And Again…

Rusty continues to mystify. I have no idea what his motive or end game is.

Since the last entry about his antics, I continued trying to figure him out some, including a whole smattering of tipsy texts that next Sunday Funday, but did not get much of a response, go figure. And maybe he was ignoring me purposely or maybe he was busy because he’s deployed, but to be honest, none of those tipsy texts really deserved a response anyway.

But then I started thinking about everything in the second week of October and I decided that I really didn’t like the way he treated me. Something about that “ex” screenshot he sent me just suddenly came to surface and started to annoy me. Like, dude, I really don’t really need to be texting you, if that’s what you prefer.

And I decided that he can go to hell, quite frankly. And I told him so, in so many words, signifying my intent to leave him be:

“I do not like the way you treat me”

“You are condescending and belittling and frankly, quite mean”

That was all she wrote. I wasn’t expecting a response and didn’t get one for the next week or so and I was okay with that.

That was October 9th. Exactly a week later, on the evening of October 16, I get a text from the same unknown phone number from September 11, opening with some dumb GIF, which is definitely his M.O.:

Rlly

And there we were again. Me calling him out specifically by name; him being evasive and misleading about his identity and just clearly trying to screw with me. Then nothing after that. I sent Rusty’s real number several texts basically asking for him to stop doing that shit. He never answered.

But then the fun continues last night. I get a text from a new mystery phone number. From California. I look it up in my text records…none to be found. So I’ve never texted with this number at all. Gee, I wonder who it could be?

And the opening text is a link to a recent aviation incident and mystery texter telling me it’s a member of his old squadron. I ask who it is even though I already know from that phrase and the link alone.

So we once again embark on this cat and mouse game of me just trying to get him to admit it’s him and to stop texting me from all these fake numbers. He goes a little further this time in confirming his identity, although not outright, and insists that the current phone number now is a “deployment number” and that we’ve texted on it before (we haven’t – I’d know).

I ask why he keeps insisting on texting me when he seemed to make it clear he wanted me to leave him alone. He answers with a lot of “Huh” and “What?” as if he just can’t in the world comprehend what I’m talking about.

He eventually tells me to “stop being offensive and be nice” and I remind him that he didn’t want me to be nice to him, proving that that time I was a mere 5 miles away from him and he pointedly ignored me for a full week. He answers that he was “in the muddle of being crushed at work.” Oh, and I was had been acting “cray.” Of course.

Gee, what a breakthrough. Finally, after 3.5 months, he actually bothers to address the subject and give me an explanation (albeit not a good one).

But although he does admit this was him at last on this new number, he still insisted the other number wasn’t him. Which is a definite lie.

Not really sure what he’s going for here.

Getting Ornery in My Old Age

It was the last day of March, 2017, and I innocuously responded to a post made in an enormous private Facebook group created to be sort of a digital watering hole for people in my profession. It was just a basic post asking where everyone was from. I responded in the thread’s infancy, so I kept getting the subsequent notifications when other people would comment. Whenever anyone else said they were from my home state, I would go and Like the comment, for solidarity’s sake…or maybe just because I was just bored at work and dicking around.

Not long after liking one of these comments, I got a friend request from its writer. I noticed we had a few mutual friends and that he worked in my state and thus saw no harm in accepting a colleague as a friend – I do that pretty often. Not long after I accepted, he started messaging me about where I’m from and where I work. For all intents and purposes, we shall affectionately refer to this person as Lucifer (definitely no foreshadowing at all going on here).

Lucifer started off very polite and charming and extremely complimentary. He made it known right away that he thought I was beautiful and that he was definitely approaching me in a romantic sense. Only Lucifer was at the moment deployed to the Middle East as part of an Army National Guard unit and wouldn’t be back until late July.

It was for that reason, and the fact that he is several years younger than me, that I started off very guarded with him and took him and all his flattery with a grain of salt. But Lucifer was persistent and before long he grew on me. Whereas initially I was indifferent to him reaching out and about talking to him in general, before I knew it there became a time when I started looking forward to his messages and realizing that they put a smile on my face. I started liking Lucifer. After all, Lucifer had made it very clear that he was looking for a serious dating scenario when he got back from deployment. And it didn’t hurt that he was fairly cute.

When I started developing more of an attachment to Lucifer, I made sure to pore through his Facebook page to look for any evidence of any current romantic involvements; I could not find anything recent. The last pictures I could see that looked like it could’ve been a girlfriend were from a wedding in 2015. Otherwise, there was no other photographic evidence to be found. I’d monitor his posts fervently when he made any to see if any suspicious comments were made by any females. Nada.

Now, as our talking progressed and Lucifer appeared very consistent and genuine with his contact and his intentions, admittedly, our talk turned increasingly steamier over time. Even though I told him right off the bat that I was definitely NOT planning on being any kind of x-rated entertainment for him, and he seemed okay with that, eventually things did progress toward that end. But it was okay, because I liked him and he seemed into me and it was fun. And I also thought it was sweet that when I asked if he needed anything over there, like supply-wise, he only asked for letters. I ended up writing him 3.

Only…at certain points, most notably starting around Memorial Day weekend, his contact started to wane a little bit. Whereas I was used to hearing from him almost daily, it started being a couple to several days before he would say anything to me. And while I gave him the littlest bit of the benefit of the doubt given that he was deployed, it was hard for me to keep on doing so when I could clearly see him active on Facebook, liking posts and things of that nature.

Then, not only was his contact becoming more sporadic, but slowly but surely it became evermore focused on sexual talk when he did bother to say anything to me. There were several times that I called him on this stuff but he would just say he’s sorry but it’s just been busy…he’s just lonely…blah, blah, blah.

I knew deep down that something was amiss, I just really wanted to believe him, I guess. But what really started to grind my gears was the fact that, as his deployment timeline started wearing down and eventually it was just a matter of weeks before he got back to the good ol’ USA, he wasn’t at all forthcoming about any kind of general time frame or anything. Everything I managed to scrounge up regarding his unit’s homecoming was via Facebook. Nothing from him.

When his unit came got back to the United States, they had to go to Texas to be demobilized or whatever. So there’s Lucifer, finally back in the United States with normal phone capabilities. Did I get a phone call? A text? Nope. And I had made sure to give him my number at one point, so he could make “real” contact with me – I figured he’d be delighted to after having been relegated to Facebook Messenger chat the whole time, but nope. Not a peep.

I’m not dumb, although I act like it sometimes. I knew the writing was on the wall when the guy who had spent the last 4 months romancing me over Facebook Messenger did not at all bother to actually make phone contact now that he certainly could. But alas, I held out, certainly not bothering to trust my own well-honed intuition when it comes to these things – because what’s the fun in that?

He was in Texas for like a week before coming back home for good. I got a Facebook message the night he came home to let me know he was back. We vaguely discussed plans to hang out in the future. I told him I understood that he firstly has family and friends and business to attend to now that he’s home, but it would be nice if we could hang out sooner rather than later. He seemed to agree.

And then…nothing, for the most part. He wasn’t even really making conversation with me. I kind of called him out on that at one point and he claimed his house flooded and he’s been busy with that. It was like the first weekend in August at this point; he had been home for just shy of 2 weeks. And over that Friday and Saturday, those 2 consecutive days, he said we could hang out and then he abruptly canceled on me both times. Ugh. Then back to radio silence.

One night during the second weekend in August, I had swung by a buddy’s retirement celebration and then met Carly and her boyfriend out after. I was also waiting for Scout to make an appearance. But there I was innocently browsing Facebook and what do I spy? Lucifer has been tagged in several pictures at a wedding with a lovely date.

Wow…really?

And that’s exactly what I remarked on one of the pictures, being as I was absolutely floored, although really not too surprised. His date was someone who had first ended up on my radar maybe around the beginning of June when I saw that he had tagged her name, along with one of his brothers, on a music artist’s post. All he wrote was her name so there was absolutely no context to it, but upon noticing that she was a very pretty girl who lived around his hometown, I kind of had a feeling about her. But her page was fairly locked down so I wasn’t able to glean much other than that he was all over every picture or status she would put up. I did find my way to her Twitter, but there wasn’t really much to go on from there either. All I knew was that I felt a certain kind of way about the tagging, and my instincts turned out to be correct.

Well, unfortunately, as I never had a phone number for Lucifer, and he had already proven to be quite unreliable with checking his FB messages, at least when it came to me, I had no other recourse but to call him out on one of the pictures: “Really, Lucifer?” He promptly blocked me. Ah, but not before the date noticed (it was her post and he was tagged). She ended up sending me a message later in the night asking if there’s something she should know, and we got down to business.

The gist of it was that she and Lucifer had been acquaintances for several years, but were never really single around the same time so nothing ever took off. Around the time he started creeping on me, he started sliding in her DMs as well. And clearly he saw more value in her as a potential girlfriend since she was obviously the one he came running home to date. They were at that very moment out of town together for the wedding of one of his friends. So I surmised that all my instincts had in fact been correct and that he had just been pretty much using me for entertainment after a certain point.

At this point, it’s not like I had any clear cut ammo against Lucifer, but I was just trying to be honest and let her know what’s what. I showed her screenshots of things he had said while he was still deployed and clearly telling her the same shit (although in her case, I guess he actually meant it). According to her, he had asked her to be his girlfriend maybe a week prior to this, and I had clear screenshots of our ill-fated attempts to hang out, which would’ve been subsequent to their relationship starting. But I guess none of that was truly hardcore evidence of any wrongdoing on his part, depending on how you wanted to swing it. I mean, there was some slight overlap but the fact is is that we had never actually met and while he was being slightly shady, there was really nothing conclusive. I was just being honest about what went on – she could take it as she wanted.

But funnily enough, she said she had had some suspicions about me from some activity on Lucifer’s Facebook. Ha. Which really did make me seriously question his intelligence level since, given that me and the GF were both friends with him on Facebook until that night, what did he really think was going to happen?

She did try to play the strong, empowered, “take no shit” woman role for a bit – saying he’s done with him and all this and that. But the fact was is that they were currently staying in a hotel together (he drove and had been drinking, so they were stuck). So I knew the likelihood of him being able to sweet talk his way back into her good graces by the next morning was pretty high. And lo and behold, the next day I heard from a friend that they had made it “Facebook official.” So you know it was extra serious then.

So, of course, Lucifer was just one additional jackass in a long, storied line of jackasses. Nothing really new. But I think what really bothered me about the situation in particular is just the abject callousness in how he discarded me immediately once his ass was on the line, and then that was just that to him. I’m not particularly angry at the fact that he had been talking to someone else all along and then set his sights on her – that’s just an inherently sucky part about dating…you’re always kind of implicitly starring in the bootleg version of “The Bachelor” – it was just the fact that he never bothered to address anything with me.

I never really got closure, I guess. Like, to date (and this happened last August), I have never heard a word from him. Not a “thanks but no thanks,” not an “I’m sorry” or anything like that. I mean, you don’t have to want to date me, but I kind of feel like it takes a bit of a psychopathic mind to have spent 4 months befriending someone, getting her to trust you, asking her to write to you, and then just kicking her to the curb without explanation or warning without a second thought. Like, am I not a fucking person?

No worries, though. Karma is a bitch sometimes.

Around the time I got my surgery that fall, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands since I had to take it easy for several weeks. And still feeling a certain kind of way about the Lucifer situation. So one day I came up with a fantastic plan to try and screw with him.

I rounded up some pictures of him, typed out a couple of super basic, bare-bones lines about his interests, and I made him a Plenty of Fish account. And the work pretty much did itself from there. I did reach out to a few girls at first with basic greetings, but I really didn’t have the energy or inclination to actually carry on conversations with people as if I am really him. Especially since a couple of people I reached out to indicated that they had interacted with him previously. Not exactly knowing the nature of these interactions, I didn’t want to risk blowing my cover too soon.

And I quickly learned that I could be way more subtle anyway, because Plenty of Fish shows you everyone who looks at your profile. So all I really had to do was to set my location to his town and find as many girls in the vicinity as possible so I could look at their profiles and be in their history. I figured that someone eventually would be a friend of the GF’s and it’d get back to her somehow that “Lucifer” is creeping on Plenty of Fish. And eventually, I did strike gold because I did run across someone who obviously knew of them:

JA

I think I followed up with “just looking for friends” which is exactly what an asshole like him would probably say when he gets caught. Never heard anything back though and didn’t want to press it so as not to be too obvious. I wasn’t really sure what I expected out of this adventure anyway, but I was happy with that if it caused him even the tiniest bit of strife somehow.

While enacting this course of action, I was also inadvertently able to obtain further evidence of just how much of an asshole he is: one girl ended up reaching out to “him” and it was immediately clear that he knew her somehow. It turned out that they went to high school together and that she had liked him back then but he apparently never liked her. But then about a year before, they had talked a bit and decided to meet up at a park. I get the impression that he just wasn’t into her in person because apparently he just kind of upped and left really quickly and then kind of ghosted on her. She was still a little salty about that, but she did seem to really like him still. God knows why.

That was the only thing that made me feel a little bad up about what I was doing. I had 0 scruples about screwing with him in itself because he deserved it wholeheartedly, but this girl was so obviously into him and excited to be talking to him and thinking she actually had a chance.

She kept pressing for phone contact, but I told her “I” had a girlfriend and was kind of just trying to sort all that out first. She started getting really pressed and impatient. She claimed to have been able to dig up his number and then asked if she could text, but I told her that wasn’t a good idea for now. Clearly I didn’t want her actually reaching out to him because he’d obviously know that he wasn’t on Plenty of Fish. BUT I think she ended up doing just that. When she didn’t speak for a few days, I hit her up because I had a feeling, and she told me she knew my account was fake. Ugh…well…ya got me there!

At that point, having been discovered, and not really knowing where else to go with this because I had already seemed to make contact with someone who knows the GF, I deleted it.

Later in the year, I happened to find out through a little birdie that Lucifer and his GF had broken up. I think they made it to maybe early November (my POF adventures took place in mid-to-late October). One of the reasons cited by the now ex-GF was Lucifer creeping around on Plenty of Fish. When she called him on it, he tried to say his identity had been stolen. LOL. There were also questionable meetings with other women mixed in the reasoning as well, so while he did get falsely accused from the POF angle, he still in fact is a certified asshole and got everything he deserved.

He was still trying to win back her affections as of her birthday in December, because he apparently sent her flowers, which she promptly threw away. Awww.

And these days, per her Instagram account, she’s now seemingly enthralled with someone else who is not Lucifer.

And we all lived happily ever after. Except Lucifer, because fuck him.

Lonely on Purpose

In case there is a misconception that I spend the majority of my time pining over men who do not want me, that is actually not the case. While that does encompass a minuscule portion of my day-to-day activities, I actually spend quite a bit of time running from men who do want me. Ben, while he was the apple of my eye momentarily, is not the only man I’ve been out with in recent weeks. I’m just not really that good at dating, in case it’s not apparent.

Firstly, there is Ross, who is a firefighter that I happened to meet at a happy hour…I don’t remember when. Maybe around the last week of August. He came in and sat beside me (I was alone) and then a male friend eventually joined him. I thought he was kind of cute and initiated conversation flirtatiously just for something to do. Well we ended up talking and sharing oysters and then the next thing I know he was asking me out and we exchanged numbers and he walked me to my car like a gentleman. Aww.

Then there is Martin, who is an Air Force guy I matched with on Bumble on September 3, which is coincidentally the same day that I originally swore off talking to Ben. We got to talking extensively the next day, which was Labor Day. I had to work but had nothing to do since neither my boss or anyone else was here anyway, so I spent most of my work day catching up on episodes of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days and texting with him. He didn’t have to work, so we talked quite extensively and by the end of my work day we had plans for a date the next night.

I met him in his nearby town that evening and we had a lovely sushi dinner together. He’s tall and pretty cute, but maybe a little lankier than I really prefer. But still, I had a good time and enjoyed talking to him. He eventually asked me out again for that Friday, I think, but I had already made plans with Ross for happy hour so I declined.

So here is where I did something kind of jacked up. On that Friday I met Ross out. I got there before him and he was running late, so I had already eaten and had a couple of drinks before he came. We proceeded to get pretty inebriated via many shots and for some reason (well…probably because I was drunk), I started texting Martin about how hammered I was and he asked if I needed a ride and I said yes. He asked where I was and I told him and he showed up. With Ross there.

I have no idea how I introduced them to each other. But in any case, I ended up leaving with Martin. But not before Ross paid the whole tab, including the portion that was really just my own before he showed up. Aww.

Martin took me back to his house, which he shares with roommates. But his portion is a huge basement bedroom that has a bed and a couch. We attempted to watch a movie but I passed out. I woke up at a dawn only slightly confused before I remembered where I was. I went to pee and then I decided to join him in bed where we kind of cuddled and made out very PG-like, but that was the extent of that.

He kept talking about some brunch date he had to get to later that morning, so it was a time-sensitive matter in him taking me back to my car. It turned out the brunch was with his ex-wife (they were married for less than a year and divorced earlier this year). I thought it was kind of strange that they’d be having brunch together – what for? – but whatever.

He had given me a t-shirt to wear and he let me keep it so I took it with me when we left. On the drive back to my car he remarked on how he’s had problems with depression and made a “joke” about how he’s off his meds now because they had made him “more” suicidal. Ha ha, super funny!

We had intermittent conversation for the rest of the day after I got home, but either that day or the next he sent me some message about “not knowing what he wants” right now and it sounded like pretty much he was blowing me off so I left it at that. It seemed to me like he might still be into his ex-wife or something, Nothing else was said or heard.

UNTIL September 7, when I ventured out to his town to take my old boobs out for one last spin before my surgery that Friday. I’d had a lot of good times with those girls and wanted them to go out in style. But being in Martin’s town made me think of him so I decided to text and say hello. He responded and was pleasant back, but nothing about the conversation sounded particularly inviting or anything, so I left it at that.

But then that Monday he started texting me about how my night out was and we got to talking and he eventually asked me if I wanted to meet that week. I asked if he was sure he had the right person, because the last thing I remembered was him not knowing what he wants. So I asked if this was just a matter of him wanting to get in my pants or something.

Martin.jpg

I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what kind of dialogue he was looking for when you tell a woman who was just in your bed that morning, and coincidentally after brunch with your ex-wife, that you “don’t know what you want.” We made plans once and I blew him off and then again and I blew him off again because I just wasn’t into it.

But whatever, he seems nice enough and has seemed very caring and compassionate about keeping up with how I’m feeling after my surgery. He asked me over last night for “taco and horror movie” night with him and one of his roommates, but I just wanted to rest for work today after being off for so lone, so I declined. I may go out with him again, I may not.

After acting like a total ass with Ross, inviting Martin to the party and all, I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again. That next morning, I guess we had made some drunken brunch plans but I was a little hung-over so that was a definite no-go and I didn’t really respond. I thought that was that.

But then eventually he started texting me again. I told him I was ignorant for that night and he agreed and I apologized, and somehow he is still interested in me for whatever reason. He asked me out for a drink last night but I declined. Then he called me but I didn’t feel like talking so I ignored it. He texted to say he had just wanted to catch up and then told me to have a good night.

But THEN he sent me this diatribe:

Ross.jpg

So the lesson here is, when you treat men like crap, they just can’t get enough of you. Also, I am lonely on purpose, not because I have to be.