When You Have a Wife and a Girlfriend (Pt. 2)

So, needless to say, Owen and his wife were actually not at all separated. Physically, yes, they really did live separately, but they were still very much married. I went from A-Z with her about our involvement. I emphasized that we had never met and he had backed out of the trip, but needless to say his interaction with me, whether we met or not, went on for a couple of months and was definitely entirely inappropriate.

In the spirit of defending my own honor (to drive it home that he definitely told me he was separated/not married), and because I was in shock and freaking pissed, I sent her a few screenshots from our conversations to prove that what I was saying was true. And honestly, having been down the inadvertent “other woman” road before, I know how these things tend to go – she’s going to confront him and then he’s going to try to pull the “she didn’t mean anything to me” card and generally downplay everything that went on between us so he can salvage his marriage. I don’t think so, asshole.

The wife, whom I shall affectionately refer to as Crazy Kay (there’s reasons for that we shall get into), talked for maybe 30 – 40 minutes. I would learn that he lied about several seemingly insignificant details of his life, even besides his name. Like, he told me he was an only child. He’s not. Toward the end of our conversation she asked me not to let him in on anything because she wanted to confront him eventually and give him the shock of his life.

So, naturally, I texted him immediately. I was so angrily texting though that I worded it wrong – I said I “found” his wife. He assumed I was just acting crazy again and told me to leave him alone. I clarified:

She called me actually.

Oh, and I’m going to send her the entirety of our WhatsApp conversations tomorrow.

Funnily enough, his tone changed then…

“I’m sorry for everything. Please try not to ruin my life.”

“Can we discuss this, please?”

Sure, let’s discuss it! Call me. And he did.

Once I explained to him exactly what occurred and chewed him out and the gravity of the impending implosion of his marriage sunk in, he did seem to become genuinely conciliatory, but he also started remarking on how he was scared for his career. He had it in his mind that she would call his job and try to make waves for him. A big no-no for military officers. Then, stupid doormat me, started feeling bad.

We actually talked for a couple of hours. I made him video me to apologize “face to face” so I could look at him and try to analyze whether he really meant he was sorry for being a lying bastard or whether he was just *saying* he was sorry so I wouldn’t send his wife our conversations.

I was probably up until 5am with this nonsense before finally getting to sleep. I ended up taking off work since I hadn’t gotten any sleep.

So, pretty much, over the next couple of weeks, I put him through the wringer and he confessed to everything he did and took the beating for it. He did genuinely seem very accommodating and communicative and sorry. He was sorry he’s a liar. Sorry he was horrible to me during those 3 weeks we didn’t talk – he was scared. He was sorry he lied about having siblings, it was to try to stay as anonymous as possible at first.

And not just sorry he got caught, but genuinely sorry for lying and hurting me, and sorry for hurting his wife. They had been in an unhappy marriage for a long time and he had checked out of it years ago, he admitted, but he knew what he was doing wasn’t right as my trip out approached, so he did lie to back out of it.

No, his mom did NOT have a stroke. That was actually almost the worst thing about the whole thing to me – THAT’S what you choose to lie about to get out of it? Your mom having a stroke? WTF does that? There are a million other reasons he could’ve come up with.

So pretty much, we did end up reconciling, so to speak. I was honestly just genuinely worried about the guy – he’s not used to his life being out of control and he was still worried for his career. Apparently she was threatening to pore through the phone bill some more and call colleagues of his and even commanders and what have you. He promised there would be no other women to find, but it’s still not a good look when your crazy wife is calling to question them about your possible affairs.

And yes, Crazy Kay is crazy. She has some substance abuse issues in the form of alcohol and pills and has for years, according to Owen. I think that’s part of the reason their marriage fell apart. And I know for a fact that this a problem for her myself since I’ve actually talked to her several times since that original night, on her own volition.

One morning a little after 4 am I’m in the gym before work and my text notification sounds from my gym bag as I’m stepping on the treadmill. This is maybe 2 weeks after everything went to hell. Who the hell is texting me at 4 am? It’s Crazy Kay. She’s “scared for her and her daughter.” She “thinks there’s still someone in the picture and wants to know the truth.”

I wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted from me in that conversation – I guess just to vent? Honestly, I think she just wanted to admit that he and I started talking again. But I wouldn’t. She brought it up several times and then even ended on a final outburst about me “forgiving quickly” and not to ever “fucking contact her again!” after texting me off and on for several hours about Owen destroying his family and various other emotional vomit (Okay? You texted me?). When I was finally able to talk to Owen about it, he surmised that she was on a bender.

That was it until about 3 weeks ago at 10:30 pm on a Wednesday night. She wanted my “rebuttal” to the remark that Owen had made flippantly about filing a restraining order against me.

And that’s the thing…ideally I shouldn’t engage with her but she texts so randomly and starts off with something so wacky I just want to figure out where she’s going with it.

I reminded her that that was a glib remark Owen made out of anger months ago when we were fighting. I had told her pretty much almost everything that occurred between he and I during our original conversation (which I now regret), which is how she knew about that.

She claimed he had recently referred to me as the “psycho he got involved with” and this and that. I admit, she almost had me for a second. I got slightly livid because I assumed that he was posturing to get back with her if he’s talking about me like that, and I started texting him to chew him out.

He told me that none of that is true and that Crazy Kay is on a bender again and in one of her “moods” and has been at clawing at him throughout the night as well. But he was working and couldn’t engage with her readily. He sent me some screenshots to show that he was telling her how unproductive their conversations are and that all he cares about at this point is his daughter.

Then, in furthering my own discussion with her, it became obvious that her real motive with this line of questioning (like we’re court – you want my “rebuttal” – what the fuck?) was that she was trying to position herself to make it out as if, with Owen having ONCE threatened a restraining order on me, he should be concerned about having someone crazy around his kid or something. Pretty much it was this:

Then she went on to mistake me for Owen, clearly (I guess her pills or whatever really started to kick in), by asking me “why I’d do this to my family.”

Owen and I talked the next day and he apologized for her contacting me; I apologized for playing into her nonsense at first and letting her get under my skin.

I told him there seems to be a pattern emerging where, I guess, when he’s busy and she can’t get a reaction from him right away, then she moves onto me.

Two days later, as he had planned, he had a phone consultation with the attorney that he hired in their home state. He’s pretty much screwed in terms of alimony and equal custody for now, but he just wants to get something in place where she can’t deny him seeing his daughter, which she has already done when he asked if the daughter could come out to him.

So pretty much, this has been kind of a cluster. No idea how it will end.

And Again…

Rusty continues to mystify. I have no idea what his motive or end game is.

Since the last entry about his antics, I continued trying to figure him out some, including a whole smattering of tipsy texts that next Sunday Funday, but did not get much of a response, go figure. And maybe he was ignoring me purposely or maybe he was busy because he’s deployed, but to be honest, none of those tipsy texts really deserved a response anyway.

But then I started thinking about everything in the second week of October and I decided that I really didn’t like the way he treated me. Something about that “ex” screenshot he sent me just suddenly came to surface and started to annoy me. Like, dude, I really don’t really need to be texting you, if that’s what you prefer.

And I decided that he can go to hell, quite frankly. And I told him so, in so many words, signifying my intent to leave him be:

“I do not like the way you treat me”

“You are condescending and belittling and frankly, quite mean”

That was all she wrote. I wasn’t expecting a response and didn’t get one for the next week or so and I was okay with that.

That was October 9th. Exactly a week later, on the evening of October 16, I get a text from the same unknown phone number from September 11, opening with some dumb GIF, which is definitely his M.O.:

Rlly

And there we were again. Me calling him out specifically by name; him being evasive and misleading about his identity and just clearly trying to screw with me. Then nothing after that. I sent Rusty’s real number several texts basically asking for him to stop doing that shit. He never answered.

But then the fun continues last night. I get a text from a new mystery phone number. From California. I look it up in my text records…none to be found. So I’ve never texted with this number at all. Gee, I wonder who it could be?

And the opening text is a link to a recent aviation incident and mystery texter telling me it’s a member of his old squadron. I ask who it is even though I already know from that phrase and the link alone.

So we once again embark on this cat and mouse game of me just trying to get him to admit it’s him and to stop texting me from all these fake numbers. He goes a little further this time in confirming his identity, although not outright, and insists that the current phone number now is a “deployment number” and that we’ve texted on it before (we haven’t – I’d know).

I ask why he keeps insisting on texting me when he seemed to make it clear he wanted me to leave him alone. He answers with a lot of “Huh” and “What?” as if he just can’t in the world comprehend what I’m talking about.

He eventually tells me to “stop being offensive and be nice” and I remind him that he didn’t want me to be nice to him, proving that that time I was a mere 5 miles away from him and he pointedly ignored me for a full week. He answers that he was “in the muddle of being crushed at work.” Oh, and I was had been acting “cray.” Of course.

Gee, what a breakthrough. Finally, after 3.5 months, he actually bothers to address the subject and give me an explanation (albeit not a good one).

But although he does admit this was him at last on this new number, he still insisted the other number wasn’t him. Which is a definite lie.

Not really sure what he’s going for here.

Getting Ornery in My Old Age

It was the last day of March, 2017, and I innocuously responded to a post made in an enormous private Facebook group created to be sort of a digital watering hole for people in my profession. It was just a basic post asking where everyone was from. I responded in the thread’s infancy, so I kept getting the subsequent notifications when other people would comment. Whenever anyone else said they were from my home state, I would go and Like the comment, for solidarity’s sake…or maybe just because I was just bored at work and dicking around.

Not long after liking one of these comments, I got a friend request from its writer. I noticed we had a few mutual friends and that he worked in my state and thus saw no harm in accepting a colleague as a friend – I do that pretty often. Not long after I accepted, he started messaging me about where I’m from and where I work. For all intents and purposes, we shall affectionately refer to this person as Lucifer (definitely no foreshadowing at all going on here).

Lucifer started off very polite and charming and extremely complimentary. He made it known right away that he thought I was beautiful and that he was definitely approaching me in a romantic sense. Only Lucifer was at the moment deployed to the Middle East as part of an Army National Guard unit and wouldn’t be back until late July.

It was for that reason, and the fact that he is several years younger than me, that I started off very guarded with him and took him and all his flattery with a grain of salt. But Lucifer was persistent and before long he grew on me. Whereas initially I was indifferent to him reaching out and about talking to him in general, before I knew it there became a time when I started looking forward to his messages and realizing that they put a smile on my face. I started liking Lucifer. After all, Lucifer had made it very clear that he was looking for a serious dating scenario when he got back from deployment. And it didn’t hurt that he was fairly cute.

When I started developing more of an attachment to Lucifer, I made sure to pore through his Facebook page to look for any evidence of any current romantic involvements; I could not find anything recent. The last pictures I could see that looked like it could’ve been a girlfriend were from a wedding in 2015. Otherwise, there was no other photographic evidence to be found. I’d monitor his posts fervently when he made any to see if any suspicious comments were made by any females. Nada.

Now, as our talking progressed and Lucifer appeared very consistent and genuine with his contact and his intentions, admittedly, our talk turned increasingly steamier over time. Even though I told him right off the bat that I was definitely NOT planning on being any kind of x-rated entertainment for him, and he seemed okay with that, eventually things did progress toward that end. But it was okay, because I liked him and he seemed into me and it was fun. And I also thought it was sweet that when I asked if he needed anything over there, like supply-wise, he only asked for letters. I ended up writing him 3.

Only…at certain points, most notably starting around Memorial Day weekend, his contact started to wane a little bit. Whereas I was used to hearing from him almost daily, it started being a couple to several days before he would say anything to me. And while I gave him the littlest bit of the benefit of the doubt given that he was deployed, it was hard for me to keep on doing so when I could clearly see him active on Facebook, liking posts and things of that nature.

Then, not only was his contact becoming more sporadic, but slowly but surely it became evermore focused on sexual talk when he did bother to say anything to me. There were several times that I called him on this stuff but he would just say he’s sorry but it’s just been busy…he’s just lonely…blah, blah, blah.

I knew deep down that something was amiss, I just really wanted to believe him, I guess. But what really started to grind my gears was the fact that, as his deployment timeline started wearing down and eventually it was just a matter of weeks before he got back to the good ol’ USA, he wasn’t at all forthcoming about any kind of general time frame or anything. Everything I managed to scrounge up regarding his unit’s homecoming was via Facebook. Nothing from him.

When his unit came got back to the United States, they had to go to Texas to be demobilized or whatever. So there’s Lucifer, finally back in the United States with normal phone capabilities. Did I get a phone call? A text? Nope. And I had made sure to give him my number at one point, so he could make “real” contact with me – I figured he’d be delighted to after having been relegated to Facebook Messenger chat the whole time, but nope. Not a peep.

I’m not dumb, although I act like it sometimes. I knew the writing was on the wall when the guy who had spent the last 4 months romancing me over Facebook Messenger did not at all bother to actually make phone contact now that he certainly could. But alas, I held out, certainly not bothering to trust my own well-honed intuition when it comes to these things – because what’s the fun in that?

He was in Texas for like a week before coming back home for good. I got a Facebook message the night he came home to let me know he was back. We vaguely discussed plans to hang out in the future. I told him I understood that he firstly has family and friends and business to attend to now that he’s home, but it would be nice if we could hang out sooner rather than later. He seemed to agree.

And then…nothing, for the most part. He wasn’t even really making conversation with me. I kind of called him out on that at one point and he claimed his house flooded and he’s been busy with that. It was like the first weekend in August at this point; he had been home for just shy of 2 weeks. And over that Friday and Saturday, those 2 consecutive days, he said we could hang out and then he abruptly canceled on me both times. Ugh. Then back to radio silence.

One night during the second weekend in August, I had swung by a buddy’s retirement celebration and then met Carly and her boyfriend out after. I was also waiting for Scout to make an appearance. But there I was innocently browsing Facebook and what do I spy? Lucifer has been tagged in several pictures at a wedding with a lovely date.

Wow…really?

And that’s exactly what I remarked on one of the pictures, being as I was absolutely floored, although really not too surprised. His date was someone who had first ended up on my radar maybe around the beginning of June when I saw that he had tagged her name, along with one of his brothers, on a music artist’s post. All he wrote was her name so there was absolutely no context to it, but upon noticing that she was a very pretty girl who lived around his hometown, I kind of had a feeling about her. But her page was fairly locked down so I wasn’t able to glean much other than that he was all over every picture or status she would put up. I did find my way to her Twitter, but there wasn’t really much to go on from there either. All I knew was that I felt a certain kind of way about the tagging, and my instincts turned out to be correct.

Well, unfortunately, as I never had a phone number for Lucifer, and he had already proven to be quite unreliable with checking his FB messages, at least when it came to me, I had no other recourse but to call him out on one of the pictures: “Really, Lucifer?” He promptly blocked me. Ah, but not before the date noticed (it was her post and he was tagged). She ended up sending me a message later in the night asking if there’s something she should know, and we got down to business.

The gist of it was that she and Lucifer had been acquaintances for several years, but were never really single around the same time so nothing ever took off. Around the time he started creeping on me, he started sliding in her DMs as well. And clearly he saw more value in her as a potential girlfriend since she was obviously the one he came running home to date. They were at that very moment out of town together for the wedding of one of his friends. So I surmised that all my instincts had in fact been correct and that he had just been pretty much using me for entertainment after a certain point.

At this point, it’s not like I had any clear cut ammo against Lucifer, but I was just trying to be honest and let her know what’s what. I showed her screenshots of things he had said while he was still deployed and clearly telling her the same shit (although in her case, I guess he actually meant it). According to her, he had asked her to be his girlfriend maybe a week prior to this, and I had clear screenshots of our ill-fated attempts to hang out, which would’ve been subsequent to their relationship starting. But I guess none of that was truly hardcore evidence of any wrongdoing on his part, depending on how you wanted to swing it. I mean, there was some slight overlap but the fact is is that we had never actually met and while he was being slightly shady, there was really nothing conclusive. I was just being honest about what went on – she could take it as she wanted.

But funnily enough, she said she had had some suspicions about me from some activity on Lucifer’s Facebook. Ha. Which really did make me seriously question his intelligence level since, given that me and the GF were both friends with him on Facebook until that night, what did he really think was going to happen?

She did try to play the strong, empowered, “take no shit” woman role for a bit – saying he’s done with him and all this and that. But the fact was is that they were currently staying in a hotel together (he drove and had been drinking, so they were stuck). So I knew the likelihood of him being able to sweet talk his way back into her good graces by the next morning was pretty high. And lo and behold, the next day I heard from a friend that they had made it “Facebook official.” So you know it was extra serious then.

So, of course, Lucifer was just one additional jackass in a long, storied line of jackasses. Nothing really new. But I think what really bothered me about the situation in particular is just the abject callousness in how he discarded me immediately once his ass was on the line, and then that was just that to him. I’m not particularly angry at the fact that he had been talking to someone else all along and then set his sights on her – that’s just an inherently sucky part about dating…you’re always kind of implicitly starring in the bootleg version of “The Bachelor” – it was just the fact that he never bothered to address anything with me.

I never really got closure, I guess. Like, to date (and this happened last August), I have never heard a word from him. Not a “thanks but no thanks,” not an “I’m sorry” or anything like that. I mean, you don’t have to want to date me, but I kind of feel like it takes a bit of a psychopathic mind to have spent 4 months befriending someone, getting her to trust you, asking her to write to you, and then just kicking her to the curb without explanation or warning without a second thought. Like, am I not a fucking person?

No worries, though. Karma is a bitch sometimes.

Around the time I got my surgery that fall, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands since I had to take it easy for several weeks. And still feeling a certain kind of way about the Lucifer situation. So one day I came up with a fantastic plan to try and screw with him.

I rounded up some pictures of him, typed out a couple of super basic, bare-bones lines about his interests, and I made him a Plenty of Fish account. And the work pretty much did itself from there. I did reach out to a few girls at first with basic greetings, but I really didn’t have the energy or inclination to actually carry on conversations with people as if I am really him. Especially since a couple of people I reached out to indicated that they had interacted with him previously. Not exactly knowing the nature of these interactions, I didn’t want to risk blowing my cover too soon.

And I quickly learned that I could be way more subtle anyway, because Plenty of Fish shows you everyone who looks at your profile. So all I really had to do was to set my location to his town and find as many girls in the vicinity as possible so I could look at their profiles and be in their history. I figured that someone eventually would be a friend of the GF’s and it’d get back to her somehow that “Lucifer” is creeping on Plenty of Fish. And eventually, I did strike gold because I did run across someone who obviously knew of them:

JA

I think I followed up with “just looking for friends” which is exactly what an asshole like him would probably say when he gets caught. Never heard anything back though and didn’t want to press it so as not to be too obvious. I wasn’t really sure what I expected out of this adventure anyway, but I was happy with that if it caused him even the tiniest bit of strife somehow.

While enacting this course of action, I was also inadvertently able to obtain further evidence of just how much of an asshole he is: one girl ended up reaching out to “him” and it was immediately clear that he knew her somehow. It turned out that they went to high school together and that she had liked him back then but he apparently never liked her. But then about a year before, they had talked a bit and decided to meet up at a park. I get the impression that he just wasn’t into her in person because apparently he just kind of upped and left really quickly and then kind of ghosted on her. She was still a little salty about that, but she did seem to really like him still. God knows why.

That was the only thing that made me feel a little bad up about what I was doing. I had 0 scruples about screwing with him in itself because he deserved it wholeheartedly, but this girl was so obviously into him and excited to be talking to him and thinking she actually had a chance.

She kept pressing for phone contact, but I told her “I” had a girlfriend and was kind of just trying to sort all that out first. She started getting really pressed and impatient. She claimed to have been able to dig up his number and then asked if she could text, but I told her that wasn’t a good idea for now. Clearly I didn’t want her actually reaching out to him because he’d obviously know that he wasn’t on Plenty of Fish. BUT I think she ended up doing just that. When she didn’t speak for a few days, I hit her up because I had a feeling, and she told me she knew my account was fake. Ugh…well…ya got me there!

At that point, having been discovered, and not really knowing where else to go with this because I had already seemed to make contact with someone who knows the GF, I deleted it.

Later in the year, I happened to find out through a little birdie that Lucifer and his GF had broken up. I think they made it to maybe early November (my POF adventures took place in mid-to-late October). One of the reasons cited by the now ex-GF was Lucifer creeping around on Plenty of Fish. When she called him on it, he tried to say his identity had been stolen. LOL. There were also questionable meetings with other women mixed in the reasoning as well, so while he did get falsely accused from the POF angle, he still in fact is a certified asshole and got everything he deserved.

He was still trying to win back her affections as of her birthday in December, because he apparently sent her flowers, which she promptly threw away. Awww.

And these days, per her Instagram account, she’s now seemingly enthralled with someone else who is not Lucifer.

And we all lived happily ever after. Except Lucifer, because fuck him.