When You Have a Wife and a Girlfriend (Pt. 2)

So, needless to say, Owen and his wife were actually not at all separated. Physically, yes, they really did live separately, but they were still very much married. I went from A-Z with her about our involvement. I emphasized that we had never met and he had backed out of the trip, but needless to say his interaction with me, whether we met or not, went on for a couple of months and was definitely entirely inappropriate.

In the spirit of defending my own honor (to drive it home that he definitely told me he was separated/not married), and because I was in shock and freaking pissed, I sent her a few screenshots from our conversations to prove that what I was saying was true. And honestly, having been down the inadvertent “other woman” road before, I know how these things tend to go – she’s going to confront him and then he’s going to try to pull the “she didn’t mean anything to me” card and generally downplay everything that went on between us so he can salvage his marriage. I don’t think so, asshole.

The wife, whom I shall affectionately refer to as Crazy Kay (there’s reasons for that we shall get into), talked for maybe 30 – 40 minutes. I would learn that he lied about several seemingly insignificant details of his life, even besides his name. Like, he told me he was an only child. He’s not. Toward the end of our conversation she asked me not to let him in on anything because she wanted to confront him eventually and give him the shock of his life.

So, naturally, I texted him immediately. I was so angrily texting though that I worded it wrong – I said I “found” his wife. He assumed I was just acting crazy again and told me to leave him alone. I clarified:

She called me actually.

Oh, and I’m going to send her the entirety of our WhatsApp conversations tomorrow.

Funnily enough, his tone changed then…

“I’m sorry for everything. Please try not to ruin my life.”

“Can we discuss this, please?”

Sure, let’s discuss it! Call me. And he did.

Once I explained to him exactly what occurred and chewed him out and the gravity of the impending implosion of his marriage sunk in, he did seem to become genuinely conciliatory, but he also started remarking on how he was scared for his career. He had it in his mind that she would call his job and try to make waves for him. A big no-no for military officers. Then, stupid doormat me, started feeling bad.

We actually talked for a couple of hours. I made him video me to apologize “face to face” so I could look at him and try to analyze whether he really meant he was sorry for being a lying bastard or whether he was just *saying* he was sorry so I wouldn’t send his wife our conversations.

I was probably up until 5am with this nonsense before finally getting to sleep. I ended up taking off work since I hadn’t gotten any sleep.

So, pretty much, over the next couple of weeks, I put him through the wringer and he confessed to everything he did and took the beating for it. He did genuinely seem very accommodating and communicative and sorry. He was sorry he’s a liar. Sorry he was horrible to me during those 3 weeks we didn’t talk – he was scared. He was sorry he lied about having siblings, it was to try to stay as anonymous as possible at first.

And not just sorry he got caught, but genuinely sorry for lying and hurting me, and sorry for hurting his wife. They had been in an unhappy marriage for a long time and he had checked out of it years ago, he admitted, but he knew what he was doing wasn’t right as my trip out approached, so he did lie to back out of it.

No, his mom did NOT have a stroke. That was actually almost the worst thing about the whole thing to me – THAT’S what you choose to lie about to get out of it? Your mom having a stroke? WTF does that? There are a million other reasons he could’ve come up with.

So pretty much, we did end up reconciling, so to speak. I was honestly just genuinely worried about the guy – he’s not used to his life being out of control and he was still worried for his career. Apparently she was threatening to pore through the phone bill some more and call colleagues of his and even commanders and what have you. He promised there would be no other women to find, but it’s still not a good look when your crazy wife is calling to question them about your possible affairs.

And yes, Crazy Kay is crazy. She has some substance abuse issues in the form of alcohol and pills and has for years, according to Owen. I think that’s part of the reason their marriage fell apart. And I know for a fact that this a problem for her myself since I’ve actually talked to her several times since that original night, on her own volition.

One morning a little after 4 am I’m in the gym before work and my text notification sounds from my gym bag as I’m stepping on the treadmill. This is maybe 2 weeks after everything went to hell. Who the hell is texting me at 4 am? It’s Crazy Kay. She’s “scared for her and her daughter.” She “thinks there’s still someone in the picture and wants to know the truth.”

I wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted from me in that conversation – I guess just to vent? Honestly, I think she just wanted to admit that he and I started talking again. But I wouldn’t. She brought it up several times and then even ended on a final outburst about me “forgiving quickly” and not to ever “fucking contact her again!” after texting me off and on for several hours about Owen destroying his family and various other emotional vomit (Okay? You texted me?). When I was finally able to talk to Owen about it, he surmised that she was on a bender.

That was it until about 3 weeks ago at 10:30 pm on a Wednesday night. She wanted my “rebuttal” to the remark that Owen had made flippantly about filing a restraining order against me.

And that’s the thing…ideally I shouldn’t engage with her but she texts so randomly and starts off with something so wacky I just want to figure out where she’s going with it.

I reminded her that that was a glib remark Owen made out of anger months ago when we were fighting. I had told her pretty much almost everything that occurred between he and I during our original conversation (which I now regret), which is how she knew about that.

She claimed he had recently referred to me as the “psycho he got involved with” and this and that. I admit, she almost had me for a second. I got slightly livid because I assumed that he was posturing to get back with her if he’s talking about me like that, and I started texting him to chew him out.

He told me that none of that is true and that Crazy Kay is on a bender again and in one of her “moods” and has been at clawing at him throughout the night as well. But he was working and couldn’t engage with her readily. He sent me some screenshots to show that he was telling her how unproductive their conversations are and that all he cares about at this point is his daughter.

Then, in furthering my own discussion with her, it became obvious that her real motive with this line of questioning (like we’re court – you want my “rebuttal” – what the fuck?) was that she was trying to position herself to make it out as if, with Owen having ONCE threatened a restraining order on me, he should be concerned about having someone crazy around his kid or something. Pretty much it was this:

Then she went on to mistake me for Owen, clearly (I guess her pills or whatever really started to kick in), by asking me “why I’d do this to my family.”

Owen and I talked the next day and he apologized for her contacting me; I apologized for playing into her nonsense at first and letting her get under my skin.

I told him there seems to be a pattern emerging where, I guess, when he’s busy and she can’t get a reaction from him right away, then she moves onto me.

Two days later, as he had planned, he had a phone consultation with the attorney that he hired in their home state. He’s pretty much screwed in terms of alimony and equal custody for now, but he just wants to get something in place where she can’t deny him seeing his daughter, which she has already done when he asked if the daughter could come out to him.

So pretty much, this has been kind of a cluster. No idea how it will end.

Japan – Day 4

Day 3

It might be about time I finish the story of this disastrous trip. It’s only been over 3 years at this point. So, Day 4…

I woke up on what looked to be an auspicious, sunny day to find Reed in his flight suit and getting ready for work. This was the one day he couldn’t get out of working because he had to go in to train.

Now, before my visit when we had discussed this particular day, he told me I was free to hang around the house, or he could instruct me on how to get around on the train so I could get out of the house while he was gone…whatever I wanted to do.

As we were discussing it that morning, he was telling me about some shopping center that he thought I might like that was one train stop away from the train station nearest his house.

I followed him downstairs while he fixed his coffee or whatever to get more detailed instructions about how to get to it, as I was a little intimidated trying to take on a solo adventure. My previous international adventures involved English-speaking or Spanish-speaking countries where even though I might not be fluent (in the case of Spanish), I can still read and speak it a little bit. Or pretty much decipher any unknowns more accurately in any Latin-based language as opposed to Japanese.

As I asked him questions to make sure I understood everything he was telling me accurately, I could sense some irritation on his end. He was clearly annoyed with me. I asked him what was wrong and he snapped that I was asking him too many questions.

Oooookay…here we go with this shit again.

Having grown increasingly tired of his moodiness and snark over the past several days – these random bouts of attitude for seemingly no reason – I finally just had it up to *here* and asked him what the fuck his problem is.

The conversation that ensued was not a good one. He basically told me that he didn’t see this going anywhere because even when he got back to the US, he would still be 2,000 miles away from me. (Okay, we knew this beforehand.)

Oh! And apparently I looked “bigger” in person than in my pictures. Ummm…what?

One thing I do not do, and have never done, is catfish, kitten-fish, fat-fish, or what have you. I sent Reed selfies, videos, sugar, spice, and everything nice showing exactly what I looked like. So I was very taken aback by that comment. Granted, I was about 15 pounds heavier then than I am now, but now I’m thinner thanks to the subsequent complex that that very comment gave me. So maybe some good came out of it.

Soon enough though, after a bit of back and forth, we got down to the real crux of the issue: Reed’s ex.

As it turned out (and maybe I should’ve ascertained this before going halfway around the world – will be good to know for next time), Reed had broken up with some Marine Corps girl in May of that year. He hadn’t really been home a lot in the time since then and my visit, and in preparing for me to come, it was the first time he had the chance to clean out the remnants of her belongings from his house. That apparently brought up some residual feelings.

Ah…so that explains his apparent aggravation with my very presence that had been rearing its ugly head intermittently throughout our time together: he still has feelings for his ex and I’m not her. And in learning later what she looked like, his “big” comment made a little more sense too. She was very lanky. But frankly, not pretty at all. An awkward looking redhead with a big nose. But hey, if that’s what you’re into, then who am I to judge?

Soon after this conversation with all of its horrid revelations, Reed had to go to work. Suddenly, funnily enough, I didn’t feel like going anywhere so I resigned myself to a day of lounging on the couch, drinking Chu-His, and thinking about where exactly things went awry in my life to find myself in a foreign country in the house of a man who apparently didn’t want me there.

Though Reed had departed on tense terms, he eventually started texting me on Line throughout the day to check on me and see what I was doing.

He came home that evening with a bottle of wine for me, seemingly in the spirit of being conciliatory. I thought that was sweet of him.

That night, the plan was to go to his favorite neighborhood sushi spot where he was tight with the owner. Reed grabbed a bottle of Tullamore D.E.W. to present to the owner and we set off for the place, which was a 10-minute walk from his house. Despite the events of that morning, the atmosphere between us was normal and pleasant. No tension, no arguing. Neither of us brought anything up.

We got to the spot and were sat by the owner, who then proceeded to regale us with plate after plate of the most exquisite sushi I’ve ever had in my life, to include squid and whale varieties, which I had never had before.

Reed had made plans with one of his squadron mates to meet him there, and he did after a little bit. This appeared to be a place that his squadron frequented, as the owner had up various illustrations and pictures of jets that were signed by what I’m assuming are some of the pilots. The owner was very pleasant and his sushi was fantastic. Reed’s colleague was nice and I had a good time.

The owner delighted in the bottle of Tullamore D.E.W. that Reed brought and partook in a bit of it, but the majority was actually polished off by Reed himself. After we were done with sushi, the three of us headed over to a bar around the corner where we were supposed to meet up with his squadron mate’s girlfriend, but she ended up not coming.

Reed was drunk by then and only got drunker at the bar. But at least he was being nice. The only time he kind of snapped at me was when I could not stop being fascinated with a jar in the style of a Japanese cat sitting on the bar. He told me if I liked it all that much he would just buy it for me, but in a tone that suggested that he was tired of me being googly-eyed over it. But he made up for that by making me laugh by miming the pose of the cat repeatedly.

Reed was pissy drunk by the time we left and the walk back to his house was quite harrowing, especially with him stumbling and almost falling on the train tracks across from his house. Which a train travels along every 10 minutes or so. I was scared I would have to drag him across the tracks if he fell. But he managed to make it back to his house in all his drunken glory and we both passed out.

All-in-all, despite the events of that morning, it was a decent night and I had a good time.

He Wins…Again

Toward the end of April I matched with a cute military guy on Tinder. Unfortunately we were no longer in the same vicinity by the time we got to talking, as he is stationed on the West Coast – California to be exact. Drats. But somehow, although we established the long distance aspect pretty quickly, we just kind of kept up intermittent conversation over the course of the next week or so. And then I asked him if he had Snapchat and he added me.

I was still talking to and highly interested in Dale then, but I wasn’t feeling the most encouraged about that situation so this guy seemed like he would be a good distraction in the meantime. We shall call him Rusty.

Rusty and I started chatting through Snapchat. And I noticed eventually that a fateful gold heart appeared next to his name. I found out that meant that we Snap each other the most. I thought that was kind of cool for some reason – it made him seem like he’s not a total manwhore.

In early May we got around to exchanging numbers and texting. Again, I was still highly interested in Dale and he was my “front runner” but I started taking a liking to Rusty as well. Our senses of humor and general political and life philosophies meshed well. But of course, there was still the fact that he lives in California and I reside definitely not in California. There was no immediate discussion of anything concerning if and when we would ever meet, but I just went with it, as I do most things in life.

There would be periods of several days where I wouldn’t hear from him and I’d think perhaps he’s grown bored or started dating someone, and I would lament it for several seconds and move on, but then out of the blue I’d get a text from him again. Some time in mid-May, he was drunk texting me and telling me he couldn’t wait to meet me. We made super tentative plans for me to come out there the weekend of June 15, but never discussed it after and it didn’t come to fruition. Funnily enough, he actually flew out to my area that weekend to pick up something from when he was stationed over this way, but I was out of town at the beach.

BUT, as the weekend before happened to be when Dale and I imploded and I was feeling kind of down, as it happens I had actually made plans to travel out to California at the end of June anyway. Not for the purposes of specifically seeing Rusty though…I didn’t consult with him beforehand or anything like that. I learned my lesson from Japan and definitely did not want to come out there *for* him specifically, but I did let him know I’d be out there the week of July 4 and down to hang out if he would be around. He seemed amenable to it.

I didn’t really hear from him the week before my trip. We had talked extensively the weekend before, but then contact fell off. I didn’t know what to think, but I again reminded myself that this trip was not about him – I’d either see him or I wouldn’t. But I definitely did not want to plan around him.

I only texted him the Friday before to remind him I’d be out there and see if we were going to get drinks, as previously discussed. He said “Of course.”

I woke up bright and early the morning of June 30 and headed to my local airport, landing in California in the early afternoon. I texted Rusty while I was on the way to my hotel. He texted back immediately to get specifics about the area I was staying in. He said he was working on his house, going to a cookout, and then game to hang out.

We ended up meeting up a little before 6 PM at a spot he suggested. He got there a little before me and directed me to him. I was able to spot him right away and we settled in together like two old pals. We talked and drank and seemed to warm up to each other pretty immediately. We were at the original bar for maybe an hour, and then he suggested another one right on the next corner, so we left and went there. At the second place, the conversation and warmth continued effortlessly. We even started making friends with 2 guys sitting next to us. It was also particularly flattering that one of them felt the need to remark that although I am not ordinarily his type (demographically), he still thought I was really attractive. It never hurts to have a stranger innocently dote on your looks in front of your date, of course.

At one point when I leaned toward Rusty a little bit, maybe to hear what he was saying or something, he took the opportunity to kiss me very sweetly. I thought that was cute.

After a while he said that we were going to go back to the original place – some of his friends/colleagues were coming out and we would meet them. But when we got back there, they had scaled things up for the evening I guess, because they wouldn’t let him in with flip-flops on. Luckily there was a shoe store right down the street that was still open so we hurried there to get an appropriate pair of shoes for him. On the way, he grabbed my hand to escort me across the street and to help me keep up with him as we dashed along to make sure we made it to the store before it closed. He scored the cheapest pair of shoes there that would be acceptable (which still ran him 55 bucks), and I put his flip-flops in a nylon shoulder bag they gave us and carried them around for him for the rest of the night. How sweet I am!

We were able to make successful entry into the bar the second time around and meet up with one of his friends and friend’s girlfriend. Rusty made the introductions, we got drinks, and we maintained for the next couple of hours as more of his friends and their significant others showed up. His friends were all nice and fun to talk to. We ended up going elsewhere eventually. Maybe one or 2 places within walking distance. Dancing…drinking…fun times had by all.

Rusty playfully pulls my hair at several points. We make out some. We pull an Irish Goodbye on his people and end up at a pizza place to soak up some of our drunkenness. I find $20 on the floor of the establishment that belongs to no one in there, so I use it to buy our slices of pizza and I let them keep the change. We Uber back to my hotel. We make out some and pass out.

The next morning we wake up right after dawn and start making out some more. I’m glad we didn’t do the drunken sex thing, but we finally get around to it after he gets a condom. It’s decent – not mind-blowing, not horrible. Just that “first time” kind of sex. We lie back down and sleep for a little while longer. He’s clearly not eager to get up and go, so I find that encouraging, but he is uncomfortable because it’s a little hot in the room. I find out I don’t have the A/C completely on so I adjust it to try to make him comfortable. We switch places in the bed so he can be nearest the unit. We lie for a little while longer and then he says it’s time for him to start his day.

I ask if he wants to hang again at some point before I leave – “of course.” He says he can’t hang out that night, but the next night (Monday) he’s down. Awesome. We get up and dress; I want to get downstairs to the lobby to get some of the continental breakfast. He puts some water in his hair to tame it and smacks me on my ass playfully before we leave the room. He orders an Uber and then we both have some juice during the quick wait. When it’s there, he kisses me goodbye.

I mostly chill throughout the day with a little day drinking intermixed throughout. I’m determined not to initiate contact with him. I want to wait it out and see. If I don’t hear from him, then I’ll just have to chalk it up to it being that one-time rendezvous. That afternoon he texts me to see what I’m up to. He’s been studying and working on some home projects. We chat some and I eventually ask if I will really see him the next day and somehow I confuse him telling me what he’s doing that moment (studying, home repair) to mean that he expects that he will be busy the next night, so I take him to be blowing me off preemptively. Stupid, tipsy, me rereads eventually and see that I mistook things, so I apologize. He laughs it off.

The next day I entertain myself by venturing out to a mini amusement park and getting on some rides. I text Rusty sporadically throughout the day with random banter, to include a picture of me and a stranger I crossed paths with who happened to be from my state and other assorted tipsy ramblings as more day drinking ensued (I mean, it’s vacation).

A little after 7 PM, Rusty texts me that he’s almost done with work. I acknowledge. Close to 9 PM, he texts me that he’s finished. I acknowledge and ask what the plan is, in so many words. After half an hour goes by with no response, and I do start getting a little antsy, I admit. I’m still on an east coast timeline, so my internal clock thinks it’s nearing midnight at this point. I’m getting tired. Not understanding why he’s not hitting me back. After a while I tell him I suspect we’re not really going to hang tonight so I guess I will go to bed. But then I decide I really don’t want to waste a night, so I decide to go out instead. I try to call him before heading out in case it turns out he’s driving or something and can’t text. He doesn’t answer. I head out to the popular neighborhood bar.

Since I’m getting a bad feeling about this whole thing and thus starting to feel crappy, I drink quite heavily. Maybe an hour into being out I send him a few texts, just kind of wondering aloud what was going on. I did remark that if he didn’t want to see me again, he didn’t have to say he did. Then a little while after that I started giving him the benefit of the doubt and apologizing for making assumptions. Stupid, drunken texts. I think I did call him a couple of times as well, but he didn’t answer.

A little after 11:30 PM, I look at my phone to see that I had a missed call from him a few minutes before. I call him back – no answer. I text him – no answer. Really, at this point, and probably because I’m intoxicated, I really don’t know what to think. But I actually start to legitimately wonder if something happened. Is he okay? Is he in distress? His behavior is legitimately becoming unsettling to me. So I did call him quite a few times over the rest of the night. But he never called back and I never heard anything from him. I sent another text near the end of the night to ask him why he was acting like this. Nothing.

The next morning I woke up to see that he still had not made contact over the night, but he finally wrote around 9 AM to exclaim that I am “cray” (modern vernacular for “crazy”). I exclaim that he said he was coming and did not, wtf. He said work ran later than expected and then I went “cray.” He followed that remark with laughing emojis, so I thought he was only about half serious. I apologized, said I didn’t know what was going on and I had gone out drinking and acted stupid – sue me.

Then for the rest of the day I proceeded with intermittent bantering texts like normal. I didn’t think anything was a big deal, but I did take care to apologize again for my antics the night before. I knew he was working and probably wouldn’t answer immediately, but there came a point that evening when I realized I didn’t really know if he had been serious about me being “cray” and blocked me, was just ignoring me, or was just working. Or maybe all at once. But I started to get a nagging feeling inside of me. Why no response at all?

I tried calling that night when I thought he might not be busy with work, just to say I’m sorry again. And also that I had decided to extend my trip until Thursday (was originally supposed to leave on July 4th, but decided to hang around to attempt to see my brother) and that maybe we could get together at some point before I left. No call back…no text…nothing. I went to sleep kind of bummed.

I only realized the precariousness of the situation on Wednesday morning when I found that he had deleted me from Snapchat. Really??? We never talked through there anymore anyway, but it was only then that it became clear that he was genuinely put off and he took Monday night more serious than I thought. Ruh roh!

The rest of that week, and the past few weeks in general, have pretty much been an adventure in befuddlement and frustration in terms of trying to understand his odd, intermittent responses and general stonewalling and callousness. I guess I can gather, overall, that he was put off by my antics that Monday night, but given that he would bother to throw out brief, apparently mocking, snippets every once in a while, and even to proceed to make moves in a current Words With Friends bout we had going (that had started before my trip), I still really don’t understand what went on here.

But in terms of the daily play-by-play…

Wednesday: I called and left a voicemail in the morning trying to apologize once I discovered the Snapchat deletion. I wasn’t really sure at this point what to think and even thought he may have actually blocked my number since he never said anything past his cryptic comments the morning before. It didn’t seem like he blocked my number though, because from what I could research, when I called it would’ve just rang once and went to voicemail. It rang like normal before going to voicemail – there was just no answer. Nevertheless, I never heard anything back. I went on that day and night to run around and try to enjoy the holiday, but I felt kind of bummed that he was obviously peeved with me and ignoring me.

Thursday: No response from the day before. I proceeded to the airport mid-morning for my afternoon flight only to find out my plane is already 40 minutes delayed from wherever it was coming from. My layover between connections was only 59 minutes as is, so they were trying to reroute me to another airport an hour from my house. No thanks. I just had them change my ticket to the next day and they put me up in a hotel for the night. I kind of felt that this might have been a moment of pure serendipity – maybe my flight cancellation would provide me an opportunity to make up with Rusty. But somehow I just felt too self-conscious to contact him at this point. If he already thinks I’m crazy or whatever, I didn’t want him to possibly get the impression that I changed my flight on purpose and was stalking him or whatever. I dunno, it just felt like it might seem TOO coincidental and that I was that eager or pressed to try and see him. So I left things alone and went off to enjoy my last night in California.

Friday: I woke up and just suddenly didn’t feel like leaving. I figured I already had taken the full week off now anyway between staying purposely until Thursday and then my flight being cancelled the day before, so I decided to make another weekend of it and changed my ticket to a Sunday flight out and booked my hotel room for a couple more nights. I went out day drinking. Got to texting Rusty eventually, trying to apologize. I didn’t bother to let him know I was still in the area, again feeling self-conscious, but I still wanted to try to make up. He answered eventually only to say I went “cray” and then said “too late” when I asked him to stop. Nothing else. But to my surprise, he has started making moves against me in the Words With Friends match we still had going – wtf?

Saturday: I woke up that morning and suddenly felt like trying to reach out again, this time letting him know everything that had happened with my flight and asking if there was any way he might see me before I left for real. It felt crappy that we were within a single digit mileage of each other, and he’s giving me the serious cold shoulder. So that morning I did break down and let him know about my cancelled flight and deciding to stay the weekend. And that it would be nice to see him again before I leave. No answer. That evening I found myself back at the strip of bars that we had been at together the weekend before. I let him know that I’m there and said maybe we can meet up if he’s nearby. No immediate answer, but half past midnight he sends this: Chuck Norris Watches Despacito. I’m too tipsy to attempt to interpret what that means at that moment, so I don’t answer.

Sunday: I’m in more of a sound mind to try to interpret what he meant by sending me that link. Was he trying to make me laugh, like old times? Was he telling me I’m annoying and he’s tired of me? I had a feeling it was more of the latter. I went down to the hotel bar that morning to have some mimosas and reflect on this and then somehow managed to figure out that it’d be cheaper to fly home the next day instead of that day, so I changed my ticket to Monday and booked my room for another night. I didn’t answer him until that afternoon, telling him I get it – NO DRAMA – and trying to be conciliatory as usual. I didn’t tell him I was staying there another night. But he didn’t respond back anyway so whatever.

Monday: I finally flew home. But not before texting Rusty that morning to let him know I had actually stayed Sunday and to tell him I hoped he won’t always be mad at me, and that his friendship kind of does matter to me. Nada.

Thursday – Sunday: I made it through most of the next week being okay with everything, but then I started texting him again that Thursday. After all, he had continued against me in our Words With Friends game throughout the week, so wtf? So I was trying to be “normal” and flirty. Hoping he will at least throw me a bone and be willing to talk now that I am home and officially out of his hair. Nothing. On Sunday, he pulls off a surprise victory in Words With Friends with some obscure ass word that I’m 97% sure he cheated to come up with. I text him to tease him about that. He answers eventually with “I win…again.” I answer with various remarks from addressing his gloating to trying to address the elephant in the room. No response. I swear him off from that point on.

And was doing quite well for a little over a week until I cracked this past Tuesday afternoon and then just asked him to please just tell me why he got so freaked out. I explained that I was not trying to come off, in my behavior that night, like I thought we were suddenly a couple or anything. I let him know that his behavior was really bothering me and I wish he would just simply discuss things with me instead of being so stone cold.

NO ANSWER. SURPRISE!

Yesterday morning I decided to just swear him off for real now (again). I had challenged him to a Words With Friends rematch, but I resigned from it and just took the stat hit (so you know I definitely meant it), and I deleted his number from my phone, along with a choice few other jackasses that it’s just time for me to be done with for good.

I don’t think I’ve really ever had anyone approach things quite in this manner, so I guess that’s what irks me more than anything. It’s not that he thinks I’m crazy or whatever he wants to think of me, it’s more so really just the obvious lack of respect or consideration from a person who genuinely seemed into me the faintest bit. It’s not like I thought I would leave California having met him and with us suddenly being an item, but I thought he at least had respect enough for me as a person and a friend and that we could build from there. He DID in fact spend over 2 months entertaining me before even meeting me – there must’ve been something he liked about me. He did definitely enjoy my actual company in person as well, it seems.

It bothers me to have thought I had even the littlest bit of a connection with someone and for him to be so mean, really. Someone who brought me around his friends…held my hand…spent the night with me…hooked up with me…gave the appearance of genuine interest in me even post-hookup…yet stonewall me after the littlest hint of trouble. Or 95% stonewall me then 5% answer me just to fuck with me. Who the fuck does that?

The only things I can think are:

1. He was in fact legitimately freaked out by my drunken antics. I mean, that’s certainly a possibility, I just feel like my behavior didn’t really rise to the level of actual “cray” or whatever he wants to call it. I’ve said things before to people, when I was more immature, that I could objectively look at afterward and say “Yeaaaaah, that was a little psycho.” I just don’t think this was it. We’d been in near daily contact for 2 months previous to meeting and I’ve been plenty of drunk before and have said outlandish things to him. I know there is a difference between *fun* drunk texting and *freak out* drunk texting, but it’s not like I lost my temper and was rude or belligerent or cursing him out. Or like I started being super clingy emotional and emoting about feelings and shit. Everything I said was basically along the lines of telling him that if he didn’t want to see me again, he didn’t have to say so, and then kind of wondering aloud (as I got drunker) what was going on. Did I overdo it with the phone calls? Sure. But I was drunk, and honestly legitimately concerned. It just doesn’t make sense to me that he would really be startled by any of that. Especially since he clearly hadn’t blocked my texts and then later on went on to finish our Words With Friends game. Why not not just go scorched earth on all forms of contact since he felt the need to delete me from Snapchat? We hadn’t even talked on there in a while and he barely posts anything.

2. Convenient excuse. Maybe he really did intend for it to be a one night stand, but felt a little bad about cutting me off cold turkey after, so kind of played along and then ducked out when I gave him the ammo to by being “cray.” Again, it’s possible, but still doesn’t really feel right to me. Why start texting me on Sunday to see what I’m up to then? Why start texting me in the evening on Monday and lead me to believe hanging out is imminent only to then fall off the face of the earth? What did he really think anyone’s reaction would be to being legitimately stood up?

3. Found a better deal. It really doesn’t make sense to me that he texted me on Monday night and said he was done with work, then the next morning claimed work ran later than expected. So you don’t know when you’re done and not done? It wouldn’t surprise me at this point if he actually had a date set up with someone else and opted for her instead of me. And maybe they hit it off and so he just started giving me the cold shoulder to get rid of me.

4. He actually is attached. I know he’s not married. And he swore he didn’t have a girlfriend. And I don’t really see a guy who does have a significant other taking me out around his town and around his friends. But who really knows. He is in the military, so maybe it’s like Ben’s kind of deal where there is someone somewhere, long distance.

Very odd. Or maybe he’s just a damaged individual. Maybe you get that way when you have had both a wife and a fiance break up with you via email, as he has told me has happened to him. Maybe since he felt like he mattered so little to people he cared about, he really has no compassion or empathy for other people in turn. We’re all disposable beings, aren’t we?