I’m not really sure how to feel about Bumble, but I’m leaning towards being pretty disenchanted with it overall. As my expectations of dating apps are definitely not high to begin with, that’s saying something.
I don’t know, I just feel like perhaps because it’s incumbent upon the female to initiate contact, the men on there are kind of entitled and lazy…that they somehow take that as meaning that the burden is on the woman to carry the conversation or something. It’s weird. Or maybe the fact that I don’t really care about putting meaningful effort into it is reflecting in my disposition somehow and I’m getting it thrown back at me. Whatevs. In any case, some of my most notable experiences so far…
I matched with this guy the Friday before last and it seemed very promising at first. He was cute and communicative and we spent a good portion of that evening talking. We even had a bit of a “bonding” moment when he inadvertently made an awkward auto correct faux pas:
Poor thing. But it ended up being a good ice breaker and laugh for the both of us.
I ended up crashing hard after an electrifying evening of browsing Bumble, surfing the internet, and watching TV (I know – try and keep up!). The next morning I saw that he had written a message about how good it was to talk to me and that he’s hoping that we can do it again soon, complete with a totally unsolicited, but appreciated, phone number.
I texted him that afternoon while I was getting my toes done to say hi and open up the lines of communication, letting him know who it is, of course. Hours later…nothing. Hmm…maybe I typed the wrong number in? Nope, that wasn’t it. Alrighty…umm…maybe he’s had a particularly busy day?
Well I wouldn’t know, since he never responded. A bit irritated, I followed up with a snarky remark – “Or not?” – through Bumble which he also neglected to respond to. As of yet he still hasn’t unmatched with me or anything, but he obviously has made no move to respond, so I have no idea what that was about.
This is not a newbie, but a guy I used to have a
borderline obsession with crush on for the majority of my sophomore and junior years of college. He was a basketball player at my school who I pretty much thought could walk on water and would swoon over like a lovesick puppy, but he never seriously gave me the time of day. We had sex twice or maybe thrice over the time period spanning the tail end of my junior year and the summer leading up to my senior year, but it never turned into anything more than that. I got over him eventually and moved on with my life and hadn’t seen or spoken to him since my senior year of college.
He was there for 2 more years after me, but his promising basketball career never lived up to expectations and he pretty much faded into obscurity once he graduated. Over the years, when I was especially bored or just barreling down a general internet rabbit hole, I’ve stalked his Twitter account or Instagram and found him to appear happily married with children and playing overseas basketball at some points.
Good for him…no hard feelings. Though he treated me like crap in college and caused me quite a bit of emotional turmoil leading to many a cringe-worthy journal entry, I’ve never really been mad or bitter towards him or wished him any ill will. And as the years have passed and I have grown, my “type” has changed quite drastically, so it’s been a long while since he did it for me in that regard. So suffice it to say that my only interest in orbiting his social media universe was out of genuine curiosity and nostalgia, not out of any kind of romantic longing.
Unfortunately, in more recent years he has ended up in some very hot water of the criminal justice variety. I know that only because he’s still somewhat of a person “of note” in the vicinity due to his illustrious college basketball career and local roots, and so I caught a brief snippet about his exploits in the news a while back. And then it appears that he is no longer married, which I figured out from stumbling across him on Tinder way back and stalking him once again on social media to try and get the scoop. I think his criminal justice issues might’ve had something to do with that.
The first time I came across him on Tinder way back, I swiped left before I completely realized who it was. It suddenly occurred to me after the fact. Again, earlier this year when I reset my account, he came up once again, but then the app suddenly took that opportunity to freeze (go figure) and I had to force close it and reopen it. I thought his profile would pop right back up because, at least on my end, I had swiped neither left or right, but when I reopened it a different profile popped up and I never saw him again. Oh well.
But within days of my Bumble adventures commencing a couple of weeks ago, his profile came up and even though he’s no longer even remotely my type, I swiped right to see what he would do. To be honest, I didn’t think he would remember who I was. I look quite a bit different (for the better) than I did in college, and given that I never played that important of a role in his life and it’s now been over 12 years since he has seen me, I didn’t think he would recognize me. When I saw that we had matched, I honestly had initial intentions to kind of screw with him a bit. In more of a fun way, not necessarily on a mean tip…maybe just to carry on a conversation as if we were strangers and then to let him in on my identity after a little bit.
But imagine my astonishment when I said hi and his response was “Lol look at you. How you been?” Wow…seriously?! When I expressed my surprise that he would even remember me, he replied, “Lol how could I forget?” Then I kind of felt bad because I assumed the worst and it turned out he remembered me after all.
We’ve made small talk since then and he’s expressed an interest in getting together to “catch up.” Funny how the tables turn. Now it’s him seeking my attention and me who is the reluctant one. Not really sure if I want to go there. While I think it might be neat to get together and chat, I don’t want him thinking I’m interested in rekindling anything with him because I’m definitely not.
I matched with Mr. Marine with some time around November 1. I thought he was cuter than most so I decided to put a little more effort into my opener, which is nothing groundbreaking, but seemed to play very well on Tinder in the event that I found a guy especially attractive enough to initiate contact: “Well aren’t you cute.” He reciprocated with a compliment and we enjoyed some generally productive conversation over ensuing days, even if it felt a bit stilted on his part. Like, sometimes, I just felt like there were breaks in the conversation where he should’ve made the effort to fill in, or to open up another line of discussion if he wanted it to continue, and he wouldn’t and so I’d have to make the effort to fill in the gaps. Even still, he generally remained responsive and seemed interested, so I stuck it out.
Yet I was annoyed when, alluding to the hint of my legs in one picture, he said he hoped they were “better in person” and then went on to, in so many words, ask for better pictures of them. I shot that down immediately, but I did offer up a picture of me from that weekend in Halloween costume (I made a very splendid Daenerys Targaryen, thankyouverymuch), which seemed to alleviate his need for more besides the 6 he can already clearly reference any time.
From there, conversation remained decent, if not exactly stellar. He looks like he’s attractive, he’s 6’2″ (yum!), and a career Marine, which all earned him points. The only downside is that he’s divorced with 2 children. Not really optimal for me, but not a deal breaker.
Yet I was further put off when I asked to see a picture of his children (since he brought them up several times, I was trying to act interested), I think Thursday night, and he replied “Maybe one day” because he “doesn’t just dole those out.” Um…okay. Not that serious, dude. While I do generally think that people shouldn’t advertise pictures of their children across dating profiles for anyone to see, I wasn’t sure what the big deal was about sending one to someone in particular. What the hell am I going to do with a picture of your kids?!
But I mean, I guess that’s his prerogative. It wasn’t really his refusal in itself that annoyed me, it was that he cajoled me into sending him a picture yet didn’t reciprocate when I asked. Just kind of further evidence of an already perceivable imbalance of effort that eroded a little more of my interest. And this is after he made remarks earlier in the day about wanting me to come join him at the beach and suggesting maybe a drink this week when he was back. I’m sure he could sense my displeasure in the simple “Ok” I responded with after that whole debacle because he never said anything else that night.
I gave it one last try Friday evening by initiating conversation. He asked what I up to and I told him I had just gotten my hair done. His immediate response: “Pics?” Mine: “One day.” His: “Touche.”
And that’s been that thus far. Guess we’re not getting that drink this week.
Bachelor #4…May be the Charm?
This past Sunday morning I woke up to find a “New Bee in my Hive” whom I was particularly excited about based firstly on looks and then on our shared profession. (I tend to be privy toward men that share the same profession as me, as that alone is strongly indicative of similar lifestyles, political philosophies, and general worldviews that bolster connection). But of course, a match means nothing in itself as there’s always the question of whether he will even respond and then be open to conversation from there and actually seem like a decent human being and all those nail-biter unknowns. But what do ya know? Success on all counts!
I reveled in a low-key Sunday of grocery shopping, cleaning, and general household chores in the morning followed by an afternoon of relaxation/laziness with beer, video games, and cheesy Amazon Prime movies during which we talked continuously throughout. By the early afternoon we had ascertained the several mutual friends/colleagues we have in common, he had freely revealed his last name so I could Facebook stalk him at my leisure, and he eventually offered up his phone number (unsolicited) so we could text. Which we did throughout the rest of the day and night until I fell asleep.
I woke up yesterday morning to messages regarding his own Facebook stalking of me (I had reciprocated with my identity as well) which culminated with an “…um…yeah…wow.” I asked for clarification on whether that was a good wow or a bad wow; he said that that it was a good wow and that I’m very photogenic (I’m not, I just curate my social media photos well).
As far as his page goes, his security was pretty tight so I could only see a handful of pictures and none of those were terribly recent or really reinforced whether or not he looked like those on his Bumble profile. He had remarked the day before, pursuant to his invitation for me to Facebook stalk him, that I could add him if I wanted, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go there just yet. It’s kind of counter-intuitive, but I was already starting to like him and wasn’t ready for what I was sure would be the inevitable let down…like finding out he’s actually missing 3 teeth (there was no smile on any of his Bumble photos or any of his public Facebook photos so that had me a little worried), or seeing pictures with or interactions between he and a girl or two that seemed questionable.
Anyway…we continued texting throughout the day yesterday, with him generally keeping me abreast of his activities and laying on all the more charm. He writes well and communicates with effort-full thoughts and sentences; he is flirty, but maintained a gentlemanly demeanor and said nothing even remotely sleazy or sexual.
He made the suggestion that we meet up on Friday evening since that will be his only opportunity this week. I’m headed to the Dominican Republic early Saturday morning, and he knows that, so it’s clear that he feels, like I do, that it would be essential for us to meet in person before I leave. Otherwise, the promise that this is showing might fade away over next week when we will have limited contact.
Last night he announced that he was going to add me on Facebook, and he did, so I accepted. I got to browse through more of his photos, and crisis averted! He’s still cute. Not missing any teeth. No evidence of any girlfriends or any other current romantic interests. Feeling emboldened by that, I suggested he call me if he wasn’t busy. He did, and a 90-minute phone conversation ensued during which he talked of leaving the career he had before his current one because it wasn’t “intellectually stimulating” enough and correctly used words like “quintessential.” *Swoon* I bashfully admitted how I was particularly hoping to match with him and he in turn revealed that he was stoked when I messaged him.
After we hung up, he sent several texts about how he had completed his more in-depth Facebook analysis of my photos and I looked good in every single one. And he said he was looking forward to getting to know me.
He seems into it, so, we’ll see. Obviously, stay tuned for the inevitable train wreck.