Can’t Win With Ben

I was able to somewhat successfully wean myself off of him – at first. We had never really talked daily, but I still found myself trying to keep up contact every few days like “normal” in the days/weeks after he cut things off. Yet slowly, but surely, I managed to go longer and longer without feeling the urge to talk to him and even had a good two-week streak going…until the Monday before last, when I contacted him to gloat somewhat about an update on a newsworthy event that we had previously debated over.

Our sporadic conversation ended up continuing throughout the week and I noticed that his responses became progressively more flirty/sexual in nature toward me. He started asking for certain kinds of x-rated pictures (which he did not get…but PG-13 ones, sure) which I found AWFULLY PECULIAR given that this was the same guy who not long ago reamed me out for asking him for just a basic face selfie, all due to his fancy relationship. Hmmm…trouble in paradise? I didn’t even ask. His behavior said it all. In any case, this all culminated in us making plans to meet up again this evening.

And admittedly, I was excited. I couldn’t be sure exactly what was going on with his wonderful relationship, but I wanted to see him again and I wanted him to touch me again. But in the past few days I started sensing exactly what was going to happen. I could just feel it even though I hadn’t heard from him since Monday.

Last night I asked if we were still on and he finally responds this morning that “he thinks things are getting serious with the person he’s seeing.” Um…okay, dude.

I asked why, if things were so “serious,” he had solicited me to come over, and he said that they had “patched things up” over the past few days. Ah, so there WAS in fact trouble in paradise. Nice.

I asked him if he thought it was good idea if we just didn’t talk, and he said he didn’t mind staying friendly, but we probably shouldn’t continue as we had been. Yeah…DUH. Although I think there’s something to be said for the fact that he didn’t leap at the obvious chance I gave him to kick me out of his life completely. Maybe.

I explained that the problem is that we are going to have trouble just remaining “friendly” and that his seemingly volatile relationship status encourages temptation in him that will likely just result in me getting toyed with since I am attracted to him.

He didn’t read all of that immediately, and I didn’t say anything for a while until I took some time to think, and then finally I just told him my overall assessment of the situation: that I don’t believe they ever really broke up even once he got re-deployed here and were together even throughout the brief period we were hanging out, but obviously given the long distance capacity now the connection is starting to ebb and flow somewhat (hence this “push and pull” pattern with me). I added on that I’m going to give him some breathing room. I had it phrased initially as I’m not going to contact him again, but I didn’t want it to sound so final, or like I’m angry. Because I’m not, and I made sure to emphasize that.

He’s never really been dishonest, but more so vague and has omitted certain truths. I guess all in the interest of not appearing to be a scumbag. The fact is, he was ultimately cheating on his girlfriend with me. I don’t believe for one second that they ever broke up. I KNOW they didn’t because I saw the evidence with my own eyes. I could see him perhaps maintaining the single facade when he wanted to bang me those few times, but why bother lying once we were well over with the whole “we broke up and got back together” spiel? It’s almost as if he cares about my perception somewhat, for whatever reason.

In any case, as I said to him, I just don’t want to be subject to being yanked back and forth when he is having relationship rough patches.

What I didn’t say, but what is certainly true, is that the bottom line is that I’m just immensely attracted to him and it’s hard for me to just be “friendly” with him. And even continuing to talk to him these past few weeks has just been me, in essence, kind of “poking the bear,” because I knew one of these days he might crack for whatever reason like he did last week. I was actually hoping he would. And he did briefly, but only just to push me away once again. *Sigh*

I left him with thoughts on how I had been looking forward to seeing and banging him, but I understand his situation. So if he ever wants to hang out for REAL, he can let me know.

And now I’m quitting Ben – cold turkey.

Japan – Day 3

So where we last left off, I had just come back from my impromptu late night jaunt with a complete stranger while Reed slept peacefully and probably never even knew I was gone. It was approaching daylight by the time I was back and I wasn’t tired so I figured I’d just get ready for the day so the bathroom would be free for him whenever he woke up.

When he did, I think I mentioned that I went out for a little bit but I don’t recall telling him the extent of my adventure.

Our plans for the day were to first get some breakfast and then to take a tour of some old castle he wanted to go to before we left Osaka.

We went downstairs to in the hotel to eat and while things were quiet I tried to make a joke of the night before, how we were really drunk and wandering around trying to find the restaurant that we never did. It was supposed to be in a “ha ha, wasn’t that hilarious?” kind of way. He completely failed to acknowledge me when I said it though, and it was in such a way that I knew that he was pointedly ignoring me. So I said it again.

He responded with, “WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING?!”

Oh, good Lord.

No, Reed, I explained, I was not making fun of you…we were both drunk and had no idea where we were. I just thought it was funny. That’s all. Excuse me for breathing.

The rest of the breakfast was eaten in pretty much an awkward silence akin to the walk to the bar the day before.

When we were done eating we went to check out and to have the front desk hold our bags until we got back from the castle.

I truly forget if we had to take a train one stop or two, or if it was walking distance, but we got there successfully and by the time we were on the path in, he had apologized for being a dick at breakfast. But it was already becoming apparent by these sensitive outbursts of his that something was seriously awry here.

Anyway, pics from the castle…

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What’s a castle without a moat?

It was pretty much like a museum inside, with cool artifacts and what not.

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Osaka Castle history, for anyone interested.
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Mr. Sensitive

We stopped at a restaurant to have lunch afterward and then when we were done we retrieved our bags from the hotel and got back to the bullet train for the 2 or 3 hour or whatever it was journey back to Tokyo. I fell asleep for most of it.

We got back to his house without incident and he fixed us a frozen pizza for dinner. We were both beat and he had to work the next day, so sleep came pretty easily for both of us.

And thus concludes Day 3.

No Thanx

Shortly into my commute home from work the afternoon before last I received a couple of texts from an unidentified number. I knew immediately who it was upon reading them but I asked “Who’s this?” anyway to make the fact that I was over it ever more poignant.

Guy in question (not important enough to waste an alias on) was someone whom my friend Tyra sent my way a month or so ago. This was apparently someone she met through Bumble and ended up meeting for coffee but didn’t feel any sparks with. For some reason she thought maybe he and I might be a good match, so she asked if I would want to give him a try.

This was somewhere around the time Adam gave me the heave-ho, although I can’t remember for sure whether it was right beforehand or right after. Whatever the case may be, I wasn’t feeling it at first since  guy and Adam just so happen to share the same first name. I thought that would be in poor taste.

At some point after the Adam situation imploded I gave in and told Tyra she could pass my number along. He started texting me and we exchanged a few pictures; he looked decent and seemed to have a high opinion of my looks, but it was hard for me to feel any real interest in the wake of the Adam debacle and especially since this guy didn’t seem to be making any moves to actually meet up.

He finally decided to make that move a couple of weeks ago, and we settled on Thursday evening. When I told him what town I lived in, he said he’d scout out a place for us to go down my way. The day before, I asked him if he’d figured anything out yet and he replied that he hadn’t thus yet and said his day had been hectic.

Admittedly, he slipped my mind for the rest of that day and it didn’t occur to me that I never heard anything back from him until Thursday evening. It was cold, rainy, and dreary and I wasn’t terribly pressed to go out in weather like that or with him to begin with, but I would’ve held up my end of he bargain if we had solidified plans so I was a little ticked that I never heard anything more from him. I sent my patented “Or not” to him, which he never responded to. Some time over the course of the weekend when he came to mind again and I realized he had never responded, I deleted his number and went on with my life.

For some reason he decided 2 weeks later was the appropriate time to randomly offer some half-ass apology, his excuse being that he figured I would be pissed and that he should’ve been better at communication.

Right, buddy.Unfortunately, the time to apologize would’ve been around the time you essentially stood me up 2 weeks ago.

As soon as he responded to my faux inquiry into his identity, I deleted his texts. Extraordinarily not interested. Logic kind of dictates that if this is the way he sees fit to act before we even have yet to meet, then it would only get worse from here.

Dating in the early stages, including any precursory period, is like a job interview…when you’re supposed to display your most polished and refined self to make the best impression possible. At least for normal people. Thus it could be deduced that either this IS his best impression, which is not a good one, or that he doesn’t really care about making one. Neither alternative is appealing.

I find my patience these days with men and/or peoples’ bullshit in general to be precariously thin.

I gave ElliotOh He Who Ignores My Texts More Often Than Not – his just desserts recently as well when he texted me about some minor Facebook drama centered around a particular colleague of ours. I didn’t even bother answering. Just like he does me most of the time.

It’s the small victories…