I really wanted to be done with Blaze for a minute there. I deleted his number from my phone and everything. But I relapsed on Sunday, kind of inexplicably. I’m not really sure why I felt the need to contact him again, but I did. Completely out of the blue. He had deleted my number too.

On Wednesday we texted some in the afternoon and he said he was getting wasted later. He then said something about how he might need a ride. I asked him where to but he never answered. I myself had some wine at home, then starting feeling antsy later in the night, so I ventured out. I texted a few people to see if they were out or going out, but got all negative responses until I texted my buddy Jinx.

Jinx is a guy I know from the bars. We cross paths from time to time and hang out. We have exchanged numbers and are Facebook friends and all that stuff, and at times he has expressed a romantic interest in me, but there’s really nothing going on there.

But he happened to be heading home from a work function Wednesday night when I texted him and he said he’d meet me. I met him out and was in the middle of my first drink when Blaze texted me asking me to pick him up. I told him I’d be there in 20 minutes, finished my drink, then told Jinx I was done for the night and made an excuse about being tired.

He thought nothing of it and walked me to my car as he always does. What a gentleman. I hugged him, but then he insisted on a kiss. I gave him a perfect, dry, close-mouthed peck on the lips and wished him a good night.

Off to get Blaze. He told me he was at a bar in another close part of town, so I headed there. He had sent a text after that saying that he was at another address, but I didn’t really pay attention. I got to the bar and it looked dead. He asked where I was and I told him at the bar, but then realized that he had told me a second location. He called me at that point but I told him I had it all figured out and was heading to where he is. He said he was at a buddy’s house and that I could crash there with him. He told me to hit him up once I parked.

I get to the area and find parking and head to the house, where he met me at the door. His buddy had already crashed for the night so it was just me and Blaze’s drunk ass.

He was pretty hammered. I was tipsy, but not as bad as he was. We kind of touched on the mean things we said to each other during that conversation last week, and he said he didn’t mean what he said to me, but was just reacting to what I said to him.

Eventually we ended up upstairs in a bedroom. That’s where he informed me that his buddy had given him an Adderall earlier in the night, and that he had taken the whole pill as opposed to the half dose that was intended. So basically, he was going to be up all night. I told him good luck with that, because I certainly wouldn’t be.

Of courses we ended up fooling around. We made out some, he took off my panties when I was on top of him, and lo and behold the next thing I knew, we were having sex. It was decent. I rode him. He got on top. He put me on my stomach. But this all was leading nowhere because he was drunk and drugged up and obviously not going to cum.

But he is obsessed with my head so he wanted me to keep that going. And I would for a while but then I’d have to take a break. And we’d lie and talk. Then I’d give him some more and then get bored/tired again and take a break. This went on for a couple of hours until I ended up falling asleep.

I’m not sure if he slept any throughout the night, but I know I woke up several times and his arms would be around me and he’d be kind of feeling me up, but I’d ignore it. And then he’d settle down and just lie with his arms around me. And then sometimes he’d pull away and sleep to himself. Then he’d be on me again.

All in all, it wasn’t the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had. It’s hard to sleep well when the person next to you is drunk and high on Adderall and horny and restless. But I managed a little bit. Around 7 a.m. I woke up and he mentioned something about him having to get out of there soon, so I figured that was my cue and got dressed and left.

It later occurred to me why I felt the need to reestablish contact with him again: I like him. I like his looks and I like his personality. He’s tall and handsome and athletic and has a good job and is kind of cool when he’s not being a jackass. He’d actually be completely the kind of guy I would date if he were interested me in that way, which clearly he’s not. I knew we would probably never talk again if I didn’t say anything to him and I really didn’t want things to end on a bad note like that.

I texted him later on Thursday asking if he was sober yet. He didn’t answer me until yesterday morning. It was then that I discovered that my poor boobs are bruised (yet again) from him manhandling them. I told him so and he apologized and said he barely remembers anything.

I haven’t talked to him since and I don’t intend to, if I can help it. This is leading nowhere good. He had even told me on Tuesday that he’s an asshole, and that sex is all he’ll ever ask for. So basically, he was letting me know where I stand with him and what it’ll always be. This makes perfect sense in my world, because I’m only ever interested in the people that aren’t interested in me. I’d probably be kind of a fool to keep this thing going.

The problem is, that’s exactly what I am…a fool.

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