Well the Ben hiatus lasted all of 24 hours after I wrote that I was staying away from him. Partly – or mostly, rather – due to an extended weekend in New Orleans with a group of friends where sobriety was not high on our list of priorities. I ended up drunk messaging him at some point to ask about this week. And thus ended up back over again last night.
I didn’t get home until late Monday night and had to work yesterday, so I was dead tired, but I rallied for the drive to his place in the evening anyway and good times were had.
Things were a little different this time though. We became a little more familiar in sexual sense, which makes me think he is definitely much more comfortable with me. He also made several comments alluding to the the “next time” we hang out, which I can’t recall him doing before. And after we had sex, spent an hour talking, then had more sex, and it was nearing 10 PM, he asked if I wanted to get some food. It was nothing fancy – just a quick jaunt to the grocery store right next to his building which has an extensive food buffet – but I thought it was interesting nonetheless. He bought us some food and we sat at the bar eating for a little bit, and then he walked me to my car as usual.
But if we may add to the “red flag” list, there are now several more things that I find of note:
- The last time we hung out, he spoke of the “craziest thing he ever did” in terms of a romantic situation. It involved “the last girl he really loved” 5 years ago who ditched him for an ex-boyfriend. When she wouldn’t answer his texts or calls, he drove to her home unannounced to try to talk to her. What the outcome of that was, I’m not sure. Maybe not TOO bad in itself, but then…
- Last night he upped the ante with a story about having a restraining order filed on him in the past by someone else (NOT aforementioned girl) whom he fell out with and who subsequently blocked him from texting or calling. He happened to find out that she would be at a certain bar on some night and went there to see her. When she turned around to find it was him tapping her shoulder, she once again told him to kick rocks. He then proceeded to send her flowers on TWO subsequent occasions after which he was met with temporary restraining order paperwork. He had to retain a lawyer to try to negotiate and smooth things over so as to try to avoid the temporary order becoming a permanent one, which would’ve had repercussions in terms of his career. What saved his ass was that he was about to get re-stationed anyway and the lawyer was able to convince her to rescind it because he’s not going to be anywhere near her.
So, maybe that’s a little concerning? Is he crazy? He doesn’t really seem like it – maybe we have all done crazy things for love. But then again, he doesn’t love me so I don’t know if these tendencies to be maybe a little obsessive/stalker-ish and demonstrate willful disregard for boundaries would manifest more in a serious dating situation with him.
But I have definitely done some crazy shit, so who am I to judge? It doesn’t really scare me or make me wary, but I just tend to just not be afraid of people in general whether I should be or not.
But whatever. He told me before I left last night to message when I got home, which he has also never done. He read it eventually but never answered. I sent another message to – assuming we hang out next week – try to adjust from Tuesday to Monday. He has read and not answered. So maybe it’s for the best.