I’d Rather Be Single

About a month ago, Scout got assigned to work in the same building as me for a 2-month period, and it has been a treat seeing him in passing every so often. Otherwise we rarely ever see each other at work.

We’ve had lunch twice so far in a common area of the building, making sure to maintain a respectable “colleagues-who-are-definitely-not-romantically-involved” distance away from each other while doing so, if there is such a thing. But he did come bearing gifts for our first lunch:


Some girls like lingerie, some girls like jewelry, and some girls like boxes of handgun ammunition. I’m actually good with any of them. I guess I’m easy to please.

I am starting to learn one thing, and that is that the ladies love them some Scout. When we had our first lunch, maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, a lady I know just from in passing who saw us eating pulled me aside later to swoon over how good looking he is, and how several other women have been checking him out since he got here.

The same thing happened last year at a party we were at, where a girl I’m cool with, who obviously had no idea about me and Scout’s involvement, starting whispering to me about how “rape-a-licious” he is, but that he “doesn’t cheat.”

If only they knew. It amuses me. He is pretty hot, so it’s kind of flattering I suppose.

When I ran into him a couple of ours before our lunch last Thursday, it was only because I was wandering around his office area and happened to do a double take on a gentleman sitting at a random computer because he looked good even from behind. It took me a few seconds to realize it was Scout. He and the rest of his team don’t really have a defined office space so just kind of have to work wherever there is free space, so he was just randomly sitting there when I walked by and had no idea it was him.

I told him about that later and he termed it as “cheating on him with him,” which I guess in the grand scale of cheating, is better than cheating on him with someone who is not him.

As far as my attempts to find romance with someone who is actually single, I’ve resorted back to Tinder and it is not going well. The quality of men on Tinder has gone drastically downhill, and on top of that I’m just generally less patient and/or too picky and set in my ways, so I’m swiping left way more than right and have a very short fuse with anyone I match with who rubs me the wrong way.

I had a repeat match with an attorney – “Brian” – I matched with previously on Bumble and did not get along with. Though I did remember our unfruitful interaction on Bumble when I ran across him on Tinder, I swiped right anyway just out of curiosity. He is good looking after all even if he was a bit of a tool. That was a couple of months though, so maybe circumstances will have changed, I figured.

I found he had swiped right on me as well. He opened conversation immediately alluding to our previous Bumble encounter, so he obviously remembered me, but he claimed not to remember exactly what happened.

When I reminded him that he was being a sleaze-ball and it turned me off, he responded with:


I would hardly call my behavior “coy” because I don’t want to essentially sext within 24 hours of a match. But okay, buddy. And OMG – a whole 30 miles! That also seems to be a thing on Tinder…apparently anything over a 15-minute drive is considered too much effort for many people. That, to me, is a sign of a someone who is more hookup oriented. If you’re just looking for an easy piece of ass, then I suppose that is a little far to travel. People who are looking for something/someone more meaningful recognize that said person may actually not live right next door to them. I search within a 35-mile distance as I figure it would not be outside the realm of possibility that a worthy candidate might necessitate a little more travel time. And that’s okay with me. I do think that’s why cars were invented, after all.

Anyway…this fool started rubbing me the wrong way with his general negativity, and I got bored quickly with this conversation and stopped answering soon after because I settled down in bed to read. When he didn’t get a response after 10 minutes or so, he sent me a snarky remark about this being a “repeat performance.” I explained the next morning that I had been reading. He replied like a normal polite person at first about a book he was reading, then reiterated that our distance is problematic for him. I wished him good luck and let that be that. I believe that was Friday morning.

Saturday evening I’m at dinner with girlfriends and I get this:


And that’s just the kind of mood I’m in. He never replied and eventually unmatched with me. Oh well. He’s a giant tool and I really don’t care.

Besides, who needs him when there are charmers like “Steve. ” This was after we exchanged only a greeting to each other:

Good Lord. The Tinder cup does not runneth over.

I Think He Likes Me

In the weeks before Christmas, I jokingly asked Scout what he was getting me. He asked what I wanted, and I told him I was just kidding.

But then I thought about it and decided I did want something. Not because I was being materialistic, but because I felt the need for some tangible reminder of this romance. So that in case something happens, I know that it was real.

Sometimes I think about the fact that if something were to happen to Scout, God forbid, like if he died or something, I wouldn’t be able to legitimately mourn for him as his lover. I could mourn for him as a colleague, maybe as a friend, but I wouldn’t be able to let the world know that this man was someone I loved romantically and just how much it would matter to me if he was no longer here.

He’s married and I’m not his wife and so that is one of the disadvantages of this kind of situation.

And if that were to happen, I wouldn’t have anything tangible to remind me of what we had but my own memories.

So I told, him, yes, I wanted something. Maybe a necklace or something.

I knew he would have no idea what to get me though, so a little while later I asked if he would like some help, and he said he would. I jokingly sent him a link to a $4,000 Cartier necklace, but then I told him that I’d “settle” for something along the lines of Tiffany & Co., in silver. I thought about sending him links to several things in my wish list already and letting him choose, but then I just left it alone and decided to let him truly pick out something on his own, whether it was Tiffany’s or not.

We hadn’t talked about it for a while though – these discussions all took place maybe a month ago.

Then on Monday, he let me know that I should be expecting a package soon. Yesterday, he said it should be delivered by the end of the day. UPS or whoever tends to get to my neighborhood late, so I checked up until almost 8 in the evening but nothing had come. Oh well, I figured it’d probably get to me this evening.

But when I came down this morning to leave for work, I found it waiting for me, courtesy of my roommate, who must’ve wandered across it in her travels some time after I had last checked.

And voila…


He did good. REALLY good. It’s absolutely gorgeous, and just my style. And he picked it out all by himself. And spent even more than he should’ve, or that I even thought he would. Not that that matters, per se, but it’s a nice thought to know that he didn’t go the cheapest route that he could’ve gone, even for Tiffany’s.

It’s the first gift of jewelry I’ve ever gotten from a man in my life. And absolutely perfect. I love it. And him.

Bumble Adventures

I’m not really sure how to feel about Bumble, but I’m leaning towards being pretty disenchanted with it overall. As my expectations of dating apps are definitely not high to begin with, that’s saying something.

I don’t know, I just feel like perhaps because it’s incumbent upon the female to initiate contact, the men on there are kind of entitled and lazy…that they somehow take that as meaning that the burden is on the woman to carry the conversation or something. It’s weird. Or maybe the fact that I don’t really care about putting meaningful effort into it is reflecting in my disposition somehow and I’m getting it thrown back at me. Whatevs. In any case, some of my most notable experiences so far…

Bachelor #1

I matched with this guy the Friday before last and it seemed very promising at first. He was cute and communicative and we spent a good portion of that evening talking. We even had a bit of a  “bonding” moment when he inadvertently made an awkward auto correct faux pas:


Poor thing. But it ended up being a good ice breaker and laugh for the both of us.

I ended up crashing hard after an electrifying evening of browsing Bumble, surfing the internet, and watching TV (I know – try and keep up!). The next morning I saw that he had written a message about how good it was to talk to me and that he’s hoping that we can do it again soon, complete with a totally unsolicited, but appreciated, phone number.

I texted him that afternoon while I was getting my toes done to say hi and open up the lines of communication, letting him know who it is, of course. Hours later…nothing. Hmm…maybe I typed the wrong number in? Nope, that  wasn’t it. Alrighty…umm…maybe he’s had a particularly busy day?

Well I wouldn’t know, since he never responded. A bit irritated, I followed up with a snarky remark – “Or not?” – through Bumble which he also neglected to respond to. As of yet he still hasn’t unmatched with me or anything, but he obviously has made no move to respond, so I have no idea what that was about.

Bachelor #2

This is not a newbie, but a guy I used to have a borderline obsession with crush on for the majority of my sophomore and junior years of college. He was a basketball player at my school who I pretty much thought could walk on water and would swoon over like a lovesick puppy, but he never seriously gave me the time of day. We had sex twice or maybe thrice over the time period spanning the tail end of my junior year and the summer leading up to my senior year, but it never turned into anything more than that. I got over him eventually and moved on with my life and hadn’t seen or spoken to him since my senior year of college.

He was there for 2 more years after me, but his promising basketball career never lived up to expectations and he pretty much faded into obscurity once he graduated. Over the years, when I was especially bored or just barreling down a general internet rabbit hole, I’ve stalked his Twitter account or Instagram and found him to appear happily married with children and playing overseas basketball at some points.

Good for him…no hard feelings. Though he treated me like crap in college and caused me quite a bit of emotional turmoil leading to many a cringe-worthy journal entry, I’ve never really been mad or bitter towards him or wished him any ill will. And as the years have passed and I have grown, my “type” has changed quite drastically, so it’s been a long while since he did it for me in that regard. So suffice it to say that my only interest in orbiting his social media universe was out of genuine curiosity and nostalgia, not out of any kind of romantic longing.

Unfortunately, in more recent years he has ended up in some very hot water of the criminal justice variety. I know that only because he’s still somewhat of a person “of note” in the vicinity due to his illustrious college basketball career and local roots, and so I caught a brief snippet about his exploits in the news a while back. And then it appears that he is no longer married, which I figured out from stumbling across him on Tinder way back and stalking him once again on social media to try and get the scoop. I think his criminal justice issues might’ve had something to do with that.

The first time I came across him on Tinder way back, I swiped left before I completely realized who it was. It suddenly occurred to me after the fact. Again, earlier this year when I reset my account, he came up once again, but then the app suddenly took that opportunity to freeze (go figure) and I had to force close it and reopen it. I thought his profile would pop right back up because, at least on my end, I had swiped neither left or right, but when I reopened it a different profile popped up and I never saw him again. Oh well.

But within days of my Bumble adventures commencing a couple of weeks ago, his profile came up and even though he’s no longer even remotely my type, I swiped right to see what he would do. To be honest, I didn’t think he would remember who I was. I look quite a bit different (for the better) than I did in college, and given that I never played that important of a role in his life and it’s now been over 12 years since he has seen me, I didn’t think he would recognize me. When I saw that we had matched, I honestly had initial intentions to kind of screw with him a bit. In more of a fun way, not necessarily on a mean tip…maybe just to carry on a conversation  as if we were strangers and then to let him in on my identity after a little bit.

But imagine my astonishment when I said hi and his response was “Lol look at you. How you been?” Wow…seriously?! When I expressed my surprise that he would even remember me, he replied, “Lol how could I forget?” Then I kind of felt bad because I assumed the worst and it turned out he remembered me after all.

We’ve made small talk since then and he’s expressed an interest in getting together to “catch up.” Funny how the tables turn. Now it’s him seeking my attention and me who is the reluctant one. Not really sure if I want to go there. While I think it might be neat to get together and chat, I don’t want him thinking I’m interested in rekindling anything with him because I’m definitely not.

Bachelor #3

I matched with Mr. Marine with some time around November 1. I thought he was cuter than most so I decided to put a little more effort into my opener, which is nothing groundbreaking, but seemed to play very well on Tinder in the event that I found a guy especially attractive enough to initiate contact: “Well aren’t you cute.” He reciprocated with a compliment and we enjoyed some generally productive conversation over ensuing days, even if it felt a bit stilted on his part. Like, sometimes, I just felt like there were breaks in the conversation where he should’ve made the effort to fill in, or to open up another line of discussion if he wanted it to continue, and he wouldn’t and so I’d have to make the effort to fill in the gaps. Even still, he generally remained responsive and seemed interested, so I stuck it out.

Yet I was annoyed when, alluding to the hint of my legs in one picture, he said he hoped they were “better in person” and then went on to, in so many words, ask for better pictures of them. I shot that down immediately, but I did offer up a picture of me from that weekend in Halloween costume (I made a very splendid Daenerys Targaryen, thankyouverymuch), which seemed to alleviate his need for more besides the 6 he can already clearly reference any time.

From there, conversation remained decent, if not exactly stellar. He looks like he’s attractive, he’s 6’2″ (yum!), and a career Marine, which all earned him points. The only downside is that he’s divorced with 2 children. Not really optimal for me, but not a deal breaker.

Yet I was further put off when I asked to see a picture of his children (since he brought them up several times, I was trying to act interested), I think Thursday night, and he replied “Maybe one day” because he “doesn’t just dole those out.” Um…okay. Not that serious, dude. While I do generally think that people shouldn’t advertise pictures of their children across dating profiles for anyone to see, I wasn’t sure what the big deal was about sending one to someone in particular. What the hell am I going to do with a picture of your kids?!

But I mean, I guess that’s his prerogative. It wasn’t really his refusal in itself that annoyed me, it was that he cajoled me into sending him a picture yet didn’t reciprocate when I asked. Just kind of further evidence of an already perceivable imbalance of effort that eroded a little more of my interest. And this is after he made remarks earlier in the day about wanting me to come join him at the beach and suggesting maybe a drink this week when he was back. I’m sure he could sense my displeasure in the simple “Ok” I responded with after that whole debacle because he never said anything else that night.

I gave it one last try Friday evening by initiating conversation. He asked what I up to and I told him I had just gotten my hair done. His immediate response: “Pics?” Mine: “One day.” His: “Touche.”

And that’s been that thus far. Guess we’re not getting that drink this week.

Bachelor #4…May be the Charm?

This past Sunday morning I woke up to find a “New Bee in my Hive” whom I was particularly excited about based firstly on looks and then on our shared profession. (I tend to be privy toward men that share the same profession as me, as that alone is strongly indicative of similar lifestyles, political philosophies, and general worldviews that bolster connection). But of course, a match means nothing in itself as there’s always the question of whether he will even respond and then be open to conversation from there and actually seem like a decent human being and all those nail-biter unknowns. But what do ya know? Success on all counts!

I reveled in a low-key Sunday of grocery shopping, cleaning, and general household chores in the morning followed by an afternoon of relaxation/laziness with beer, video games, and cheesy Amazon Prime movies during which we talked continuously throughout. By the early afternoon we had ascertained the several mutual friends/colleagues we have in common, he had freely revealed his last name so I could Facebook stalk him at my leisure, and he eventually offered up his phone number (unsolicited) so we could text. Which we did throughout the rest of the day and night until I fell asleep.

I woke up yesterday morning to messages regarding his own Facebook stalking of me (I had reciprocated with my identity as well) which culminated with an “…um…yeah…wow.” I asked for clarification on whether that was a good wow or a bad wow; he said that that it was a good wow and that I’m very photogenic (I’m not, I just curate my social media photos well).

As far as his page goes, his security was pretty tight so I could only see a handful of pictures and none of those were terribly recent or really reinforced whether or not he looked like those on his Bumble profile. He had remarked the day before, pursuant to his invitation for me to Facebook stalk him, that I could add him if I wanted, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go there just yet. It’s kind of counter-intuitive, but I was already starting to like him and wasn’t ready for what I was sure would be the inevitable let down…like finding out he’s actually missing 3 teeth (there was no smile on any of his Bumble photos or any of his public Facebook photos so that had me a little worried), or seeing pictures with or interactions between he and a girl or two that seemed questionable.

Anyway…we continued texting throughout the day yesterday, with him generally keeping me abreast of his activities and laying on all the more charm. He writes well and communicates with effort-full thoughts and sentences; he is flirty, but maintained a gentlemanly demeanor and said nothing even remotely sleazy or sexual.

He made the suggestion that we meet up on Friday evening since that will be his only opportunity this week. I’m headed to the Dominican Republic early Saturday morning, and he knows that, so it’s clear that he feels, like I do, that it would be essential for us to meet in person before I leave. Otherwise, the promise that this is showing might fade away over next week when we will have limited contact.

Last night he announced that he was going to add me on Facebook, and he did, so I accepted. I got to browse through more of his photos, and crisis averted! He’s still cute. Not missing any teeth. No evidence of any girlfriends or any other current romantic interests. Feeling emboldened by that, I suggested he call me if he wasn’t busy. He did, and a 90-minute phone conversation ensued during which he talked of leaving the career he had before his current one because it wasn’t “intellectually stimulating” enough and correctly used words like “quintessential.” *Swoon* I bashfully admitted how I was particularly hoping to match with him and he in turn revealed that he was stoked when I messaged him.

After we hung up, he sent several texts about how he had completed his more in-depth Facebook analysis of my photos and I looked good in every single one. And he said he was looking forward to getting to know me.

He seems into it, so, we’ll see. Obviously, stay tuned for the inevitable train wreck.