the fact that he didn’t leap at the obvious chance I gave him to kick me out of his life completely. Maybe.

I explained that the problem is that we are going to have trouble just remaining “friendly” and that his seemingly volatile relationship status encourages temptation in him that will likely just result in me getting toyed with since I am attracted to him.

He didn’t read all of that immediately, and I didn’t say anything for a while until I took some time to think, and then finally I just told him my overall assessment of the situation: that I don’t believe they ever really broke up even once he got re-deployed here and were together even throughout the brief period we were hanging out, but obviously given the long distance capacity now the connection is starting to ebb and flow somewhat (hence this “push and pull” pattern with me). I added on that I’m going to give him some breathing room. I had it phrased initially as I’m not going to contact him again, but I didn’t want it to sound so final, or like I’m angry. Because I’m not, and I made sure to emphasize that.

He’s never really been dishonest, but more so vague and has omitted certain truths. I guess all in the interest of not appearing to be a scumbag. The fact is, he was ultimately cheating on his girlfriend with me. I don’t believe for one second that they ever broke up. I KNOW they didn’t because I saw the evidence with my own eyes. I could see him perhaps maintaining the single facade when he wanted to bang me those few times, but why bother lying once we were well over with the whole “we broke up and got back together” spiel? It’s almost as if he cares about my perception somewhat, for whatever reason.

In any case, as I said to him, I just don’t want to be subject to being yanked back and forth when he is having relationship rough patches.

What I didn’t say, but what is certainly true, is that the bottom line is that I’m just immensely attracted to him and it’s hard for me to just be “friendly” with him. And even continuing to talk to him these past few weeks has just been me, in essence, kind of “poking the bear,” because I knew one of these days he might crack for whatever reason like he did last week. I was actually hoping he would. And he did briefly, but only just to push me away once again. *Sigh*

I left him with thoughts on how I had been looking forward to seeing and banging him, but I understand his situation. So if he ever wants to hang out for REAL, he can let me know.

And now I’m quitting Ben – cold turkey.