So, needless to say, Owen and his wife were actually not at all separated. Physically, yes, they really did live separately, but they were still very much married. I went from A-Z with her about our involvement. I emphasized that we had never met and he had backed out of the trip, but needless to say his interaction with me, whether we met or not, went on for a couple of months and was definitely entirely inappropriate.
In the spirit of defending my own honor (to drive it home that he definitely told me he was separated/not married), and because I was in shock and freaking pissed, I sent her a few screenshots from our conversations to prove that what I was saying was true. And honestly, having been down the inadvertent “other woman” road before, I know how these things tend to go – she’s going to confront him and then he’s going to try to pull the “she didn’t mean anything to me” card and generally downplay everything that went on between us so he can salvage his marriage. I don’t think so, asshole.
The wife, whom I shall affectionately refer to as Crazy Kay (there’s reasons for that we shall get into), talked for maybe 30 – 40 minutes. I would learn that he lied about several seemingly insignificant details of his life, even besides his name. Like, he told me he was an only child. He’s not. Toward the end of our conversation she asked me not to let him in on anything because she wanted to confront him eventually and give him the shock of his life.
So, naturally, I texted him immediately. I was so angrily texting though that I worded it wrong – I said I “found” his wife. He assumed I was just acting crazy again and told me to leave him alone. I clarified:
She called me actually.
Oh, and I’m going to send her the entirety of our WhatsApp conversations tomorrow.
Funnily enough, his tone changed then…
“I’m sorry for everything. Please try not to ruin my life.”
“Can we discuss this, please?”
Sure, let’s discuss it! Call me. And he did.
Once I explained to him exactly what occurred and chewed him out and the gravity of the impending implosion of his marriage sunk in, he did seem to become genuinely conciliatory, but he also started remarking on how he was scared for his career. He had it in his mind that she would call his job and try to make waves for him. A big no-no for military officers. Then, stupid doormat me, started feeling bad.
We actually talked for a couple of hours. I made him video me to apologize “face to face” so I could look at him and try to analyze whether he really meant he was sorry for being a lying bastard or whether he was just *saying* he was sorry so I wouldn’t send his wife our conversations.
I was probably up until 5am with this nonsense before finally getting to sleep. I ended up taking off work since I hadn’t gotten any sleep.
So, pretty much, over the next couple of weeks, I put him through the wringer and he confessed to everything he did and took the beating for it. He did genuinely seem very accommodating and communicative and sorry. He was sorry he’s a liar. Sorry he was horrible to me during those 3 weeks we didn’t talk – he was scared. He was sorry he lied about having siblings, it was to try to stay as anonymous as possible at first.
And not just sorry he got caught, but genuinely sorry for lying and hurting me, and sorry for hurting his wife. They had been in an unhappy marriage for a long time and he had checked out of it years ago, he admitted, but he knew what he was doing wasn’t right as my trip out approached, so he did lie to back out of it.
No, his mom did NOT have a stroke. That was actually almost the worst thing about the whole thing to me – THAT’S what you choose to lie about to get out of it? Your mom having a stroke? WTF does that? There are a million other reasons he could’ve come up with.
So pretty much, we did end up reconciling, so to speak. I was honestly just genuinely worried about the guy – he’s not used to his life being out of control and he was still worried for his career. Apparently she was threatening to pore through the phone bill some more and call colleagues of his and even commanders and what have you. He promised there would be no other women to find, but it’s still not a good look when your crazy wife is calling to question them about your possible affairs.
And yes, Crazy Kay is crazy. She has some substance abuse issues in the form of alcohol and pills and has for years, according to Owen. I think that’s part of the reason their marriage fell apart. And I know for a fact that this a problem for her myself since I’ve actually talked to her several times since that original night, on her own volition.
One morning a little after 4 am I’m in the gym before work and my text notification sounds from my gym bag as I’m stepping on the treadmill. This is maybe 2 weeks after everything went to hell. Who the hell is texting me at 4 am? It’s Crazy Kay. She’s “scared for her and her daughter.” She “thinks there’s still someone in the picture and wants to know the truth.”
I wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted from me in that conversation – I guess just to vent? Honestly, I think she just wanted to admit that he and I started talking again. But I wouldn’t. She brought it up several times and then even ended on a final outburst about me “forgiving quickly” and not to ever “fucking contact her again!” after texting me off and on for several hours about Owen destroying his family and various other emotional vomit (Okay? You texted me?). When I was finally able to talk to Owen about it, he surmised that she was on a bender.
That was it until about 3 weeks ago at 10:30 pm on a Wednesday night. She wanted my “rebuttal” to the remark that Owen had made flippantly about filing a restraining order against me.
And that’s the thing…ideally I shouldn’t engage with her but she texts so randomly and starts off with something so wacky I just want to figure out where she’s going with it.
I reminded her that that was a glib remark Owen made out of anger months ago when we were fighting. I had told her pretty much almost everything that occurred between he and I during our original conversation (which I now regret), which is how she knew about that.
She claimed he had recently referred to me as the “psycho he got involved with” and this and that. I admit, she almost had me for a second. I got slightly livid because I assumed that he was posturing to get back with her if he’s talking about me like that, and I started texting him to chew him out.
He told me that none of that is true and that Crazy Kay is on a bender again and in one of her “moods” and has been at clawing at him throughout the night as well. But he was working and couldn’t engage with her readily. He sent me some screenshots to show that he was telling her how unproductive their conversations are and that all he cares about at this point is his daughter.
Then, in furthering my own discussion with her, it became obvious that her real motive with this line of questioning (like we’re court – you want my “rebuttal” – what the fuck?) was that she was trying to position herself to make it out as if, with Owen having ONCE threatened a restraining order on me, he should be concerned about having someone crazy around his kid or something. Pretty much it was this:
Then she went on to mistake me for Owen, clearly (I guess her pills or whatever really started to kick in), by asking me “why I’d do this to my family.”
Owen and I talked the next day and he apologized for her contacting me; I apologized for playing into her nonsense at first and letting her get under my skin.
I told him there seems to be a pattern emerging where, I guess, when he’s busy and she can’t get a reaction from him right away, then she moves onto me.
Two days later, as he had planned, he had a phone consultation with the attorney that he hired in their home state. He’s pretty much screwed in terms of alimony and equal custody for now, but he just wants to get something in place where she can’t deny him seeing his daughter, which she has already done when he asked if the daughter could come out to him.
So pretty much, this has been kind of a cluster. No idea how it will end.