I ended up sending Chad a couple more texts that fateful Wednesday night. Topped off with a phone call – none of which he bothered responding to.
Well, okay then, asshole.
I was pretty bummed out over it at work the next day, envisioning how super awkward it’d be to run into him and what would even go down if that happened. But as fate would have it, I ended up getting some pivotal intel that evening.
Chad and I have a mutual friend that we both used to work with in different capacities. I happened to ask this friend about Chad that preceding week – about whether he was a good guy or a bad guy and offering scant details about our activities. Friend said he was a good guy.
That Thursday after work, I happened to text said friend to joke about how he vouched for Chad , who is now acting like a tool as he stood me up Tuesday night. Friend mentioned running into Chad late that very night and a pursuant conversation during which Chad remarked that his girlfriend was moving in next month. And apparently she was at his house that night.
I immediately texted Chad to express my dismay. He wasn’t interested in answering until I mentioned his girlfriend by name and stated I might be in the mood to have a conversation with her over Facebook about her boyfriend’s recent antics. Then, lo and behold, suddenly he was picking up right away when I called. Imagine that!
Several issues were coalescing at this point: A) Why had I not heard from you since Tuesday evening when we were supposed to hang out? B) What is this about you and your girlfriend about to move in together? That sounds a lot more serious than you made it appear, buddy.
Many excuses abounded regarding Tuesday about how he ended up working later than expected and blah, blah, blah. Right. It was never established why a text or phone call to advise of this remained nonexistent. We didn’t have time to delve into the relationship issue as he said he had to go and would call me back later.
I stopped at happy hour and was shortly thereafter joined unexpectedly by Manny. He ended up being so kind as to give me a ride home and changing the flat tire I had discovered that morning, resulting in an impromptu Uber to work as I didn’t have time to deal with it right then. Chad called me while I was on the way home but I rejected the call and said I’d call him back in about an hour. As promised, I did, but nothing productive really resulted from the conversation as I was a little tipsy and irritated. He said he would be out of town over the next few days for work but said he wanted to meet up on Sunday when he was back so we could talk in person.
Sunday arrives. I wasn’t really sure what time I was supposed to hear from him and I wasn’t confident that he would stick to his word anyway. He called mid-morning to say that he was 90 minutes or so from being back in town and would call me back when he was about 30 minutes out. He suggested meeting at our building at first but I didn’t really want to intermix what would amount to a personal romantic discussion/altercation with the office – didn’t think that too appropriate. I suggested an entertainment locale around the corner instead.
Our conversation took all of 10 minutes because it was essentially just a plethora of BS apologies on his part, him begging me not to tell his girlfriend, and me looking and feeling quite apathetic toward his entreaties. It wasn’t sincere. He wasn’t sorry, he was just scared that I’d screw his relationship up. His eyes, that used to be warm and kind toward me, were now cold and distant and that said it all.
Even still, I could’ve walked away without ever having caused that man trouble and moved on with my life quite easily. He was starting to make me smile a bit with the extreme amount of charm he laid on, but I didn’t necessarily like him to any significant extent just yet. And I almost did walk away and leave well enough alone.
But the nail in his coffin was when he admitted that his radio silence was his way of trying to “dissipate” our thing. That pissed me off. Like, seriously? So after being Prince Charming for 2 weeks, you were just going to do a total 180 and kick me to the curb just like that? That’s not very nice. That sealed the deal for me in that I decided that since he felt I was deserving of so little respect and consideration, then I will treat him the same way in the only way that will matter to him. Only, I’m not him. I’m not particularly a coward or a liar and I told him right to his face that I was still leaning toward pulling the trigger.
It equally annoyed me when he tried to use my own logic against me. I had brought up over the course of Wednesday, that, being as we are colleagues and will probably run into each other from time to time, it’d be nice if he could actually respond so we could just sort things out and not make it a “thing” where it’d have to be all awkward and tense should we have to cross paths. He tried to turn that around on me in person as to why I shouldn’t say anything to his girlfriend…because he didn’t want a bad personal or working relationship with me. LOL. Oh, so now suddenly he cares about that. Nice try. We’re past that point. That just irritated me even further.
To emphasize: I wasn’t TOO angry about the girlfriend. I knew about her; the only minor bother I had was that obviously they were quite a bit more serious than he let on, or that he acted like they were. That out-of-state wedding he had just gone to, he claimed when I asked that his girlfriend wasn’t going, but I have reason to believe she did. Why lie about that? I’m still not sure if he lied about the amount of time they were together, because while it’s not unheard of, moving in together after a mere 6 months is pretty quick. Our mutual friend couldn’t confirm how long they had been together, and Chad wouldn’t, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been together for longer and he was fibbing to once again downplay the seriousness. But in any case, it wasn’t the girlfriend part that bothered me extremely.
It was his admittance that he was in fact purposely giving me the cold shoulder and obviously thought that that is what I was worthy of. Blowing off our scheduled hang-out and then not even bothering to explain or face up to anything. By his own admittance, what he SHOULD’VE done was just explained that he’d had second thoughts about all of this. I already knew that was probably the deal and so although it would’ve come completely out of left field, I would’ve been good with that. No harm, no foul. We’re cool.
Scout and I have waaaaaaay more time in and way more emotions involved and even if HE suddenly started having doubts or second thoughts and wanted to end things, I’d be pretty devastated for a little while I’m sure, but I’d never feel the need to go snitch on him to his wife. I’m just really not like that.
But, Chad? Eh. I guess I just didn’t really care. We weren’t a “thing” long or intense enough for me to care about him. Or really, at the risk of me sounding demented, for me to care about hurting him. Upon us walking back to the building for our cars together, I tried to give him some encouragement by remarking that maybe his girlfriend wouldn’t even break up with him once she knew. There’s always a bright side to anything. I was being facetious, of course. I’m not sure he appreciated it.
It has been few times in life that a guy has pissed me off enough for me to contact a significant other. I’m not saying one reason is any better than the other, but it’s never out of a sense of wanting to sabotage other romances so that he will get kicked to the curb and want to be with me or something. Some of it is spite/revenge, of course, and some is genuinely wanting to warn another woman. She can do what she will from there, I consider it a burned bridge at that point and have no further interest. It certainly didn’t deter the girlfriend of one such jackass, Robbie. Funnily enough, Robbie and I actually keep in contact on occasion. After my conversation with his until-then secret girlfriend, though she vehemently declared that she was done with him for good since she’s had issues like that with him before, they were back together within, at the most, 6 months. And they got married in May of this year. Way to take a stand, girl!
Anyway, once Chad and I parted ways I went immediately home and composed a Facebook message to his girlfriend giving an overview of the experience I’d had with her boyfriend over the past couple of weeks. From our first meeting to his obvious ulterior-motive emails the next week to his myriad of texts and phone calls and breakfast and drinks and making out. The only problem with Facebook is its random message filters that send your attempted communications to No Man’s Land if you’re not friends with a person. And I’ve never been sure if there’s a way to tell if it’s been seen or not if that should happen. She and I actually have a friend in common (the wife of aforementioned mutual friend), but it’s always been a mystery to me as to what actually gets to your main inbox and what doesn’t. I’m not sure if the one common friend is enough to “legitimize” me to the Facebook algorithm.
Not satisfied with that, because it just doesn’t sit well with me, the idea of my message languishing in some filtered inbox for days, weeks, months, or even years, the next day I decided to up the ante and email her. I’m not sure what’s considered stalker-ish or creepy nowadays, given that the internet makes it pretty easy to find any type of information on a person if you’re looking for it, but it’s possible I’m somewhat in either or both categories. So be it. But let’s just say that she’s a pretty accomplished individual with a distinctive name so a simple Google search proved to be very fruitful.
I composed a follow-up email referencing my original Facebook message and kept this one really short and sweet, sending her a screen shot of texts Chad and I exchanged in the first hours of us texting (all my incoming and outgoing texts are automatically saved through an app), and told her if she wants to see more or has any questions or needs clarification, she can feel free to contact me.
I never heard from her. Not really concerned with whether I do or not. Ditto for Chad, who I haven’t heard from or seen since our Sunday rendezvous. I did what I wanted to do and am done with it. I’ve barely thought about it since, to be honest. In a fucked up way, it’s almost as if I feel better because screwing him over boomeranged the negative energy he imparted on to me back over to him, like volleying a tennis ball back across the net. I put it back where it belongs and now am relieved of it. I have no idea if she ever read any of my communiques, or if she did, whether it put him in the doghouse or not. It really doesn’t matter either way.
I’m quite sure this makes me some unsettling combination of crazy and mean, but what I actually feel like is that I’m just tired of peoples’ nonsense. Oh well. What I am, I am. And what I’m not, I’m not.