Relapse

Despite the fact that Professor blew off our “date” for last night, I certainly wasn’t going to let a beautiful Friday night go to waste.

I dolled myself up and headed over to a spot frequented by many of my colleagues. I haven’t been there in a couple of months so I figured I’d go see what’s what.

It was pretty dead when I got there. I made conversation with one of the regulars I know, an older prosecutor gentleman. Funnily enough, it wasn’t long before Professor’s name just randomly came out of his mouth. He was telling me how he could help me go places since he’s buddies with Professor. Ha…if only he knew. We ended up exchanging numbers. I’m not interested in him in the least but I figured that if he really has connections like that he wouldn’t be a bad friend to have. He was trying to get me to meet him at some other spot later but I told him this was my only stop for the night.

He left soon after and so did another regular I know and then it was just me and my bartender friend. I was talking to him for a good while when I heard the door open and looked in the mirror behind the bar to see who was coming in. Lo and behold, Mr. Fuckin’ Smooth.

I was afraid of that.

I knew that there was a chance of this happening. He goes to there regularly. I was just hoping that he wouldn’t happen to come on the random day that I go after not even having been there in so long. But of course, as my life IS my life…

He comes and speaks to people and sits at the other end of the bar with his boy. I’m wondering if he knows it’s me at this point. I’m sure that he does, hence him not speaking. I didn’t care about that though, I just cared about looking good at this point. My hair was in a neat ponytail, my makeup was on point, and my boobs were in full effect in my halter top and they looked fantastic. I felt good and I know I looked good. That’s all that matters when you run into an ex.

Not that I planned on speaking to him or anything. And I didn’t. I sneaked a peek at his end of the bar only once the whole time. Otherwise I refrained from turning my head to the left for the 3 or so hours that we were in each others’ presence. Isn’t it funny that ignoring someone actually entails paying attention to him?

Eventually I struck up a conversation with some random dude who sat next to me. My homeboy, Matt, came through after a little while as well. Thank goodness for these distractions. I almost managed to forget Mr. Smooth was even there after a while. Almost.

I did so well while he was there. It was when he left that I weakened. It didn’t help that I was quite tipsy by that time either. Liquor makes things that aren’t good ideas seem like good ideas, as many of us know.

I broke down and logged onto Facebook. I searched through my messages for the ones I exchanged with him all the way back in November after we first met to find the one where he had sent me his phone number.

I texted him. And I can’t necessarily categorize it as a “crime of passion” because being as I had to go through the whole Facebook bit (via a cell phone at that), it obviously involved a lot of premeditation. *Sigh*

I told him he doesn’t have to avoid speaking to me. I won’t bite. I’m over it. He replied that I refused to look his way the whole time.

Ah…so we were paying attention, were we?

Honestly, since I was drunk, and since I’ve deleted last night’s texts already, I don’t remember exactly all of what I said to him. I think I may have told him I missed him though. I think he said “I hear ya” to that. Then I remember telling him he’s still an ass and he was like “Jus jokes.” But that’s the last text I got from him.

That didn’t discourage me though. I remember saying my cat (my actual four-legged one) missed him. And I remember saying that my kitty (the warm, wet one) DIDN’T miss him.  Eventually I got mad and called him a dumb asshole. Then I think I apologized. Then I tried calling him. But his phone was off. Thank God. I don’t know if it was off because of me or if it died or what. But I was glad it was off because, for one, he would never know I tried calling him. For two, that means that he wasn’t really ignoring me, he just wasn’t receiving my texts at the time (although I’m sure he would’ve not answered regardless). I wouldn’t think that he actually turned his phone off because of me, I didn’t send him THAT many texts.

Of course I woke up this morning  feeling like an ass (as well as hung over). So in an effort to smooth things over and leave things on a good note at least, I sent a series of texts to him apologizing for acting out last night and calling him names. I conceded that I was obviously still harboring some feelings, but that I didn’t hate him or anything. I admitted that I do still care for him and miss his company sometimes, but that it is what it is. And though things did end badly, I’d like to think that we could at least speak to each other in passing given that we had good chemistry and a lot of fun together at one point.

He hasn’t answered and probably won’t. I’m good with that.

I cursed Curly out last night for no good reason. I texted him “Hi” and when he didn’t answer after a couple of hours, I said “Well fuck you too.” He wrote back “Oh my” eventually. I apologized this morning and explained that I was drunk.

Me + liquor + men = Disaster.

I’m a mess.

On the bright side though, I only paid for ONE of my several drinks. Sweet.

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