Crazy or Nah?


Well the Ben hiatus lasted all of 24 hours after I wrote that I was staying away from him. Partly – or mostly, rather – due to an extended weekend in New Orleans with a group of friends where sobriety was not high on our list of priorities. I ended up drunk messaging him at some point to ask about this week. And thus ended up back over again last night.

I didn’t get home until late Monday night and had to work yesterday, so I was dead tired, but I rallied for the drive to his place in the evening anyway and good times were had.

Things were a little different this time though. We became a little more familiar in  sexual sense, which makes me think he is definitely much more comfortable with me. He also made several comments alluding to the the “next time” we hang out, which I can’t recall him doing before. And after we had sex, spent an hour talking, then had more sex, and it was nearing 10 PM, he asked if I wanted to get some food. It was nothing fancy – just a quick jaunt to the grocery store right next to his building which has an extensive food buffet – but I thought it was interesting nonetheless. He bought us some food and we sat at the bar eating for a little bit, and then he walked me to my car as usual.

But if we may add to the “red flag” list, there are now several more things that I find of note:

  • The last time we hung out, he spoke of the “craziest thing he ever did” in terms of a romantic situation. It involved “the last girl he really loved” 5 years ago who ditched him for an ex-boyfriend. When she wouldn’t answer his texts or calls, he drove to her home unannounced to try to talk to her. What the outcome of that was, I’m not sure. Maybe not TOO bad in itself, but then…
  • Last night he upped the ante with a story about having a restraining order filed on him in the past by someone else (NOT aforementioned girl) whom he fell out with and who subsequently blocked him from texting or calling. He happened to find out that she would be at a certain bar on some night and went there to see her. When she turned around to find it was him tapping her shoulder, she once again told him to kick rocks. He then proceeded to send her flowers on TWO subsequent occasions after which he was met with temporary restraining order paperwork. He had to retain a lawyer to try to negotiate and smooth things over so as to try to avoid the temporary order becoming a permanent one, which would’ve had repercussions in terms of his career. What saved his ass was that he was about to get re-stationed anyway and the lawyer was able to convince her to rescind it because he’s not going to be anywhere near her.

So, maybe that’s a little concerning? Is he crazy? He doesn’t really seem like it – maybe we have all done crazy things for love. But then again, he doesn’t love me so I don’t know if these tendencies to be maybe a little obsessive/stalker-ish and demonstrate willful disregard for boundaries would manifest more in a serious dating situation with him.

But I have definitely done some crazy shit, so who am I to judge? It doesn’t really scare me or make me wary, but I just tend to just not be afraid of people in general whether I should be or not.

But whatever. He told me before I left last night to message when I got home, which he has also never done. He read it eventually but never answered. I sent another message to – assuming we hang out next week – try to adjust from Tuesday to Monday. He has read and not answered. So maybe it’s for the best.



La Dominicana

I ventured to the Dominican Republic a little over 3 weeks ago. It’s kind of an annual tradition for me and other friends that have birthdays around the same time and whoever out of our general group of friends and acquaintances wants to tag along. We have done it for several years now. It’s usually been around 10 to 12 people, with a mix of couples and singles, but this year, due to engagements and weddings and all that jazz, there were only 4 of us – myself, Carly, our friend Chico, and his girlfriend.

As previously touched on, due to my witching hour date with Adam I ended up not sleeping at all the Friday night before and thus by the time he dropped me off at the airport in the wee hours of Saturday morning for my 6:30 a.m. flight (the first of 2), I had been awake for almost 24 hours. So I was pretty exhausted, but the commencement of “vacation drinking” with Carly on the journey gave me an extra boost of energy and resolve. We had a brief layover in Florida but otherwise the flights were pretty painless.

We landed in the Dominican shortly after 1 p.m. to be shuttled off to our resort. Chico and the girlfriend were on a separate flight but we were all due to end up at the resort around the same time. We ended up connecting for a late afternoon lunch once everyone had gotten settled in. We had some tentative intentions on trying to get out that night but everyone had established that they were tired from traveling so it wasn’t looking too promising.

Carly and I went down for naps right after lunch and ended up not waking up until almost 10 p.m. By that time  we didn’t feel like freshening up or leaving the room. Nor did Chico or his girl. It was raining anyway so that made it feel like not too much of a waste. Carly and I opted to sip on some beers from the fridge and order room service.

The waiter who brought our food was a suave looking Dominican gentleman whom Carly took a liking to. Somehow, although he didn’t speak much English, some flirting between them went on that culminated in him coming back to our room for a late night visit to see her when he was done with work. My memory is fuzzy because I was tired and tipsy, but I don’t think much went on that night between them. At least not in my presence.

When we ordered room service again the next night – I think just for wine – it ended up being him again. And yet again somehow – I think they were using Google Translate – this resulted in yet another late night visit. But this time he brought an amigo for me. A person who appeared to be one of the cooks, as denoted by his uniform and accompanying hat. I was not into him whatsoever but I played the good wing woman inside while Carly and waiter guy (we never knew his name) went out on the balcony. This consisted of us sitting awkwardly beside each other passing my phone back and forth to speak through Google Translate, as he also did not speak English. While my basic Spanish isn’t too bad, conversational Spanish with a fluent speaker is not really my forte. It didn’t matter, as I was not feeling him at all, but I at least wanted to be polite. He did end up trying to solicit besos (kisses) from me but that definitely wasn’t happening. I was glad when they left.

The majority of the trip entailed our normal modus operandi: pool/sun/drinking with bouts of eating activities sprinkled in during the day, a resting period in the late afternoon, then getting dressed for the night and venturing out to one of the resort restaurants for dinner and the nightclub thereafter.

Fun in the sun

For a lot of the time I had seen few people on the resort who piqued my interest in terms of being attractive while also not appearing to be in attendance with a significant other. However, it was at the nightclub on Wednesday night, while we were all kind of huddled around each other just drinking and primarily watching the dance floor, when I spotted a tall, blonde guy who looked particularly yummy. He was standing slightly behind us with a male friend. No females in sight.

There was an instance where I mistakenly backed into him (an actual accident…not to be confused with “mistakenly” where I might do it on purpose to get someone’s attention). I turned and apologized and that garnered a smile in response but not anything else. Drats. I kept my eye on him on the low and noted that he didn’t appear to be there with any women so I felt like that was a good sign and started trying to work up the courage to initiate a conversation.

It was around this time that Carly started being semi-annoying, as she was a little drunker than I was. She seemed to be halfway entertaining some Canadian guy but then would turn her attention back to me to babble and distract me while I was trying to scope out blonde guy. She eventually insisted I come outside with her while she smokes. This entailed exiting the club, walking through an open-air court area, and out into the open. I resisted at first, trying to hint to her that I was scoping out someone and didn’t want to lose sight of him, but she kept bugging me about it so I acquiesced. The club was only one way in, one way out, so I figured I’d at least know if he left.

We walked out and I kept her company while she smoked and talked about this Canadian guy that she claimed she couldn’t stand and wasn’t interested in but kept talking about so as to make it obvious that she was interested in him. Standard Carly.  Finally the cigarette was down to the filter and put out. Okay good…back to the club and blonde guy. But then one of the resort workers was riding by and apparently took a fancy to us because he slammed on his brakes and started conversing with us. We spoke back for 5 minutes or so to be nice and then scurried back inside.

I went in and did a scan. And of course as luck would have it, no blonde guy. REALLY?! I took a couple of trips around the perimeter just to make sure, and yep…gone. He sneaked past me somehow. I was blown and lamented to Carly how her high priority smoke break had cost me the only decent guy I had seen on the resort so far. Oh well, back to drinking.

Not long after, we decided the club wasn’t really hitting the spot so we decided to take a break from the deafening music and retreat to the bar outside in the court area. There were seats for people at the bar as well as tables a little ways off closer to the open entrance/exit. It was just me and Carly at this point – Chico and girlfriend had left to rest for an early-morning excursion.

We sauntered out to the court bar and who do I spy with my little eye sitting with a group of people at one of the tables off yonder? Blonde guy! He hadn’t gone after all, I just hadn’t noticed him on my way back into the club even though I had walked right past him. But now it was he and the male friend and several other people of mixed sex sitting around the table. There was a girl or two around his age, so my hopes were instantly shattered in thinking that perhaps one of them was his significant other. However, further observation kind of dispelled that hypothesis as he didn’t seem to be sitting particularly closely with anyone and there were no obvious signs of intimacy. It was hard to call it either way, but even if just family or friends, there was no way I was going to go hit on a guy within a group of people.

Carly had other drunken ideas though and kept intermittently looking over to try to make eye contact with him even though I implored her to forget about it. I wasn’t sure exactly what her plan was, but after turning way for a matter of seconds I turned back to find that just that quickly something had taken place. And it appeared to have failed miserably as she was suddenly motioning toward the club doorway for us to go back inside and exclaiming in a slightly amused, but slightly sheepish tone, “We have to go back in, NOW.” My eyes widened in surprise as I had no idea what had taken place in literally the 3 seconds I had my back turned, but the implication was that it had been something embarrassing, so I followed her back in the club at once.

When we were safely inside she explained that just as my back was turned, he looked over toward us and she made a welcoming arm motion to implore him to come over and join us. He only looked at her with a look that, by all description and imitation, seemed to be something like this:


Yikes! Poor girl. But she took that hit for me…awwww! The things you do for friends. And yet, even as we were standing there talking about it, and just as I was making a mental note to chalk that one up under the “Definitely Not Interested” column, lo and behold, blonde guy walks into the club. Even before I could signal to Carly that he’s back inside so we could make a hasty escape out of his path and tuck our tails between our legs elsewhere, he spots us. And makes a beeline right over.

He comes up and smiles. I smile back and speak and Carly speaks as well but then takes right off and leaves me to it. And there I am, staring dreamily up into the blue eyes of blonde guy, who apparently turned out to be interested after all.

It turned out that he was German and spoke very little English. Thus his seeming distaste at Carly’s grand invitation earlier was apparently not that at all but maybe just genuine confusion and surprise. Maybe he didn’t know how to interpret it or whatever. In any case,  a limited bout of small talk ensued, sponsored by Google Translate. He was named Franck, 31, and from Thuringia, Germany. And he thought I was a “very nice girl.” We had a drink together and “talked” the best we could; eventually he asked if I wanted to come back to his room with him, which he was staying in alone. Sure…why not?

As we walk out through the court I see Carly sitting at a table with her Canadian beau du jour and one of his friends; I notify her that I’m going with Franck and tell her to have fun.

We got to his room and started making out pretty heavily, yet since no one had a condom handy, the possibility of intercourse fell off the table. We fooled around for a little while longer in light of that fact but then I realized I was tired and figured that since this wasn’t going any further for now, it’d be best for me to get back to my room. As I got up to start gathering my things together, he motioned for my phone to type. When he handed it back, the translation read: Will you stay with me?

Aw. I thought that was kind of sweet. Okay…fine. However, so as not to have any misunderstandings, I clarified that it was just for SLEEP. As in slumber. He concurred. And thus I settled back into bed with him and rolled into his arms. His hands roamed around a little bit but he didn’t protest when I eventually guided them back up to PG territory and we settled into slumber together.

I set my phone alarm for 6 a.m. so I could wake up and skedaddle back to my room before the resort started waking up and my walk of shame became too obvious. When it went off and I got up to get dressed, he got up too. He told me he wanted to walk me back to my room. Aw, again. What a gentleman.

I must say though, it’s maybe a little awkward to walk with someone for 15 minutes with no ability to make casual conversation. It would’ve been too cumbersome to try passing a phone back and forth while walking coupled with me simultaneously trying to remember how to get back to my room (he was staying in a different tier of the resort). But mostly it was peaceful. And trading smiles and glances back and forth said enough, I guess. We even both caught the humor in crossing paths with an extremely loud stray cat. That thing was mewing loud enough to wake the dead.

I lost my bearings a bit trying to find my way back from his side of the resort, but eventually some landmarks started looking familiar and I knew I was close. Thank goodness. I was yearning for a little more sleep and then some breakfast. When we got to my building he walked me up the stairs to our second-level door and then we kissed goodbye. He managed to reiterate the word “pool” in English to remind me of his previous mention of being there around 11 a.m. I told him I’d see him there and then went in.

But alas, I never saw him again that day. I kind of forgot the fact that his pool was different from mine and I wasn’t going to make the trouble of going over to his to find him. Then for that night Chico and his girlfriend were pressed to go to the Hard Rock Punta Cana, so we ventured off the resort by cab and got a one-night pass there. It was underwhelming. From the way they were so pressed to go, I thought it would have 24K gold floors and actual angels from Heaven as bartenders. But no…just pretty much a normal Americanized nightclub with a glitzy atmosphere whose patrons maybe had a little more money, as it costs an arm and a leg to stay there, but weren’t anything special otherwise. We were there for under 2 hours before we decided we wanted to go back to our resort. To which we went back and walked in to a completely dead nightclub. Like, we walked in and there was literally NO ONE in there but the workers. It was only around 1 a.m.

But there were still some scattered people at the court bar so we hung out there for a little bit. Two Argentinian guys starting talking to us and we ended up walking over to the late-night buffet with them to get food where I fended off the advances of one of them. He proclaimed that we were destined for a love as great as that of “La Diairo de Una Pasion.” That would be the Spanish title of “The Notebook.”  No thanks. He was cute but kind of corny and I was in no way interested in “making love” as he had suggested at some point (maybe playfully, maybe not). I was all too happy to have eventually convinced Carly that we should get back to our room for our “Big Last Day” before she found it in herself to hook up with the other one and thus invited them back to the room or something so that I had to entertain that fool any longer. I was NOT going to have another awkward chef incident.

My stray kitty friend

I never did see Franck again.On Friday it rained from sunrise until the mid-afternoon. A hard, steady, monsoon-like rain that precluded any breakfast or pool activities for that period. I was up around 8 o’clock doing some light packing in preparation for leaving the next day when there was knock at the door. I froze, thinking perhaps it was room service guy for Carly. We kind of made it a joke that we wanted to avoid him; he had called the room at certain points for Carly but she didn’t want to hang out with him again. Thinking it might be him, I didn’t move. When the knock came a second time, I said, What the hell and decided I’d just answer and tell him straight up. I was to the door within maybe 10 seconds of the second knock, but when I opened it there was no one there. I stepped outside and scanned to see if anyone was walking away or anything like that but I didn’t see anyone whatsoever, which was mildly unsettling. It was a pretty open area…not sure where someone would’ve gotten off to that quick.

When I thought about it later, it occurred to me that waiter guy had never come during the day, only at night. So then I got to wondering if it could’ve been Franck looking for me. That night I got dressed and to out with Carly for a little bit even though I was beat at that point and looking forward to getting back home. At dinner, which was an open-air buffet situation, I ran across the same cat that me and Franck had seen together. He or she was running among the tables obviously looking for food. I ended up calling it over and feeding it some scraps for a little while. It ate right out of my hand – my own ignorant cat doesn’t even do that.

I tapped out after an hour or two and left Carly on her on so I could go back to the room and rest. Chico and girlfriend didn’t come out at all. I had asked Carly to let me know if she saw Franck at the nightclub. She messaged me close to 1 a.m. telling me he was there. I kind of did want to go out to see him one last time just to say goodbye, but ultimately I was just not at all able to muster up the energy to do so. I wish I had gotten his last name or Facebook ID or something at least. He was a nice guy. And a tiny part of me feels bad thinking that maybe he thinks I ditched him purposely or something and maybe it really was him on Friday coming to see where I was.

Oh well.



Too Early to Call

Well it seems that the former Bachelor #4 requires a certified alias at this point, so we will henceforth refer to him as Adam.

As we left off 3 weeks ago, Adam and I had seemed to spark somewhat of an instant connection, as evidenced by the volley of textual banter that took place on a daily basis throughout that week, complete with an effortless 90-minute phone conversation that occurred very early on. Eventually we scheduled a date for that Friday  which entailed him picking me up at my door at 6 p.m. for a meal at a Mexican restaurant nearby.

That Thursday he made a random request for a picture of my cat to use as part of some type of pet collage he was making for his new desk at work. I thought that was kind of flattering (even if slightly weird)…surely he would not bother asking for a picture of my cat to use as part of something that he would be laying eyes on regularly unless he anticipated me sticking around for a while, right?

I was antsy throughout my work day on Friday – excited, yet anxious, about both my date with Adam and my trip to Punta Cana the next morning. My flight out was very early – 6:30 to be exact, necessitating an airport appearance by 4:30 at the latest – so I was cutting it close by seeing Adam so late into the evening. But I already knew I wouldn’t be sleeping super soundly that night due to trip jitters anyway so I was willing to take that risk.

Of course, as luck would have it, Adam ended up getting caught up in something at work on Friday; he gave me a heads up in the afternoon that it might end up keeping him over, but that he would keep me posted. Ugh. I knew it was legit and couldn’t be helped, but I still felt minor pangs of disappointment in thinking that we would possibly end up not being able to meet up.

I went home that evening and made sure to finish the bulk of my packing, hoping for the best, but as his sporadic updates progressed it became clear that we wouldn’t be making 6 p.m. And then not even 8 p.m. The restaurant in question closed at 10 p.m. so there went that idea once it was past 8 and he still did not seem any closer to being able to leave.

As the night went on, any rest I had hoped to get turned out to be a lost cause, as I maintained a perpetual “in wait” alertness level and thus was unable to fully relax. Once 10 p.m. hit and we were still no closer to our date, I decided to hit the local bar for a couple of drinks to calm my nerves and have something to do since it was past the point of no return in terms of attempting to get any substantial rest. By that point Adam and I had established that we definitely wanted to meet up that night, no matter what time he got out. Even if it was in the early morning, there was always a casino or 2 in the vicinity that we could hit for a few drinks. I just really, really wanted to meet him in person to solidify this thing that was forming, and knew it was important to do so before leaving for Punta Cana. He did too.

So that’s just what we did. He ended up not getting off until almost 2 in the morning. I was back home by that time, all packed up and ready to go. He arrived my door looking every bit as cute as I had imagined. Bonus points were awarded for how interactive he was with my cat – most men don’t like cats so it was refreshing to see that he seemed to enjoy petting her. And likewise. He grabbed my suitcase and put it in his truck, as it was clear that he’d have to end up dropping me off at the airport (saved me an Uber fare!) and off to the casino we went.

To be honest, I was a little buzzed from the drinks I had earlier in the night. We had a couple of rounds together and talked, and I generally found it to be enjoyable, but some of the detail and nuance escapes me. I just know that he was cute, he didn’t seem weird, and we vibed well. He even ended up inadvertently meeting my roommate and a couple of other friends after those drunkards showed up to the casino to drink after the bars closed down. Gotta love a casino for 24/7 liquor availability.

Maybe shortly before 4 a.m., we parted ways with the casino to make our way to the airport. When we pulled up to the terminal, we started with a hug goodbye, but then I decided I wanted to kiss him, so I did. He was very receptive, so what started as a goodbye kiss turned into a makeout session, from which we only took a brief hiatus so that he could drive away from the crowded terminal lane to a desolate parking lot.

There, we continued making out for maybe 10 minutes or so, maintaining a pretty PG-13ish level of contact. He affectionately grabbed my neck some, I sucked on his fingers a little, but we kept it pretty civil. He’s a great kisser though and he tasted good and it was hard to pull myself away, but alas, I had a flight to catch. So eventually, when we were able to settle ourselves down, he rode me back around to the terminal, grabbed my suitcase out of his truck for me, and we hugged and kissed goodbye for real.

I knew it was a good sign when he texted me about 40 minutes later to let me know he’d gotten home okay, and then about how he was glad we had gotten to meet up. Some time over the night we had decided that the following Sunday, right after I got back, we’d go out for our first “real date,” and he reiterated that point and then exclaimed that I’m “super hot” and I can feel free to send him gratuitous bikini shots from the trip, of course.

I started texting him several hours later during a brief layover to say that he was worth staying up for, even if the bags under my eyes say otherwise. He concurred. And from there, and over the course of the week of my vacation, our conversations progressed into considerably more salacious, raunchy, sexual territory of epic proportions. Partly because I was turned on from our makeout session, partly because of liquor, and partly because it was pretty much established from the way he took control and grabbed me during our airport rendezvous that we have many of the same sexual tastes. So the flood gates pretty much opened progressively over the week verbally and visually and we all but established that our second date the Sunday coming would involve sex.

Which I didn’t quite know how to feel about, when I took time to think about it, having had things kind of go down a road very quickly that I was hoping to work up to more slowly. You know, so he can “respect” me and all…but whatever. We definitely did a complete 180 in that over the week before he met, there was a moment where I was being especially encouraging about an exam he was nervous about and he said I was like his personal cheerleader. I innocuously retorted that I could even wear the outfit if he wanted me too, and he said I cannot say things like that because that gives him visuals that might cause him to unintentionally go down a certain road. So I took that to mean that he was actually specifically NOT trying to say anything that would make him come off as a sleaze-ball, and it was kind of endearing.

And then there we were a week later, exchanging naughty pictures. Oh well. Sometimes it beez like that.

Even still, I was kind of on edge about him the whole week because I realized I kind of liked him and was maybe feeling a little self-conscious about the extreme sexual tangent we had diverged onto and whether or not he actually wanted to see me again because he liked me or just because he wanted to have sex with me. I couldn’t really tell.

In any case, I got in late Saturday night. We had talked somewhat throughout my travels over the day and our date was still on, so I was excited.The one minor hitch was that he forgot he was working some overtime that day, so it’d have to be later in the evening, like 9 p.m. Again, cutting it close considering I knew I’d be exhausted from the trip still and had work Monday morning, but I sucked it up.

On Sunday morning, he texted me a “disclaimer” about how he’s feeling slightly sick, and I felt like he was possibly laying a foundation for him to eventually back out of our date, but he eventually reconfirmed that the date was definitely still on, but that he just wanted to warn me that I might get sick. I wasn’t worried.

He got to my house shortly before 9 p.m. and off we went to a steakhouse a little ways up the street where we dined on salmon and wine (me) and cuban pork and beer (him) and talked. I was able to get a better read on him this time in a more sober capacity and I still found him physically appealing, a good conversationalist, intelligent, and alluring, even if maybe just slightly different from the way I remembered him from our first date. He’s really, really smart – probably smarter than me, which I like. He regaled me with his thoughts on the concept of “reverse natural selection,” which I had never thought about before and found especially interesting to ponder.

It was at dinner that I presented him with a small present I’d gotten him from Punta Cana for his desk – a wooden cat carving. He seemed to like it. He even made a few playful cat meow noises which were kind of adorable.

Dinner wasn’t that extensive. I thought the restaurant closed at 11 but it turns out it actually closed at 10, so with us walking in a little after 9, we ended up inadvertently being “those people” and I felt a little bad. I wouldn’t have gone there if I knew they closed at 10.

Afterwards, we drove back to my house and went up to my room. I turned on the TV and attempted to put on one of those 24/7 music channels, but it was terribly bright and the first one I settled on was playing Dionne Warwick or something else horrendous that was not terribly mood setting, so I tuned back to the normal Discovery ID programming because people like us like having sex to the background sounds of murder and serial killers anyway, and sex ensued.

It was decent. Nothing mind-blowing, but definitely a good starting off point. He is huge, which he is very proud of, but of course, it’s not just about the size of the boat…I think he might be somewhat of a more self-centered lover though, so if this continues I will have to monitor that.

He had already mentioned beforehand that he wouldn’t be able to stay over due to work early in the morning, but he did lie around for a little while after we finished. Before he left, we hugged several times goodbye and he said we’d talk soon. And thus commenced the “Will he or won’t he” game.

He did. I fell asleep not long after he left, but woke up pleasantly surprised to see he had written to me later in the night to tell me how hot that was. He was disappointed that he didn’t get me off and expressed his resolve to “work on that.”

So things seemed to be on track, at least to start the week off. He remained fairly communicative and responsive, but then as the middle of the week approached, I started to feel like he wasn’t as talkative or responsive and may have been kind of blowing me off somewhat. I was especially put off on Wednesday morning when I sent him a picture of me in a bra and received what I’d classify as a very lackluster response. Ooookay then. I was kind of in a mood and already feeling kind of like it was inevitable that this would crash and burn anyway (because they all do), so I bit the bullet and told him my thoughts on his response and then remarked that his interest seemed to be waning, but that’s okay. He responded with an excuse about a task he was performing at work that limited his phone-handling capabilities. I waited until the end of my workday to answer: “Cool.” He never said anything back.

I was intent on just letting things fall by the wayside and not speaking to him unless he initiated, but on Thursday, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I sent him some holiday cheer. Only to receive no response after more than several hours. Really, dude? He responded back eventually (not long after I sent a snippy “Or not…”) to explain that he was at his parents’ house and doesn’t get any reception there…he only started receiving texts after he left.

I remarked that I felt like he hasn’t been as communicative lately and asked if I should stop texting him. And, I’ll give it to him, he did step up a little. He said he’d been rather busy lately with work, school, his moving endeavors, and the holiday, and so has been a bit distracted, but that he did feel it might be good for us to talk about what we’re both looking for here.

Uh oh. I just knew what was coming: this would be the part when he’d let me know he’s not looking for anything substantial and we could probably hang out and bang from time to time and that’d be it. Par for the course. Oh well – better to get it out of the way at least.

I responded that I assumed it’d be a “hang out and see what happens” sort of scenario and then stood by and waited for the inevitable excuse as to why that doesn’t suit him or how he’s not looking for a relationship and I’m a great girl but blah, blah, blah. Imagine my surprise when he said he was cool with that. At that point, I was hashing out another response about how I think the scenario I’m envisioning was historically called “dating”…somewhat of a midpoint between just having sex and declaring undying love for each other. Yet again, he actually redeemed himself – he said he thinks we can manage that, but he just wants me to bear in mind that things are a little nutty for him right now.

Okay…I can work with that.

So, at this point, I like him. He seems to be in it for more than just sex, so that’s always a positive. I don’t have any lofty expectations at this point other than getting to know him.

Yet, for now, his life is still pretty hectic and it doesn’t look like we are going to be able to see each other for the next couple of weeks at least.

We talked some over the weekend, but then contact became rather scant to nonexistent from Sunday up until yesterday. We didn’t talk at all on Tuesday. We had tentatively discussed hanging out this upcoming weekend previously, so after my self-imposed hiatus from contacting him on Tuesday, I hit him up yesterday morning to ask if we were still on for this weekend or not.

The answer was an unfortunate no. Between work and school he has too much to do and is behind on a lot of things. And apparently the following weekend isn’t looking that great either because of finals.


Call me cynical, but I’ve been in the game long enough to know that when a man claims he’s too busy to see you, that often means he’s just not that into you. And I’m not in the mood these days for the old tried and true smoke and mirror game or sitting around trying to interpret what people are REALLY trying to say when they say things, so I just said right out that this is striking me as one of those things where maybe he’s gently trying to blow me off, so perhaps I should take a hint.

He said that he actually isn’t. That he is just genuinely swamped right now – that’s just his life at the moment. I told him, fine, that I’d take him at his word and not read too much into things. I followed up that it’d be nice to see him again when things calm down.

He agreed (I’m assuming with the sentiment about seeing each other again), but said that he doesn’t expect me to “stick around” just for him…that it’s not uncommon for women to get fed up with his schedule. I retorted that I am in fact “sticking around” because I’d like to hang out with him and get to know him, but that sometimes it’s difficult to ascertain whether someone’s claims of being busy are authentic or a way of saying “thanks, but no thanks.” He assured me that if that were the case, he’d simply say “thanks, but no thanks.”

I believe him. He seems pretty genuine. He’s been pretty transparent so far, with the instant Facebook add and what not. I figure that’s a good barometer to use if I ever have doubts about his interest in me, because I’m sure he’d delete me there right away and thus that’d be a good indicator of where things are headed.

What I am trying to be very careful of, given that he’s already warned me that he is busy, is seeming too clingy too soon or like I am demanding too much of his attention as he tries to settle things down. He is pretty much at the tail end of moving, so that will be off his plate in the near future, as well as school, as he finishes up his classes for the semester and I assume will not be starting anymore until the spring. So I’m trying to maintain patience and understanding for the moment.

But so far I guess it’s too early to call. I haven’t really been on Bumble again since we started talking, so there’s really no one else on the menu at the moment (besides Scout of course). So if this doesn’t work out, I’ll just be back where I always am: perpetually single. No big deal.