Lonely on Purpose

In case there is a misconception that I spend the majority of my time pining over men who do not want me, that is actually not the case. While that does encompass a minuscule portion of my day-to-day activities, I actually spend quite a bit of time running from men who do want me. Ben, while he was the apple of my eye momentarily, is not the only man I’ve been out with in recent weeks. I’m just not really that good at dating, in case it’s not apparent.

Firstly, there is Ross, who is a firefighter that I happened to meet at a happy hour…I don’t remember when. Maybe around the last week of August. He came in and sat beside me (I was alone) and then a male friend eventually joined him. I thought he was kind of cute and initiated conversation flirtatiously just for something to do. Well we ended up talking and sharing oysters and then the next thing I know he was asking me out and we exchanged numbers and he walked me to my car like a gentleman. Aww.

Then there is Martin, who is an Air Force guy I matched with on Bumble on September 3, which is coincidentally the same day that I originally swore off talking to Ben. We got to talking extensively the next day, which was Labor Day. I had to work but had nothing to do since neither my boss or anyone else was here anyway, so I spent most of my work day catching up on episodes of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days and texting with him. He didn’t have to work, so we talked quite extensively and by the end of my work day we had plans for a date the next night.

I met him in his nearby town that evening and we had a lovely sushi dinner together. He’s tall and pretty cute, but maybe a little lankier than I really prefer. But still, I had a good time and enjoyed talking to him. He eventually asked me out again for that Friday, I think, but I had already made plans with Ross for happy hour so I declined.

So here is where I did something kind of jacked up. On that Friday I met Ross out. I got there before him and he was running late, so I had already eaten and had a couple of drinks before he came. We proceeded to get pretty inebriated via many shots and for some reason (well…probably because I was drunk), I started texting Martin about how hammered I was and he asked if I needed a ride and I said yes. He asked where I was and I told him and he showed up. With Ross there.

I have no idea how I introduced them to each other. But in any case, I ended up leaving with Martin. But not before Ross paid the whole tab, including the portion that was really just my own before he showed up. Aww.

Martin took me back to his house, which he shares with roommates. But his portion is a huge basement bedroom that has a bed and a couch. We attempted to watch a movie but I passed out. I woke up at a dawn only slightly confused before I remembered where I was. I went to pee and then I decided to join him in bed where we kind of cuddled and made out very PG-like, but that was the extent of that.

He kept talking about some brunch date he had to get to later that morning, so it was a time-sensitive matter in him taking me back to my car. It turned out the brunch was with his ex-wife (they were married for less than a year and divorced earlier this year). I thought it was kind of strange that they’d be having brunch together – what for? – but whatever.

He had given me a t-shirt to wear and he let me keep it so I took it with me when we left. On the drive back to my car he remarked on how he’s had problems with depression and made a “joke” about how he’s off his meds now because they had made him “more” suicidal. Ha ha, super funny!

We had intermittent conversation for the rest of the day after I got home, but either that day or the next he sent me some message about “not knowing what he wants” right now and it sounded like pretty much he was blowing me off so I left it at that. It seemed to me like he might still be into his ex-wife or something, Nothing else was said or heard.

UNTIL September 7, when I ventured out to his town to take my old boobs out for one last spin before my surgery that Friday. I’d had a lot of good times with those girls and wanted them to go out in style. But being in Martin’s town made me think of him so I decided to text and say hello. He responded and was pleasant back, but nothing about the conversation sounded particularly inviting or anything, so I left it at that.

But then that Monday he started texting me about how my night out was and we got to talking and he eventually asked me if I wanted to meet that week. I asked if he was sure he had the right person, because the last thing I remembered was him not knowing what he wants. So I asked if this was just a matter of him wanting to get in my pants or something.

Martin.jpg

I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what kind of dialogue he was looking for when you tell a woman who was just in your bed that morning, and coincidentally after brunch with your ex-wife, that you “don’t know what you want.” We made plans once and I blew him off and then again and I blew him off again because I just wasn’t into it.

But whatever, he seems nice enough and has seemed very caring and compassionate about keeping up with how I’m feeling after my surgery. He asked me over last night for “taco and horror movie” night with him and one of his roommates, but I just wanted to rest for work today after being off for so lone, so I declined. I may go out with him again, I may not.

After acting like a total ass with Ross, inviting Martin to the party and all, I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again. That next morning, I guess we had made some drunken brunch plans but I was a little hung-over so that was a definite no-go and I didn’t really respond. I thought that was that.

But then eventually he started texting me again. I told him I was ignorant for that night and he agreed and I apologized, and somehow he is still interested in me for whatever reason. He asked me out for a drink last night but I declined. Then he called me but I didn’t feel like talking so I ignored it. He texted to say he had just wanted to catch up and then told me to have a good night.

But THEN he sent me this diatribe:

Ross.jpg

So the lesson here is, when you treat men like crap, they just can’t get enough of you. Also, I am lonely on purpose, not because I have to be.

Japan – Day 3

So where we last left off, I had just come back from my impromptu late night jaunt with a complete stranger while Reed slept peacefully and probably never even knew I was gone. It was approaching daylight by the time I was back and I wasn’t tired so I figured I’d just get ready for the day so the bathroom would be free for him whenever he woke up.

When he did, I think I mentioned that I went out for a little bit but I don’t recall telling him the extent of my adventure.

Our plans for the day were to first get some breakfast and then to take a tour of some old castle he wanted to go to before we left Osaka.

We went downstairs to in the hotel to eat and while things were quiet I tried to make a joke of the night before, how we were really drunk and wandering around trying to find the restaurant that we never did. It was supposed to be in a “ha ha, wasn’t that hilarious?” kind of way. He completely failed to acknowledge me when I said it though, and it was in such a way that I knew that he was pointedly ignoring me. So I said it again.

He responded with, “WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING?!”

Oh, good Lord.

No, Reed, I explained, I was not making fun of you…we were both drunk and had no idea where we were. I just thought it was funny. That’s all. Excuse me for breathing.

The rest of the breakfast was eaten in pretty much an awkward silence akin to the walk to the bar the day before.

When we were done eating we went to check out and to have the front desk hold our bags until we got back from the castle.

I truly forget if we had to take a train one stop or two, or if it was walking distance, but we got there successfully and by the time we were on the path in, he had apologized for being a dick at breakfast. But it was already becoming apparent by these sensitive outbursts of his that something was seriously awry here.

Anyway, pics from the castle…

2015-10-06 21.51.34_preview
What’s a castle without a moat?

It was pretty much like a museum inside, with cool artifacts and what not.

2015-10-06 21.50.25_preview
Osaka Castle history, for anyone interested.
2015-10-06 22.54.15_preview.jpeg
Mr. Sensitive

We stopped at a restaurant to have lunch afterward and then when we were done we retrieved our bags from the hotel and got back to the bullet train for the 2 or 3 hour or whatever it was journey back to Tokyo. I fell asleep for most of it.

We got back to his house without incident and he fixed us a frozen pizza for dinner. We were both beat and he had to work the next day, so sleep came pretty easily for both of us.

And thus concludes Day 3.

I’d Rather Be Single

About a month ago, Scout got assigned to work in the same building as me for a 2-month period, and it has been a treat seeing him in passing every so often. Otherwise we rarely ever see each other at work.

We’ve had lunch twice so far in a common area of the building, making sure to maintain a respectable “colleagues-who-are-definitely-not-romantically-involved” distance away from each other while doing so, if there is such a thing. But he did come bearing gifts for our first lunch:

Gunz

Some girls like lingerie, some girls like jewelry, and some girls like boxes of handgun ammunition. I’m actually good with any of them. I guess I’m easy to please.

I am starting to learn one thing, and that is that the ladies love them some Scout. When we had our first lunch, maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, a lady I know just from in passing who saw us eating pulled me aside later to swoon over how good looking he is, and how several other women have been checking him out since he got here.

The same thing happened last year at a party we were at, where a girl I’m cool with, who obviously had no idea about me and Scout’s involvement, starting whispering to me about how “rape-a-licious” he is, but that he “doesn’t cheat.”

If only they knew. It amuses me. He is pretty hot, so it’s kind of flattering I suppose.

When I ran into him a couple of ours before our lunch last Thursday, it was only because I was wandering around his office area and happened to do a double take on a gentleman sitting at a random computer because he looked good even from behind. It took me a few seconds to realize it was Scout. He and the rest of his team don’t really have a defined office space so just kind of have to work wherever there is free space, so he was just randomly sitting there when I walked by and had no idea it was him.

I told him about that later and he termed it as “cheating on him with him,” which I guess in the grand scale of cheating, is better than cheating on him with someone who is not him.

As far as my attempts to find romance with someone who is actually single, I’ve resorted back to Tinder and it is not going well. The quality of men on Tinder has gone drastically downhill, and on top of that I’m just generally less patient and/or too picky and set in my ways, so I’m swiping left way more than right and have a very short fuse with anyone I match with who rubs me the wrong way.

I had a repeat match with an attorney – “Brian” – I matched with previously on Bumble and did not get along with. Though I did remember our unfruitful interaction on Bumble when I ran across him on Tinder, I swiped right anyway just out of curiosity. He is good looking after all even if he was a bit of a tool. That was a couple of months though, so maybe circumstances will have changed, I figured.

I found he had swiped right on me as well. He opened conversation immediately alluding to our previous Bumble encounter, so he obviously remembered me, but he claimed not to remember exactly what happened.

When I reminded him that he was being a sleaze-ball and it turned me off, he responded with:

Sleaze1

I would hardly call my behavior “coy” because I don’t want to essentially sext within 24 hours of a match. But okay, buddy. And OMG – a whole 30 miles! That also seems to be a thing on Tinder…apparently anything over a 15-minute drive is considered too much effort for many people. That, to me, is a sign of a someone who is more hookup oriented. If you’re just looking for an easy piece of ass, then I suppose that is a little far to travel. People who are looking for something/someone more meaningful recognize that said person may actually not live right next door to them. I search within a 35-mile distance as I figure it would not be outside the realm of possibility that a worthy candidate might necessitate a little more travel time. And that’s okay with me. I do think that’s why cars were invented, after all.

Anyway…this fool started rubbing me the wrong way with his general negativity, and I got bored quickly with this conversation and stopped answering soon after because I settled down in bed to read. When he didn’t get a response after 10 minutes or so, he sent me a snarky remark about this being a “repeat performance.” I explained the next morning that I had been reading. He replied like a normal polite person at first about a book he was reading, then reiterated that our distance is problematic for him. I wished him good luck and let that be that. I believe that was Friday morning.

Saturday evening I’m at dinner with girlfriends and I get this:

Sleaze2

And that’s just the kind of mood I’m in. He never replied and eventually unmatched with me. Oh well. He’s a giant tool and I really don’t care.

Besides, who needs him when there are charmers like “Steve. ” This was after we exchanged only a greeting to each other:

Good Lord. The Tinder cup does not runneth over.