Slumping

So, there I was just talking about how I know Scout loves me but it’s not something we’ve ever said to each other and that I’ve never asked for him to.

Well I just asked for him to. As of Saturday night. When he hit me up out of the blue asking what I was doing. But it was 10 or so o’clock by then and I was well out into an outing with some girlfriends and a little on the intoxicated side of things. After some miscommunication on my part causing some delay, I ended up Ubering home and Scout came over.

I honestly remember very little of the conversation but for the parts where I asked him if he loved me and he said yes. But his affirming what I knew and felt wasn’t the precursor to us riding away into the sunset together or anything like that…he kind of asked me what I expected from him regarding his marriage, and I told him not a thing. I remember drunkenly reiterating that this did not mean I expected anything to change and I don’t want him to be scared, I just wanted to know. And now I do.

Of course, thinking about it the next day in a sober state, I felt face-palmingly embarrassed. That is definitely a conversation that I would rather have had non-hammered. Ugh. And of course, not having the mental acuity at the time to accurately gauge his REAL reaction apart from what he actually said, I was afraid maybe I had weirded him out. Ah, but it was a Sunday and so I wasn’t immediately able to smooth things over. I had to wait until Monday.

So I texted him Monday morning to basically say as much. To apologize for broaching that topic of conversation while drunk and then to reiterate that I don’t want anything from him that he doesn’t already give me. He said “Ok no worries” and made other terse replies so I felt like he was being short or awkward and told him jokingly to stop being weird. He didn’t answer that and then we didn’t talk yesterday at all. However, today he initiated conversation and we seem to be in our normal midst of things so I guess all is well.

It’s nice to be loved by someone even though it’s not a traditional relationship and will never be completely fulfilling for either of us. But we are what we are and we do what we do. And that’s it.

Lord knows I need love from somewhere because I’m not having any luck on any other fronts.

After several texts over the course of a week or so that Wiley did not respond to, I kind of got fed up and told him off on Sunday. He responded on Monday with stern replies about how he’s been on vacation with barely any service and he told me he’d be scarce and he enjoyed our dates but he thinks it’s best we leave things here. I guess because I wasn’t understanding enough with barely having spoken to him in 6 weeks. Because it’s 2016 and not the 1980s and everyone has a cell phone attached to their hip these days so I would think a guy that claimed to like me would want to make some type of effort to be in contact despite his apparently heavy duty travel as of late. So the fact is…he didn’t like me enough. That solves that. I don’t really feel that hurt about it, the whole thing just annoys me like most dating scenarios do nowadays because it’s usually just a giant waste of my time, as this was.

Then there was Chad, who as of last night stood me up and is still MIA despite a couple of texts, so there goes that too, I guess. Whatever it was.

Last Tuesday night he happened to ask me what I was up to. I had a late work meeting for the then-upcoming conference I was at from Sunday until this afternoon. He asked what I was doing after because he might be out with a couple of buddies. I ended up meeting him and his friends out – 2 other people from work who I did not know until that point.

Nonetheless, once we all warmed up to each other it was a good time. Also the first time Chad and I had hung out outside of work. His friends started taking off after an hour or so, so Chad I left and walked to another place. Not before Chad took it upon himself to pay my $74.00 tab at the one place, which was random and sweet.

At the second spot I saw one of the owners who I’m cool with sitting at an outside table, so I spoke and told him I’d go in and get a drink and be back out. But once Chad and I were inside he expressed discontent at sitting with a third party because he wanted us to have a chance to be alone. Point taken – we ended up having one more drink inside to ourselves before calling it a night.

And we kissed in the bar briefly and then again outside on the way back to our cars. So that escalated pretty quickly.

Texting was pretty scant in the ensuing days due to his work schedule, and then he had an out-of-state wedding to go to over the weekend, but he did call me Saturday afternoon. We then talked some more Monday afternoon when I was headed out for lunch after the conference business broke. It was then that he took the time to tell me how significant it was for him to invite me around those particular friends because they are really good friends of his. I guess, all-in-all to say he likes me, which he had said in the days before as well. Along with telling me how beautiful I am constantly.

So I suppose we had had tentative plans for him to come by the hotel or to hang out in the vicinity later when I was done at an evening conference event, but I never got back to him because I got tipsy and ended up passing out. Yesterday morning I looked to see he had texted me after 11 to tell me he hoped I had a good night. He said I was supposed to text him and I thought it was the other way around, but whatever the case may be we got past that and he ended up calling me in the late afternoon. He had to work pretty late, but said he’s get up with me when he was done and we’d hang out.

I wanted to see him, and I didn’t want to go out and get too drunk or otherwise indisposed so I forwent several activities I could have attended with friends to have my night clear for him this time since I guess I screwed it up the night before. All I did was order room service and chill in the room watching TV. I sent him a couple of texts – particularly one when he suddenly came up under “People You May Know” from Facebook which means he had checked my page out at some point. I joked with him also about how he had said he was worried about me due to several events that had gone on near the hotel.

I texted him again when I knew work was coming to a close. And then again once I knew it was definitely over and I still had yet to receive ANY responses going on 4 or 5 hours now after we had JUST talked on the phone.

Never heard anything from him.

This morning I woke and lamented to him that he had stood me up after I cleared my night for him and I was disappointed. I  sent another text about 2 hours later that it appears he is actually not a nice guy after all.

So I guess we can just assume he died and that’s very sad. Because I would only find a death or life-threatening injury to be sufficient excuses for behavior like that. Considering anything else would just make me kind of angry. So, whatever happened to him, that sucks.

In any case, I’m not really doing that well on the romantic side of things which is pretty much par for the course so at least if you look at it like that, my life is consistent.

But I am in a slump right now that I want to get out of. Scout  and I agreed that 10 pounds would be good for me to lose. I said 20, he said maybe 8.5, so we agreed on 10. And that’s not because he was trying to make me feel bad about myself or that he even brought it up, it was me whining to him so he was trying to help. And I could lose 10 or so. I’ve been wanting it off for a while and was doing really well, but I regressed because I started drinking more, really out of boredom or just lack of anything else productive to do and alcohol does not do the metabolism any favors.

So, going to kill 2 birds with one stone over the next month I guess. And leaving the boys alone, for now. Except Scout. At least someone cares about me, I guess.

3 thoughts on “Slumping

Say something...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s