Well it’s certainly not every day that you have the opportunity to have a civil discussion with the fiancé of the guy who led you to believe for almost 2 months that he was as single as a dollar bill.
And knowing that, I’m pleased (or not really) to be able to announce that today was that day for me.
I always knew something was amiss with Robbie. Deep down, I knew, but I wanted to believe in him. I liked him and I wanted to trust him. But I knew it wasn’t right that it took so long for us to meet when we live a mere 20 minutes away from each other. I knew it wasn’t right that every time we tried to make legitimate plans he’d end up canceling on me at the last minute. I knew it wasn’t right that the 2 times we managed to hang out were in a parking lot. I thought it kind of odd that he wouldn’t Facebook friend me. All the signs were there. I just never tried hard to put 2 and 2 together. Maybe because I didn’t want to. But I knew.
I said as much to him on Halloween when we were supposed to hang out and he canceled on me suddenly. I told him then that it’s starting to seem like he’s not really single, and/or he’s playing games. But he denied it and promised me none of that was the case and I ignored my reservations and went along with it.
The things is, I had Facebook stalked him pretty extensively to the extent that his privacy settings would allow. He had some pictures featuring someone who was obviously a girlfriend, but the latest one I could see was from late last year. Her privacy settings were a little tighter, so I didn’t glean anything from a pit stop at her page, but I didn’t get a sense of any recent activity between them. And when I asked him when the last time he had a girlfriend was to cross check, he said it was back in January. And that they had broken up because he didn’t want to marry her…that she wasn’t “the one.” It really did seem legit.
But something about our falling out last week just struck me as odd. His behavior was just way out of whack with the situation at hand. As I’ve said, I KNOW when I’m acting like a psycho. I like to think I’m not actually psychotic, but I do have my moments. And though I did eventually start calling and texting him like a maniac in the spirit of impishness, I’m quite sure that nothing I did or said to him immediately in the aftermath of being stood up warranted him attempting to block me via every possible medium of contact. So it eventually occurred to me that maybe he was blocking me not because he really thought I was a psycho, but because he thought I would get him in trouble. Because he’s not actually single.
It was just a hunch, but I needed to see if I was right. And I certainly couldn’t ask him…he didn’t want to hear from me. So I went straight to the source.
I really wasn’t trying to cause trouble. I didn’t even want to talk to her initially. I friend requested her on Facebook and was hoping she’d be one of those indiscriminate people who add everyone without a care in the world. Then I was sure I’d be able to see enough on her page to either prove or disprove my suspicions and from there I’d move on with my life. I probably would’ve confronted him about it, but I wasn’t planning on ever talking to her at all.
But she didn’t accept my request. Understandable, because she doesn’t know who the hell I am. So at that point I just said Screw it and made contact. And I was really, really, really hoping I was wrong…
But unfortunately, I was right.
To be entirely accurate, she’s not actually his fiancé at the moment, but she was at one point in time. Apparently he had asked her to marry him late last year but then got “cold feet” and broke it off. And immediately started dating someone else. They started talking again in July and dating again a couple of months later (September, I guess) and were having recent discussions about moving back in together.
He and I matched on Tinder in the last week of September, and with the exception of about a 10-day period, had been talking on the daily up until last week. Soooooooo….
That explained so much. A lot of things made sense suddenly. Like all the aforementioned red flags.
She was actually pretty nice, given the situation. Females have a tendency to be more hostile to the “other woman” than to their actual significant other who did the cheating. But the discussion was pretty amicable, given that I was essentially kind of ruining her life.
I actually started feeling bad for her, and thinking that I might’ve made the wrong move. I was so focused on sating my own curiosity that I didn’t really think much about the how things would turn out if I was right and I had to end up breaking it to a girl that her boyfriend has been cheating on her. And yet there I was smack dab in the middle of that very conversation, completely unprepared for it.
At the end of the day, Robbie is nobody to me. I liked him, I cared about him to a certain extent, but I had not a lot of time or emotion vested in him at this stage (thank God!). When all is said and done I can walk away pretty easily (as I pretty much had to last week) and just chalk it up to another horrid dating experience on the road to meeting my Prince Charming. But Robbie is the love of this girl’s life. The guy she had hopes on marrying, obviously. I saw pictures of them together as far back as 2011, so she had several years of emotions and hopes and dreams vested in this guy. And I was bursting her bubble.
Even still, I wasn’t exactly the happiest camper myself. And I took to texting Robbie to let him know I’d gotten in touch with his girlfriend. He was not happy about that, of course. When he started ignoring my texts, I took to calling him. I left him a message to ask who the psycho in this situation really is…the girl who sent a few texts out of hurt feelings after she got stood up? Or the boy who had been leading her on for 2 months and masquerading as a single man when he actually wasn’t? Hmm…
Surprisingly, he called me back A) To tell me not to call him anymore (but you just called me, jackass), and B) To yell at me about contacting his girlfriend. Apparently if I wanted to know the truth, I was supposed to have asked him. It seems that he forgot that he told me he didn’t want to hear from me until further notice. So exactly when was I supposed to ask him? And why exactly would he think I’d give a damn about sparing his relationship after the way he treated me? Did he actually think I was feeling any sort of loyalty to him after that critically acclaimed Douchebag of the Century performance?
He seems to have the idea that I did this purposely…like I woke up this morning with the grand plan to ruin his relationship. Like I was happy I did it. And I can see how it might seem like that, but my primary intention really wasn’t to cause any trouble. I just wanted to know the truth. And I didn’t think I’d get it from him. And again, we weren’t on speaking terms. So I got it the best way I knew how. I just wanted to know. Needless to say, he was not very happy with me. While the conversation did progress into something more calm and civil eventually, it didn’t start out that way. And when he rushed me off the phone because he had to get back to work, I thought that’d be the end of it…
Only he called me back eventually because he knew I was still talking to the girlfriend. We were still actively messaging on Facebook; she was asking me questions, obviously based on stuff he was saying, and I was answering them. And I was giving details. He called me back basically to beg me not to talk to her anymore because I was just making things worse. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to do that, but essentially I just felt the need to kind of defend my own honor.
He made it clear that he’s going to try to salvage his relationship. So I already knew that what he was going to try to do is downplay our situation to try to save his own ass. He already tried to convince ME that we had only been texting for a “couple of weeks.” Really? Because I have record of our first texts dating back to September 28th.
So if he’s already trying to rewrite history with me, when I obviously know the truth because I was privy to it…I can’t imagine what in the world he’s telling her. So when she asked for clarification about certain things, I was more than happy to provide it.
Admittedly, I did start feeling kind of bad for Robbie. He was a man down, and I was kicking him. So in the end, after several bouts of him imploring me to end contact with her, I agreed to. It was funny to see him being nice to me now that he wanted something from me whereas a week and a half ago it probably wouldn’t have mattered to him if I suddenly dropped dead. Oh, but now that you got caught cheating and need me to lay off of painting the most vivid of portraits for your girlfriend/fiancé/whatever-she-is of just how much of a sorry boyfriend you really are, you want to be nice to me. Funny how that works.
So I left it alone. She hasn’t said anything else to me and I haven’t said anything to her. There’s really not much else to be said, I guess.
As it turns out, Robbie hadn’t really blocked my number after all. I don’t know why he acted like he did, but whatever. I sent him a text a couple of hours ago to apologize once again. He response: “Ok.” Aw, poor baby.
She’ll probably take him back. That’s on her. Quite frankly, if it were me, the cheating would be an issue of course, but I’d probably be able to forgive that. I’m not convinced that sexual monogamy is really in any man’s nature. However, I’d be much more disturbed by the fact that my boyfriend/once-fiancé denied my existence, period. It’s one thing to want something on the side and to be honest about your situation, there’s something more sinister about wanting something on the side and going around acting single when you’re not. Denying your girlfriend exists…very disrespectful. Basically like living a double life. It has to be a bit humiliating and painful to hear from some strange girl on Facebook that your boyfriend not only cheated on you, but acted as if you didn’t exist. That’s, like, a much deeper level of disrespect than the cheating itself.
But that’s just me. If that’s what she wants to put up with, I really do wish her all the best. But with this nonsense on top of their debacle of an engagement, if she possesses any intelligence or dignity at all, she’ll run. FAST.