I Hear Ice Cracking

Well I’ll admit it I miss you

I miss [his corny nickname for me] 

Well I felt like we were a Better match than her and I

I miss my [another corny nickname]

And so it was with a text conversation that included the above remarks from him that JP came sauntering back into my life in the early morning hours of October 1, 2014. I happened to be awake at 2:25 a.m. when I got his first text.

I can’t say that it was completely out of the blue. I’d initiated contact with him a couple of times over the past few weeks. I drunk dialed him in the early morning hours of September 13th after spending a night out with Carly and being seemingly stood up by a guy I was supposed to hang out with. I don’t know what possessed me to call JP, but I did. I guess I was upset about the other guy and wanted someone to take it out on and decided that JP was a great candidate. I can’t really remember all of the conversation, but I know I ragged him about his “relationship” and LMDP a bit. I remember he kept telling me he had to get back to sleep because he had to be up early and hung up on me when I insisted on keeping him on the phone. I sent him a Facebook message a week later to apologize. I did feel a bit like an ass.

Oh, but then I drunk dialed him again this past Sunday. He didn’t answer, which was just as well. I made a firm mental note this time to let that particular sleeping dog lie and to never try to contact him again. What was the point? I had long ago dropped the habit of regularly Facebook stalking LMDP but I happened to check recently and saw that she was still steadily posting pictures of them hanging out and going on trips together and all that jazz, so I figured they were still going strong and perhaps I was wrong about my 90-day estimate after all.

Or was I? Because there it was…a text from JP on my phone: “Hi.”

A conversation ensued which lasted until almost 4:30 a.m. during which he said all the aforementioned things…pointedly saying several times that he missed me. He sent me G-rated pictures of himself. One included her and he told me to “ignore her.” He talked about how what happened between us was all just a matter of bad timing and that it was a “tragedy” that he met her first. He confirmed Facebook stalking me. He said he felt like we were a better match.

The conversation fell off when he fell asleep. I wasn’t sure what this all meant or how to proceed, but I tested the waters by sending him a light text later in the day, which he answered. I sent another trying to shoot the breeze. No reply. After a little bit of alcohol pursuant to a birthday celebration for my friend Sarah, I even got blatantly flirtatious. Nothing. Thursday, I apologized for being flirty the night before. Nothing. I later sent him a PG-rated picture of myself. Nothing. Last night I asked him to call me whenever he got a chance, even if not necessarily that night or the next day (today). He didn’t reply and he probably won’t call.

He’s avoiding me now, obviously. Maybe he’s with her and can’t talk freely and/or maybe he feels bad for contacting me in the first place and confessing to missing me. Because really, in the most subtle of ways, it seemed like he was trying to admit that he made the wrong choice. Regardless, he’s still in a relationship with her.  So if he’s smart, he’ll continue to avoid me.

Or I could be wrong and completely over-analyzing and he could be perfectly happy with the boring, vapid, omgeverybodypleasepayattentiontome LMDP.

But if he’s happy, why did he text me? Why reestablish contact with a former romantic interest? If he’s happy, why does he miss me? I’m just some girl he never bothered to meet. If he’s happy, how is it a “tragedy” that they met first? If he’s happy, why does he Facebook stalk me? If he’s happy, why is he lamenting over the “bad timing?”


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