Reappearing Acts

I ended up hanging out with Martin again last Friday night. We tentatively scheduled to meet up a couple of days before but made no solid plans. I was ambivalent about whether I actually wanted it to happen or whether he himself would follow through, so I ended up scheduling dinner/drinks with a girlfriend of mine for Friday evening as well because she seemed to be under the weather and to need some companionship.

So when Martin texted me that afternoon asking if we were still on, I decided to try and combine the two because I would’ve felt bad about blowing him off. I told him I was meeting up with a girlfriend and that he would be welcome to join. He was hesitant at first about “interrupting” but I assured him it would be fine. I also spoke to said girlfriend – Alana – and made sure it was okay with her. She, too, was reluctant at first because she felt like she would just be the third wheel on a date, but I explained that Martin was just a guy I had gone on one date with and as of now it was more friendly than anything. She was cool with it.

Martin and I live near-ish to each other, and the meeting spot was a spot in a city about 25 minutes away, so he offered to come pick me up. I accepted. I thought that was sweet. Dinner was at 7 so I told Martin to be at my house at 6:30. Between getting off work and then, I had to squeeze in a microblading touch-up appointment I had at 5 p.m. I ended up getting home a little after 6 p.m. with just enough time to spare to care for the cat and refresh myself before he was there to pick me up.

Alana ran about 15 minutes late, but when she arrived I introduced them and everyone got along well and dinner was grand. As it was Friday night and I hadn’t driven, I got a little bit tipsy and then came up with the grand idea of going back to Martin’s place with him to play video games (while Alana was in the bathroom). He was with it, so he took me back and I played about 10 minutes of Fallout 4 and we watched maybe 15 minutes of The Conjuring 2 before we just decided to hit the hay. We drank a little more at his place so I was quite inebriated. I had warned him beforehand that there would definitely be no sex due to the boob situation and he was fine with that. We made out some but that was that.

In the morning we decided to watch the rest of The Conjuring 2 and then he dropped me back home. We had discussed next hanging out on Wednesday. We texted intermittently for the rest of the weekend about our Halloween shenanigans and on Tuesday he did follow up about hanging out the next day, but I never responded. I don’t know why. Or, I do – just not feeling it. But I guess that’s “ghosting” and it’s mean and I should say something though.

Meanwhile, Ross is being quite persistent. I did respond to his mushy diatribe and basically told him I have some issues with men to work through. He responded with how he was “gravely” hurt twice and not ready to open up about it, but does want to hang out. He asked to bring me lunch at work the next day (Monday) but that was my first day back after being off for a week due to my boob job and I knew I’d have a mountain of work to catch up on, so I declined, but suggested maybe a happy hour during the week. He didn’t respond for a couple of days, then texted me on Wednesday about a buddy of his dying on early Tuesday morning from some sudden medical issue. I told him I was sorry but then I didn’t respond for the next few days even though he texted me every day thereafter. On Sunday, he asked why I hadn’t been responding and I told him I had had a rough, tiring, week. Which I had. My boss – who was the best in the world – was leaving for another job and it was her last week so it made me kind of down in the dumps all week, plus the effort of planning for a surprise send-off for her on Friday. I wasn’t getting a lot of sleep and really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody.

He asked why it was rough but I didn’t respond and then 8 hours later get a petulant “Hello?” so I finally ask what exactly it is he wants from me. He went into how he wants to get to know me…hasn’t met anyone else he’s had an interest in since meeting me…he has a “vibe it’s worth a try”…blah, blah, blah. I told him I may be willing to hang out and this pattern of texting ensues:

Ross

Jesus…certainly very persistent. I did finally halfway agree to a date for tomorrow night although I have a sushi lunch gathering at a girlfriend’s house in the afternoon and don’t really know how long that will be, if I will feel like going out afterward, or if I really want to go out with Ross. But then if I don’t, I guess I should tell him.

THEN, to top all that off, I get a text from a mysterious phone number yesterday afternoon soon after I got home from work. I tried looking it up in my email (I have an app that backs up every text I send or receive to an email folder, for situations exactly like these), but nothing came up. So after small bit of a song and dance about who it was, it turned out to be none other than Adam, the guy who unceremoniously kicked me to the curb last year.

So, it did just so happen that last week I got to catching up with my buddy, Clyde, who is a coworker of Adam’s. After the original implosion, I vented to Clyde about the situation in the hopes that maybe some of it would get back to Adam because I felt bad about my reaction and Adam had blocked me on pretty much every medium. And, of course, tried a half-assed attempt at smoothing things over with Adam that yielded zero results. Then I moved on with my life.

From time to time, although he had blocked me, I’d still see Adam in pictures on Facebook through either his job or mutual friends, but I didn’t particularly feel any certain kind of way and I never reached out again. A colleague of Clyde’s ended up adding me on Facebook, and I learned through pictures of his that he was friends with Adam as well, and possibly even a former roommate. I’ve never spoken to him though – not sure if he knows about me and Adam or not and it’s really not consequential to anything. In my Bumble travels a couple of months ago, I also ran across Adam’s profile, but I definitely swiped left. And that was about it as far as Adam goes until yesterday.

I was just texting with Clyde last week to catch up and I mentioned my boob job and joked that “Adam lost out,” but it definitely was not really for any purpose of trying to get to Adam – just an honest joke. But then come yesterday, Adam says that Clyde mentioned me to him the other day so he just thought he would reach out. We did some brief catching up and then he wanted to know “if everything is cool now.” I assured him I was over it. He then asked if I had any interest in talking to him. I asked what he would like to talk about and then he randomly asked how we originally met. I replied with “Bumble” and he said he just wanted to make sure it was me because it “didn’t sound like me,” whatever that means. I guess maybe he was expecting fireworks and a parade because he suddenly texted me out of the blue after that shit he pulled last year – uh, what exactly is it you want me to say?

Be that as it may, we ended up having cordial conversation for most of the evening. He did in fact try subtly sniffing around my status by asking “how the rest of the male population is treating me,” AKA “Are you single?” so I’m sensing a little interest there I think, although who knows if it’s genuine or it will just be the same shit all over again. He ended up ending conversation by saying he’s going to bed because he has to be up early. I bade him good night and that was that.

I figure if it was honestly just to “catch up” and see how I’m doing, then that will be the end of it. If he ends up texting me again, then I will know he wants more.

But what I want…I don’t really know.

Always a Bridesmaid

Ben did eventually answer my messages, but none that were specifically pertaining to our “date” for that next week. So I knew he was being evasive on purpose and that I wasn’t going to see him again. It wasn’t until Sunday that he finally faced it straight on and told me that he had “kinda met a chick” and he thinks they “are gonna be an item.”

Yikes. Well there goes that. I told him I guess it’s for the best because I was starting to like him even though I didn’t mean to.

Only, I knew he was lying. I didn’t believe for one second that there was anyone new. WHO there was was that girl from before he moved here that I had a feeling he was still with. And what I really felt like was that he was starting to actually like me and so was cutting it off in order to try to maintain some semblance of faithfulness to whatever arrangement they had. But I didn’t say any of that – I just told him to take care of himself. Because my plan had been to exit stage left at that point.

It hurt, and it sucked, but I knew she was in the picture before going into it, so I didn’t feel like I had been duped or anything. I just figured I’d just have to wean myself off of him and leave it at that.

I was successful up until this past Tuesday when I decided to update him on my boob job results. I got one exactly a week ago and since I had started talking to him around the time this adventure started solidifying itself as something I wanted to do and had talked to him about it some, I just somehow associate him with it now in my head. And maybe I just wanted an excuse to talk to him.

So I opened up conversation with an update about my first post-op follow-up and he replied and asked how I was feeling and all that good jazz. I didn’t really see a reason why he wouldn’t answer but I was still happy that he did.

Then, since we were completely not on the subject at all, I decided to let him know that I knew he had fibbed a little bit the week before. He asked how so and I told him that I know that there was no one “new.”

He explained that he had a girlfriend that he had broken up with right before he moved this way, but they kept in contact the whole time and then recently decided to get back together. Hmmm. I left that one alone but I think it’s still only a half-truth. I don’t think they ever broke up. He moved here in June. That FB picture of them hugged up on his apartment roof was from late July. She wrote him that mushy-gushy birthday card in early September. When the fuck in there was there ever room for a break up? If that was supposed to be a break up, then I would have to officially declare it the worst break up in the history of break ups because it doesn’t really seem like they ever really made any attempts to actually separate their feelings from one another.

But anyway…I let that one go. He’s telling me as much of the truth as he can muster, and I can accept that. What was kind of cute, I guess, was that he apologized for being distant when we hung out. I told him it was fine, because I knew why.

We continued talking throughout some of that day, but only because I had weaned myself off my Percocet the day before and so my surgeon cleared me for alcohol and thus I decided to partake.

Later that evening I made the mistake of asking him for a selfie of that cute face and he pretty much reamed me out because he is “seeing someone” and “can’t just send me selfies.” He was right, that was inappropriate of me and I apologized. And I told him I wouldn’t talk to him again.

Maybe it goes to show that he either felt bad and/or doesn’t exactly want to NOT talk to me anymore, because he replied to that by turning it into a joke about how next I’ll be asking him for dick pics (I never have) and he added a kissy face emoji, so I guess he felt bad and was trying to be nice.

I talked to him some yesterday, but mostly stupid shit about Netflix. I will have to move on with my life for now because it will in fact be difficult for me to interact with someone I’ve been intimate with and am attracted to without trying to cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed if he is with his stupid girlfriend.

This, in my mind, begs some questions though. Like, if they are so serious, then why did she not move with him? Like, bitch, if you’re not committed enough to move with him, then step the fuck off and let him be free to see whoever. That’s just selfish.

And then also…why does this bother me so much when I only hung out with him 3 times? Ugh.

I did make it very clear to him that I am still open to him if they don’t work out. All I can hope is that this is just one of those things that is having problems extinguishing because he just moved and is lonely and she’s been something familiar for him to still hang on to until he gets his bearings here. What I’m not going to do is chase him or pine openly for his attention. If it’s meant to be, he will be back.

And if not, well at least my boobs are even huger now. I have that going for me at least.

Laser TMI

My life isn’t really that interesting at the moment. But on the plus side, I get a lot of sleep these days due to my lack of adventure.

The most exciting thing I can say I have done lately is to have a nice young lady zap my vagina and surrounding nether regions with a high-powered laser in the first of 6 sessions I am embarking upon on my quest for permanent hair removal.

It’s something I’ve had in the back of mind for quite a while now ever since my falling out with my wax salon last summer. Since then, but for the time Scout treated me to a “sugaring” procedure the next day, I’ve resorted back to shaving due to a basic laziness-based disinterest in putting forth the effort to find another suitable waxing facility. The problem with shaving is that I have coarse hair down there and am thus subject to in-grown hairs that lead to bumps and scarring and do not allow my vagina to live up to its full beauty potential. Even keeping the shaving to the barest minimum I can tolerate if I don’t want to look like a wild jungle bush woman, which is every 2 weeks, doesn’t help matters.

I typically have resilient skin which fades scars well, but essentially re-irritating my skin every 2 weeks with the shaving hinders any progress. Once I started waxing regularly, my skin down there was doing really well, but shaving has sent it all back to hell.

My only initial reluctance in trying laser hair removal centered on fiscal concerns. Carly had gotten some done a while back and I remember her saying it ran her a little over a thousand dollars. So as far as I was concerned, it was something that I COULD spring for if I had extra money to blow or saved up for a little bit, but it wasn’t going to be a high priority expense.

But recently I was doing some browsing on Groupon for travel purposes and saw that there was a category for laser hair removal specials so I started exploring some of the options. Firstly based on price and then secondly on reviews. When pricing out anything with many options, I definitely try to go cheaper than the most expensive, but am also wary of anything that seems too-good-to-be-true cheap because that usually means too cheap to be good.

I found some appetizing deals for 6 sessions, which is a standard minimum course of treatment, but then the Groupon fine print became a separate issue. The Groupons were only good for 90 – 120 days for the most part, which only gives you 3-4 months to complete treatment before the special expires. Laser hair removal can only be performed every 5-6 weeks due to the hair growth cycle. Lasers can only target hair follicles in the actively growing stage, so that’s why multiple sessions are necessary. So 6 sessions for one area would take a minimum of 7 months. If I only have up to 4 months to use a Groupon, that presents a problem.

In any case, the place I narrowed my search down to was sold out of 6-session specials for a “large” area (which would encompass a brazilian) anyway. But I liked their reviews so I decided to call them to explore pricing options without going the Groupon route. I called last Thursday and they invited me in for a consultation that evening.

I liked the setting and the doctor seemed like he knew what he was talking about. I am considered a good candidate because I am fairer skinned with dark hair, so the pigment contrast helps the laser target the hair follicles more accurately. He also explained that laser hair removal is actually not literally “permanent,” as hormonal changes could renew the treated follicles or whatever, but that successful cases may only require a touch-up once or twice a year or so.

Cool. I’ll take that over waxing or shaving regularly any day. I was offered 6 sessions for $697.00 for full brazilian removal, which included a discount for buying the sessions ahead. Let’s see…I got waxed regularly for 18 months every 5 weeks at about $55.00 a pop, so that was almost $800 spent right there for only temporary results. SOLD! I scheduled my first session for that Saturday.

I was nervous about the pain factor. I heard everything from that it feels along the same as waxing to people making it sound worse than natural childbirth. For me, it was about the same as a wax. At least for the first session. The technician said she starts out “conservative” for the first time in case your skin doesn’t take too kindly to it. I suppose the next session might be a bit more intense.

Time-wise, it didn’t take more than 10 minutes. It’s just a zap to each spot and then she moves on to the next. It was so easy that I made a game-time decision to throw in my underarms as well. They still had a Groupon available for 6 sessions for a “medium”/underarm area that was so cheap that I wouldn’t even have been that worried about it expiring before I could get through all 6. But she told me I could just bypass the Groupon and buy the 6 directly at the same rate, so that’s what I did. So she did my underarms as well.

The only thing I’ve noticed over the past few days is a minor itchiness, more so in the underarms than down below. And that is normal. I can’t really tell if it has worked thus far. You have to be shaved before each treatment, so it’s not like you can literally see hair falling out. I won’t be able to tell until my hair down there starts growing back. I shave my underarms daily so that won’t be a good gauge, but I intend to forgo shaving down there altogether (except for bikini line maintenance) except for when my treatments come about so I should be able to see progress when it grows out each time. The treated follicles, from what I understand, should shed hairs and at least be growing in thinner or not at all, so I think what happens is that as you go along, your hair starts growing in patchy (the technician described it specifically as “zebra stripe” pattern), and as more of the follicles get treated as the sessions go along , you will have 80%  or more hair reduction.

Exciting, huh? Maybe not really…