So here I am: less than 6 months shy of 30, single as a one dollar bill, and getting absolutely no action. I mean none. I can’t remember the last time I went on a date. I can remember the last time I had sex – a few months ago – but there’s no point to remembering it since it was nothing to write home about. I haven’t had good sex in over 2 years. I almost hate admitting that, because I’m not really on speaking terms with the person who was the other half of that equation, but it’s the truth.
These days, I’ve been spending most of my nights curled up in bed with my iPad, reading. The shine of the bar scene is starting to fade. I used to shut them down, but lately I’ve been finding myself bored and opting to go home and read instead of getting drunk and being hit on by uninteresting guys.
I’m a complete disaster when it comes to men. I’ve been striking out terribly this year. There were several promising individuals, but as usual, everything crashes and burns. The crashing may be my fault or his fault, or maybe even fate – “just not meant to be” – but the burning is always me. Sometimes, mangled situations can be fixed, like a car. Dents can be popped out and parts replaced and people can start over as good as new. But after things crash, I tend to add the extra touch of destruction by setting the wreckage on fire and turning all traces of potential into ash. I have a real knack for making men I like and who probably genuinely liked me at one point never want to talk to me again if I sense the slightest hint of rejection or game playing or the all-time favorite tactic of the male species – avoidance (i.e. ignoring). I don’t take rejection well and I especially don’t like being ignored. And I’m impatient. Thus, I guess most men end up thinking I’m crazy. In reality, I’m quite harmless. Emotional sometimes, but harmless.
I’ve been dabbling in Match.com over the past several months. I joined in April and paid for 3 months, but I never took it serious enough to get real results. My profile stayed hidden for most of the time mostly because I felt like a loser for being on there. And then I got tired of being contacted by men who are completely not what I specified that I’m looking for. And men in other states. I’ve gotten over feeling like a loser. This is the internet age…it’s just another way to meet people these days. I know several people who’ve used Match and have scored successful relationships, or even marriages. They told me to hang in there, it can take time. So on that note, and given the fact that my romantic attempts with men I’ve met the old-fashioned way have not been successful, I renewed my subscription for 3 more months. I’m about a week into my new subscription and I’ve kept my profile visible the whole time, which is new for me. I do not have high expectations so in that regard, disappointment is an impossibility. So all I have to lose is a little bit of money. We’ll see how it goes.
In the long run, I’d like to get married and have some babies. In the short term, I’m just tired of spending all my nights alone. And given that I’m attractive and smart and I have a nice rack, I don’t see why that’s the case.