I’m not sure why, since I haven’t been super active on Tinder in the last few weeks, but I thought about someone tonight and hopped on specifically to see if we were still matched and/or if he had been active recently, just out of curiosity. Only to find out he had recently updated his profile to add this in at the very beginning, so it would appear that Tinder is not going so well for him.
Jay and I matched I believe somewhere around mid-July originally. He’s tall and handsome and cute and seemed to have an established, successful career. However there were several warning signs I glossed over from the jump which might’ve saved me some time if I had only paid heed to them:
- He categorized himself in his profile as “newly single,” which in all likelihood means he’s on the rebound.
- He told me explicitly that I wasn’t his usual type. I surmised eventually that he actually has a thing for petite blondes, while I am tall and dark-haired. So why he matched with me to begin with, I have no idea. He told me many times he thinks I’m beautiful, but I kind of felt like I was more like some kind of experiment (again, referring back to point #1 – he’s on the rebound and was probably trying to get over his ex by seeking the opposite).
- Once we progressed to texting, he delved at lightning speed into trying to get me to send him bikini pictures, which I wasn’t feeling. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt in that he may have just wanted to make sure I’m not fat or something, so I indulged him with PG-13 pictures.
Despite all these initial misgivings, I gave it a chance. He assured me that he was not looking just for sex, but actually appeared to be open to actually acting a bit like a gentleman and going on an actual date. One Tuesday, we agreed to go out that coming Saturday. We stayed in intermittent contact throughout the rest of the week. Saturday arrived, and I sent a several texts throughout the morning and early afternoon to see if/when we were still going out that night. Never a word in return. Nice. I wasn’t too blown about it because I kind of saw it coming to begin with. I wrote it off as one of those why-you-shouldn’t-ignore-your-initial-instincts kind of things. That is exactly why.
Yet…some time around early August I reset my Tinder account, which I do from time to time just for a clean slate. Jay came around again and just for kicks I wanted to see if he’d match with me again. And he did. He made immediate contact with a “Welcome back cutie” greeting and various other pleasantries that almost made it seem like he might be a nice guy. And almost as if he hadn’t just blown me off weeks before. Nice try. When I “reminded” him (like he really forgot) of our previous episode, he laid on me some story about his dad having had a heart attack and thus having to fly back to his hometown in the Midwest. Hmmm…okay. I let that slide because it could’ve actually been true, but I did remind him that when things settled down (his dad made out okay), common courtesy might dictate that he let me know what went on instead of never bothering to say anything at all. He acknowledged that and we let bygones be bygones.
He started texting me again of his own volition that same night, and once again, almost acted a bit like a gentleman. There were a few borderline remarks here and there, but nothing too sleazy. He even asked me out for dinner the next night (Monday), but I was occupied then and told him Wednesday would work, which he agreed to. He was going to take me to a very upscale restaurant, which I was excited for not so much because it was with him as it was nice to have an occasion to don a nice dress for.
He stayed in steady touch over the next couple of days, generally being a nice-ish guy, showering me with flattery and acting like he might actually be genuinely interested in me. There was some banter, lots of compliments, and he linked me to some news article or something featuring his name on some “Power List” for his profession at some point, so I knew he was legit. He even alluded to me possibly being his date to his company’s gala in mid-September. I started to feel like we were reaching a new understanding of each other and that maybe I had misjudged him.
The plan on Wednesday was for dinner at 7:30 PM. I texted him that morning, and he answered, so I thought that was a good sign. In the early afternoon I texted again to confirm the time, and he told me he was a state away and would let me know in an hour. Hmmm…okay. This was around 2 PM. At close to 5 PM he texted me that he was still out of town and didn’t think he’d get back in time with traffic. And he canceled.
No apology, no postponement of either the time and/or the date…but just said he was canceling. I was noticeably short with him about it, so I’m sure he could tell I was peeved, but I gave him a few minutes to at least try to assuage the situation somehow. When he didn’t, I wrote back that I’m not really in the mood to be playing high school games and bade him adieu.
So, after all that, I feel really, really bad for him that he doesn’t seem to be having much luck on Tinder. And by “really, really bad,” I mean it actually made me giggle a little bit.