Crazy or Nah?

 

Well the Ben hiatus lasted all of 24 hours after I wrote that I was staying away from him. Partly – or mostly, rather – due to an extended weekend in New Orleans with a group of friends where sobriety was not high on our list of priorities. I ended up drunk messaging him at some point to ask about this week. And thus ended up back over again last night.

I didn’t get home until late Monday night and had to work yesterday, so I was dead tired, but I rallied for the drive to his place in the evening anyway and good times were had.

Things were a little different this time though. We became a little more familiar in  sexual sense, which makes me think he is definitely much more comfortable with me. He also made several comments alluding to the the “next time” we hang out, which I can’t recall him doing before. And after we had sex, spent an hour talking, then had more sex, and it was nearing 10 PM, he asked if I wanted to get some food. It was nothing fancy – just a quick jaunt to the grocery store right next to his building which has an extensive food buffet – but I thought it was interesting nonetheless. He bought us some food and we sat at the bar eating for a little bit, and then he walked me to my car as usual.

But if we may add to the “red flag” list, there are now several more things that I find of note:

  • The last time we hung out, he spoke of the “craziest thing he ever did” in terms of a romantic situation. It involved “the last girl he really loved” 5 years ago who ditched him for an ex-boyfriend. When she wouldn’t answer his texts or calls, he drove to her home unannounced to try to talk to her. What the outcome of that was, I’m not sure. Maybe not TOO bad in itself, but then…
  • Last night he upped the ante with a story about having a restraining order filed on him in the past by someone else (NOT aforementioned girl) whom he fell out with and who subsequently blocked him from texting or calling. He happened to find out that she would be at a certain bar on some night and went there to see her. When she turned around to find it was him tapping her shoulder, she once again told him to kick rocks. He then proceeded to send her flowers on TWO subsequent occasions after which he was met with temporary restraining order paperwork. He had to retain a lawyer to try to negotiate and smooth things over so as to try to avoid the temporary order becoming a permanent one, which would’ve had repercussions in terms of his career. What saved his ass was that he was about to get re-stationed anyway and the lawyer was able to convince her to rescind it because he’s not going to be anywhere near her.

So, maybe that’s a little concerning? Is he crazy? He doesn’t really seem like it – maybe we have all done crazy things for love. But then again, he doesn’t love me so I don’t know if these tendencies to be maybe a little obsessive/stalker-ish and demonstrate willful disregard for boundaries would manifest more in a serious dating situation with him.

But I have definitely done some crazy shit, so who am I to judge? It doesn’t really scare me or make me wary, but I just tend to just not be afraid of people in general whether I should be or not.

But whatever. He told me before I left last night to message when I got home, which he has also never done. He read it eventually but never answered. I sent another message to – assuming we hang out next week – try to adjust from Tuesday to Monday. He has read and not answered. So maybe it’s for the best.

 

 

Out of the Frying Pan

Well I like someone again. And to feel for someone else after the previous debacle (the source of which I will affectionately refer to from here on out as Adolf because I truly do believe he is a depraved, psychotic asshole and I will get around to writing more in depth about it eventually, maybe) is a relief because it means I am truly over him, but there is only a dead end at the end of this tunnel and I already know it so I’m not going to bother deluding myself about it.

I was still kind of reeling from the Adolf implosion when I matched with Ben on Bumble 9 days later (August 21), but I found him especially attractive with those high cheekbones and teal colored eyes. Not to mention that he looks quite dashing in an Army officer’s uniform. He stood out from the normal Bumble crowd immediately and I was excited when we matched. I obligatorily initiated conversation soon after and we mutually engaged without hassle.

He expressed reticence very early on about our distance, which was actually about 20 miles exaggerated to the north at the time because I was at work. However even normally he does live about a 45-minute drive south of me. I guess that’s maybe far or maybe not, depending on how much a person is worth to you. In any case, the conversation kept up and we even got around to making hang out plans for the next Tuesday that same day. He expressed an interest in FaceTiming beforehand, I guess to make sure he wasn’t getting bamboozled, which I thought was pretty smart and even better than a phone call.

We ended up doing so the next night. I’m Team Android though so he had to settle for video chatting through FB Messenger. He did once again express discontent with the distance factor, commenting that he didn’t think he would be able to go without seeing a girlfriend during the week. I mean, we don’t really live THAT far where we could only see each other on weekends, but whatever, dude. It was kind of annoying that that seemed to be some big hang-up of his, but besides that the conversation was not lacking by any means.

After we hung up he followed up with several amusing video clips of him good-naturedly harassing an older female colleague at work that he had described as his “work wife.” Around that time I took it upon myself to take a glance at his FB page, and what do I spy but a picture of him in early July with a female, captioned with a seemingly excited tone with “she’s in town.” Yikes. Knowing that he had only been re-stationed in this area since June, I made the assumption that this have been some type of girlfriend from his previous assignment. Or maybe even the one before that. Or who knows. There were no more pictures of them that I had access to from his page, and there was no tag for her to try to creep on her end. Nevertheless it was clear that this was some kind of special person to him, and that it was definitely a romantic scenario as inferred from some of his FB friends’ comments.

Well, damn. Slightly disappointed, but oh well…only a guy I knew from Bumble for 18 hours. Maybe I should’ve let it go then, but it felt good to actually be attracted to someone else and thus feeling like I was almost over the Adolf hurdle, so I ended up reaching out to him again through Bumble the day following the video chat and we chatted like normal. I didn’t feel like I had the right to question him about anything like some crazy person, so I didn’t.

I met Carly at the beach for an extended weekend and ended up staying 2 impromptu extra days, so we didn’t meet up that next Tuesday after all. We were still sporadically conversing through Bumble over that time but it was mostly me just being drunk and saying stupid things or sending suggestive pictures. I had kind of already written him off as a dating prospect so I wasn’t really caring about trying to present the best impression of myself, but I was still highly attracted to him and still interested in at least something, so I suggested the following: “So I feel like we probably shouldn’t date…but should have sex though.” He said that was fine if we hit it off. And then cue several bouts of x-rated conversation. And giving him my phone # so we could transition to texting, which he did pretty promptly.

We ended up making plans to hang out that Sat (Sept. 2) at about 5, originally, I think. We talked that morning to confirm and he gave me his home address. I knew it was just supposed to be a hookup type of thing, but I still didn’t really feel comfortable starting things off that way. I suggested maybe we initially meet somewhere in public that is nearby, and he suggested a local bar. Cool. But then that afternoon he started trying to push the time back 2 hours to 7 because of “college football.” Gee, thanks. I was annoyed because I felt like it was just some type of head game, so I suggested 6. We agreed on 6:30. Fine. Oh but then I get another text right as I’m about to get ready to suggest pushing it back to the next day.

Um, no. I told him I had plans. I really didn’t, but no. Because first I got the “college football” bullshit and then now he was telling me how tired he was from running and working out. This all from a guy whose Bumble profile featured a mini-rant in it about people making plans and then not sticking to them. Right.

A minor skirmish ensued through a series of ensuing texts where he told me that if I wanted to just come to his place and bang and then leave then that was fine, but he’s just tired and not leaving his apartment today. And I, in turn, got irritated because although I knew it was kind of just a hookup, I didn’t really want it to be so overt. When I contested that, he sent me a screenshot of my fatal Bumble drunken rumblings about just sex and then reiterated in so many words that he didn’t want to date someone so “far” away. Whatever.

I stopped answering after a while and went out and ate Mexican food and drank margaritas and felt better. But then the next day I felt kind of bad because I did give him a hard time even though he was just freely going along with what I said was cool. So I tried to be nice and flirty and essentially get us back to solid ground again, but his responses were terse and I wasn’t really feeling like his interest was anything but “Eh…” The last thing I said to him was that he was a hard nut to crack. He never responded and I resolved from then on not give him the time of day any longer. So I didn’t.

I noticed later that week that he had deleted his Bumble account. Not blocked or unmatched me because the conversation was still there, but he was showing up as a “Deleted User” and I had never seen that before and so had to do some research into what that means. It definitely just means he deleted his account altogether and not me specifically. So I figured he had found what he was looking for and was now out of the game. And maybe felt a small pang of regret at not having gotten the chance to meet him, but oh well. I had started entertaining an Air Force guy  who I saw a couple of times that week and was semi-interested in for all of 4 days, but then that ended up fizzling out and I was back to the  status quo.

Ten days after Ben and I last talked, I’m minding my business at work when I check my phone to find a FB message from him. It’s a video clip of him staring into the camera with those pretty eyes while eating a sweet potato for several seconds, culminating with him waving and and blowing a kiss. WTF?!

I asked him if that was meant specifically for me and he says yes. Okay, random…but then “catching up” conversation ensues. We eventually get around to agreeing on trying the hanging out thing again and decide on that Friday evening. It’s clear his motivation is sexual, but I’m perfectly with it this time.

I get to his area on Friday around 8 PM. Although he knew I was coming at this time, somehow he is still just finishing up a treadmill run and still needing to shower, so he meets me outside of his building and gives me a fist bump as a greeting since he’s sweaty. Even still, he’s tall and broad and cute. He takes me in his building and up to his apartment, which is kind of high end and very nice. He turns the living room TV on for me and promises me a quick shower. I take that opportunity to assess my surroundings.

As I’m exploring, I notice a birthday card on top of a pile of books. The outside looks benign enough, so I decide to be nosy. I already had a feeling, and yep…there’s pretty much a love letter written inside. Someone addressing him as “my love” and declaring that the best gift she can give him for his 38th year is her love and then signing off with a pet name. Cute. Oh well. Not anything I didn’t expect, given what I saw on his Facebook timeline. Whether it is the same girl or not, I have no way of knowing.

After he gets out of the shower and gets himself together, he offers me a drink. He happens to have some vodka and 0-calorie flavored seltzer on hand – perfect! He fixes it for me but I only get a couple of sips in before he wants to show me the view from the roof. We take the elevator up to the roof level, where it turns out there is a pool and a little clubhouse setting with an outside seating area. Pretty sweet. It’s a warm, clear night so we sit outside on patio for a little while admiring the view and talking. But then I’m ready to get back to my drink so we go back to his apartment.

We settle on the couch and talk while I sip my drink. I think he had opened a beer initially, but didn’t like the taste or something, so abandoned it. He’s very talkative and we converse for maybe an hour or so before he wants to take things to the bedroom, which I was ready for by then. Decent sex, nothing mind-blowing. The first time with someone is always a little awkward. He had to keep pausing from time to time so he didn’t cum too quick, which I guess was admirable, even if annoying.

After we finished, he offered me another drink. I took him up on it and he had a beer this time and we sat on the couch talking for another 45 minutes or so. I was worried about my car because the parking is atrocious in the area and so he directed me to park in a Whole Foods lot which is only good until about 10 PM, so around that time he walked me out to my car and that was that. Good times, I guess.

I thought he was hot and nice and that the sex had potential, but I left with the full intent of leaving it at just the hookup and not making any more contact. But around Wednesday, curiosity started getting the best of me. I just wanted to see how he would react if I said something, I guess. Or if he would respond at all. I messaged him with something silly and he replied. Eventually I added on “maybe we can do it again some time.” He said he hoped so and then told me to let him know when I’m free. I asked about either Friday or Saturday. He said he’d let me know the next day. The next day when I didn’t hear anything, I asked and he said he’d tell me later because an old girlfriend was going to be in the vicinity, but that he does want to see me again. “Oh” was all I could muster….not sure what I’m supposed to say to that. He never got back to me, as expected, since Ms. Ex-girlfriend was clearly going to be the priority, and I refrained from reaching out the rest of that day and Friday.

But then on Saturday morning I sent him a video of a military-related comedy skit. He responded and we had a little bit of an exchange that was positive, I guess. On Sunday I asked if he would be up for something during the week, and he responded affirmatively and we decided on Tuesday evening.

My arrival Tuesday night was almost exactly identical to the first time. I got to the area and parked, only this time in a metered space on the street that was now outside of payment hours and thus free.  He was once again just finishing a run and thus super sweaty when he came out to meet me. We walked up to his apartment and he took a quick shower.

No offers of drinks this time though – he pulled me into the bedroom soon after the shower and wanted to get the party started immediately. We warmed up and got to it and it was definitely much better the second time around, having now a familiarity with his body and how he moves and what he likes.

He wanted to take a break eventually and so we paused and laid around under the covers talking for about an hour or so. About murderers and work and exes and lions and tigers and bears and all that good stuff. There was no cuddling, but I had a hand on his chest and he had his on my thigh most of the time. When he was ready to go again, we got back to it and finished up.

It would’ve been nice to have been offered a post-coital drink again, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. After we were dressed and back out in the living room for 20 seconds, he said he would walk me out. But maybe I was just the littlest bit disappointed and it showed because when he came over to give me a hug he commented that I’m being “awkward.” Nope, everything is fine. When we were waiting for the elevator, I had my head turned but I could feel him staring at me. I looked at him and asked what was up and he said “Nothing.” Weird.

He walked me outside and back to my car and kissed me goodbye.

As I was driving home, I realized two things: (1) I like him. He’s cute, smart, funny, fit, active, and a good lover and I like talking to him and being around him. And (2) That’s the last time I will ever talk to or see him.

I think he would be up for banging me again if I reached out, but that’s all he is interested in and it’s not a good situation for me. Any attempts for me to try to take it to a dating or relationship level when I knew what it was going in would only end disastrously. We had a good time and I don’t want to mar that with drama, so I’m just going to wean myself off of him and leave it at that. It would be nice to hear from him again, but I’m not going to hold my breath or try and force the issue.

My persistent problem with men, which I think is a function of my semi-Type A personality, has been that when they are clearly emotionally unavailable from the get-go (like he is), or even if they were once into it but start growing aloof, I have a tendency to be a chaser. Not a good look.

He’s a great guy though and I will think of him fondly.

Too Early to Call

Well it seems that the former Bachelor #4 requires a certified alias at this point, so we will henceforth refer to him as Adam.

As we left off 3 weeks ago, Adam and I had seemed to spark somewhat of an instant connection, as evidenced by the volley of textual banter that took place on a daily basis throughout that week, complete with an effortless 90-minute phone conversation that occurred very early on. Eventually we scheduled a date for that Friday  which entailed him picking me up at my door at 6 p.m. for a meal at a Mexican restaurant nearby.

That Thursday he made a random request for a picture of my cat to use as part of some type of pet collage he was making for his new desk at work. I thought that was kind of flattering (even if slightly weird)…surely he would not bother asking for a picture of my cat to use as part of something that he would be laying eyes on regularly unless he anticipated me sticking around for a while, right?

I was antsy throughout my work day on Friday – excited, yet anxious, about both my date with Adam and my trip to Punta Cana the next morning. My flight out was very early – 6:30 to be exact, necessitating an airport appearance by 4:30 at the latest – so I was cutting it close by seeing Adam so late into the evening. But I already knew I wouldn’t be sleeping super soundly that night due to trip jitters anyway so I was willing to take that risk.

Of course, as luck would have it, Adam ended up getting caught up in something at work on Friday; he gave me a heads up in the afternoon that it might end up keeping him over, but that he would keep me posted. Ugh. I knew it was legit and couldn’t be helped, but I still felt minor pangs of disappointment in thinking that we would possibly end up not being able to meet up.

I went home that evening and made sure to finish the bulk of my packing, hoping for the best, but as his sporadic updates progressed it became clear that we wouldn’t be making 6 p.m. And then not even 8 p.m. The restaurant in question closed at 10 p.m. so there went that idea once it was past 8 and he still did not seem any closer to being able to leave.

As the night went on, any rest I had hoped to get turned out to be a lost cause, as I maintained a perpetual “in wait” alertness level and thus was unable to fully relax. Once 10 p.m. hit and we were still no closer to our date, I decided to hit the local bar for a couple of drinks to calm my nerves and have something to do since it was past the point of no return in terms of attempting to get any substantial rest. By that point Adam and I had established that we definitely wanted to meet up that night, no matter what time he got out. Even if it was in the early morning, there was always a casino or 2 in the vicinity that we could hit for a few drinks. I just really, really wanted to meet him in person to solidify this thing that was forming, and knew it was important to do so before leaving for Punta Cana. He did too.

So that’s just what we did. He ended up not getting off until almost 2 in the morning. I was back home by that time, all packed up and ready to go. He arrived my door looking every bit as cute as I had imagined. Bonus points were awarded for how interactive he was with my cat – most men don’t like cats so it was refreshing to see that he seemed to enjoy petting her. And likewise. He grabbed my suitcase and put it in his truck, as it was clear that he’d have to end up dropping me off at the airport (saved me an Uber fare!) and off to the casino we went.

To be honest, I was a little buzzed from the drinks I had earlier in the night. We had a couple of rounds together and talked, and I generally found it to be enjoyable, but some of the detail and nuance escapes me. I just know that he was cute, he didn’t seem weird, and we vibed well. He even ended up inadvertently meeting my roommate and a couple of other friends after those drunkards showed up to the casino to drink after the bars closed down. Gotta love a casino for 24/7 liquor availability.

Maybe shortly before 4 a.m., we parted ways with the casino to make our way to the airport. When we pulled up to the terminal, we started with a hug goodbye, but then I decided I wanted to kiss him, so I did. He was very receptive, so what started as a goodbye kiss turned into a makeout session, from which we only took a brief hiatus so that he could drive away from the crowded terminal lane to a desolate parking lot.

There, we continued making out for maybe 10 minutes or so, maintaining a pretty PG-13ish level of contact. He affectionately grabbed my neck some, I sucked on his fingers a little, but we kept it pretty civil. He’s a great kisser though and he tasted good and it was hard to pull myself away, but alas, I had a flight to catch. So eventually, when we were able to settle ourselves down, he rode me back around to the terminal, grabbed my suitcase out of his truck for me, and we hugged and kissed goodbye for real.

I knew it was a good sign when he texted me about 40 minutes later to let me know he’d gotten home okay, and then about how he was glad we had gotten to meet up. Some time over the night we had decided that the following Sunday, right after I got back, we’d go out for our first “real date,” and he reiterated that point and then exclaimed that I’m “super hot” and I can feel free to send him gratuitous bikini shots from the trip, of course.

I started texting him several hours later during a brief layover to say that he was worth staying up for, even if the bags under my eyes say otherwise. He concurred. And from there, and over the course of the week of my vacation, our conversations progressed into considerably more salacious, raunchy, sexual territory of epic proportions. Partly because I was turned on from our makeout session, partly because of liquor, and partly because it was pretty much established from the way he took control and grabbed me during our airport rendezvous that we have many of the same sexual tastes. So the flood gates pretty much opened progressively over the week verbally and visually and we all but established that our second date the Sunday coming would involve sex.

Which I didn’t quite know how to feel about, when I took time to think about it, having had things kind of go down a road very quickly that I was hoping to work up to more slowly. You know, so he can “respect” me and all…but whatever. We definitely did a complete 180 in that over the week before he met, there was a moment where I was being especially encouraging about an exam he was nervous about and he said I was like his personal cheerleader. I innocuously retorted that I could even wear the outfit if he wanted me too, and he said I cannot say things like that because that gives him visuals that might cause him to unintentionally go down a certain road. So I took that to mean that he was actually specifically NOT trying to say anything that would make him come off as a sleaze-ball, and it was kind of endearing.

And then there we were a week later, exchanging naughty pictures. Oh well. Sometimes it beez like that.

Even still, I was kind of on edge about him the whole week because I realized I kind of liked him and was maybe feeling a little self-conscious about the extreme sexual tangent we had diverged onto and whether or not he actually wanted to see me again because he liked me or just because he wanted to have sex with me. I couldn’t really tell.

In any case, I got in late Saturday night. We had talked somewhat throughout my travels over the day and our date was still on, so I was excited.The one minor hitch was that he forgot he was working some overtime that day, so it’d have to be later in the evening, like 9 p.m. Again, cutting it close considering I knew I’d be exhausted from the trip still and had work Monday morning, but I sucked it up.

On Sunday morning, he texted me a “disclaimer” about how he’s feeling slightly sick, and I felt like he was possibly laying a foundation for him to eventually back out of our date, but he eventually reconfirmed that the date was definitely still on, but that he just wanted to warn me that I might get sick. I wasn’t worried.

He got to my house shortly before 9 p.m. and off we went to a steakhouse a little ways up the street where we dined on salmon and wine (me) and cuban pork and beer (him) and talked. I was able to get a better read on him this time in a more sober capacity and I still found him physically appealing, a good conversationalist, intelligent, and alluring, even if maybe just slightly different from the way I remembered him from our first date. He’s really, really smart – probably smarter than me, which I like. He regaled me with his thoughts on the concept of “reverse natural selection,” which I had never thought about before and found especially interesting to ponder.

It was at dinner that I presented him with a small present I’d gotten him from Punta Cana for his desk – a wooden cat carving. He seemed to like it. He even made a few playful cat meow noises which were kind of adorable.

Dinner wasn’t that extensive. I thought the restaurant closed at 11 but it turns out it actually closed at 10, so with us walking in a little after 9, we ended up inadvertently being “those people” and I felt a little bad. I wouldn’t have gone there if I knew they closed at 10.

Afterwards, we drove back to my house and went up to my room. I turned on the TV and attempted to put on one of those 24/7 music channels, but it was terribly bright and the first one I settled on was playing Dionne Warwick or something else horrendous that was not terribly mood setting, so I tuned back to the normal Discovery ID programming because people like us like having sex to the background sounds of murder and serial killers anyway, and sex ensued.

It was decent. Nothing mind-blowing, but definitely a good starting off point. He is huge, which he is very proud of, but of course, it’s not just about the size of the boat…I think he might be somewhat of a more self-centered lover though, so if this continues I will have to monitor that.

He had already mentioned beforehand that he wouldn’t be able to stay over due to work early in the morning, but he did lie around for a little while after we finished. Before he left, we hugged several times goodbye and he said we’d talk soon. And thus commenced the “Will he or won’t he” game.

He did. I fell asleep not long after he left, but woke up pleasantly surprised to see he had written to me later in the night to tell me how hot that was. He was disappointed that he didn’t get me off and expressed his resolve to “work on that.”

So things seemed to be on track, at least to start the week off. He remained fairly communicative and responsive, but then as the middle of the week approached, I started to feel like he wasn’t as talkative or responsive and may have been kind of blowing me off somewhat. I was especially put off on Wednesday morning when I sent him a picture of me in a bra and received what I’d classify as a very lackluster response. Ooookay then. I was kind of in a mood and already feeling kind of like it was inevitable that this would crash and burn anyway (because they all do), so I bit the bullet and told him my thoughts on his response and then remarked that his interest seemed to be waning, but that’s okay. He responded with an excuse about a task he was performing at work that limited his phone-handling capabilities. I waited until the end of my workday to answer: “Cool.” He never said anything back.

I was intent on just letting things fall by the wayside and not speaking to him unless he initiated, but on Thursday, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I sent him some holiday cheer. Only to receive no response after more than several hours. Really, dude? He responded back eventually (not long after I sent a snippy “Or not…”) to explain that he was at his parents’ house and doesn’t get any reception there…he only started receiving texts after he left.

I remarked that I felt like he hasn’t been as communicative lately and asked if I should stop texting him. And, I’ll give it to him, he did step up a little. He said he’d been rather busy lately with work, school, his moving endeavors, and the holiday, and so has been a bit distracted, but that he did feel it might be good for us to talk about what we’re both looking for here.

Uh oh. I just knew what was coming: this would be the part when he’d let me know he’s not looking for anything substantial and we could probably hang out and bang from time to time and that’d be it. Par for the course. Oh well – better to get it out of the way at least.

I responded that I assumed it’d be a “hang out and see what happens” sort of scenario and then stood by and waited for the inevitable excuse as to why that doesn’t suit him or how he’s not looking for a relationship and I’m a great girl but blah, blah, blah. Imagine my surprise when he said he was cool with that. At that point, I was hashing out another response about how I think the scenario I’m envisioning was historically called “dating”…somewhat of a midpoint between just having sex and declaring undying love for each other. Yet again, he actually redeemed himself – he said he thinks we can manage that, but he just wants me to bear in mind that things are a little nutty for him right now.

Okay…I can work with that.

So, at this point, I like him. He seems to be in it for more than just sex, so that’s always a positive. I don’t have any lofty expectations at this point other than getting to know him.

Yet, for now, his life is still pretty hectic and it doesn’t look like we are going to be able to see each other for the next couple of weeks at least.

We talked some over the weekend, but then contact became rather scant to nonexistent from Sunday up until yesterday. We didn’t talk at all on Tuesday. We had tentatively discussed hanging out this upcoming weekend previously, so after my self-imposed hiatus from contacting him on Tuesday, I hit him up yesterday morning to ask if we were still on for this weekend or not.

The answer was an unfortunate no. Between work and school he has too much to do and is behind on a lot of things. And apparently the following weekend isn’t looking that great either because of finals.

Right.

Call me cynical, but I’ve been in the game long enough to know that when a man claims he’s too busy to see you, that often means he’s just not that into you. And I’m not in the mood these days for the old tried and true smoke and mirror game or sitting around trying to interpret what people are REALLY trying to say when they say things, so I just said right out that this is striking me as one of those things where maybe he’s gently trying to blow me off, so perhaps I should take a hint.

He said that he actually isn’t. That he is just genuinely swamped right now – that’s just his life at the moment. I told him, fine, that I’d take him at his word and not read too much into things. I followed up that it’d be nice to see him again when things calm down.

He agreed (I’m assuming with the sentiment about seeing each other again), but said that he doesn’t expect me to “stick around” just for him…that it’s not uncommon for women to get fed up with his schedule. I retorted that I am in fact “sticking around” because I’d like to hang out with him and get to know him, but that sometimes it’s difficult to ascertain whether someone’s claims of being busy are authentic or a way of saying “thanks, but no thanks.” He assured me that if that were the case, he’d simply say “thanks, but no thanks.”

I believe him. He seems pretty genuine. He’s been pretty transparent so far, with the instant Facebook add and what not. I figure that’s a good barometer to use if I ever have doubts about his interest in me, because I’m sure he’d delete me there right away and thus that’d be a good indicator of where things are headed.

What I am trying to be very careful of, given that he’s already warned me that he is busy, is seeming too clingy too soon or like I am demanding too much of his attention as he tries to settle things down. He is pretty much at the tail end of moving, so that will be off his plate in the near future, as well as school, as he finishes up his classes for the semester and I assume will not be starting anymore until the spring. So I’m trying to maintain patience and understanding for the moment.

But so far I guess it’s too early to call. I haven’t really been on Bumble again since we started talking, so there’s really no one else on the menu at the moment (besides Scout of course). So if this doesn’t work out, I’ll just be back where I always am: perpetually single. No big deal.